Blade (RBMC: Dallas, TX #4)

Chapter Four

“Can’tBreakMeDown”—CharlieScene

I ’d filled Cookie—Sage—in on what had been happening. Guilt ate at me that I’d left a few details out. But those didn’t have anything to do with the RBMC.

“I’m so proud of you,” Sage said with heartfelt vehemence.

My tight smile felt insincere, but I had to admit to myself that I’d come a long way.

“Thanks,” I murmured.

“I’m serious. Do you have any idea how brave you are? How much courage it takes to face your demons by speaking about them in front of thousands of women who have been through the same thing or equally traumatic experiences? I wish you’d been around years ago.” The last sentence she stated so softly, I wasn’t sure if I’d heard her correctly. But before I could verify, she brightened and grabbed my hand again. “Regardless of why, I’m so glad you’re here. Wait until you meet the other ol’ ladies. You’re going to love them.”

“I can’t wait. I also can’t wait to meet Raptor’s kiddos. Though I didn’t know him for long before he moved down here, it seems strange to picture him as a dad. Especially to a little girl.” I smiled.

Sage snorted. “That little heathen is no little girl. She’s a beast and acts just like her father.”

I laughed.

“Okay, maybe she’s a little like me too,” she admitted as she held her hand up with her thumb and forefinger pinched together. “And don’t get me wrong, I love her more than words, but she knows how to try my patience like no other. Umm, well, other than her father. You’ll love Sam and Seth too. Sam leaves soon to go back to college and Seth will be starting his freshman year of college.”

“They’re going to school here in Texas?”

“Yes. Down in Austin at the University of Texas.”

“At least they aren’t too far away,” I commented.

“Very true. They are close enough that they will be able to come home some weekends. Which is good, because Shae had a hard time when Sam left, she’s going to lose her shit when both of her big brothers are gone away.” Sage sipped from the glass of sweet tea she fixed herself. I’d tried some, but that shit was sugary as fuck. She assured me it was an acquired taste, but I didn’t think I’d ever have a taste for that straight up sugar-water. Instead, I drank my water.

“Soooooo,” Sage drew out as she waggled her brows. “Blade isn’t seeing anyone.”

My cheeks immediately burned, and I practically choked on my drink. “What? I mean, what does that have to do with anything?”

“Girl, anyone with eyes in their heads could see the attraction between you two.”

Suddenly very uncomfortable, I fidgeted in my seat and looked away. Could she read my mind?

“I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have teased you. I didn’t even stop to think that maybe being with a man would be hard for you. Though I’ve had more years to process and work through my issues, I get the aftermath of trauma.” She went somber as she picked at one of her nails. Then she looked up at me with haunted eyes. “I was a victim of Luis Trujillo. It was a long time ago now, but I’ve never forgotten what happened—though I think I coped by going the complete opposite direction.” She wrinkled her nose and shrugged.

“No need to apologize. I’ve actually had a couple of relationships over the last three years. The first one was too soon, and it failed for obvious reasons. The second one, we realized that we were better friends than partners after about six months of trying to make things work.” Did I dare tell her that part of that reason was that I couldn’t seem to get any man to live up to the memories of Blade? That when she just said he was single, a weight lifted off of my shoulders because that was one fear I had—that he’d be seeing someone when I arrived.

“I’m so happy to hear that. I mean, not that your relationship failed, but that you’ve been able to move on and have a somewhat normal life, despite everything you’ve been through. That’s truly inspiring for so many people.” Sage shared a genuine smile with me.

“I like to think so. Unfortunately, it will be a while before I’m able to interact with the women who need to hear what I have to say.” A heaving sigh left my lungs, and I fell back against the couch in Sage and her husband Raptor’s home.

“Damn, I’m so sorry that you have to be cooped up here on the property. Raptor didn’t tell me exactly what was going on in his message, just that someone was messing with you, and you were here for safekeeping. Do you want to talk about it?” Sage asked, her brow furrowed in concern.

“It’s not your fault.” I paused and stared at where my finger traced the edge of the glass as I searched for words that described how I was feeling. I’d kept what was happening close to my chest. Internally, I debated if I could take a chance and tell her what was going on.

