Because of Them (Because of Love #2)

Chapter Thirty-Eight

AUDREY

I drank too much wine. It was only two glasses, but considering I finished them both before dinner, and I haven’t had so much as a sip in almost a year, it hit my head hard. It wasn’t until our food arrived and I demolished the chicken pizza and half of Michael’s spaghetti that the throbbing began to ease.

We didn’t last long at the restaurant after that. I was itching to get back to the boys, to make sure they were okay. And my blood was pumping with something else. Something I had feared was gone forever. Desire.

I hadn’t intended to make Michael hard when I wriggled in his lap. I was, honestly, just trying to get comfortable. But when I felt his erection swelling underneath me, it flipped a switch inside me. One that I had lost. After the boys were born, only darkness could be found in my core. I scoffed and rolled my eyes and called my obstetrician ridiculous when she told me I could resume having sex at one of my follow up appointments. It was the furthest thing from my mind. But feeling what my body did to Michael’s, the light turned back on. It heated me from the inside out.

It was surprising, to feel such an untamed want on the back of all the other, heavier, emotions I carry around. My re-found desire hasn’t turned all those worries off. We still have issues to work through, and I have a lot of self-reflecting to do. But in the moment, feeling wanted, and wanting, felt good. Really good.

We barely spoke through dinner. I was too busy shoving all the food in my face because yeah, I was a little drunk and hungry, but I was also desperate to get home. To be with the boys, but also to be with Michael. Both needs equally strong but wildly different.

The drive home was silent, electricity buzzing louder than the static from the radio. We said a rushed thank you to Michael’s parents. Both boys were—are—asleep. They’d had a bottle just before we got home, both loved bath time with their grandma and grandpa, and had settled back to bed soundly. Typical.

I feel bad, genuinely, for all but pushing Michael’s parents out the door, but I was ready to be alone with Michael. My core aches, and not the way it did while I was healing from the emergency caesarean. No, this is a deep throbbing that sends waves of heat directly to my pussy. It’s fuelled by a raw need and an overwhelming desire.

There’s every chance Michael’s mum can tell. Even if my red cheeks haven’t given it away, I’m sure the huskiness in my voice has. She pretends not to notice though, right up until she winks at me as I close the door in her face.

Michael steps behind me, enclosing me in his arms and nuzzling against my neck. He breathes deep and a grumble reverberates through him. The sound, so guttural and unfiltered, only adds to the pulsing in my core. I moan, leaning back into him, but he spins me around, stepping into me, forcing me back until my butt hits the wall.

He cages me in, arms either side of my body. My chest heaves, and he watches the movement with dark eyes that pierce through my skin. My eyes dart to his lips, parted and wet and wanting.

I stretch up onto my toes, lifting his shirt over his head and wrapping my arms around his neck. “Just fun,” I mumble under my breath, reminding myself that our relationship might need work, but we can still enjoy the moment.

“Always with the fun,” he growls and slams his mouth against mine.

The kiss knocks all the worry and messy thoughts out of my mind, and I sink into him. He fuses his mouth against mine, licking and biting and teasing at my lips until I coax them open.

I savour his taste, the richness of the red wine still lingering on his tongue. Michael brings a hand to my cheek, tilting my head to deepen the kiss.

The throbbing in my core intensifies until I can’t stand it, I need more, I need everything. With my back pressed against the wall I tug Michael closer. He steps forward with a leg in between my own and I grind my hips against the friction it creates.

“Audrey,” he moans into my mouth. “Fuck.”

I bite his lip.

“Please.”

Michael drops his arms and palms at my ass before hoisting me up. I wrap my legs around his waist as he thrusts into me against the wall and I curse all the fabric between us.

“Not here,” he groans with a thrust.

He steps away from the wall, bringing me with him as he races to the bedroom. Somehow, amidst our carnal need and the frenzy of our reconnection, he manages to lay me gently on the bed. Hovering over me, his pupils are so dilated there’s no colour left in his eyes. His gaze drops to my chest, where my still swollen breasts threaten to tear away the buttons of my shirt. His fingers are delicate on my skin as he traces down my neck and teases at the first button.

“I’ve wanted to do this all dinner.” There’s the slightest of twinkles in his dark eyes before he yanks at my top. In one clean movement he tears through all the buttons, revealing my boring, beige maternity bra.

I suck in a breath, aware of all the changes to my body and unsure how Michael will see them. The stretch marks on my breasts and waist, the extra weight that still clings around my middle, and the deep scar running across my abdomen. I squirm under Michael’s gaze. His eyes are still dark, his breaths heavy, and his cock is still strained against his pants.

