Beyond the Grasslands (Mirage Islands Mates #2)

6. Losses and Gains

Chapter 6

Losses and Gains

THORIN

I felt Nika’s finger twitch beneath my hand, but it took a minute for it to click that she might wake up. When she tried to grasp my fingers that were wrapped around her hand, I stood and left the room. What my wolf had done to her was reprehensible and I wouldn’t blame her if she never forgave me. I couldn’t forgive myself, so there was no way I could expect her to do so.

My wolf hadn’t even attempted to come to the surface since the incident. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think it was because he was happy with himself. We now had a mate who we had claimed, and for my wolf, that was all that mattered. The bastard, in his madness, must have forgotten that Nika hadn’t claimed us back because she was injured so badly that she passed out.

If I could cage the beast inside me and never allow him access to the world again, I would. His desperate actions had probably cost us a fully bonded mate. Eventually, the madness would take us both and someone would have to put us down.

We deserved it.

I left the house and went to walk amongst my pack for a bit. It was something my father used to do when he had a lot on his mind. He always used to say the best perspective could be found when you kept your mind busy while helping others.

I wasn’t sure how well that would work, but I made my way around the pack and talked to those who crossed my path just the same. They got the chance to tell me about their days, express concerns, and in some cases to apologize for being less than hospitable to my mate when she was in our care previously. They believed Miriam when she tried to tell them that the gods had given her daughter the dreams of me after her first moon-blessed was killed.

I always wondered how she got them on Catalina’s side when we first announced that we would mate. Then I remembered what Vik mentioned to me when we first realized Nika had been taken.

“That crazy old bat has spread rumors that you were already mated to her daughter before her death. Some of the pack thinks it is true, and they think that in her death, you were given the chance to rule without a mate. There’s no other reason why you managed to stave off the madness without help for so long.”

Viktor’s words were a punch to the gut as I remembered them. Apparently, Miriam had worked hard to taint many members of the pack against any potential future mate I might find.

I wished I had taken my father’s advice far sooner, I might have learned all this long before it had the potential to help ruin the bond between my moon-blessed mate and me.

Eventually, my energy started to wane as it had been more than 48-hours since I last slept. I headed back to the pack house only to be waylaid by my Beta.

“Thorin, we need to speak.” When my Beta glanced around, I knew it was something of a sensitive nature.

“My office.” He turned and we both headed to the soundproofed room. Once we were there, I turned to face him as he locked the door.

“I spoke to your mate.”

“Is she going to reject our bond?”

Warren shook his head. “I don’t think so, but we didn’t discuss that. She was telling her friend from the island about a dream she had.”

“A dream?” I crooked my brow in surprise. It didn’t make sense that my Beta would pull me into a very private conversation to discuss my “maybe” mate’s dreams.

“She dreamed of the Goddess Selene again.”

That caught my attention. We had already discovered that Nika had spoken directly with the Goddess in a dream before, as everything she was told had come to fruition. Unfortunately, that included me being a shitty choice of a mate. There was a time when I thought that title had been bestowed on me because of my choice to take Catalina as a mate. Now, I understood there was more to it than that.

“Did she tell you what they spoke about?”

“Not all of it, but she did mention something important. She wanted you and another Alpha to be able to have justice and closure, so she explained that part of her conversation with Selene.”

“Justice?”

“You did have a moon-blessed mate before according to Selene.”

I sat in the chair behind my desk as my legs refused to hold my weight. The words my Beta just spoke were too heavy, too real. I had a moon-blessed mate. “Had?”

Warren nodded. “Bethany.” Her name was a whisper on the wind as I stared my friend down.

“Bethany Winslow?”

He offered a quick nod. “Alpha Winslow’s eldest daughter was meant to be your moon-blessed.”

“My father told me she was headed to our pack because she thought her mate was here. It was only speculation on his part, as Alpha Winslow wouldn’t reveal the true nature of her travels.” I recalled the conversation we had all those years ago and the twinkle in my father’s eye made sense. He had been amused when I said I hoped she found whoever she was looking for. My moon-blessed had been on her way to me. “She never showed up,” I remembered aloud.

“No, she didn’t and no one ever found any trace of her either,” Warren confirmed. “According to Nika, Selene informed her that Miriam was behind Bethany’s disappearance. She felt that since her daughter never had the dreams of a mate, she could be a second-chance replacement for the mate that never made it to you.”

I stood and sent everything on my desk flying. I remembered Bethany. I’d met her when we were children and I remember being enthralled with her back then. She was in one of the furthest regions from my own pack. When I did my tour to seek out my mate, she was the only female that hadn’t been there. She also had another year before she would have had the mate dreams at that point.