Finally, I couldn’t hold it in any longer. I needed someone to talk to and Sage had never given me a reason to think she was anything but genuine. “I’ve been getting harassed. My apartment was broken into and trashed. Thankfully, I wasn’t home that night. Then things seemed to go missing or were moved around in my apartment. It got to the point where I thought I was losing my mind. There was no sign of anyone having broken in.”

“Maybe you were under so much stress that you were forgetting where you left your things? I imagine after the break-in, your brain was a bit frazzled,” she offered up hopefully.

I hated to burst her bubble of positivity.

“For a bit, I thought that might’ve been the case, but then I started getting creepy and threatening messages. I didn’t want to tell the guys because well, you know how they are. There was no way to track them down because the numbers were fake numbers or something. Facet tried. I started calling them back and found out they were invalid numbers.” I shrugged as I bit my lip.

“What were the messages?” she asked with caution in her tone.

“I wish I could show you, but they had me leave my phone behind. At first, I thought it was just a wrong number. The messages were vague. I ignored them. But then they changed.”

“Changed how?”

Slowly, I took a deep breath. “They started referencing things that happened to me when I was on the island.”

“Girl….” Her eyes were wide.

Shame flooded me at the memories of the things those messages referenced. It took everything in me to clutch every coping skill I could and not fall into the abyss of panic. Though my heart raced, my stomach cramped, and my breaths grew shallow.

What happened to me wasn’t my fault.

What happened to me doesn’t define me.

What happened to me is in the past.

What happened to me doesn’t make me less than .

Though I could’ve sworn I was holding it together well, I found myself blinking rapidly when I realized Sage was kneeling in front of me and holding both of my hands in hers. My water was set aside, and I didn’t even remember her taking it from me.

“I’m sorry,” I breathlessly apologized. I hated the familiar burn in my eyes, and I prayed for the tears not to fall.

“No. Don’t you dare apologize,” she insisted as she gently cupped my cheek. When her thumb softly ran under my eyes, I knew I’d been unsuccessful in keeping my tears at bay. The tears made me feel weak and I wasn’t that weak woman any longer. “You know you need to tell them what those messages said. Right? They can’t adequately protect you if they don’t have a clue what they’re up against.”

I knew she was right, but the thought of reliving the details of what I’d endured for a month or more made me sick. While I was there, I lost track of time. Though I knew I was lucky as most women were never rescued, my time there almost seemed like it lasted a lifetime.

“Just think about it. I won’t say anything unless you want me too.”

I nodded. “I’ll think about it. Just give me a week to pull myself together and build up some courage.”

“Now you can tell me to fuck off if you want, but about Blade… should I be helping you lure him in? Or did that ship sail? I’m not going to push things if you’re over him.”

Still pressed into the cushy couch back, I rolled my head to face her. Trying to figure out how to answer that, I tightly closed my eyes, then popped them open.

“He’s the biggest reason I agreed to come here.” Nervously, I chewed on my lip. “It seemed a lot easier when I first made the decision back in Iowa. Now that I’m here, I’m so tempted to ignore him and let him go about his merry way. It’s been three years. I’m sure he’s forgotten about me.”

Sage snickered. “Not a chance. I’ve known him almost all my life. Trust me when I tell you, he never forgot and he’s struggling now that you’re here.”

“How do you know that? I just got here. You saw him near me for all of like two minutes.”

“The look on his face told me all I needed to know. That boy is still driven up a wall by your presence.”

“What do I do?”

“Have patience and a lot of it. He’s probably going to push you away and you need to be prepared for that. Before I left to come here, I saw it. Hell, we all saw it.”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“That man was always intensely aware of you anytime you were around him. He watched your every move with a hunger in his gaze I’d never seen before. He’s been through a lot in his life and if I know him only half as well as I think I do, he’s convinced himself he’s not good enough for you.” She sighed. “If you want him, don’t give up. He’s worth the fight. I promise. Just don’t hurt him. He’s had enough of that.”