Best Of Both Worlds (Colorado Black Diamonds #4)

Chapter 26

Chapter Twenty-Six

GRAHAM

“ Y ou want anything for dinner?” Mom asks.

“I’m okay.”

“You sure?” She ruffles my hair, drawing my attention to her.

“I’m good.”

The All-Star game plays quietly in the background in the living room. Dad is in the kitchen behind us cooking.

Not much has changed about this place since I left. The shelves lining the wall next to the TV are stuffed to the brim with pictures. Pictures from football games. Super Bowls. Me at hockey practice. Holidays with families.

The walls of this house are filled with nothing but love.

Something I haven’t felt a lot of these last few weeks.

It’s been a weird time for me. Ever since Noah came back here, to Denver, it’s like I’ve been in a fog. A quiet, ever-present fog without Noah at home.

I didn’t want him to live with me, but now, it’s not the same without him. I’ve been spending more and more time training at the rink. The one upside? I’m in the best shape of my life.

And it’s helped the Knights get on a winning streak for one of the first times in a long time, so I’ll keep doing it.

“You sure you don’t want dinner, Graham?” Dad calls from the kitchen.

“I’m not hungry.”

“I’m making your favorite stir-fry.”

Damn. It does smell good. “I guess I could eat.”

Both of them are in the kitchen, getting dinner ready, the two of them working together like a well-oiled machine.

It brings another pang to my heart. Is this what I could have had with Noah if I weren’t too scared to be out? That singular thought has been plaguing me.

But how in the world can I do that when I’m not even out to the two people who are the most important people in my world?

“You’ve been quiet.” Dad hands me a plate before I walk over to the dining room table.

“Just tired. You know this late in the season that everything hurts.”

Dad laughs. “I still can’t bend my knees without them hurting.”

“Your knees are just fine,” Mom tells him as she sits down next to me.

The two of them bicker back and forth over the kind of shape my dad is in as I shovel dinner into my mouth.

Fuck. I really did need a good home-cooked meal. That’s the one thing I’m terrible at—cooking for myself. With needing to fine-tune my nutrition during the season, I use the team’s nutritionist to help me plan everything out.

So getting to have my favorite meal at home is a brief reprieve from the shit going on in my own head.

“Are you okay?” Mom asks, clearing the dirty dishes and setting them in the sink. Her warm brown eyes—the same as mine—are staring me down.

It’s the look that always had me spilling my guts when I was in high school. Maybe it’s why she is such a good coach. She doesn’t let anyone hold on to any shit that’s in their heads.

Back then, I hated it. Now though? Maybe this is the time I should be talking to them about everything that’s turning me inside out.

“Uhh, can I talk to you and Dad?”

I wipe my hands on my sweats and stand, walking around the table. The two of them share a panicked look. “Oh God, is everything okay? Are you hurt? Being traded? What is it?”

Mom pulls out one of the stools at the counter and drops down into it. Dad is standing right next to her with an equally fearful look on his face.

“It’s nothing like that.”

“Then what is it, Graham?” Dad asks. “You know you can tell us anything.”

“I think I’m gay,” I blurt out.

Well, I guess ripping off the Band-Aid is the way to do it.

“Gay?” Mom asks from her seat, slightly stunned.

“Well, bi.”

“How did you come to this realization?” Dad asks, dropping down onto his forearms, leaning closer to me. He’s the same height as Mom like this.

And glancing between the two of them now, my nerves are close to spilling out of me. I’m a spitting image of my dad. But I have the same eyes as my mom.

“Well, I had?—”

Mom slaps her hand over my mouth. “If you love me, you will not finish that sentence.”

“What?” I mumble against it.

“I don’t want to hear about your sex life.”

“Eww. Why would I tell you about that?” I shudder at the thought.

“Because you’re a Fisher. You overshare.”

“Hey, we do not!” Dad denies.

“Have you met your mother?” Mom says, turning to look at him. “I do not want to hear about her sex life, but I hear about it regularly. Regularly, Knox.”

“Whoa!” Both of us cover our ears.

“See?” She quirks a brow at us. “Your fault.”

“I’m not an oversharer.”

“Still your genes. I had to hear all about your mother’s new boyfriend and how her old one gave the new woman herpes.”

“Can I burn my ears off?” Dad groans.

“We’re getting off track,” I interrupt.

“Sorry, Graham. We’re listening.” Mom reaches out and takes my hand in hers. “I promise, we won’t interrupt.”

“Uhh…” I scrub a nervous hand over the back of my neck. “It just kind of happened. I didn’t really plan on it, but I met someone who kind of changed the way I saw myself.”

“We love you,” Mom tells me, reaching out and grabbing my free hand. “No matter what. Whoever you love, it doesn’t matter. I hope you know that.”

“I know.” It’s still nice to hear though.

Mom opens her arms and I fall into them in a hug I didn’t know I needed. “Is this what has you so torn up? Telling us?”

“No,” I mumble.

“Then what is it?” Dad asks, squeezing my shoulder.

“I’m in love with Noah.”

“Noah? Noah Fields Noah?” Dad asks.

“One and the same.”

“Wow.”

“Does Noah know this?” Mom asks.

“No.”

“So what’s the problem then?” Dad asks. “Can’t you just tell him how you feel?”

“That’s the problem. I don’t know how to be out with him. I’m scared.”

I hate how small my voice sounds when I tell them my biggest fear.

“Oh, my sweet boy.” Mom presses a kiss to the top of my head. “I don’t think anyone can decide that for you.”

“You know, Alex could help,” Dad tells me.

“Really?” I pull out of Mom’s arms and look over at him.