“Miriam killed my moon-blessed mate?”

“It appears so, if Nika’s dream of Selene is to be believed.”

“You believe it, though.” It was a statement more than a question and my beta answered with a nod. I wasn’t sure how to process that I’d had a moon-blessed mate who had been taken away from me. It made me wonder if Catalina had known about everything.

I remembered the dream I had with her and couldn’t imagine that to be true. She was the one who sent me in search of Nika. I wondered why she wouldn’t warn me about her mother, then again, she might have never known what her own mom was capable of. I knew she was a bitter, bereaved wolf, but never would have thought her capable of killing my mate or trying to get rid of my second chance at a moon-blessed mating.

Then again, she had given me those cryptic messages about my father’s death before I left to go get my mate back.

“We need to have another chat with Miriam, and this time I won’t spare her my Alpha command. She will tell me everything I want to know.” The problem with that was that Miriam seemed to be able to resist my command somewhat unless I put a ton of force behind it. “Someone is helping her,” I mentioned.

“I thought the same thing. There is no way Miriam carried out more than one major assassination. We’re talking about the eldest daughter of an Alpha and the guard she had with her plus your father, former Alpha of the Grasslands Pack. This pack is one of the largest. It takes a hell of an Alpha to hold onto it, especially since your mother wasn’t well.

My mother passed away with my father because she had already been sick. No one could figure out what caused her to waste away the way she had been, and when my father passed and she followed him into the beyond, we stopped looking for answers to her ailment.

It was something I deeply regretted. There were a lot of things in the past that I took at face value. It made me wonder, once again, if I was the right person to lead my pack. I growled in frustration at that thought because there was no way I could give up my position. There were promises I had made to my mate that couldn’t be fulfilled if I stepped down.

For her, I would carry on and learn from the lessons that revealed themselves to me too late.

“Thorin,” My beta called to me. I turned to see the pensive look on his face. “I realize we have a lot to cover here, but there’s something else we need to discuss and it is time sensitive.”

“What?”

“Aiden.”

“What about him?”

“Nika doesn’t know that you killed him yet. I suggest that she hears that news from you, but if you can’t face her, then I will tell her.”

I shook my head. It was my job to tell her. I should have stuck around when she woke up. It was possible that the information would trickle down to her from someone else in the pack before I got to deliver the news, now that I had taken the coward’s way out and ran from what I assumed would be a confrontation.

“I want to tell her, but I’m not sure she will take it well coming from me.”

“I think she’ll take it better coming from you than someone else. She needs to see you step into your Alpha shoes and do the right things. If I’m right, then the only thing she will be wary of is your wolf.”

“My wolf…” I sighed deeply because there was no way to separate myself from the beast who attacked my mate. I was certain he hadn’t meant to be quite so violent with her, but he was and it couldn’t be taken back.

My wolf would be a major point of contention as we moved forward. Of that, there was little doubt. Nika’s reaction to her former friend and Alpha would be another one. How in the hell was I supposed to tell her that he was dead? What if she chose him after all, but she never had the chance to tell me because my wolf was too busy attacking her?

I searched my memory, to see if there was a clue somewhere in there about what Nika would have wanted.

“You can’t win. She’s already mine!” Aiden yelled as my warriors and I advanced on his pack.

“Lies. We can all smell the lies heavy in the air every time you speak. As her potential moon-blessed mate, one who initiated the first bond with her, I would have known even if the stench of your lies didn’t pollute the air around us. Our bond would have broken if she had allowed you to claim her.”

Aiden’s cocky smirk twisted down into a frown as he stood there with fists clenched as anger radiated from him.

“I challenge you, Aiden Thornwin. I don’t want to inherit the pack that you have weakened. Someone else can step up and claim it. All I want is my mate back and to rid the world of a shifter who would bring shame to our kind.”

Gasps rang out amongst his pack, but none of them spoke up for him. They all knew the truth. If Aiden was left in charge, their pack would be doomed until another Alpha came to claim them.

Aiden laughed and glanced around as if someone would pop out of the woods to speak up for him. “You think you can just come to my land and challenge me?”

“It is my right as an Alpha to challenge any who threaten our species, but it is also my right seeing as you came to my pack’s lands and stole my mate away before our ceremony.”

“She’s not your mate.”

“Yet,” I argued.

“She will never be your mate.”

“That is where you’re wrong.” I didn’t bother to wait for him to accept my challenge. Instead, I shifted mid air as I lunged for Aiden. I wasn’t sure if he had given up, if the madness made him unable to react, or what happened; but Aiden stood there as a man and didn’t even attempt to shift or dodge my attack.

