Because of Them (Because of Love #2)

Chapter Twenty-Four

MICHAEL

M y father stands in his too-clean work boots, arms folded across his chest. The wind whips at the ends of his greying hair.

“Why am I here?” he complains, and I should have brought my mother for moral support.

Here is my block of land in Melbourne’s South East outer suburbs. Close enough to Audrey’s current house that the custody agreement she has with her ex would still be suitable. Maisie would still be able to go to the school they enrolled her in. Here is the place I want to build our future. Here is the land I bought when I was young and smart enough to know it was a good investment but dumb enough to not care about building on it. Here is exactly where the front door will be.

“Michael?” My father’s grating voice snaps me out of the house I want to build and back to the mud I’m currently standing in.

“I want to build.”

“It’s about bloody time.”

He’s not wrong, but I shrug away the condescending tone.

“Start thinking about your floor plan and we’ll set it all up,” he adds. He throws his hand around in front of him before tucking it back under his arm and side stepping towards the car.

I’d bet he is itching to get back to his pristine office. When I first started working for him, he hated being confined behind a desk all day. He jumped at any chance he got to get outside and on the tools. Now though, he hardly ever shows at a job site unless things have gone terribly south. He prides himself on the way the business runs immaculately with him at the helm. All the right people in all the right jobs making sure every task is completed on time, and to the highest quality. Everyone except me. I still feel out of place at the project manager’s meetings, despite Noah’s winery build running seamlessly under my—somewhat questionable—guidance.

I still wonder if I’m cut out to run such a massive job, let alone the whole company. But Dad seems to think I’m doing alright, even with all the questions I’ve had to ask him, and Noah tells me I’ve done good. So, maybe there is hope for me yet.

Stepping onto a lone patch of grass still fighting the muddy sludge of the rest of the block, my father stares across the lot at me. His shoulders hunch against the wind. I shouldn’t have brought him here for this conversation. Should have met him in his office where he is most at ease. Maybe the second and third parts of the conversation would go down a little easier.

My fingers twitch against the hem of my shirt as I try to find the courage to tell him everything. I shouldn’t have waited this long, but the longer I put it off, the harder it gets.

“It’s ah, not for me.” I cough the words out before I can back out.

Unfolding his arms, Dad slips his hands into his pockets briefly before folding them across his chest again. His weight shifts between his legs and even with the distance he put between us I can see the wrinkles between his brow deepen.

Off at the back of the lot, Baxter howls. He runs back, tail between his legs as my parent’s fluffball chases him down.

“Fuck, I knew I shouldn’t have brought her here.” My dad growls at the sight of his usually pristine white dog. Her fur is splattered with mud, just like Baxter paws.

“It’ll wash off, I’ll bring her back to your house in the tray of the ute, Baxter loves riding back there.”

“She hates the tray.”

“She’ll survive.”

He scoffs.

“So, if the house isn’t for you … don’t tell me it’s for a girl.”

I roll my eyes but my breaths come quick and my temples throb. Audrey is so much more than just a girl. She always has been. And I’m not dumb enough to imagine she’ll never get sick of me. One day, when the babies are born and her pregnancy goggles are gone, she’ll realise she deserves so much more, but I’ll soak in every moment she lets me spend with her until then.

“Her name is Audrey.” Hearing her name, even from my own mouth, helps chip away at the unease I had been feeling. My shoulders relax and I stand up a little taller. “She is … wonderful. She’s ambitious and caring and thoughtful and she is the most amazing mum to the most incredible little girl and …” I trail off unsure how to say the next piece. The words get stuck in my throat so I push them down and let more of my love for Audrey spill out instead. “I wake up every morning and I think of her and I wonder what I did right for her to come into my life. Because honestly, Dad, I don’t deserve her. She deserves so much more than I can give her, but at least for right now, she wants to share her time with me. I will count those blessings every day for as long as I have them.”

My father tips his head to the side, a hand creeping out from under his arm to clutch his chest. A hesitant smile breaks through his stern gaze.

“You’re in love.”

My cheeks puff with my smile. “Yeah.”

“Is she worth a house?”

“Dad, she is worth the world.”

He steps over the mud towards me, throwing his arms over my shoulders. He slaps my back with pride, chuckling to himself.

My breath catches. “There’s something else.”

He leans back, his eyebrows rise towards his hairline as he jerks his chin for me to continue.

Now or never.

Sucking in a deep breath, I throw the words out in one long exhale. “She’s pregnant. We are having twins. You’re going to be a Grandad. Yes, it was a shock, and yes, I freaked out, and yes, I have no idea what I’m doing, but I’m excited and I’m ready.”

They hang in between us, filling the air with my nervous energy and something cold coming from my dad. He closes his eyes, breathing deep into his lungs.

“Dad, say something.”

He doesn’t. He just nods slowly, eyes still closed.

When he finally speaks, it isn’t good or bad or excited or angry. It just … is.

“Twins?”

I nod and he adds, “You’re going to need a big house.”

