Black Bird (Nevermore Duet #1)

CHAPTER 21

FORFEIT

There must have been a crack in the window behind the couch where Sarah tossed and turned, unable to sleep at all. The wind whistled through it, and the occasional nip of cold air found her again as she curled in on herself tighter beneath the blanket that smelled of cinnamon and pine. Athan hadn’t moved. In fact, he seemed utterly peaceful as she watched his bare back move with his slow, even breathing. Sarah turned onto her own back and stared up at the ceiling. She couldn’t figure out what bothered her more. This issue with what to do about the blood in the refrigerator, or what to do about the man that had finally confessed everything she’d been hoping she’d hear, only to have her keep him at a distance that not only seemed unbearable for him—but for her.

She knew Wren was right about what she’d said outside earlier that day. He lost control. But all the decisions he’d made since he’d hurt her were his own … and they’d killed more of her than that initial attack. She would never be able to forget it, no … but Wren’s words sank deeper and deeper. Forgive him .

Sarah considered all that he’d told her on the porch. He had lost the only person in his life that he’d ever loved and responded to it by making himself more miserable—only to be enslaved to an immortal woman that Sarah was certain forced him to do horrible things against his will. What must it have been like to have first lost your virginity as part of your job, and then made a living selling your body and accepting that kind of loneliness as your life’s worth? How badly must he have been screaming inside when she touched him when he didn’t want her to? Sarah imagined Dahlia as the monster of her worst nightmares. Athan had given her truth. Given it to her, finally, and in exchange for nothing.

Sarah peered up at the wooden ceiling and narrowed her eyes. What truth could she offer him in return? That she was just as pained as he was without him close to her? It seemed like that was easy enough for him to figure out on his own. Truthfully, it would have been just as easy for him to figure out even if he’d been human. She could tell him that he wasn’t the only one who had never been in love before. She realized that truth as the feelings she developed for Athan grew and grew with each passing minute, ever since he’d shown up in her hospital room. Hell, she couldn’t even get him off her mind long enough to enjoy herself the night he’d attacked her, and she didn’t even know his name until the bartender had told her. She had realized some time ago that whatever she felt for Brent was never love. She cared for him, yes … but she had wanted to be accepted and needed affection so badly after she’d got to Boston that maybe she had only thought she loved him once. She’d never felt, even slightly, what she felt for Athan Kane. The kind of love that seized the fl esh of her heart so deeply that she thought it would burst. The kind that caused just as much physical pain as it did emotional. And last night she never said it back to him.

She could tell him the darker truth … that several times, even before she’d found out what he’d done … she’d had dreams about him biting her neck—and wished that he would, although at the time, she thought she had truly lost her mind. Sarah thought back to the other night. The night that he’d called her after she shamelessly recalled every line of his face and fucked herself in her bed. The night that he’d snuck into her window, and had she known, even before everything he’d told her on the porch—she would have begged him to stay and replace her hand with himself . Then there was that other thing. Her mother’s voice. The one that continued to whisper to her even though until the other night, she hadn’t realized it had been her.

Lenore.

That was it. Maybe her mother was trying to tell her to reveal it to him. The piece of the puzzle that made everything so much clearer. Almost two hundred and fifty years apart, and they had been designed for each other. He didn’t even realize he had been waiting for her for so long. It dawned on her, then. He probably had never been with anyone because he wanted to. Even sleeping with someone he cared about—like Rhaena. It was likely because, like every other being on earth, they both had needs that had to be seen to. What would he do if she gave him this for the first time in his extremely long life?

There was only one way to find out.

Sarah slid her bare legs off the couch and silently padded over to where he slept, kneeling down beside him, and sitting on her knees. Her fingertips brushed across the many works of art that covered his back and curled around his side, his shoulder… his arm. Athan stirred quietly and turned over onto his back. The dying firelight danced in those blue eyes that were heavy with sleep and she nearly lost her breath. He opened his mouth to speak, and she held a finger to her mouth, shushing him.

Are you alright?

His voice, even in her mind, sounded smooth and tired. She didn’t respond, only nodded and her eyes flickered to the tattoo on his chest. The one above his nipple that he shared with her. Sarah reached out to touch it and he stopped breathing. His muscles tensed when she lightly placed her fingers on it, and she caught his eyes again. She traced the outline of the raven inked there and ran her forefinger across the word underneath. The literature that somehow bound them, without even Poe himself knowing it. His tension eased and she started making a straight vertical line down the middle of his chest, stopping just under his breasts. She added a horizontal line along the top—and then at the bottom.

