Beautifully Complicated (Front Range University #4)

Prologue - Aiden

I can still hear voices after hanging up the phone, but they’re muted compared to what passes for normal volume in this house. Whoever’s talking clearly doesn’t want to be overheard, and I’d like to respect that, but I’d also like to know who’s in the house with me when it’s supposed to be empty.

Treading softly, I make my way from the kitchen to the living room, where I have a clear view of the foyer. Damien, who I thought left a few minutes ago, is standing less than a foot away from Bennet, who must’ve come in while I was talking to my mother.

It looks like they’re in the middle of a heated conversation, which isn’t unusual for those two, but their proximity to one another is. I mean, they’re practically breathing each other’s air, and since Bennet can’t stand Damien, that’s pretty odd.

I side-step behind the wall so I’m out of view and listen.

“I’ve got four pages of math that’ll probably take me at least two hours.” Bennet slouches against the wall with a heavy sigh. “And that’s on top of economics. Is ten too late?” His voice drops as if he’s afraid of being overheard.

“You’ve got a key for a reason,” Damien says.

Bennet has a key? To Damien’s? Since when?

I poke my head around the corner just in time to see Bennet reach for Damien’s coat, yanking him close enough that their lips meet in a brief yet searing kiss.

My stomach drops to the floor.

“What’s this for?” Damien sighs into Bennet’s mouth, returning the kiss.

“You’re sexy as fuck in this hat.” The fingers of Bennet’s right hand toy with the strands of hair sticking out near Damien’s ear.

“You complain about this hat every time I wear it during workouts.”

“Because you look sexy as fuck in it and running with a boner is torture.” Bennet nips at his bottom lip before pulling it into his mouth.

“But you’re gonna force me to walk home with one?” Damien’s tongue licks against Bennet’s.

“I’ll take care of it later.” Bennet pushes his way into Damien’s mouth one last time before giving him a slow, sweet peck on the lips. Then he smacks Damien’s ass. “Get out of here so I can start my homework.”

“Later.” Damien gives Bennet a final kiss and jogs out the front door.

I forget I’m supposed to be hiding until Bennet turns around and spots me, the dopey smile on his face morphing into a deer-in-the-headlights expression.

“Oh, uh. Hey.” He rubs the back of his neck nervously, clearly wondering if there’s any chance I didn’t just see that.

I gape at him, my supposedly straight roommate, and blink repeatedly. “Are you… bi ?”

Bennet’s face turns uncharacteristically pink. “Apparently.”

“Since when?”

“Since my dick decided to take an interest in that fucker.” He jerks his head to the door Damien just walked through.

“I thought you hated him?” Those two have been rivals for years, their competitive natures so ingrained Bennet damn near banned him from the house when Damien first transferred here. And on the rare occasions Damien’s come here to study with me, I thought for sure Bennet would stroke out.

“Trust me, I want to.” Bennet sighs. “My cock doesn’t though. Damn thing perks up every time he looks at me. It’s annoying as fuck.”

I think that’s supposed to be a joke, but my brain can’t process humor right now. It’s too stuck on shock.

“I’m still not following this. Isn’t Damien straight? You said he stole your high school girlfriend.”

“Yeah, about that.” Bennet chuckles. “Turns out he was trying to show me she wasn’t girlfriend material or something. His method was shit, but I get what he was trying to do. Probably one of those spectrum things where it made sense in his head even though it was fucked up. I’m pretty sure you’re right about that, by the way,” he rambles. “I haven’t said anything to him, but I’ve been paying attention, and I think you’re right about how he was never trying to bait me. He just said what came to mind.”

“You don’t think Damien is trying to bait you because of what I said?” I point to my chest, wondering if that offhand comment about Bennet needing to be mindful of his reaction to Damien since I suspected he was on the spectrum was the first domino leading to the scene I just witnessed. “And now you’re dating?”

“Not dating.” Bennet shakes his head firmly. “I can’t… I’m not…”

“Damien said you have a key to his place.”

Bennet worries his lip, as if he’s debating how to answer. “Yeah—” he nods slowly “—for discretion.”

“Damien’s in the closet?”

“Not him. Me.”

My eyes flare wide. “You? You live with five gay guys and you’re in the closet? Who exactly are you hiding from, cause it’s sure as shit not us, right?”

I’m expecting him to spew out a correction. Or apologize for the misunderstanding. What I’m not expecting is his total silence, or for the biggest, strongest man I know to visibly shrink before me.

“You hid your sexuality from me ?” My voice cracks on the last word.