I’m late for my meeting with Noah, but it took longer to get away from the block, from my father, than I had intended. After the news he was going to be a grandad finally sunk in he was almost excited. Tentative, sure, but he didn’t seem to hate the idea.

Birds chirp in the flowering gum trees that line the path from the carpark to the cellar door—and Noah’s office. Children’s laughter rises with the breeze—far gentler here in the hills than it was at the block—along with cheerful chatter and the clinking of plates and glasses. For once, I don’t blame other people for having a good time. It’s the perfect early summer day, one of the few weekends left before Christmas. Who wouldn’t want to enjoy a delicious lunch paired with a succulent wine at what is fast becoming one of the most popular wineries this side of Melbourne? The crew has begun to prep the site for the hotel build, but even with the cordoned off jobsite there’s still plenty of open space to enjoy the sun.

It’s beautiful and it’s peaceful and it’s the place I finally realised my potential.

And, hopefully, it’s the place where Audrey will agree to become my wife.

Emphasis on the hopefully.

I’m hyper aware of the chance she might say no, but I need to show her how serious I am about her. About us.

I’d considered telling my dad, but I was running on thin ice after the whole ‘you’re going to be a grandad’ bombshell and I wasn’t willing to risk falling through. Plus, he’d had enough shock for one day and he had one foot towards the car, ready to escape the wind and get back inside.

The barn style door to Noah’s office is open slightly and when I approach, the distinct tapping at a keyboard gives away his presence. I poke my head through the gap instead of knocking.

“Sorry I’m late.”

Noah looks up from the computer screen and whips his glasses off his face. I pretend I didn’t notice, as per our informal agreement. He leans forward, clasping his hands together on the desk in front of him.

“I needed the time to get some dispatch orders in, anyway. You want to sit?”

I take the invitation and plant myself in one of the armchairs.

“I’m not actually here because of the build. Unless you have any questions, then I can look into whatever. But I needed to ask you a favour.”

Noah’s face is stoic as he flips his palms over on the desk.

“Can you help me set something up? Here at the winery? Some nice spot on the grass or down the path where you can’t see the building site? Something cutesy.”

He clears his throat, and I swallow down the lump forming in mine. I wasn’t expecting to feel itchy all over just trying to tell someone about my plan. I hate to think what I’ll be like when I finally bring it to fruition.

“Go on …”

“I want to show Audrey that I’m not just here for the babies. That I want to be here for her. That I’m committed to her.”

Noah’s eyebrows dip, his mouth forming a tight, thin line.

“I want to propose.”

He coughs. Clears his throat again. Opens his mouth to speak before closing it and leaning back in the chair. Crossing his arms he tips the chair back and forth.

“I love her,” I add, in case it wasn’t clear.

“I know you do. Does she know?”

“I told her.”

“Did she tell you how she feels?”

I bounce in my chair a little, remembering how perfect the moment was. “She said she loves me too.”

“And so … just like that you want to propose?”

I nod my head, a little too vigorously. Leaning forward to rest his arms back on the desk, Noah’s face softens.

“Trust me when I say that it’s best for you to wait. I … it’s not fun if things don’t go the way you planned.”

I squeeze my fists against the armrests. “You don’t think she’ll say yes?”

“Do you?”

Every tense muscle in my body relaxes and I slouch down in the chair until my head tips against the low backrest.

“I think she’ll say no,” I admit to the ceiling. “But until she sees that I’m in this forever, I’m worried she’ll always hold a piece of herself back. She says she loves me, but she is so hesitant to open up. I don’t know if it’s because of the babies or because of how I acted before I knew about the babies or if it’s just because she doesn’t know how she truly feels because her body is so full of lovey hormones. But I have to try something. And maybe she’ll say no and I’m sure that will hurt, but at least then she will know, like really know, how I feel.”

My knee bounces. My chest is tight and the room starts to spin. The edges of my vision blur.

Noah taps his knuckles on the desk. Without meaning to, I start to breathe to the sound of his tapping. The vice on my heart loosens and the room steadies. My vision returns to normal.

“I get it,” he says when I have control of my senses again and look over at him. “But I still don’t think proposing is the right idea. Especially at a winery when she can’t drink. I mean, we make great food and the non-alcoholic wine is pretty good, but it’s not the same when you can’t taste the sampling.”

“So, what do I do? How do I show her?”

He shakes his head. “I don’t think you can. This isn’t the kind of worry you can explain away. Her feelings are valid, and yours are too. You have to let her feel them.”

I run my hands through my hair, scratching at the back of my head. “And I just, wait?”

He shakes his head again. “You keep showing up. Every day. Every chance you get. You show her with the little things. Bringing home her latest craving or remembering the show she wanted to watch. You go to her hospital appointments and those birthing class things and you remember everything they say. You take notes if you have to. You rub her feet when they are sore. You make her favourite warm drink before she even has to ask. You thank her and cherish her and honour her, and love her with everything that you do. And eventually the babies will be born and you’ll keep doing all those things and she’ll realise.”

I can do that. I already do that, most of it, at least. I can show her.

“And then I ask her?”

Noah nods with a smirk. “Yeah mate, then you can ask her.”