Blood of Two Crowns (Hallowed Fates #2)

Chapter 41

Chapter

Forty-One

MAREINA

W aking up beside Ataraxus where he’d spooned me to sleep—after he’d displayed an astounding level of self-restraint and integrity—felt as surreal as it felt natural. With my face buried in the firm, muscular cushion of his chest, his arms wrapped around me, and our legs woven together like we’d come into this world that way. His chest rose and fell slowly as I peered up at him. My heart began to race as memories of my dream filtered in, and my memories settled.

The suffocating weight of guilt and unworthiness that had shadowed me all my life began to lift, replaced by a quiet spark of purpose. Inspiration. Though remorse would always live in my heart, I would no longer allow it to shackle me. At some point, when walking through those memories housed within my uncle’s crystals, I recognized in stark clarity just how much all that shame had held me back. I’d always ever been the only person holding me back.

Not Zurie, or duty, or circumstance.

Me.

And continuing to carry the burden of guilt and shame did nothing to serve justice to those I’d wronged. Justice, I realized, laid in devoting myself to the people who needed me. My Soulbound, the people of Atratus, and all the precious souls under my care in Avernus.

At the sight of Ataraxus’ stark, coldly handsome features softened by sleep, my heart swelled with affection.

But oh, sweet fucks, did I have to pee. I carefully disentangled myself from his limbs to relieve myself in the surprisingly functional and well-appointed bathroom. Because we were in a cave, I’d honestly been expecting a hole in the floor.

When I crawled back into bed, Ataraxus gave a deep sigh of contentment as his hand roamed up my hip before dipping to the opposite side of my waist and pulling me firmly against him, incidentally pressing his hardened length and the warm sac beneath, against my stomach and hip.

“… Just pretend it’s not there,” he murmured, voice rough with sleep, eyes closed, and a grin curling his lips.

I chuckled, allowing myself the luxury of wrapping my arms around him. “That’s no small task.”

Ataraxus’ eyes opened to slits as he hummed thoughtfully, wearing a lazy grin on his face. I watched as reality settled back in for him, and his grin faded to something somber.

“How’re you feeling? You’ve been asleep for two days.”

Is that all? I’d had to touch about a gazillion crystals and relive countless memories.

“Nervous… Somnus told me Nakoa and Malekai would arrive sometime after I woke.”

Ataraxus studied me, unsurprised by the information.

“I have to say, I rather admire how well you’re taking… everything. ”

I huffed a mirthless laugh. “Oh, no. I’m going to absolutely murder Azrael... but part of me feels reticent to end this moment. Where we’re all still alive, even if we’re separated. And we’ve only just met…”

Whatever softness Ataraxus’ features had been lended from sleep, disappeared as concern filtered through. Desperate to have just a few more minutes of peace before we all potentially met our doom, I cleared my throat to preface the changing of the subject.

“Thank you, by the way, for…” My words drifted, trying to find the appropriate description for such a bizarre situation.

Ataraxus quirked a brow.

My cheeks stained rose as I managed to finish my sentence.

“… For not allowing me to seduce you.”

A smirk curled his mouth as his hand slowly came up to tuck my hair behind my ear, and his thumb returned to stroking my cheek. “Of course… You’re my soulbound. How could I ever do something I knew would wound you or betray your trust?”

My initial internal reactions to those words were a variety of words, all along the lines of you are not worthy.

And for the first time in my life, I paid them no heed. Yes, I had done horrible things, but I had also done selfless things and possessed a burning determination to continue to do selfless things. To be better. To do something good for the souls of Avernus and my people in Atratus.

The only way I could do that was by forgiving myself and letting go of my haunted past, which I could now recognize would otherwise hold me back like an anchor mooring a ship.

I had also begun to realize that one’s capacity to love was equal to the love they had for themselves. And I wanted to love my soulbound.

All three of them.

Tension darkened Ataraxus’ features. “What will Nakoa and Malekai say?”

The question alone knocked the wind out of me. “Fuck…”

“That bad, huh?”

I shook my head, heaving a large sigh. “I mean… Nakoa is my soulbound, so that would make you soulbound to him as well, right? And as for Malekai… We’ve claimed one another and bonded in the drakonati way. I’m not even sure what that means, to be honest, we didn’t get a chance to discuss it, but he is my chosen mate. He’s as much a part of my soul as Nakoa is…” My eyes flick back up to his nervously, “… and you, I imagine...”

“And how well do they get along?”

Oh gods…

I failed to hide my wince, inspiring a hoarse chuckle from Ataraxus. “Having more than one soulbound isn’t a common thing where you’re from?”

“Unfortunately, no.”

He hums thoughtfully. “Malekai is your chosen mate… Have you ever wondered…”

My chest clenched in pain. “All the time…”

Ataraxus heaves a sigh. “And if he were to ever meet them…?”

“There’s nothing that could separate us. Of that, I’m sure. I would learn to love that person, if for no other reason than him. Just as the three of you will, I’m sure.”

Ataraxus pressed a kiss to my forehead. “Well, if it makes you feel any better, when a drakonati claims and bonds with another, the magic infusing their venom weaves itself into your magic, and thus your soul. It’s why it burns so much. It’s changing things on a physical and metaphysical level. So, for all intents and purposes, he is your soulbound… One of them,” he adds with a cool wink.

The fact that Malekai hid all of this from me creates a knot in my stomach that I can’t seem to bury away. Until the heat radiating from Ataraxus seemed to increase, and I caught a flicker of the beast inside of him.

“… But you should know now that even though there may be two other males with whom you share part of your soul, there will be parts of you that belong only to me.”

His eyes darkened in a way that told me there was something more beneath the surface than just the warmth and chivalry he exuded. I couldn’t help but feel guilty when arousal wove through me. Ataraxus’ nostrils flared as a uniquely smug, masculine grin curled a corner of his mouth. His thumb brushed my lower lip, tugging it down enough to graze my teeth and my fangs.

“There may be a pantheon of gods, but I will be the only one you worship...”

My fang nicked his finger, and he spread the blood across my lips. Without consciously meaning to, my tongue sought out his sustenance as I held his gaze. Arousal and hunger bloomed deep as the space between us pulled tight. Pre-cum leaked from the large, thick length pressing against my bare skin. His pupils blew wide, and it was clear there was something more he wanted to say… Do.

But he’s an observant male. Guilt fisted my heart, and his eyes tracked my throat dipping, my breath catching.

Ataraxus’ dark, sultry expression lifted like a cloud revealing the sun. “Don’t worry, Mareina. I will earn their respect. And yours. They’ll be eager to share you with me.”

I finally exhaled the breath I’d been holding.

“He looks a lot like you, by the way…”

Ataraxus quirks a dark brow. “Oh? Somnus didn’t mention it.”

I hum in affirmation. “So much so that you could easily be confused for brothers. Twins, even, outside of your dark hair and somewhat… colder features.”

Ataraxus chuckles at this. “I can assure you I’m anything but cold. At least with you.”

I smirk, forcing myself to neglect the urge to lean in and kiss him.

“You don’t have any long-lost siblings or anything?”

Ataraxus frowns. “No. Definitely not.”

“How can you be so sure, though?”

Ataraxus’ throat worked on a rough swallow. “Because I was my mother’s only child before her husband murdered her.”