Bloodguard

chapter 56

Maeve

My hands glide over the smooth hair of a royal moon horse as I dismount and lead her into the castle stables. She’s mostly chocolate brown with splashes of white along her nose and back, and her mane is white and braided. Bronwyn is her name. She’s beautiful and, like the other horses in the royal stables, unaccustomed to kindness. To Soro, Tut, and the others, moon horses serve a purpose—to guard, to thunder into battle, to die for Arrow.

I press a kiss on top of her nose. To me, she’s another I need to protect.

I release her and shut the stall door, not bothering to lift the skirt of my gray dress as I walk the length of the royal stables. Though my cape still lies beneath the willow, I am not cold. The air reminds me of home, where the grassy knoll ends and the forest begins. It’s earthy, moist soil intermixed with the dry aroma of horse feed and grass.

Broken pieces of hay float through the air as I make my way down the aisle, the longer wisps swept up by my skirt to stick to the lacy hem. I take my time, petting each horse, cooing words of affection, but it’s not just for them. It’s for me, too.

When I asked Tut to take me to the manor, he readily complied, thinking it was one more way for me to owe him. One added step forward to freeing the phoenix. If so, he’s wrong.

One of the many things Leith has taught me is that I owe my people but I also owe myself.

It’s why I went to bid farewell to my family.

And why I gave myself so frantically to Leith.

He is my family, too. We needed a goodbye as much as he needed my truth.

I spread my pain and guilt at his feet like a puddle. Yet he stepped over it to comfort me and to forgive me. Even after everything I did, he forgave me so that maybe I can begin to forgive myself.

I choke back a sob. It’s quiet, mercifully failing to echo and alert those just beyond the stables to how damaged I am. That doesn’t mean I’ll admit defeat.

My fingers ball into a fist. To hell with anyone who opposes me.

“Where have you been?” a gruff voice demands from the front of the stables.

Ugeen. Lovely.

He does his best to stomp forward. In fine leather slippers, it’s hard for him to stomp anywhere, let alone on a soil-and-hay-covered surface. The moment he’s to me, Ugeen snags my arm and pulls me to him.

My head whips to the side when he slaps me. I right myself, shock dulling the sting from that blow. “I asked you where you’ve been!”

He slaps me again.

This time, I slap him back.

I don’t wait for him to gain his footing before I slap him again.

And again.

And again.

All the way the fuck down the hay-strewn length of the stables, I shove and slap him, until he trips over the hem of his robes and lands on his ass.

I turn and lift my chin, fluffing my hair and remembering whose daughter I am.

The guards race forward, including Tut. I keep walking. What are they going to do? Save Ugeen? Turn on their future queen?

No.

Not today.

Not ever.

I shake off the hem of my dress and smooth the skirt before climbing onto the stone steps of the castle. I didn’t care about littering the stables or the walkway with hay. I do care about making a mess along the marble floor. Someone will have to clean it up, and I can’t ask my dear subjects to do one more needless thing for me.

The guards cast their gazes down as I pass. My features no doubt reflect the downright rage Ugeen’s presence stirred. Throw in how that ball-less ass sack hit me in an attempt to put me in my supposed place? I’m in no mood to play nice.

I’m almost to Polasie’s old apartment when Soro’s voice reverberates from the main hall up to the second level where I stand. “Where is she?”

Great. Ugeen ran to daddy to tell on me.

I hear that familiar swish of air of Soro moving at his top speed. My hand is on the knob. I twist it. I throw the door open, and suddenly he stands in front of me, the jewels sewn into his hair reflecting dull tones of yellow and red from the flickering torch set into the gray-and-black stone wall.

Brynne, one of the handmaidens assigned to me, stops polishing the silver tea set and runs. Simply runs. It’s a good thing. I don’t have to worry about Soro hurting her. “Did you strike Ugeen?”

“Yes,” I say. “And I’ll do worse if that knob ever touches me again.”

He laughs when I walk past him. But it’s the laughter filled with malice that I’ve grown to fear. “Should I strike you for him? You wouldn’t hit me back so easily, would you?” I freeze when he pauses. He doesn’t just want to hurt me.

