Between Then and Now

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

Ryan

B on is devouring the last drops of her halo-halo when I decide to take a photo. She looks so happy scraping the bottom for the final bits of shaved ice. It’s only after I take about five photos of her that I put my phone down and answer her question.

“I’m thinking of some tea while walking down the beach,” I say.

“Ooh, setting up the romantic evening. Good job,” she replies as she stands up. “As long as you don’t misname an artist again.”

I chuckle, shaking my head. “Nope, I promise to avoid all art history debates and maybe stick to… surgery stories? I don’t know, Bon.”

“I thought we’ve gone through this.” She pats my arm as we walk out of the restaurant. “Just remember my tips,” she says, going through the tips she gave me earlier: One, go where the conversation takes you. Two, think of recent events. Three, ask about her.

“Easy for you to say, you have no problem with conversing. Or talking, in general.” She scowls at me, which makes me chuckle. Even when she’s scowling, Bon looks cheerful.

We walk out of the restaurant, the warm glow fading behind us as we step into the cool night air. The sky is a deep navy, dotted with stars that twinkle like diamonds against the darkness. We head to the café and order our tea.

“Let me guess,” Bon says as I claim the cups from the counter. “Plain and unsweetened black tea? ”

“Close,” I say, taking a sip. “Plain and unsweetened chamomile.”

“Oh my gosh, that's worse.” Bon chuckles. “That’s practically Manang Linda level of old lady drink.”

“You and I both know that Manang Linda is not the tea type of old lady. She was drinking whiskey-cola from a can when I saw her last,” I say, handing Bon her very complicated diabetes-in-a-cup.

She laughs. “Touché.”

We make our way to the car, and she holds both our drinks as I drive. I navigate the winding road with a sense of anticipation, climbing higher until we reach the zenith where the road opens up to a breathtaking vista of the sea below. Parking the car at the overlook, I turn off the engine and step out onto the cool pavement. This isn’t the original plan, but I figure it can’t hurt to deviate from it.

The air is fragrant with the salty tang of the ocean mingling with the faint scent of wildflowers carried on the breeze. From this elevated vantage point, the sea stretches out before us like a vast expanse of liquid silver, its surface undulating under the moon's gentle glow.

Bonbon joins me by the car, her gaze drawn to the panoramic view spread out before us.

“I thought we were walking on the beach,” she says, handing me my tea.

“This seemed like a better idea at the moment,” I shrug as I take it.

“Ryan Miller… did you just do something spontaneous?” She gasps dramatically .

“When you’re in the presence of the queen of spontaneity, you just have to catch her off guard to keep her on her toes, you know,” I quip with a grin. Bon smiles and rolls her eyes.

I take a sip of my tea and glance at Bon. The moonlight is reflecting on her, as if seeping through her skin and making her glow, making her look otherworldly… like a sparkling vampire. Except she’s everything but a vampire. She’s life personified, bright and warm. I smile to myself at the irony.

“What?” she says, apparently noticing my smile.

“Nothing, you just... you look like a sparkling vampire.” I chuckle.

“Oh, wow, Ryan,” she says, nudging me playfully. “Edward Cullen himself called me a sparkling vampire.” We both burst into laughter, the sound mingling with the gentle rush of the distant waves.

After a moment, Bon’s laughter fades, replaced by a look of genuine appreciation. “I have to say, Miller. I’m impressed,” she says. “I don’t think you’re gonna have any problem when Saturday comes.”

Her words pull me back to the reality of Saturday—the reason we’re here, the reason I meticulously planned this evening as a practice run for my date with Alexa. Yet, as I look at Bon, sitting beside me with the ocean waves gently lapping the shore from a distance, I realize I have become so engrossed in making tonight perfect for her that I momentarily forget about Alexa.

The reason I scouted the place yesterday was to look for restaurants that Bon might like. The reason I chose to go at twilight earlier today was so Bon could film it. The reason I took this spontaneous detour was because I knew Bon would like it. Every detail of tonight is tailored to Bon’s tastes and preferences, and I’m not really sure if that makes me ready for Saturday. If anything, I’m more underprepared.

“Yes, Saturday,” I murmur, more to myself than to Bon. This is supposed to be a trial run, an opportunity to rehearse exactly what I would do on Saturday. But for some reason, I don’t want to repeat everything that happens tonight and have someone else sitting beside me under the stars. This night feels intimate, like something I want to keep and cherish, rather than replicate.

