Black Bird (Nevermore Duet #1)

CHAPTER 12

brOKEN

When morning broke over Boston, Sarah was still in the comfort of his arms. It hadn’t been a dream, then. It was all real … had actually happened. She’d claimed that mouth … those lips. He’d finally let her. She wouldn’t let herself feel guilty for overstepping that line that he had treaded so carefully. He needed it as much as she had. Needed her as much as she’d needed him. She’d almost forgotten what she’d said to him last night, and wondered if he had even heard her, or if she’d been a complete fool for saying it if he didn’t feel the same way. She swore he’d tightened his hold on her, just slightly, when she breathed those three words against his hair. She wasn’t going to ask about it. She had already gone farther than either of them could come back from now.

It was difficult not to imagine what kind of shit he must have gotten himself into to write something as heartbreaking as what she’d read in that book last night. She had so many questions. Sarah drew back, taking in his face as he slept. That book looked so old. The pages were yellowed, and the handwriting was impeccable. Like it had been written with an old dip pen. Maybe it had just been stored carelessly and had gotten damaged. There weren’t any dates on any of those pages. It was obvious he didn’t want to talk about it, but he did tell her to read the damned thing. His intention was confusing, but there was nothing confusing about the way he’d kissed her back. The way he had been so careful with her while they worshiped each other’s mouths on this bed … for hours.

It wasn’t a secret that Sarah was a little crazy in the bedroom. She’d often scared the shit out of Brent, and a few others that she’d had relationships with in the past. Ran off two or three of them, in fact. But last night … that had been something entirely different. Maybe it was different for Athan too, if Rhaena had warned her to sink her teeth into a bit if they wound up going at it the night she’d initiated that romp on the couch. This wasn’t her style, but she couldn’t deny how beautiful this man was that laid next to her … and what he did to that pounding flesh in her chest. Sarah reached for her phone, sliding her thumb across the screen and snapping a photo of him. She smiled to herself as she tapped the edit button and set it as his contact picture. His eyes peeled open.

“What are you doing …” Athan’s voice was a low groan with sleep as he glared at her.

“I never bought a wig. This will do.” She grinned. His hand shot for the phone, and she jerked it away, letting go and biting her lip as it flew behind her through the bedroom doorway and into the hall. “Oh … drat.” She shrugged, her smug smirk still on her face. He moved his body ov er hers, pinning her to the bed, strands of his hair falling into his fierce blue eyes. God, he was stunning.

“I’m deleting that.” He purred, making to leave the bed.

“Oh, I don’t think so. That’s mine, now. You have one. It’s only fair.” She raised her knees on either side of him and he stilled. They stared for a moment. “Athan …”

“Mmm?” He groaned, his breathing starting to build and his throat bobbing.

“I—I’m sorry … that I … if I crossed—” He cut her off, lowering his mouth to hers. Sarah arched her back from the bed, taking his face into her hands again. His hips pressed into hers and she pressed back, sliding her heel over the back of his leg. This kiss was deeper … way more intense … fucking smoldering. Sarah slid her hands down his sides, grabbing for the hem of his shirt. Athan growled into her mouth.

A sound knock at the front door had them frozen, and Sarah could only laugh at the look on his face as he hovered over her. “Fuck …” He bit down on his bottom lip.

“I guess we should have expected nothing less.” She giggled.

“Yeah, well at least you don’t have that. ” Athan looked down between them at the bulge in his pants. Sarah followed his gaze and dropped her head back to the bed howling in laughter. He adjusted himself, leaning down and pressing a kiss to her forehead. “Stay,” he ordered, slipping off the bed and tossing her phone to her as he bent down to grab it from the hallway. Three more knocks. Athan cursed under his breath.