“I wasn’t hiding. I didn’t think I liked guys. I mean, I don’t—” Bennet shrugs helplessly “—except him for some reason.”

Given what I witnessed, his words shouldn’t hurt more than the image seared into my brain. But the shock of that scene must be wearing off, because that confession feels like a knife sinking into my chest, one agonizing inch at a time.

“You still kept it a secret. Why?” I blink furiously, hoping to stave off the looming tears.

Bennet can either see the pain in my eyes or sense it in my voice, rushing to confess a family history of homophobia I never knew existed, and his own fears about a future NFL career as a bisexual man. But I can tell from his tone that he’s confessing as my best friend, believing my pain is a result of some platonic betrayal for keeping secrets rather than heartbreak.

He still has no idea how I really feel.

I can’t decide if I should be grateful for that or not.

On the one hand, my pride is intact, and if I’m careful, he’ll never know I’ve been in love with him since freshman year, when we bonded over trying to make our dads proud by following in their footsteps and joining a fraternity neither of us had an interest in being part of. On the other, I’m furious.

Furious that I respected a sexual boundary that wasn’t real. That he’s pushing that boundary with another man. That he never has, and never will, see me as anything other than a friend.

A friend he’s currently confessing his secrets to and expecting to receive advice in return.

“I get hiding from your dad,” I say softly from my spot on the floor next to Bennet, where we both sunk to while he revealed the truth about his father’s homophobia. “But two of your openly gay roommates are gunning for the NFL, and there doesn’t seem to be any backlash against them.”

“They’ve got two more years until they hit the draft, and honestly, they’ve got more talent than me. Their skill might make people turn a blind eye to their sexuality, but I’m not sure my skill will open the same doors for me. And like I said, this thing with Damien is… We’re not boyfriends. There’s no reason to draw attention to something that has an end date.” Bennet rubs absently at his chest.

“And when is that?”

“I…” He continues to press at his breastbone, clearing his throat before trying to speak, though no words actually come out.

“Does Damien know it has an end date?” I ask, trying not to sound hopeful, and feeling like shit that I am.

Damien’s a good guy. I genuinely like him. I genuinely want to hate him for his relationship with Bennet, but it’s not Damien’s fault I never came clean about my feelings.

“Damien knows I’m not planning to come out of the closet,” Bennet says softly.

“That’s not the same thing.”

“Isn’t it?” He continues to rub his chest, almost as if he’s got heartburn. “Whether it’s because I’m not planning to come out or because both of us want to go to the NFL, there’s no future here. It’s just sex. That’s why we’re keeping it a secret.”

“Jesus, Bennet. Do you really not see it?”

“See what?”

I take a little satisfaction knowing I’m not the only thing Bennet’s blind to, but it’s short-lived. Though it literally pains me to point it out, Damien deserves better than secret boyfriend status, and based on what I saw between those two, it’s far more than that.

“Fuck buddies don’t usually steal kisses when they think no one’s looking.”

“We didn’t…” The protest dies on Bennet’s lips before he can get the words out, and just as he realizes what he’s been blind to when it comes to Damien, so do I.

“Fuck, I should’ve seen this coming.” I thunk my head against the wall with a groan. “The tension between you two never did strike me as actual hate. I just never let myself consider it might be sexual.”

“Why would you? I didn’t consider that either until it just…happened.”

My eyes fall shut with a heavy sigh. “Oh my God. This whole time I thought I was helping you tolerate each other, not…”

I did this. I helped them see each other as more than rivals. I—

“Not what?”

“I—” I shake my head firmly, halting my own confession in its tracks. “It doesn’t matter. It’s just a bit of a shock that you’re... I never really saw that coming and I… I need to finish my homework.”

I can’t do this. I can’t sit here any longer and listen to him talk about another man. One I handed him on a silver platter when I could’ve been that man if I’d been brave enough to try.

“Right now?” Bennet’s brows draw together as he watches me pop up like the floor is on fire. “We aren’t gonna finish talking?”

“It’s… Yeah, I’ve got a ton of shit to do. And it sounds like you do too if you want to get to Damien’s later. I… I won’t say anything so you can—” I wave my hand aimlessly “—do whatever. I won’t say anything.”

I’m half-expecting him to come after me, and if he does, I’ll have no explanation for the tears streaming down my face. When the knock doesn’t come, I’m tempted to storm into his room and call him out for being too focused on getting to his boyfriend’s to check on me, his best friend.

But I don’t.

I quietly sob into my pillow, mourning what I’ll never have. Wondering why he chose Damien when I’ve been here all along.