Beneath Dark Skies (Rolling Hills Ranch #1)

39. Farron

THIRTY-NINE

FARRON

DIE, BUTTERFLIES, DIE

Day 439

Every fall, as Halloween approaches, our family's pumpkin carving tradition kicks into gear. Usually, it’s an exciting time. Holden and I used to dive into this ritual with our parents, but now, with them gone, it feels like I'm walking on eggshells, trying not to betray their memory. My grandparents, though, bless them, are determined to keep the tradition alive even in times like this. Despite my reservations, I decided to go along with it, if only to bring them some joy and please them. As I brace myself for the evening ahead, memories come flooding back.

I remember the first time Holden and I tackled pumpkin carving together. We were just kids, five years old, full of laughter and mischief. Our parents handed us one pumpkin, wanting us to work together to carve it. Instead, we each claimed a side of the pumpkin and went to town, giggling and fighting over it, taking turns pulling it away from the other. In the end, we had turned the pumpkin into a two sided freak show; one side a headless horseman and the other a wonky bunny. It wasn't exactly pretty, but the fun we had was priceless.

Thus, the tradition began, only with each of us getting our own individual pumpkins moving forward. Over the years, our skills improved, and our carvings became more elaborate. We learned tricks, like using toothpicks to hold pieces in place and the art of carving just enough to bring out the highlights.

As I arrive at the main house, I steel myself for the evening ahead, determined to simply enjoy the moment and push aside the heaviness of the past. Stepping into my grandparents' kitchen, the familiar sights and smells immediately wrap around me. The table is adorned with an array of pumpkins, a wide array of sizes and colors.

Confusion prickles at the edges of my mind as I notice the ridiculous amount of carving tools on the table. I shoot Ma a questioning look, but she just shrugs it off like it's no big deal. It's as if she's casually expanded our family tradition without a second thought. The anger starts to build, but I will it away, trying to think of this in a more positive light. Maybe having more people around will help distract me from the memories haunting me. That seems to be the right path because I find myself oddly comforted by the idea of sharing this moment with them.

I glance over at Pa, who's busy taking a casserole out of the oven. I offer to help, but he kindly declines with a reassuring squeeze on my shoulder. His touch grounds me, reminding me I'm not alone.

Deciding to occupy myself with something else, I grab a matchbox and start lighting the candles scattered across the kitchen counter. As the warm glow fills the room, I can't help but feel a sense of peace wash over me, enjoying the intimate and calm atmosphere.

Just as I'm finishing up, I hear footsteps approaching. I look up to see Theo leading the way, effortlessly cool in his black hoodie and gray sweatpants–an unfair choice on his part now that I know exactly what he’s hiding under there. Adrian follows, looking almost criminal in his own black sweats and a baby blue t-shirt that helps bring out the color of his eyes. And then there's Kenji, who walks in last, though his presence commands the room immediately. His cargo pants cling to his thighs in all the right ways, and his gray henley leaves me momentarily breathless with its buttons undone, drawing my eye to the little bit of hair dusting his upper chest and what looks like the beginning of a tattoo.

“Come in, boys. Henry's pulling the casserole out. Please help yourselves,” Ma's voice calls out from behind me, nudging me gently to prompt movement rather than just staring at our guests.

Theo approaches me first, offering a simple “Hi.” I respond with a wave, realizing that the other two don't know I've been learning sign language. Hastily grabbing paper and pen from the junk drawer, I hand them to Theo to communicate.

“ How are you?” I ask, my excitement about his response catching me off guard for a second. Things with Theo have been progressing at lightning speed, and I can't deny the anticipation I feel about seeing him.

As Theo writes out his response, Adrian sidles up behind me, his hands gently resting on my arms as he plants a kiss on the top of my head. Heat floods through me, my eyes widening in the realization that he did that right in front of everyone. I steal a glance around the room, locking eyes with Ma, who beams back at me with an affectionate warmth that melts away any lingering discomfort. Pa, on the other hand, continues bustling about as if nothing out of the ordinary had occurred, pretending he’s entirely oblivious to what just happened.

My attention shifts to Kenji, who stands silently behind his chair, his gaze fixed on the scene unfolding before him. It's evident that he witnessed the interaction, and I find myself holding my breath, waiting for his reaction. Though I’m unable to discern his thoughts, I note the subtle tightening of his jaw as he sets his plate down and takes his seat .

Feeling a twinge of uncertainty, I turn my focus to Adrian, who's now busy fixing a plate for Ma before helping himself. My stomach does a little flip at his thoughtfulness and how he’s always going out of his way to care for others.

Glancing back at Theo, I'm met with a playful smile that instantly eases the tension from my shoulders before he quickly darts forward and presses a quick but gentle kiss against my lips. It's a small gesture, but it reassures me that everything will be okay. Theo and I head over to the casserole dish, filling our plates before settling next to each other at the table. Adrian sits at the end of the table next to me, with Ma beside him and Pa on her side. Kenji ends right at the other end, between Theo and Pa.

While Adrian dives into carving his pumpkin with one hand and stuffing food into his mouth with the other, Kenji and Pa are chatting, animated in their conversation. Ma quietly observes them, the same as me. Everything feels strangely right–like we're one big, happy family. I can't help but reflect on the journey that brought us here, from the day these three strangers entered my life to now feeling like integral parts of our family, participating in our traditions and daily routines. Seeing or talking to them every day has become so normal that I almost forget they weren't always here.

I’m unable to do anything as an unsettling unease begins to gnaw at me. Just a year ago, it was Holden by my side, and suddenly there are three others filling his place. Almost two months have passed with no sign of my twin, and the logical part of my brain is beginning to resign itself to the idea that he may never come. My breath quickens, and panic threatens to engulf me. I clench my fists under the table, desperately trying to regain control, but my efforts are for nothing.