“I …”

He watched her in earnest as she started the curve of a heart shape where she’d been drawing, and his chest moved slowly up and down. His hand fell to his side against her knee, and he flattened his palm against it while she finished drawing a heart over him. Sarah held his stare and trailed her finger down, curving across and then back up … then straight back down.

“U …”

She gave him a slight smile as she curved her fingertip around and down, and then straight across—finally resting her palm against his tattoo.

“2.”

Athan’s throat bobbed and his eyes glistened, his breathing a little heavier when he raised his other hand to her face. She leaned into it, lowering her mouth to the tattoo and kissing over it when the hand he’d placed on her leg gripped tighter. His fingers weaved through her hair behind her head, and he swallowed again, an aching calm seizing them both.

“Lenore,” Sarah whispered softly. He stilled and she raised her face from his chest to look at him. His brows drew together. “My middle name … it’s Lenore.” It wasn’t until then that she realized he, indeed, never knew it. Even after poring over stacks of information about her, and unknowingly reciting an almost two-hundred-year-old poem that held that name.

A rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore …

His eyes were on fire and his silent spoken words echoed through her mind. Sarah smiled and nodded softly. He pushed the blanket down and pulled her up on top of him until her legs were situated on either side of his hips. The realization had hit him like a truck, and he sat up to meet her, holding her lower back with one arm and brushing her hair from her face with his other hand. It was going to be tonight. She knew it before she had even come down here. But something within her gave her pause when Sarah realized that there would be no going back after it, and that everything was about to change for both of them. Her heart pounded and she could feel his doing the same. She looked straight into his eyes as their breath mingled and their lips barely touched.

On the morrow he will leave me, as my hopes have flown before …

Her voice, even in her mind, broke with need and anticipation, reflecting every emotion shooting through her. Poe sputtered from his cage as if he could hear every word, and Athan loosed a shallow breath, pulling her closer. He shook his head.

“Nevermore,” he whispered, promising her himself for eternity as he claimed her mouth. It happened so fast. Sarah felt herself let go of everything. Every mistake, every kept word … every sin. She gave herself over completely. The kiss was savage. Their hands were everywhere, as if neither one of them could decide where to go first. She finally fisted his hair and felt him grip her thighs, sliding them up higher against her bare skin while he reached for some lacy underthing that she’d made sure not to wear. His hips shifted beneath her when he realized it and she felt the steel of him struggle under her.

Athan dragged her shirt up her sides and she tore herself away from his mouth, lifting her arms as he pulled it over her head—she didn’t expect him to lead her arms behind her and keep them there as they remained in her sleeves, and he tightened his grip on the material in one hand. She could barely breathe, and rogue strands of her hair stuck to her face when his other hand tilted her head back and his tongue ran down the column of her neck … lingering on the raised scar he’d left. Every nerve in her body seized and tingled, and she felt herself seep with need between her legs. Sarah writhed against him as he kissed and softly sucked that spot until she thought she could completely lose it from that much alone. Her arms struggled against their restraint, and she bit down on her lip, trying desperately to keep quiet while he continued to tease her.

His hand slipped down her side and under her thigh as he raised his hips off the floor and pulled his pants down, shifting them around until she could feel him against her. His breath was warm on her neck when he realized how wet she was. He kicked them the rest of the way off and lifted her over the tip of his cock, meeting her face when he slowly pushed himself in. Their mouths hovered over each other, and their breathing wild as he lowered her further onto him. It was the kind of pain that Sarah lived for. The kind that fueled every part of her sexually. She knew how big he was and knew there was a lot left of him to fit inside her, though she also questioned if she’d be able to as the pain became more intense, and her muscles tensed involuntarily around him. Her breath was sharp and caught in a tick down her throat when he pushed further. Athan reached up between them and covered her mouth before pushing the rest of the way inside her until they were flush against each other.

