Bonded Beyond Trickery (Trick or Treat Monsters)

CHAPTER 10

TILLY

I’ve been at the Silver Howler pack for a few days and as much as I would have loved to wallow in the hurt my mate inflicted by telling me he wanted to put off my Luna ceremony, I can’t. I’ll be honest, it hasn’t helped that he hasn’t announced me officially to the pack.

The looks I’ve been getting, the curiosity on everyone’s face, is difficult to ignore. I can see the questions on the tip of the tongues of everyone I interact with. I can’t even express how much control it has taken to not scream from the top of the packhouse that I’m Whitaker’s mate.

Every time I almost spill the beans, I force a smile on my face and find something else to focus on.

“It will be okay,” my wolf tries to soothe me.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t help me at all. I’m on edge. I can feel it and there’s nothing I can do about it.

“If only we could train,” I grumble my discontent back at my wolf.

All she can do is let out a chuff in response because she knows I’m right. Even though Whitaker offered to spar with me in order to assess my skill and then allow me to train, it hasn’t happened. He’s been busy and I’ve been, well honestly, I’ve been avoiding him.

It hasn’t been easy and there have been times when I couldn’t put any distance between us, but I’ve done my best. Thankfully, being an Alpha comes with responsibility and he’s already busy most of the day.

I’ve filled my time by going around to the pack’s businesses and talking with the owners. At first, people didn’t seem all that interested in talking to me. Who could blame them, really? Its’ not like they know I’m their Luna by virtue of being Goddess bound to their Alpha.

It probably hasn’t helped that I’ve hidden my mating mark.

Even now, as I head toward the cluster of businesses, it tingles and reminds me that mated wolves aren’t built to freeze out their mates. But what else can I do?

I understand that I made choices, ones which hurt my mate. I’ve accepted that and explained my reasoning, flawed as it may have been. I’ve taken responsibility for what I did.

Maybe thinking we could move past it was na?ve.

“You can’t hold his wariness against him,” my wolf tries to reason with me.

“I know,” I admit with a sigh. “It’s just that, if he would use the bond then he could feel my emotions and my sincerity. I fucked up. I can admit that, and I haven’t tried to say anything different. I cost us time we’ll never get back. But I did think I was doing the right thing at the time. Not just for the pack, but for me.”

“It is not easy for an Alpha to admit that he is scared or to show anyone his weaknesses.”

Well. Fuck.

As I approach the bakery, which has delicious pastries I could spend hours eating, I push thoughts of my mate away. I wouldn’t feel on edge if I could train, but I’m not about to go over Whitaker’s head. Not yet, anyway.

If I continue to feel like I’m about to crawl out of my skin, then I might not have another choice. For now, it’s manageable. But I will need to go for a run as a wolf soon.

“Yes,” she growls, happiness at the thought of running free making it sound more like a purr, “we need to run.”

As I enter the bakery, I’m assaulted by the scent of sugar and vanilla. It calms something in me and reminds me of the time I would spend baking with my mom. She always had a way of knowing exactly what I need, usually it involved something sweet or some chocolate.

What can’t be solved with chocolate?

Maggie, who owns the bakery, flashes me a big smile from the other side of the counter. There are a few streaks of flour on her face which has me stifling a giggle.

I was always making a mess in the kitchen when I baked. A yearning feeling makes itself known in my chest. Since leaving Golden Summit, I’ve been dodging calls from Crew, Elodie, and my parents. I know they would be here to support me, but this something I need to do on my own.

I messed up; I have to make it right.

Telling my parents about what I did was hard enough. I suppose I could have tried to hide it from them, but they would have figured it out since they were at my first mating ball with me. Crew could have spilled the beans as well without even realizing I was keeping it a closely guarded secret.

That wouldn’t have turned out well and I knew it would be better coming from me anyway. Their disappointment when I told them after I got home from the mating ball was palpable. It was only the pain in my mother’s eyes and the regret in my father’s which felt like a lifeline.