It was almost anti-climactic when my jaws wrapped around his neck and chomped down. The steaming, coppery tang of his blood flowed heavily into my mouth as his life drained from his eyes. I saw the shock and desperation he wore in them for only a blink and then it was over. I shifted back and stood over his body and glared out at the members of his pack who cared to try to defend their Alpha and the pack’s main house.

“If any of you are willing to take on this pack and clean it up, then speak now. If no one is willing, I will report this to the council and they will offer up potential Alpha replacements or dissolve the pack altogether. Let it be known, you deserve to have the pack dissolved. All of you who stood by and allowed your Alpha to create a harem, to send his moon-blessed mate to Mirage Island, and to put your pack in jeopardy without speaking up should be ashamed. Not only that, but you hold part of the blame for what has happened here. Aiden Thornwin should have been replaced as your Alpha the minute he proved he couldn’t handle the position. His predecessor should be ashamed that he left his post before his successor was ready, and I’m sure the council will look into that as well.”

“I was trained just as my brother was. I will accept responsibility for the pack.”

I turned narrowed eyes on Avery, Aiden’s younger brother, and noticed a familiar female who stood next to him.

“Tessa?” I questioned.

“Yes, I told you my mate would come for me.”

“I see.” I turned my attention back to Avery. “You failed as the Beta for your pack, I hope you do better as the Alpha.”

Avery nodded. “I already had a request in to the council to come see what had become of our pack. My next step, if I couldn’t convince him to step down, was a formal challenge with the Council’s backing.”

“Are you the Alpha meant to mate Nika?” I turned to see one of the pack’s guards. His angry demeanor changed a bit as he took in the body that still pumped a mess of blood at my feet. I nodded. “She has escaped. You’ll find her in the forest,” The man mentioned as he pointed off to the west of where we stood.

I didn’t even have the option to shift and run to her before Nika stumbled from the trees into the clearing. I had only a moment to note that she did not look well when my wolf took over and sprang toward her. He took too strong a leap in her direction, and there was no way for me to wrestle control back before Nika had been knocked to the ground. I felt the instant connection as my wolf’s teeth sank deep into her neck and drew back with a muzzle full of her lifeblood.

It was only after the sweet copper tang of my mate’s blood coated my tongue that I managed to grab control again. Only, by then, it was too late. My wolf had ravaged our mate’s snake so brutally there was no hope of her offering forgiveness.

Once I was sure that Nika was asleep for the night, I went to her room and watched over her. It was my fault she was in the infirmary. Between my own pack mate assaulting her, not having proper security around her on the day of our mating ceremony, and the way my wolf attacked her the guilt piled sky high. It also meant I couldn’t face her when she was awake just yet, because I knew she would hate me - if for no other reason than the part where my wolf took her choice away. Granted, she had already agreed to be my mate, but not like that.

My heart felt heavy as I stared down and couldn’t get my eyes to look away from the wound I had inflicted. I knew, deep down in my heart, that my wolf and I were not that fractured. There was a part of me desperate to claim her, though I would have liked to do a gentler job of it. Had I been able to remain in my human form, Nika would have been my mate on the spot too, if for no other reason than that our full bond would help her heal from the ordeal she had been put through.

Instead, things got fucked up along the way and I wasn’t proud of my part in that. I ran a finger over the healing, jagged wound on her neck and didn’t bother to stop the tears that formed at the thought that my mate might hate me. She was my second chance at a moon-blessed pairing. I failed to protect the first one, as I had recently found out, and now I failed to protect Nika from everyone, myself included.

“Thorin,” Nika whispered. I pulled my hand away and shifted inadvertently. My wolf side forced the shift, but thankfully, Nika didn’t wake. Her hands ran through my fur as I climbed on her bed and snuggled up to her. We offered a purring whine of apology and hoped like hell she heard and understood. Even my wolf knew enough now to realize the damage he most likely caused to our bond and to our mate. His initial smugness of claiming Nika waned when he realized, through the bond, that she was not happy and instead was scared of him.”

Because he had taken the option from us, I also could not feel her emotions the way a normally bonded pair should be able to. They were only available to me when in my paws. It was as if she was bonded only to the wolf side, not my human side and that was something I couldn’t wrap my brain around. How were we supposed to fix this? Would it only be fixed if she chose to mark me? Would we have to mark one another in both forms, now that my wolf had done the unthinkable?

All I had were questions and there didn’t seem to be anyone I could go to for answers as our situation was unique. I thought to ask the gods for help, but according to Nika, they had put us on this path. I didn’t trust their words or intentions.