Sarah sprang up from the bed, sneaking into the bathroom while he answered the door and shuffling her hair in the mirror. Thunder rolled outside and Poe finally woke, shaking out of sleep and squawking. “Just a little thunder.” She smiled, stepping just outside the bathroom door as a slight buzz of her head stopped her in her tracks. She felt dizzy, pinching between her brows, and steadying herself on the door jamb. Poe screeched again, louder this time and loud whispers started flooding her mind. The bird started heaving himself up and down on his legs, his silken black wings fluttering as the whispers raged and began to circulate to her left … at the dresser. It had happened before. When she and Wren were in here. She had let it go, then. She should let it go now. These were his personal things …

Sarah couldn’t stop herself. She stepped closer to the drawer, the whisperings of inaudible nonsense growing wilder as her hands reached for the knobs. She pulled the drawer open, and Poe made mimicking noises behind her as if he heard what she was hearing. It was a mess of all kinds of shit. A sixpence, a few rings, random jewelry, an old photo that looked like he’d gotten it from some antique shop … God, was it printed on a piece of tin? In the corner was a small round stone box. She lifted the lid—the whispering stopped completely.

No …

Sarah felt her heart pound and sink at the same time. Felt an ache so deep she thought if she looked down, a gaping hole would be there. She reached into the box and raised her mother’s necklace out of it. Thunder cracked again and she flinched. She wasn’t sure she was still breathing. She slowly turned her head toward the open doorway. She could hear Athan talking to someone whose voice she didn’t recognize. The front door shut and there were more sounds from the kitchen. She could only stand there, stunned. Her mouth wouldn’t close. She slowly … so slowly … walked toward the door and out into the hallway. Athan was unboxing something at the kitchen table, his back turned toward her as she silently crept forward. She said nothing … she couldn’t find the words.

He finally turned, smiling at her as he unwrapped a glass coffee pot. “I forgot this was coming today.” Her heart broke. This liar. This beautiful fucking liar. She stared at the pot in his hand … the sleek blue coffee maker on the table behind him. Athan stared at her, his expression falling as he took in her own. “Are you—”

Sarah let the stone of the pendant drop from her hand, dangling at the end of the thin silver chain. The coffee pot dropped from his hand, shattering on the kitchen floor. Her mouth was bone dry and her voice a hoarse whisper. “Tell me …” she choked. “Tell me this wasn’t the reason why you couldn’t be with me.” Her eyes filled with tears.

Athan’s throat bobbed, and he dropped his eyes to the floor. “Sarah …”

“Look at me!” She cried. His face slowly raised back to her. “How did you get this?” Her lip quivered, and her limbs shook with hurt and rage. She stepped closer.

“It’s—”

“Don’t you dare fucking lie to me, Athan Kane. Don’t say it’s evidence. That might have worked with the shit I found in your fridge, but it won’t work right now. You don’t keep evidence in a junk drawer! ” She took another step toward the kitchen. “Tell me how you got it.”

“I took it from you …” He swallowed. She could swear his eyes were glassy. Sarah felt a growl rumble in her throat. It was predatory and wicked. She barely recognized it as a sound she could make. “I didn’t know.”

“What do you mean, you didn’t know? Took it when? I was wearing this when—”

“When you were attacked.” He nodded slowly and dared an inch forward. Sarah conceded a step and he stopped. He was struggling. She didn’t give a shit. “It was me,” he breathed raggedly. “I did this to you.” His jaw feathered and he blinked once … twice. Sarah huffed a laugh, shaking her head and backing up another step.

“There’s no way. There’s no way it was you. You’ve been figuring out this case ever since—”

“Ever since I found out that you were alive.” His voice shook. Sarah stared down at the floor, everything coming together slowly in her mind. The wound she’d had … the way he’d always looked at her. The way she felt so drawn to him, especially the night he’d come to question her at the hospital. When he’d freaked out at her apartment … the way he constantly asked about how she was feeling, even asking her best friend abou t her behavior. These strange mood swings, her unbalanced head and the recklessness she kept seeking out. The blood bags … the fact that before she came here to stay with him there was absolutely nothing in his kitchen as far as food. His need for her. The way that he always looked at her neck … the way he kissed it. Her head was spinning. A tear slid down Sarah’s cheek as she looked back up at him.