Sarah was sure that God had never intended for pain to feel this damn good. If He did, she just became religious. Her arms remained behind her, and she moved to adjust herself to his size, relishing in the look of undoing on his face when she breathed heavily through her nose and rolled her hips, the angle allowing him deeper. Her movements were limited, and she waited until he started to slowly lose himself before she wrangled free of her shirt and brought her arms around him, fixing her hands around the back of his neck. He finally dropped his hand from her mouth and gripped her hips as she leaned back and held onto him while she slowly rode his cock. Every inch of him trembled right along with her, and she couldn’t help but wonder how it felt for him to finally break all the rules he’d been so used to following. The foreign aspect of it showed all over his face. Like someone had gifted him a brand-new life—Sarah supposed she just had. It only made her more driven to show him more.

She leaned forward, kissing his neck, his jawline… his chin. His eyes shone with a hunger of a different sort. Not the darkness that consumed them when he scented her blood, but the light that had taken over when she brought him into it. Sarah laid him back, finally tasting his tongue and deeply kissing that mouth, as he smoothed the hair from her face. She hung on his bottom lip, replacing her mouth with the pad of her thumb as she raised herself up and took in every naked inch of him while she slowly fucked him. She could tell with every swift stroke of her hips that it was taking all his restraint not to fall back into his old habits and pl easure her, but he had no idea how much she enjoyed seeing the response of everything she was doing to his body every time she slid up and down his thick, throbbing length. His breaths were ragged and broken, his chest rising and falling in labored rasps.

Sarah dragged her hands down the expanse of his chest, the ripples of his hard stomach. The muscles in her back flowed with every smooth, calculated movement and she bit back every deep moan, holding her breath.

You are so fucking beautiful, Sarah.

She couldn’t help but smile down at him, taking his hands and placing them everywhere his eyes lingered while he watched her.

Break every rule, Athan. Touch me. Lose yourself. Let me show you what it should be like. How it really feels …

She braced herself with her hands on his strong thighs and spread her legs wide, using her feet to lift herself up to the very tip of him before easing herself back down. His eyes went wide and his hand pressed flat against the planes of her lower belly. A sound that was primal and inhuman ripped from his throat and his canines slid further out when he opened his mouth and took in more air as she did it again … again … again .

He was glorious. In every possible way. Wet sounds slipped from beneath her as she fucked him faster—more deliberate. The pressure he put on her lower abdomen let her feel him more deeply and she dug her black fingernails into the skin of his thighs. Her head fell back, and she gasped as quietly as she could manage, her hips now moving in a smooth circular motion that had them both testing their discretion. She raised her head when she heard a whisper of a growl and felt him pulse within her. His eyes looked like they’d close, and she slunk back onto her knees, demanding his attention when she took his face in her hands.

Eyes on me, detective.

He half-smiled, those elongated teeth sexier than anything she’d ever seen. Sexier than they should have been as she took his bottom lip between hers. She felt the pinch of what little fingernails he had grip the thin skin of her spine, his other hand firmly palming the left side of her ass as she rode him fast and hard. Athan choked out a breath of a curse when he came inside her, his eyes hazy and lustful. Sarah slowed but didn’t stop … eager to squeeze every last drop from him and catching his breathless groans with her mouth.

He seemed well and truly satisfied, every muscle going limp beneath her when she finally stilled and broke their kiss to look at him. A sheen of sweat lined his forehead as she brushed strands of his hair over his brow, and she took notice of the absence of his fangs when he struggled for breath. Sarah felt a deep pride settle over her while she watched him slowly calm down. She may not have been his first, but she certainly was the first one to ever experience him like this. He was immaculately beautiful after being thoroughly ravaged. She wondered what was going through that gorgeous head. As if in answer, she heard his voice in her mind .

I never expected that hearing myself being referred to by my job description would turn me on so much.

Sarah pressed her head against his and they laughed quietly. He kept himself buried inside her and held her a little tighter so she wouldn’t move.

Well, for what it’s worth, I never expected not to hate my middle name … until I realized that fate had other plans for it.

Athan reached up and tucked her hair behind her ear, untangling a few strands from the many earrings that lined it.

What if I told you that Athan wasn’t my real name?

Sarah leaned her head back and furrowed her brows.

Are you shitting me? What’s your real name?

His mouth flattened into a tight line, and he rolled his eyes, trailing circles along her back with his finger.

… Nathaniel …

Sarah’s lips curled into a slow smile, and he looked at her as if just thinking the name tasted just as awful as saying it out loud.

Ah … Nathaniel. I see what you did there. Why did you shorten it? It’s not as bad as Lenore.