Before I can spiral further, a gentle tap on my leg brings me back to reality. I turn to Theo, meeting his eyes, and I watch as he brings his hands up towards his chest, slowly pushing them in as his chest mimics a dramatic inhale, pausing for a few seconds, then slowly pushing them out as he mimics a dramatic exhale.

My vision blurs as I try to focus on his movements, but he taps my thigh again and resumes his gestures.

His calming presence anchors me in the moment. With each inhale and exhale, the tight grip of panic loosens, clearing my vision and steadying my heartbeat.

Once I'm grounded, I glance around the table, relieved to find everyone engrossed in their own activities. Theo taps me again, concern evident in his eyes as he asks if I'm okay. With a reassuring nod and a grateful smile, I drop my eyes to my lap and mouth a thank you to him.

Though only moments pass, it feels like an eternity between Theo and me. I eventually attempt to immerse myself in the chatter around me, turning my attention to carving my pumpkin, hoping to clear my head. I decide to recreate the hilltop scene Theo and I shared just a few days ago, carving a little horse with two figures seated side by side on a log.

Time seems to catch up with me as I carve, and I don’t realize that I’m the last one working on my pumpkin until Ma reenters the kitchen, a cake in hand. Without warning, everyone erupts into song, belting out “Happy Birthday.” Theo and Adrian sign along, and confusion clouds my mind—whose birthday is it? I scan the faces around the table, only to lock eyes with Kenji, who sits silently, his gaze fixed on me. It dawns on me as we sing “Dear Kenji,” and a small smile tugs at his lips in acknowledgment. The song concludes, and he graciously thanks my grandparents as Ma begins to slice the cake.

“What about me, cowboy? I helped make the cake.” Adrian teases as pieces of the cake begin to get passed around the table .

I remain silent, a twinge of frustration creeping in as I wish someone had given me a heads-up. Did they all assume that I already knew it was his birthday?

Guilt hits me as I realize I haven't made much effort to get to know Kenji on a personal level, unlike Theo and Adrian. But he's not easy to figure out—constantly shifting moods, the push and pull between us giving me whiplash. Despite this, as I meet his gaze across the table, a flutter of butterflies takes flight in my stomach.

Oh, hell no.

Die, butterflies, die.

I am not going down this road with him. Not tonight.

After everyone finishes their pumpkins and cake, Ma insists we line them up on the porch steps outside and put tealights in them. We all stand at the bottom of the stairs, Theo placing his arm around my shoulder and gently rubbing my arm in circular motions. I'm grateful for his earlier support, and now I soak in his presence and the warmth radiating from him in the chilly night air.

Looking at the pumpkins, I can't help but feel a surge of pride. Clearly, mine is the best—I've been doing this for a long time. Theo carved a moon and a bunch of stars, while Ma and Pa both did classic jack-o'-lantern faces. I tilt my head at Adrian and give him a playful glare; he carved a wolf howling at the moon. I can't help but chuckle, and he shoots a wink my way. Next, I look at Kenji's and can't quite tell what it is. We're all staring at it with confusion.

“Hey Kenji,” Adrian says, breaking the moment of silence. “Your pumpkin… what exactly is that?” Adrian asks while signing. Thank goodness, because I didn’t want to be the one to.

“It’s a fighting sword,” Kenji says plainly like it should be obvious.

“Oh, wow. It’s… It’s good,” Adrian replies, laughing, causing Kenji to smack him upside the head. I close my eyes, trying to stifle my laughter.

“Oh yes, I can see the pointy end now,” Ma says, and that does it. We all burst out laughing, and Adrian quickly signs Ma’s response to Theo.

As the night draws to a close, Ma and Pa bid their goodnights. Theo pulls me into a hug before heading inside, and Adrian kisses my forehead, murmuring, “Night, Sunshine,” accompanied by one last wink. Turning to leave, I realize Kenji is still standing there, startling me.

“Oh, I thought you would have gone in by now,” I remark.

“Why, you don’t expect a goodnight kiss from me?” Kenji raises an eyebrow, teasing.

“Did you just make a joke?” I counter, surprised.

“Believe it or not, I do actually have a personality,” Kenji jokes again, leaving me slightly stunned. Two jokes in a row from him—unprecedented.

Leaning against a beam at the bottom of the stairs, I look up into Kenji’s eyes, almost as dark as the night sky.

“I didn’t realize it was your birthday,” I admit.

“You never asked,” he quips back.

“I guess I didn’t,” I reply, feeling breathless. “So, how old are you, gramps?”

“Thirty-three,” he mumbles, his focus entirely on me.

I can feel it. Something is shifting between us as we stand here under the night sky, looking into each other’s eyes. We've shared little moments before, but they often get derailed by his sharp tongue. I brace myself, waiting for his inevitable snarky remark, but it never comes.

Instead of being combative and ruining the moment like I expect, Kenji surprises me by leaning closer. My breath hitches, my eyes dropping down to his soft pillowy lips for a brief moment until I rise on my toes, steadying my hand on his elbow. His arm falls to my waist to hold me steady, and I place a soft kiss on his cheek, lingering for a moment as Kenji tilts his head towards mine. Our breath mingles, and time seems to stand still as we remain in that silent embrace, just breathing each other in.

Drawing even closer, I let my lips graze his ear, feeling him shiver. Settling into the closeness, I whisper, “Happy Birthday.”

As I lean back to look at him, I catch his eyes fixed on my lips. His eyes jump back up, meeting my gaze, and he murmurs, “Thank you.” I give his elbow one last squeeze before stepping back.

The entire walk back to my cottage, I feel Kenji’s eyes on me, and I silently wish the butterflies in my stomach a tragic, painful demise.

Die, butterflies, die.