“What the fuck are you?” she whispered raggedly. “What did you do to me?” Her voice broke and she inhaled sharply, unable to stop more tears as they started trickling down her face. Athan’s chest rose and fell. He was visibly shaking with restraint to come to her. “What did you do!?” she screamed, rushing toward him and forcefully shoving him back. Glass cut into her bare feet, and she barely felt it. Athan crashed into the stove, and it dented behind him, like it had been hit with a dump truck. He tried to hold her arms when she started swinging them and she fought back, slamming her fists into his chest. He let her, giving up and holding her steady by the waist as she backhanded him three times. She grabbed a fistful of his t-shirt and sobbed. “What did you do to me …” The last two words were a shattered quiet exhale and she slumped against him.

“I’m sorry … I never meant—” his voice cracked, and he started shaking. She realized why when she caught the scent of blood. Her feet were bleeding on the floor. She looked down at them and then to his face. Those blue eyes became so dark … so unnatural and strange. Sarah winced back, startled as she stepped over shards of more broken glass and continued to back herself away. His chest heaved up and down.

“Tell me the truth.” She shuddered, her back against the wall in the hallway by the front door. “Tell me!” she screamed.

“I fed on you …” Athan choked, his eyes slowly turning back to the pale blue. “I’m—I’m a vampire.” The word didn’t quite sink in as he continued. “I tried, Sarah … I tried so hard not to, but I lost control. I saw you at the club and—I waited. I just wanted to see you again. I knew I couldn’t have you. But I lost control, and you were alone. My instincts took over and I couldn’t hold myself back. I fed on you and took your life … and I’ll never forgive myself for it.” His eyes never left hers.

“This can’t be real,” Sarah breathed, shaking her head. “Vampires aren’t real. You’re fucking nuts.”

“I wish that were true. I never wanted to be this … thing . I’ve never enjoyed doing this a day in my immortal life, Sarah. That’s why I took it. I can live off blood bags, but only for a while. This body demands more … once or twice a year I don’t have any choice but to give myself over to the hunger and—and it happens. I can’t control it. I mourn every single person I’ve ever killed, and I take something from them, so I’ll never forget the life of the person I stole from the world.” He looked so broken. He looked like it was taking every ounce of restraint not to move toward her.

She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Couldn’t believe that even as crazy as it sounded, somehow, she knew he was being honest. That this was real. Very real, and she’d landed herself in the middle of one of her world’s darkest secrets. “The shit in the drawer … those are … ”

“There’s one from every person I’ve slain.” He swallowed.

Her mind raced and she found herself too shocked to shed another tear. “But you … you eat. I’ve seen you eat.” He stilled, suddenly seeming more upset. “You’ve been outside. I thought vampires couldn’t—”

“It was you.”

Sarah drew her brows, her breathing ragged. “What are you talking about?”

“Your blood. It changed me. I’m still … what I am, but … when your heart stopped … mine started beating again. After two hundred years . It wasn’t until you that I was able to live like this.”

She was, for sure, not breathing now. Her mouth wouldn’t close. “You …” She reached up, her fingers grazing over the scar on her neck. “You left me there to die …” Their eyes met again, and her heart shattered.

“You did die, Sarah,” He whispered, painfully. “I checked your pulse. You were gone. That was why I was so shocked when Captain Foley told me to go question you at the hospital. Our kind … we have rules. Our bite is fatal. Even if I hadn’t killed you, the mark would have within hours. You lived through all of it. I still don’t understand how, but you did. And now …” He paused, his breath hitching.

“And now, what? ” Sarah asked through her clenched teeth. Her eyes began filling again and the need to hurt him back started to rage within her.

“The lab reports from your wound … all the strands of DNA. They’re a part of me, Sarah. That bite branded you to my soul. As long as I live, you’ll be a part of me. The only way you would have known was if I were to sire you. Turn you. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have lived long enough to understand any of it.”