He made a face and leaned in to graze her bottom lip with his teeth.

My mother was the only one that called me by that name. I changed it after she died. Swore I’d never use it again.

She understood that completely. Another way to veil the pain of what used to be happy memories. Her train of thought was beginning to derail when he moved his mouth along her jaw and started moving her head to get fuller access to her neck. Sarah felt herself becoming increasingly unnerved.

What are you doing?

His hand splayed across her lower back, and he slowly moved himself inside her, finding his bite on her neck again and chuckling through his nose when she tightened around him. She grabbed a fistful of his hair.

Why, Sarah Lenore St. James … you didn’t really think I’d miss an opportunity to make you weep, did you?

His cock twitched and swelled, growing harder and filling her up again. Sarah’s heart sped up when his tongue danced over her scar. It was all she could do to swallow the deep moan that wanted to break itself free.

You sick fuck. You wanna make me cry? Again ?

He sucked the tender skin of her neck into his mouth and moved both hands down her ass, spreading her wide open and pushing himself in and out of her with a little more vigor. His fingertips slightly dipped into where his cock was already stretching her open to the point of the most euphoric pain. Sarah felt herself dripping down every inch of it.

Fuck yes … from right here.

The combination of what he’d left inside her, the raw edge in his silent voice, and the words that never left his actual mouth ran parallel with what the feel of his tongue did to that mark and something in her snapped. That tiny tether to her self-control slipped and she tightened her hold on his hair until he groaned. She pressed her chest against his and let him hold her open while she met every thrust of his hips into her. Faster. Harder. She felt his teeth on her neck and his breathing hitched like it was taking everything in him not to sink them down into her flesh.

“Do it,” she rasped aloud, slightly moaning the words. His fingers grasped the inside of her spread legs so hard she nearly buckled. “Fucking do it, Athan.” A rattled whisper and a desperate gasp for air. His teeth began to close on her skin and his cock threatened to split her in two with every punishing stroke. She couldn’t understand for the life of her why she suddenly wanted it so bad. Wanted to bleed into his mouth … into his dark soul. Something inside told her that it wouldn’t be like last time. He wouldn’t see red with bloodlust. She felt that aching tug of their bond and needed more—wanted more.

Please…

She could feel each sharp point of his fangs barely pinching her and he trembled all over with restraint. He made a guttural noise and tore his mouth away from her before reaching a hand up her back and flawlessly flipping her over without missing a single thrust. Sarah didn’t even have time to be disappointed that he hadn’t done it. Just this—finally forfeiting that long battle between them was more than enough. And the way he looked at her when he pinned her wrists above her head … he was purely feral and not at all human. Sarah could barely remember her own name, let alone any reason she’d kept him at bay when he brutally slammed himself into her. His eyes were darker than death itself, fixing on hers while he towered between her legs and covered her mouth a second time.

All the old vampire stories people told were always the same. Dark … bloody. They lived in castles and slept in coffins. She knew now that half of that was untrue and mostly outdated, or farfetched. Vampires were mostly romanticized nowadays. Over centuries of what humans thought were fictional tales, they became something more of sexual fantasy … and now she knew why. Vampires spent a great deal of their time fucking. Even feeding, when they weren’t as starved for it as Athan had been the night he’d attacked her, was portrayed as more of a tryst than a meal. And here she was with a vampire that she was bound to—in love with—who was nearly three centuries old and spent part of his life pleasing women before becoming a creature designed to fuck … and he was very, very good at it. Maybe he had always been this way where it involved her and had no choice but to keep it hidden until she knew the truth … but he was like a rabid dog chasing after his kill. A far cry from the quiet, broody detective that she’d come to know—and she couldn’t get enough of him.

His tattooed fingers gripped her mouth, his other hand binding her wrists and Sarah fought so badly against the scream she wanted to let loose while he mercilessly drove into her. All those moments she’d almost felt ashamed of how she spooked her former lovers … she suddenly found herself comforted by his lack of self-control and all the filthy ways they’d enjoy each other. Her match in every way.

