Beneath Dark Skies (Rolling Hills Ranch #1)

53. Adrian

FIFTY-THREE

ADRIAN

RELENTLESS MELODY OF SCREAMS

Day 450

The screaming in my head won’t stop. All I can hear is everyone running for their lives with shouts of terror echoing around me. That night at the potluck won’t leave my mind, replaying on a constant loop. Every time I close my eyes, I’m thrust back into that chaos, reliving the moment when I froze, failing to react quickly enough despite my past training. The guilt gnaws at me, telling me that if only I had been faster, things might have turned out differently. Maybe Mr. Abel would still be here with us.

The constant shouting is a relentless melody in my mind. It’s the worst fucking song I’ve ever had stuck in my head, and it only leads my thoughts down a direction I try to avoid.

I can’t help worrying about my mom and my sisters. Are they okay? Have they met a similar fate to what I witnessed the other night? Or are they still out there, somewhere? I can only hope they’re safe and have found good people like the ones around me.

A tapping on my shoulder pulls me from the depths of my mind. I turn to see Nora’s concerned eyes and realize I’ve been drying the same plate for several minutes. With a sheepish glance, I turn and place the plate in the cabinet above me, avoiding Nora’s gaze as a different sort of guilt washes over me.

Usually, Nora and I divide our time between cooking in her kitchen and delivering food to the other farms. But lately, she's taken on the task alone, allowing me a reprieve from the constant interaction with our neighbors. The events of that night have shaken me more than I care to admit, and I'm grateful for Nora's understanding and support, even though I know she must be in worse pain than I am, grieving in a way I can’t even begin to.

I can’t help but marvel at her selflessness and her innate ability to prioritize the needs of others before she does her own. I wonder if she even realizes she does it. This unwavering commitment to putting others first is a quality I’ve also noticed in Farron.

Despite the profound grief that undoubtedly burdens Nora's heart in the wake of Mr. Abel's death—a man who was not only her friend for decades but also someone she considered family—she remains steadfast in her support of others.

“What’s got you so clouded, honey?” Nora asks, her concern palpable as she hands me another dish to dry. There it is. That selflessness as she checks in on me when I should really be the one checking on her.

“I just…” I hesitate for a moment, unsure of how much to reveal, before finally shaking my head. “Don't worry about me, Nora. I don't want to burden you with my thoughts right now.”

But Nora isn't having any of it. With a playful thwack of her wet hand against my head, she scolds me gently. “What have I told you, Adrian? We're family. Sharing each other's burdens is what family does. So come on, spill. I'll share mine, and we can lighten each other's load together. How does that sound?”

Her words strike a chord, coaxing me to open up despite my reluctance. “I'm struggling to get that night out of my head,” I confess, my voice barely above a whisper. “The screams that permeated the air, and the image of Farron staying strong as she made one of the most difficult choices I've ever witnessed... It just won't leave my head.”

Nora listens intently, her gaze encouraging me to continue.

“I can't shake the feeling that if I had been faster that night if I hadn't frozen in fear for a moment, I could have done something to help Mr. Abel,” I continue, my guilt bearing down on me. “Maybe if I had been stronger, better, Farron wouldn't have had to do what she did. Jay wouldn't be drowning in grief, and Farron wouldn't be drowning in guilt.”

Nora lets out a heavy sigh, her tone filled with compassion as she speaks, “Adrian, honey, there is nothing you could have done. By the time you all made it outside, Mr. Abel had already been bitten. Jay has said as much, reiterating that by the time he and Todd got to him, he was already hurt.”

I nod, acknowledging her perspective, though my guilt still lingers.

“I don’t know how to get it out of my head, Miss Peaches,” I admit, my voice trembling with emotion. “I’m always the funny one, the light-hearted one, and I don’t know how to be that right now. I don’t know how to be what Farron needs or what you need or what anyone needs.”

The vulnerability in my voice betrays the facade of strength I've been trying to maintain.

“You sound a lot like Farron in that way,” Nora says, her words cutting through the moment's heaviness, causing my eyes to snap over to hers. “She’s always carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders, acting like she has to be everything for everyone, constantly changing little facets of herself to make her personality easier for others to swallow.”

“Which is crazy,” I exclaim, a surge of emotion welling up inside me. “Farron is perfect as she is, and it’s clear as day that everyone here respects and cares for her.”

Nora nods in agreement before continuing, her voice soft. “Yes, but try convincing Farron of that. There was always a part of her, I suppose, that wanted to make it easier on everyone else. She wanted to do the right thing, which, to her, meant keeping everyone around her happy. The first time she ever really stood up for herself and what she wanted was when she made the choice to go to Colorado to become a vet.”