I take another sip of my tea and say, “I don’t know if I could reenact this on Saturday.” And I don’t know if I want to.

“You don’t have to reenact it down to the details. What’s important is you bring this confidence with you,” she says. “Just be yourself, Ry. Like you are tonight.” She clinks her cup with mine and adds, “And maybe lose the old lady drink.”

I know she means to comfort me, but her words only highlight the real issue. The only reason I’m confident and can be myself tonight is because I’m spending it with her. With Bon, I don’t have to worry about putting on a facade or saying the wrong thing. Her presence is a safety net that allows me to relax and enjoy the moment. Take Bon away from the equation, and I’d revert to being a socially anxious mess.

“I appreciate the vote of confidence,” I say, attempting a smile. “But you’re the one who makes this easy, Bon.” I pause, watching her as she stares into the horizon. From this angle, she looks like a still photograph, the moonlight reflecting on her face, highlighting her features perfectly. Bon looks particularly pretty tonight, if I’m being honest. And if I’m being more honest, she’s been pretty all her life.

But in the past, I used to lump her in with Haley, Kate, and Emily as the ‘pretty girls from back home.’ Tonight, however, Bon stands out. She’s singular. She looks… radiant. Stunning. I don’t know how else to describe her. I wonder what she’s thinking, but before the silence becomes awkward, I add, “because you’re my friend, and you already know me.”

Bon finally turns to face me, her eyes reflecting the shimmering light of the moon. “And that’s exactly why you don’t need to worry,” she says softly. “It’s exhilarating to not have to pretend to be someone you’re not in order for your best qualities to shine. You’re lucky, Ryan, that you don’t have to change or tone yourself down or take your personality up a notch. The only thing you have to learn is how to be confidently, unapologetically yourself.” She pauses. “Which is more than most of us can say.”

I remember Bon’s dating alter-ego. Maybe there’s a deeper reason why she changes herself each time she dates someone new. It’s always something different—a new hobby, a different style, a fresh persona that seems tailored to the guy she’s seeing at the time. It’s almost like she’s performing a role rather than just being herself. Maybe there’s a reason why she doesn’t let her true qualities be seen. Is it fear of rejection? Does she worry that being herself wouldn’t be enough?

I’ve always thought that Bon has one of the best personalities of anyone I know. She’s kind, funny, spontaneous, and has a way of making everyone around her feel special. Her laughter is infectious, her stories captivating. She’s the type of person who can light up a room just by walking into it. Of course, I won’t tell her that because it would put her head in the clouds.

“Bon,” I start, but she cuts me off.

“Nuh-uh. Tonight isn’t about me. It’s about you learning to open yourself up,” she says. “So Alexa can see the not-so- annoying person in there.” She pokes my chest, making me laugh despite the serious turn our conversation has taken.

I chuckle, but her words linger. Bon is deflecting. It makes me realize just how much I value her presence, how much I want her to feel as safe with me as I do with her. But maybe now isn’t the time for that. It isn’t the time for conflicting emotions or dramatic conversations. We were never really ones to be too serious with each other, anyway.

“Not-so-annoying person… what a standard to uphold,” I snicker as I look down at my drink.

Bon chuckles softly, her laughter echoing in the quiet of the night. “Hey, it's a high bar to set,” she replies with a grin, her eyes sparkling with mischief. “But seriously, Ryan, you're doing great. Just relax and let it flow. You've got this.”

I smile, feeling a swell of gratitude. “Thanks, Bon. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

She waves it off with a grin. “You’d probably be lost in a sea of awkward silences and terrible stories.”

I laugh, but what I don’t say out loud is that I don’t just mean the whole deal with Alexa. I honestly don’t know what I’d do without Bon in my life. It’s a simple truth, and if you asked me a month ago, I would’ve said it’s because she was a friend and a fun presence. That I feel the same way towards everyone back home.

But now, as I sit here, bathed in the soft glow of moonlight and the warmth of her friendship, I realize it isn’t just because we have fun together or that she makes me laugh. I genuinely enjoy (and prefer) her company. Being with her is comforting. Like resting after a long, tiring day. Whatever that means, I have no words to capture it yet.