“Hi, Tilly,” Maggie chirps.

Even though she’s smiling at me and there’s a cheerful vibe wrapping around her, which looks right at home in her colorful bakery, something in her eyes has me taking pause. She’s hiding something. I want to know what it is, and I want to help her solve it.

“Maggie,” I smile at her, “how are you doing today?”

The way she hesitates has worry filling my belly. I step closer to the counter.

The words are forced out of her, “I’m good.” She clears her throat before asking, “What can I get for you?”

“Can I get a chocolate croissant and a cup of coffee?”

“Of course,” her voice is bright; almost too bright.

“Of course. I’ll have that right over to you,” she assures me after I pay.

When I make my way over to one of the tables, the scent of the bakery wraps around me and helps me relax. I feel eyes on me, but I’m not surprised since I’m sitting at a large picture window. It’s not the first time over the last few days that my mate has checked in on me.

He never says anything; he simply watches me and then slinks away.

“Do you think he’s concerned about his pack? Like I would harm them or say something I shouldn’t say?” I can’t keep my fears from my wolf, and I wouldn’t want to.

“No,” she insists . “I think he’s just curious about how we are filling our time.”

“He could ask,” I grumble, the bitterness clear in my voice.

She lets out a growl of agreement, but Maggie is there before she can say anything else. As I look at her, I notice the exhaustion on her face. It makes my heart clench and the concern I have for her. She’s pack, even if I haven’t been made Luna or even introduced to the pack yet, and the need to soothe her and help her overrides everything else.

“Maggie,” I keep my voice gentle as I nod toward the chair opposite me, “will you sit with me for a few minutes?”

The surprise on her face is clear, but she does sit. I’m glad I came by during a lull in business because I know she wouldn’t sit with me if that weren’t the case.

“Is everything okay, Tilly?”

“Of course,” I assure her with a smile. Unsure of how to start this conversation, I take a deep breath and then nibble on my bottom lip. “I’m not sure if people have spread this information, but I have my business degree.” Maggie nods, the movement hesitant and unsure. “I just wanted to ask you how sales are and to offer my help with your business if you need it. I know you’ve been here a long time, but there are always ways to grow or maintain your business.”

Maggie narrows her eyes, but the action isn’t accusatory or even anger. She’s curious.

I breathe a sigh of relief when she starts telling me about her business and ways she’s gained more customers over the last few years. The conversation flows easily and I’m grateful that she’s willing to give me a little bit of trust even if she has no reason to.

“I think your plans sound great, Maggie,” I praise her and the pride she has for herself and her bakery shines through. My voice turns serious, and I lower my voice slightly, “Now, do you want to tell me what else is bothering you? I thought it might be the bakery, but now I don’t think it is.”

Maggie’s shoulders slump and her face crumples. When she looks at me with tear filled eyes, I practically launch myself across the table to wrap my arms around her. The whispered words coming from me are soothing and nonsensical. I would do just about anything to stop this sweet woman from crying.

“I’m sorry,” her voice is shaky, and I hate how devastated she sounds.

“You can tell me,” I insist, needing to help her and fix whatever is bothering her.

I guess it’s part of being the Luna of the pack, whether I’ve had the official ceremony, or anyone knows who I am or not.

“Yes,” my wolf growls, the sound filled with compassion, “we feel for our pack, our children. We will lead them, and their wolf knows what we are to them even if they don’t understand it yet.”

“My daughter,” her voice is strained and filled with worry, “Nyx. I’m worried about her.” I wait and let her get her emotions under control. “Three years ago, her mate died three years ago. I know the only reason she didn’t follow him to the Goddess was because of her daughter. I think she would have faded away, lost to us, without Aisley tethering her to this world.”

“I’m so sorry.” My heart breaks for Maggie, Nyx, and Aisley. I can’t imagine the pain and worry this family is enduring. “How can I help?”