Her gaze drifts away for a moment, lost in past memories. “Addie was so upset. Jackson was a bit, too, but really he was torn between supporting his wife and letting his daughter go off to discover herself and follow her passions. Their relationship changed after that, and it only became more strained, I think. You can imagine that when Farron made her way back here and found out her parents were gone, how that people-pleasing side of her came back in full force.”

As Nora finishes up with the dishes, her movements deliberate yet thoughtful, she turns to face me, her expression filled with concern. “It’s been difficult for me, Adrian, losing my daughter and my son-in-law. But it was even more difficult for me to watch Farron waste away for months before her twin pulled her out of her depression. With Holden gone, I was so worried it was only going to get worse. More isolating, more fake smiles, and more nightmares and sleepless nights,” Nora admits, her tone heavy.

My ears prick up at the mention of nightmares, a detail Farron hasn’t shared with any of us, as far as I know. I definitely don’t remember her waking up from any nightmares when I spent the night with her.

“She hides so much of herself, Adrian, that damned girl. She thinks nobody sees, that nobody knows just how much pain she’s in and trying to cover up…” Nora's voice breaks, sadness coloring her words as she wipes her nose with a handkerchief.

“But the way she is with you boys?” Nora's tone shifts, a note of warmth creeping in. “I don't know the last time I’ve seen her so true to herself and so carefree. You give her that, Adrian, regardless of how charismatic and funny you think you need to act. You make her feel safe to be herself, and that’s a gift that’s invaluable to us.”

Her words warm my heart, yet a trickle of unease seeps in. It's been days since the potluck, and I haven’t yet gone to see Farron. Even Kenji has been spending time with her, revealing to us the day after the incident that he snuck into her house and helped bring her back to life. He mentioned her worry over the breach in the perimeter, and my mind begins to drift.

I think back to the morning of the potluck when Todd confided in me during our perimeter check about his concerns for Trevor. He jokes with Trevor, like everyone else, about his feelings for Farron, but he said he’s noticed a change since my brothers and I arrived.

“He’s more on edge,” Todd had said, his voice low as we walked along the fence line. “He’s always been a little odd, but something is different. I don’t know what to do about it.”

I mull over our conversation, turning it over in my mind. I didn’t know Trevor before we arrived, so I just assumed he was always like that. Jealousy is an ugly feeling and can manifest in different ways, and it seems to have a firm grip on Trevor. Though I can’t shake the nagging feeling that he may have had a hand in the incident, I know I can't jump to conclusions without evidence, especially given my friendship with Todd. I’ll need to speak to Kenji and Theo about all of this to get their thoughts.

Nora’s voice pulls me back to the present, her words carrying a depth of wisdom. “All I know now is you have to hold onto the people you care about and never let a day go by without telling them. We live in a different world now, sweetie, so don’t hold anything back. Not your pain, not your fears, and not your love.”

I meet her gaze, understanding the dual significance of her words. She’s still talking about Farron, not so explicitly telling me to stop letting my fear hold me back from expressing my feelings. Nora’s support for us being with Farron has been clear to us for a while, and her support means more to me than she knows. In the short time since arriving here, Nora and her family have become an integral part of my life.

You have to hold onto the people you care about and never let a day go by without telling them.

Nora’s words have given me clarity. With this conversation sparking a new determination in me, I know what I have to do. It’s not fair to Farron, or to myself, to avoid her out of fear of being inadequate. I miss her; I ache for her. I want to see her when she tilts her head back and lets out a deep laugh, the sound reverberating in my heart. I want to hold her small hand in mine and run my fingers through her hair. I want to kiss her deeply, soundly, until neither of us can breathe.

I know everything is still so new, but Farron needs to know that she’s important to me, to Theo, and even to Kenji. He may not have admitted it yet, but I know he cares deeply for her and is falling for her, too, just like Theo and I have. She’s ours, and I want to show her that.

I give Nora a kiss on the cheek and head out.

I stride purposefully towards the barn, my heart racing in anticipation of seeing Farron again. Just as I arrive, she's returning from another perimeter check, riding past me on EJ. According to Kenji, she’s been doing a lot of perimeter checks lately, her nerves too on edge since Mr. Abel’s attack. I can't help but admire her, every movement graceful and determined, despite the weariness etched into her features.

I watch as she makes her way towards me when she steps outside, those damn red cowboy boots on, drawing my attention to her legs. I know exactly how those feel under my fingertips, the soft skin and the hard muscle on those thick thighs, the way her thighs and ass shake as she walks and moves. I just can’t wait for the day when she finally lets me have her in only those red boots.

My eyes jump up to her face as she gets closer, and I can’t help the frown on my own when I see just how exhausted and worn down she looks. The dark circles around her eyes are back in full force, and I’m sure her nightmares are a million times more awful and persistent than the ones I’ve been having. I open my arms wide, and she steps right into them.