Now it made sense. “So … the way I feel about you. It’s because of what you’ve done.” He said nothing. Only a muscle in his jaw feathered in response. “This shit that I feel … this darkness, this rage … it’s because of you .” Her body started trembling.

“I’m so sorry,” he whispered.

She lost it. The chains that held her broke, link by link, and she surged forward, grabbing the coffee maker and hurling it across the kitchen. He raised his hands to block the impact and it slammed to the tile on the kitchen floor. “I fucking hate you!” She screamed, hitting him again and snarling as she swung with her other arm. The front door burst open and Rhaena rushed in, gun drawn and pointed at them. Sarah stilled and turned to face her, all of them breathing frantically. Wren crept in behind Rhaena; her mouth dropped open at the sight of everything as Rhaena lowered her gun.

“What the hell is going on?” Wren gasped, looking at the mess and the bloody footprints on the floor. Sarah only stared at Rhaena. At the knowing sorrow on her face.

“Did you know?” Sarah asked, her voice barely a whisper. Rhaena looked at Kane and then met her eyes again. “Did you know!?” Sarah cried .

“Know what?” Wren asked, breathing hard and looking between all of them.

“Yes,” Rhaena whispered bleakly. Thunder cracked outside and sheets of rain pelted the windows as silence grew between them all. Sarah’s shoulders slumped and she stood still and broken for a long moment.

“Sarah …” Athan started, his fingers grazing the back of her shoulder. She flinched and jerked herself around, slapping his hand away.

“Don’t!” she yelled. Tears ripped down her cheeks. She saw one slide down his own. “Don’t fucking touch me. You said if you told me, then you’d never see me again.” Her voice broke. “You should have told me then … not after I poured my fucking heart out, and then you stomped on everything that was left!” She shoved him back against the counter and leaned into his face. “ I hate you. Don’t ever come near me again.”

Athan swallowed hard, his eyes hollow and empty. He nodded slowly. “Alright.”

Sarah pulled back, storming past Rhaena and Wren and into his room where Poe watched from his stand. She ignored the innocent bird, sniffling and holding back her sobs as she pulled on her leather jacket and shoved her bloodied feet into her boots—the same ones she’d been wearing when he’d done this to her. She pocketed her phone; her bare legs open to the elements as the rain grew heavier and thunder clapped again. No one stopped her as she rushed back through the apartment for the door.

“Sarah,” Wren reached out to touch her as she passed. Sarah ignored her and stormed toward the elevator at the end of the hall. “Sarah!” Wren called again.

“Leave me alone, Wren,” Sarah choked out as the elevator doors closed in front of her. She leaned on the back wall, her head falling back against it and sobbed, pulling her arms around her middle. When the doors opened, there was no one. No one to see her mourning the loss of her own life. No one coming to stop her. Just an empty hallway and a storm to greet her as she stepped out into the world. It raged. She was drenched from head to toe as she started aimlessly walking herself home.

She let the tears wash down with the water pouring from her chin. Every step was agony. Every mile was a breath of life the farther she got from him. He had crushed her so completely. That beautiful stranger that had stolen every piece of her broken heart. He and that woman that she had thought was becoming a friend she could trust. Both of them were supposed to protect her. The only thing she had left was herself. Her own strength. This piece of her mother that had been returned to her that felt warm in her clenched fist as she continued through the rain and the storm that pelted her. She’d do it alone. She’d survive this, too.

She only had to get through this day.

“I need officers stationed for witness protection.” Rhaena paced in Athan’s living room, her phone pressed to her ear. “Northwood, badge number 22842.” Wren watched from the hallway, one eye on her new roommate and one on the broken detective crouched in the kitchen with his face lowered and both fists in his hair. “Sarah St. James. Residence should be logged in the case file. I need them sent as soon as possible. They report to me,” Rhaena said from the other room.