Slow, steady footsteps approach, the volume increasing subtly as he closes in. He leans his left shoulder into the door leading to the bedroom. “I could,” he says. “But hurting you won’t be enough, will it? No, it will mean more if I hurt someone else.”

His voice cuts off. When his leer drags down to my breasts and back to my face, I jerk away and ease my way into the parlor.

Soro’s tone, which used to be playful as often as it was scary, is simply scary now. He pushes away from the door and stalks forward. “You fucked that gladiator tonight, didn’t you?”

I continue to step backward, trying to play dumb, but the shock embedded in my features—that he actually made the correct assumption—gives me away.

He marches toward me, his dark eyes flashing anger and betrayal. I edge away until my lower back brushes into the buffet and several goblets fall with a clatter to the floor. “You did. You fucked him even though you’re engaged to me.”

This isn’t a good time to bring up the fact that he and Aisling screw any time they can.

“Are you trying to make me look like a fool? Or simply incompetent, like Vitor did?”

He shoves his face in mine, and I bow my spine backward, knocking over more goblets. I try to snag one to use as a weapon but come up empty-handed.

Can I kill him unarmed? I don’t know, but if me dying means Leith and my remaining family stay safe, I’m ready to start swinging.

But just how did he know—

I instinctively clutch my neck, where Leith kissed his way down, tearing seams along my neckline to reach my breasts. Oh, stars.

Soro’s glare heats my skin worse than Aurora’s fire ever could. “Yes…the only way to hurt you is to hurt someone else more.”

My eyes widen farther as I watch him walk away. The careful manner with which he shuts my door is more threatening than the loudest slam. I stumble into my bedchamber, beating back a whimper when Tibeta jumps on my shoulder, chirping her distress when she sees mine.

“It’s all right, my little bean,” I say. “It’s all right.”

But it’s not.

The owl Tibeta befriended hoots as she swoops past my window. I throw open the glass pane and stretch out my hand, hooting so Tibeta repeats me.

The owl returns and lands on my arm. She permits me to stroke her. Perhaps I do have a bit of Grandmother’s charms. Carefully, I pass my knuckles over the silky fullness of her feathers to give my racing heart a chance to slow. What is Soro going to do to Leith?

And what must I do to keep him safe?

Tibeta tugs at my hair, her chitters sad and afraid.

“You can’t stay with me,” I tell her, keeping my voice gentle. “As much as I want you to, it will only be a matter of time before Soro forces his way into my bed and you’re caught.”

It’s why I mixed the nightshade with the belladom in the first place. If I can knock him out, I can possibly stay safe.

Tibeta chitters, not understanding everything but understanding my goodbye. “You must go. You must stay safe. Find Giselle. She and Leith will give you a good home, and you’ll get to be with Papa.”

Her little ears flop as she nods, recognizing the names of her family at least. In Tibeta’s large eyes, I catch my reflection. I hate the woman I see. No matter what I must endure, I will become the queen Father asked of me, and I will fight to protect the ones I love.

The owl hops from my arm and onto the sill. I kiss Tibeta’s fuzzy head one last time before lowering her onto the owl’s back.

I jump at the harsh knock on the door. Tut barges in, larger than life, spurring the owl to fly. My vision blurs as I watch her carry away my last bit of home. Tibeta soars into the night, her paws clinging tight to the feathers along the owl’s back.

“Were you petting a chicken?” Tut asks.

I frown. “No. It was an owl.”

He shrugs. “They both taste the same.”

“I’ll take your word for it.”

Steam billows through his nostrils. “Soro is ranting about you being with that gladiator tonight.” Like Soro, he stares at the neckline of my dress, causing me to pull it upward. “You were foolish to leave your cape behind,” he says.

I motion around. “Obviously I wouldn’t have had I noticed the condition of my dress.”

I slowly ease away from the window, fixating on Tut when I realize exactly what I can do to keep Leith safe. In a few quick steps, I’m in front of the vanity, pulling out the most expensive rings Soro gave me.

“What are you doing?” Tut asks me.

I turn, my voice flat but no less determined. “Getting ready. As soon as we can manage, I need you to take me to the phoenix.”