“I don’t know,” Maggie sounds so defeated. “I think she’s drowning here. She can’t escape the memories, but I don’t know what to do.” With a deep breath, she pulls herself together before giving me a confused look. “I,” her eyebrows pull together, “feel better though. Thank you for listening.”

I smile softly at her and nod.

“We are Luna,” my wolf purrs. “That is why she feels better, soothed. We helped her. Our pack.”

“Anytime,” I vow, meaning it to the depth of me.

I don’t give her platitudes. I don’t promise a solution. Not yet because I’m not sure that I have a viable one and I won’t give her hope before I have the chance to speak to Whitaker.

“I guess you can’t avoid him anymore,” my wolf snickers.

While humming noncommittally at my wolf, I give Maggie a hug and promise to stop in and see her soon. I haven’t felt my mate’s eyes on me for a while, but I know right where to find him. Which is why I head toward the packhouse and don’t stop until I’m standing outside his office.

I give him the courtesy of knocking, but I don’t wait for him to tell me to enter. If he was meeting with someone or not alone then I would, but my mate’s scent is the only one in the office. Whitaker’s head snaps up and his mouth falls open when I stride into his office like I own it.

Before he can get his shit together and question what I’m doing, which is clearly on the tip of his tongue, I grit out, “Why have you been following me?”

“I was curious,” he defends himself.

His excuse might be true, but I need to push him to find out if there’s more to it than that.

I sass him, “Really?” My hands find my hips and the look I throw at my mate is filled with defiance. “Or are you worried that I’m going around telling everyone I speak to that I’m your mate? Maybe you’re concerned that you can’t trust me, and I’ll betray you and your pack,” I spit the words, unable to contain my biggest fears even though I know they’re not exactly founded.

Whitaker’s mouth gapes open for a moment before he leaps out of his chair and practically bounds across the room. He grips my shoulders and shakes me. It’s not hard enough to hurt me, but it’s clear he thinks it might shake some sense into me.

“I trust you with our pack,” he growls the words, the violence and instincts of his wolf barely being contained.

Our pack.

My heart stutters with his words, but I can’t give into the warmth that wants to spread through my chest. Not yet.

“You can feel my intentions, Whitaker,” I point out, my lip curling up slightly in a snarl.

“I,” he starts before stopping, shaking his head, and swallowing hard, “I haven’t used the bond to feel your emotions.”

“You should,” there’s a challenge in my tone as well as a plea. “I can understand you not trusting me with you and your heart. I hurt you. But I haven’t done a damn thing to this pack. I want to help. I want to help the people here. I’ve been going around and talking to business owners because I want to use my degree. I want to make this place better,” the words spill from me so fast that they’re almost tripping over my tongue and barely able to be understood.

“No, Tilly,” pain contorts his face, “it’s not like that.”

“You don’t want me to be your Luna,” my voice breaks, “not yet, but I can’t turn off my instincts. You can hold me at a distance for the rest of our lives, but I won’t do that to the pack. I can’t,” I croak.

Tears fill my eyes and threaten to fall. I’m sure that I sound like I’m on the edge of hysteria. Because I am.

Fear is a tangible thing to me right now. We’ve bonded, but we aren’t a unit. My instincts are screaming at me to fix it, and my wolf needs us to meet in the middle.

But maybe I’ve already ruined everything, and we’ll never really be able to move past my choices.

I shake my head as anger, fear, disappointment, and frustration threaten to take me down to my knees.

“You can feel me, but you won’t use the bond to alleviate your worries,” my voice just sounds…desolate.

Before he can process or say anything, I pull out of his hold and run out of his office. Whitaker calls after me, but I don’t look back. I can’t.

The need to run is riding me so damn hard that I’m in danger of shifting before stepping outside the packhouse. The moment I do, though, my clothes shred and I’m no longer standing on two feet.

“Run,” I command my wolf, needing to get lost in the way the wind rushes through my fur instead of the feelings that threaten to ruin me.