“You need to tell me what’s going on, detective. No matter how bad this hurts you,” Wren finally said, crossing her arms and leaning on the wall. “What have you done?”

Kane didn’t move. His voice was low and defeated. “I told her the truth. You can kill me if you want. Nothing matters anymore.”

“Kill you for what? What did you tell her?” Wren pressed, growing impatient.

“I hurt her. It was me that put her in the hospital. It’s been me the whole time,” he breathed. Wren clenched her fists.

“What are you talking about, Kane …”

Rhaena approached beside her. “You should sit, Wren. And no matter what you hear in this room, you have to keep it to yourself, do you understand?”

Kane raised from the floor, dropping his hands to his sides. “Fuck it. It doesn’t matter anymore. I’m done playing this game.” He looked at Rhaena, who stood horrified.

“Kane,” she started, attempting to shut him up.

“Who gives a shit, Rhaena? If they all died right now, who would give a single fuck! ” He turned toward Wren. “I’m a vampire. I killed her. The night that I saw the two of you at the club. I attacked her in that alley, and I killed her.” Rhaena slumped against the wall and Wren couldn’t find a single word to say. “Sarah is the only person I can say I’ve ever loved … in over two centuries. ” He ran a hand through his hair and turned away. “And she’s gone. Because of what I am.”

There was a long silence and Wren felt a churning in the lowest pit of her stomach. “I’m not—I’m not saying I don’t believe you …” she said, noticing Rhaena’s attention from beside her. “But … how?” Kane turned back to face her. “Are you the one that’s killing all these people in these cases?”

“No. Not all of them.”

“The body that you said looked like her. That wasn’t you?” Wren asked carefully. His eyes didn’t shift, his body remained steady. Every feature remained solid when he answered.

“No. And seeing that body nearly took me out before I realized it wasn’t her.”

Holy shit … he’s telling the truth.

Wren didn’t know how she wasn’t dreaming, or completely freaking out. She looked over at Rhaena. “Are you like him?” Rhaena shook her head forcefully. That was a truth, too … but she was hiding something. “Whatever it is, you might as well tell me.” She shrugged.

“I’m not … human. But I’m not a vampire,” Rhaena admitted .

“Then what are you?”

“She’s a werewolf,” Kane answered, staring at the floor. Wren thought that hearing it would spark some kind of shock or reaction … instead she found herself nodding.

“This seems strange to even say, but … I’m shocked that you’re not … running,” Rhaena finally said.

“Well … that makes two of us.” Wren smirked. “I wanna go back to the issue of my best friend, if we could.”

“I never meant to hurt her. I never meant for any of this to happen. She lived. Somehow, she lived—”

“Yeah, she did.” Wren cut him off, jerking her head up and meeting his eyes. “Her blood is different. We know how. It’s not even a question. What I was leaning more toward is what you just said.”

“I can’t control it. I never wanted to be this way. I never had a choice.”

“I’m not talking about that either, though I would appreciate a thorough explanation.” She pointed a finger at him. “You said you loved her.” She held his stare as he went wholly still and swallowed. “For two years, I sat by and watched her with Brent. He used to believe the same thing. Maybe Sarah even believed it, dude. I knew from the beginning that something wasn’t right. I knew since he took her on their first date that this wasn’t the real deal. But you?” She smiled and shook her head. “Do you have any idea how much she cares about you, Kane?” His mouth tightened. “I’ve known it since I caught her staring you down in a crowded bar while she was standing right next to the prick. Out of her fiancé and about a hundred other men in that place, she couldn’t keep her eyes off of you. That was before this even happened.”

Rhaena pressed her fingers over her mouth, intently listening. Wren continued, “Every time you’ve been around each other since you met, anyone within a five-mile radius could burn alive with how hot that eye contact was between you. You’d be a fool not to see it. I could feel it. It radiated off you both like some living, breathing thing. Whether you were the reason that her life turned upside down or not … the fact that you aren’t going after her makes me wanna kill you.”