“You’re fucking stunning,” he says, pinning my arms above my head. “Every fucking inch of you, okay? Don’t even think anything different.”

He kisses me again, slower this time. Tenderly exploring my mouth with his tongue. He runs his hand down my front, teasing the waistband of my leggings. I nod underneath him, pushing my hips into him.

Dipping his hand into my pants, he pauses with his fingers at the apex of my thighs. “Is this okay?”

I nod against him, but hesitation and fear must be written all over me because he doesn’t move his hand. He pulls back from our kiss, resting his forehead on mine.

“Audrey, are you sure?”

“I’m sure. I’m just … scared.”

“I’ve got you,” he whispers. He kisses me again, dropping his hands lower until he is tracing circles around my clit. “If you want me to stop, I will.”

I don’t, I don’t want him to stop, but it’s torture. The slow movements building a fire inside me that needs more. I whimper under his touch. “More.”

He presses his thumb hard against my clit, and dips his fingers between my folds. Teasing my entrance, he rubs the moisture around my pussy. My hips buck up to meet his fingers.

With my butt still off the bed, I reach between us and pull down my leggings, taking my very unattractive panties with them. Michael adjusts himself so I can kick them off, then leans back down to kiss me.

His thumb is still pressed against my clit, small movements creating the biggest sensations inside my core, when he dips one finger into me. It’s tight, which is the exact opposite to what I expected, and I suck in a breath as I adjust to the feeling. When I relax underneath him again, Michael slowly pulls his finger out before pushing back in. He curls up to reach inside me, to caress the spot that only he seems to know how to find.

The fire spreads through me until it’s hard to breathe under his kiss. He moves to nip at my neck, licking at the soft spot behind my ear. Every muscle in my body clenches. Even my heart. The intensity squeezes away all the doubt I had about us, all the pent-up anger and frustration, until all that’s left is raw need, untamed desire, and overwhelming love.

Pulling his finger out, Michael kisses me ferociously, as though he can feel it too. He teases me, toying at my clit and dragging out my orgasm until I’m writhing underneath him. My hips buck up and he responds by pulling my lower lip between his teeth. Using two fingers this time, he presses deep into me as I lose control. Of my body, of my senses, of my heart. My body tightens around his fingers and under his embrace as the fire he lights inside me burns brighter than the sun. Heat everywhere, sparks all around me, and all I can see is him.

He removes his fingers slowly, keeping his thumb pressed down on my clit until I can’t take any more.

“Michael,” I breathe out his name, my voice raspy with exertion, and he steals it away with a kiss.

With our foreheads pressed together, I creep my eyes open as the beating in my chest returns to normal. He kisses me again, this time little more than pecks that plant their love all over my face; my lower lip, each corner, my cupid’s bow, then my nose, and each cheek, behind my ear.

I’m spent, but pressed against my inner thigh I can feel how hard Michael is. He rolls his hips into me, softly, slowly, testing the waters. I try to reciprocate, lifting my hips to meet him. My body protests, melting into the mattress instead.

“Michael, I …”

How do I let him down gently? How do I tell him we can’t do anything more and it’s not because I don’t want to but it’s because my body is literally done. My core aches, exhausted from my orgasm, and my scar is starting to throb, ever so softly but enough to pull me out of the mood and remind me of everything.

“I can’t, I’m sorry,” I choose, and my heart sinks through the mattress and onto the floor. I turn my head away from Michael’s, holding back the tears that threaten to form.

With his dry hand he holds my chin, turning me back to him so he can kiss me. He holds his mouth against mine until I relax into him and purse my lips to kiss him back.

“What happened to not being allowed to say sorry?”

He rolls off me, taking me with him so we’re on our sides. I tuck my knees up between us and he cradles his body around the ball I become.

“You’ve done so much Audrey, I don’t expect anything from you. Ever. I never needed this—sex—I just need you. I know it’s like, eighty or ninety percent my fault, but I need us to be us again.”

“It’s going to take time Michael. Every relationship is rocky at best after a baby is born. We’ve had two, and our relationship had really only just begun. I fought against it for so long because I was petrified that we would crumble. Michael, we were crumbling.”

He tucks a stray piece of hair behind my ear, then pushes his own hair further off his face. “Then we just need to find the right way to rebuild the foundations.”

My lip turns up, smirking. “Did you just make a builders pun?”

“The dad jokes just fall out of me now, I can’t help it.”

“You make a good dad, Michael.” I snuggle down, resting my face against his chest. Goosebumps start to prickle on my skin as the heat from earlier subsides into a comfortable afterglow.

“You make a wonderful mum, Audrey.”