“Of course. He can’t make the decision for you, but he struggled with it before he came out.”

I don’t know why I didn’t think of it before. It goes to show just how in my head I’ve really been. But I also don’t know if I would have talked to him without talking to my parents first.

“Okay, yeah. I’ll talk to Uncle Alex. Maybe that will help.”

I don’t know if I’ve ever been so nervous in my life. Not even before my first NHL game. This is a whole different kind of nervous that I’m feeling.

Until the front door swings open.

“Are you going to stand out here all day, or are you going to ring the doorbell?”

Uncle Carter is standing in the open doorway with a smile on his face. Thin glasses rest on his nose, gray peppering his blond hair. He’s in a Black Diamonds sweatshirt as he pulls the door open even farther, welcoming me.

“Sorry. I was just trying to work up the courage to knock.”

“C’mon in, Graham.”

“Thanks. I was hoping Uncle Alex might be here?”

“He is. Let me get him for you.”

I follow him in and take a seat in the living room. I’ve been here more times than I can count growing up. Our families were always close, even after all of them stopped playing.

I sink into the oversized couch as Carter heads to where I know the office in the house is. It gives my nerves time to multiply. Maybe I’m not as ready for this as I thought.

But the thought of bolting is pushed from my head when they come back in the room.

“Graham. How are you?” Uncle Alex walks into the room with a smile on his face. He’s in a sweatshirt almost identical to Carter’s, and it brings a smile to my face at how similar these two are. “Enjoying the All-Star break?”

I stand, accepting the hug he gives me. “Definitely a nice break.”

“Glad to hear it. So, what brings you here?”

“I’ll let you two talk,” Carter tells us, dropping a kiss on Alex’s cheek.

“Actually, I could talk to you both.”

They exchange a look before they both take a seat on the couch. I sit down opposite them, trying to quell my nerves.

“I wanted to talk to you about something.”

You can do this, Graham. I have to keep telling myself that so I don’t chicken out.

“I, umm, I think I’m bi,” I start. “Well, no. I am.”

“Okay.” Alex takes hold of Carter’s hand, resting their joined hands on his lap.

He doesn’t push, just giving me the space to get out what I need to tell them.

“This is a new thing. The last few months, really. And now that I’ve found this person, I’m trying to come to terms with my sexuality and how to be out so I can be with him. Because he’s out and I’m, well, not.”

Uncle Carter leans forward, glancing at Alex before turning to face me. “Is this person pressuring you to come out? Because you shouldn’t come out for anyone but yourself.”

I shake my head. “He’s not, no. But I realize I love him and want to be with him.”

“And you’re scared,” Alex clarifies.

“Yes.”

“The terrifying feeling of being in love,” Carter says. “It’s not easy.”

“It’s hard to decide when the time is right for you to come out,” Alex starts. “I stayed in the closet for too long, terrified that coming out would get me ousted from the league. It’s the last thing I wanted, and honestly? I was scared. But then I realized that the time was never right because I hadn’t yet found the right person to be with.”

The tender look they share has my heart clanging around against my rib cage. Could Noah and I have this? It’s what I want more than anything.

“What if it doesn’t work out? What if the guys on the team aren’t accepting? What if?—”

“Graham.” Alex holds a hand up, cutting me off. “Life is nothing but what-ifs. We have no idea if things will work out or not. That’s why you need to do this for you. Not for anyone else. When I came out, I did it knowing full well I might never see Carter again. But just because I came out, doesn’t mean it’s always easy. There were some hard days, but it was easier having him at my side.”

“It was,” Carter agrees. “It takes a great deal of strength to come out when you’re in the public spotlight. No matter what, someone is going to have an opinion about it, even with how far we’ve come for LGBTQIA+ people in sports. You have to weigh whether the attention you’ll inevitably get will be worth it or not. It’s okay if you’re not ready. You don’t have to do it just because you feel like you have to. Know that, Graham. No one is forcing you to come out.”

I blow out a breath, leaning back into the couch. I can’t make this decision with anyone but me in mind. I know that. I knew that. Having these two reiterate it to me makes it that much harder to come to terms with what I’m thinking of doing.

I love Noah. I know this. It’s been the only thing I’ve been thinking about for the last few weeks. I honestly thought the feelings I had toward him would go away. That it would have been a fling that I got out of my system.

That is so far from the truth that it’s laughable.

Now I’m here at my uncles’ house trying to figure out what I want to do next. Do I keep my truth hidden? Do I take the time to fully figure it out before revealing whatever it might be?

Or do I fly by the seat of my pants and say fuck it and come out to everyone?

“Coming out looks different to everyone,” Alex says.

“Are you reading my mind?” I laugh.

He gives me a warm smile. “You don’t have to make some big proclamation to the world. I did what I felt was best for me. If you decide you do want to come out, you get to decide how you do it.”

“Really?”

“Really,” they say at the same time.

“I guess in my position I thought it would be all or nothing.”

“Have you talked to your parents? That might be a good place to start,” Alex tells me. “Your dad was nothing but supportive when I came out.”

I smile back at them, feeling at ease for the first time. “I did. They were the ones who told me to come talk to you.”

“Have we helped or made it even worse for you?”

I stand, letting them know I don’t want to take up any more of their time. “Helped. A lot, actually.”

“Good.” Alex wraps me in a hug as we walk to the door.

“Thank you. I appreciate you talking it out with me.”

Carter gives me a hug as Alex opens the door for me. “We’re here if you need to talk more. Whatever you need, day or night.”

“Thanks.”

Stepping outside, I take a deep breath of the cold, Denver air. I know exactly what I need to do. The decision comes easily.

No nerves. No overthinking it.

Just do it.