“She has every right to hate me,” he breathed.

“Fine, she does.” Wren flailed her arms and dropped them to her sides, rolling her eyes. “I don’t care what you are. Neither one of you are gonna find this anywhere else. The situation is only as bleak as you’ll let it be. Once she has time to cool off … you better go to her. I don’t care what she says. This isn’t what she wants. She needs you, Kane.” They all stood quiet for several minutes and Wren stepped into the wrecked kitchen, grabbing the broom. “Let me help you clean up. Both of you can explain all this to me. It doesn’t end here. This case isn’t over and she's out there alone. I wanna help.”

They both watched her as she leaned on the broom handle. “Tell me what to do.”

He died inside wondering where she might be … who might have intercepted her. Even after Rhaena had reported several times throughout the evening that Sarah had made it home and was safe, he couldn’t help wondering every moment when somebody would catch wind of her being there and try to go after her the way that they had with Wren. Wren had been oddly accepting of the truth, and yet—all he could do was worry. He was grieving, he realized. That pain had hit him harder than he ever expected. Even as he drank himself nearly blind and had already put away a pack and a half while he draped across his couch, all he could think about were those eyes. How broken she’d been when she realized how badly he’d betrayed her. He could feel every ounce of her pain. And when she’d said she hated him …

Fuck … she hated him.

It didn’t matter how many times Wren and Rhaena had tried to tell him it was only her emotional reaction, and she in no way actually hated him … hearing it was the hardest blow. It was like slowly watching someone die of cancer. He knew it was coming and still, no one can prepare you for the loss. The numbing pain. Wren had texted him from Rhaena’s apartment, hours after they’d left him to his sorrows, that Sarah had finally texted her back. Only one word to let her know she was safe at her place. At least she’d talk to someone. When Wren had asked her if she could come and talk, it was a simple no.

Athan stared at the photo on his screen of her in the lab. Could still feel that kiss on his mouth … her hands on his skin. Even Poe was quieter since she’d walked out that door. He lifted the whiskey bottle to his lips, turning it up and drinking a heavy swallow. Maybe he needed a few days off. He slid another cigarette into his mouth and flicked his lighter open. As the cherry burned between his fingers, he ran a hand slowly through his hair and closed his eyes.

“You left me there to die…”

“I hate you.”

“… I love you …”

That whisper, that he still wasn’t positive he’d heard, still lingered. Now he’d wished he’d said it back to her. For whatever it would have been worth … even now. Athan took another long drag on his cigarette, blowing it out slowly and clutching the bottle to his chest. To the heart he wished wasn’t beating inside it.

Sarah had stood in that shower until the hot water had run out. It had taken her nearly two hours to get home and the storm had long since ended, leaving a cloudy November day that chilled her to the marrow in her bones. She almost wished she’d get deathly sick from it. At least she’d feel something . After she bathed and realized that no amount of scrubbing would erase the grime of the truth she’d figured out, she laid curled up in her bed and cried herself to sleep, occasionally reaching for anything she could find to throw and break against the wall. One day. She’d allow herself one day. Tomorrow she would do just about anything to get him off her mind.

Her mother’s pendant laid against her chest as she turned her face back into her pillow and sobbed. She didn’t know if she’d ever stop wanting that man. As badly as he’d hurt her. As much as she wished that she actually did mean the last words she’d said to him. The way he had humbly agreed to leave her alone and respect what she’d asked. She didn’t mean it. Not truly. She couldn’t figure out why the one thing that hurt her the most was the only thing she wished she could have right now.

“Darkness there … and nothing more.”

He had tried to tell her. Several times. And she knew it now. Knew why he’d rejected her. Knew why he would only go so far, and why he was always so hesitant. Sarah leaned up onto her knees, her eyes still pouring, and reached up to the framed poster on her wall. Her fists slammed into the glass, a web of cracks branching out from both points of contact. She wailed, ripping it from the wall and throwing it with strength she never knew she possessed across the apartment.