He wasn’t sure what changed her mind so soon, and right now he couldn’t give a fuck less, while he plowed himself in and out of her perfect body. Every time he’d been worried about losing that hold on his self-control before she’d known what he was … she was begging him to let go of it now. She wanted him to feed on her. Asked him to. He almost gave into her pleas. It was all he could think about while he held onto that sensuous mouth and felt the strain of her trying not to cry out under his fingers. Sarah’s back bowed up; her middle pressed against him so hard he thought her spine would snap. Her legs shook on either side of him, and her tits jerked across her chest with every demanding jolt of his thrusts. She was taking every inch of him like she could still beg him for more, and he gave it to her—realizing then that it was well beyond what any human should be able to endure. For a moment, he wondered exactly what his bite had truly done to her body … to her unique blood.

Athan looked over every inch of her through his thirsty eyes and couldn’t recall ever seeing something so fucking beautiful in his very long, very empty life. What she’d just done for him … to him … no one had ever cared enough to give him that. The image of her spread wide over him and that succulent cunt swallowing him whole was enough to push him close to the edge again. She felt so fucking good. And she had dominated him with the sort of violence about her that made his blood sing. The blood he shared with her … that he was dying to taste again. They’d have to talk about it later. About what it could do to her, and if she’d even be willing to remain human if he had no other choice after biting her again than to sire her. That was a war within him that would be no easy battle.

Sarah’s legs wrapped around him, and every thought eddied out of his mind. Those smooth legs felt like ice on his heated skin, and he fucked her harder, and so much deeper at the angle she’d just allowed him. He growled under his breath and his fangs nearly broke through the skin of his lip when he felt her tighten and tremble around his cock. She had a look in her eyes like she’d held on as long as she was able and the defenseless surrender of it took him right along with her. He released her mouth, replacing it with his own, and gripping her hip with a violent thrust as he came inside her again. She craned her neck back and Athan swallowed the long moan he’d earned from her while she convulsed around him. Maybe it was only because it was her … and he had wanted her so badly for this long. Maybe it was their bond, he wasn’t sure. But as many times as he’d made a woman climax, it had never felt as divine as how she felt right now.

Neither of them could breathe. Neither one had a single thing to say when it was over. He’d released her wrists and that damned stare that always took them by surprise reeled them in while they panted like animals. Sarah’s face was flushed with satisfaction and the wind outside the cabin howled. Not a single sound came from Rhaena’s bedroom, and he hoped for their sake, this storm had drowned out enough of what they’d tried hard to conceal on this living room floor. If not, he’d be absolutely enraged that he didn’t let her blow his eardrums out while he made her scream his name. There’d be time for that … maybe when they finally had a moment alone and weren’t forced with the boundaries of being semi-polite or considerate while being stuck in a cabin with two other people.

Lay with me …

Sarah’s voice in his mind was as obliterated as the silken heaven between her legs that he was in no hurry to part with. He kept himself buried inside her and turned them on their sides to face each other against the incline of the stacked couch cushions. Her fingertip traced the couple of small tattoos he had on his face … his neck. He couldn’t stop staring at her.

“Did I cry hard enough for you?” she whispered, smiling. He smiled back at first, but snorted into a chuckle that she responded in kind with.

He kept his voice in a quiet purr and moved her hair over her shoulder, exposing that creamy, pale body. “I should have offered a sleeve, or a tissue. How very un-gentlemanly of me.”

“Yeah, you’re quite the dick.” She snickered, dropping her eyes down between them at the seeping mess they were still thoroughly enjoying. “Such …” Sarah raised her thigh and coiled her leg around the back of his. “An asshole,” she finished, pressing her hips closer. Athan felt his cock twitch.

His arm slid around her back, and he brought his other hand to her side. “I hate seeing you so upset.” She rested her hand on the side of his face, and he leaned in closer, realizing she had no intention of actually laying here. “I could offer you something to cry on now.”

“Hmm …” Sarah hummed, reaching up into his hair with a smoldering gleam in her eyes. “Isn’t that chivalrous.” She ground herself against him and he groaned, smirking at her.

“You don’t wanna rest?” he breathed against her mouth as he met her pace. He already knew the answer when her sharp breaths started coming faster, and the grip she had in his hair grew tighter.

“No, I’m too depressed,” she huffed, pressing up against him and gliding her tongue along his lip. “I think I need to cry a little more.”

“Ah.” Athan grinned, moving faster. “You let it out then, love.” He kissed her and was happy to continue existing inside her for the rest of the night if she’d let him. They’d quite literally ride out the storm until morning. It’d be a lie if he said he wasn’t fascinated by her drive. Maybe, Sarah St. James was less human than he thought.