“Hey, Sunshine,” I whisper against her hair, holding her close. “I missed you.”

“Yeah?” she croaks out, even her voice tinged with exhaustion. “I kind of assumed you were avoiding me after what you saw that night. Figured it may have been too much.”

Shaking my head, I gently pull back to meet her gaze, my hands tenderly cupping her face. “The only thing that was too much was my own guilt over not doing enough to prevent that night.”

Her eyes soften with understanding, but I can still see the way her burdens are pressing down on her. “There was nothing you could have done, Adrian,” she insists, her voice filled with sincerity.

“And there’s nothing you could have done, Sunshine,” I reassure her, my heart aching for her. “You were so brave that night, but you don’t always have to be. You can let yourself fall apart with me if you need to.”

“I think I just don’t know how to,” she admits in a whisper. “Of all your nicknames, you always come back to calling me Sunshine. But I don’t feel like sunshine. I feel like rain–moody and somber, ruining all that is good and golden.”

You’re my sunshine,” I tell her softly, catching her gaze and holding it. “You brought light back into my life at a time when I failed to find my family again. When everything seemed lost, you were the warm glow that guided me back. You made me smile and laugh, pulling me out of the shadows with your gentle warmth and radiant energy.”

I pause, tracing the outline of her face with my eyes, taking in the strength beneath the vulnerability she’s showing. “But even if you feel like rain, you can be my rain. Rain can be powerful and all-encompassing, like a storm that demands to be felt. It can be wild and fierce, yet it brings life to everything it touches. Your presence is the same to me—undeniable and essential.”

I see the flicker of something in her eyes as I continue, “Rain is also soothing. Sometimes, it’s exactly what you need to calm down, to wash away the chaos, and bring a sense of peace. You have a way of bringing me back to myself, grounding me when I’m lost in the noise.”

My thumbs gently wipe a tear that’s escaped her eyes from her cheek. “And sometimes, you’re like water sliding through my fingertips whenever you do something I don’t expect, challenging me or the guys in ways I never anticipated.”

I smile, hoping she sees the truth in my words. “So whether you feel like sunshine or rain, you’re still everything to me. You’re mine.”

She sniffles and nods before speaking. “Maybe you could come and take a nap with me? I haven’t been sleeping very well, and it doesn’t look like you have, either. Maybe a snuggle buddy could help both of us,” she says with a smile, gently poking me in the ribs. She’s trying to change the subject, tired of showing her vulnerability, so I let it slide this time.

“You’ve got a deal, Sunbeam,” I agree with a tender smile, savoring the way her eyes light up at the nickname. Leaning down, I press a gentle kiss to her lips, my fingers intertwining with hers as we make our way back to her cottage. Magnum, ever the faithful little companion, greets us eagerly at the door, his tail wagging in excitement.

Climbing into bed, I envelop Farron in my arms, relishing the warmth and softness of her body against mine. Magnum settles beside us, a comforting presence in the dimly lit room. We lie together in silence, and the only sound is the steady rhythm of our breaths mingling in the air.

“I think we should do something,” I propose, breaking the peaceful stillness that surrounds us. Farron tilts her head to look at me, her eyes curious and attentive.

“You think we should do something?” she asks, her voice soft.

“I don’t know… Maybe a campfire. Have you ever experienced the magic of a campfire, with s’mores and stories under the starry sky? It might help ease some of our worries, help us remember to actually live our lives a little,” I suggest, the memories of past campfires with Kenji, Theo, and my sisters flooding my mind with warmth and nostalgia.

“Mr. Abel would be mad if he knew that we were all just miserable when we could be drinking whiskey and having a good time,” she remarks with a quiet chuckle.

“Then it’s a deal. A campfire for my girl,” I declare, determination coursing through my veins as I envision the flickering flames and her laughter filling the air. My mind trails off as I consider just how I can make that happen. Before I can delve deeper into planning, Farron reaches up to trace her fingers through my hair, pulling me down into a fervent kiss that ignites a fire within me. Her lips are eager and hurried as she kisses me, releasing tiny little sounds I swallow right back up, nibbling on my lips, and playing with the ends of my hair.

I lose myself in her taste and feel, the world narrowing down to the intoxicating sensation of her against me. When we finally break apart, she presses a sweet kiss to my nose, her eyes sparkling with gratitude and affection.

“Thanks, Riri,” she murmurs, her voice a soft caress that sends shivers down my spine. “For everything.”

She lays back down, her head in the crook of my neck and one of her legs tossed over mine. We intertwine our bodies as much as possible, both of us seemingly aching to be close to the other. My hands play with Farron’s fingers on my chest, and she releases a soft hum as we sink into the comfort of each other's embrace, slowly falling asleep.