Born to Make You Smile

FOURTEEN

As soon as I stepped into his car the following morning, I knew everything had changed. His presence alone brought about a wave of excited flutters in me and a distinct pull to be closer to him.

I inhaled his alluring and familiar scent, and heat lit across my skin.

My body trembled when his fist came together against mine for our G-Force hand gesture.

Gavin shifted in his seat. “Did you enjoy yourself last night?”

You mean when I touched myself thinking about you, then had the most intense orgasm of my life?

Forcing a cheery expression, I looked at him. “Yup. I did.”

He stiffened, then scratched his temple. “I hope you’ll be able to get those red markings off. I apologize again.”

I swallowed, imagining our bodies together. His marking on my neck. “Um, yeah, I soaked my neck—I mean my shirt. So far, it seems to have all come out.”

God. Get it together, Grace.

“Good…” He nodded several times as he stared at the road. “Great.”

He appeared affected as well.

The rest of the drive was mostly silence. It seemed something had struck both of us last night. Hopefully, something we could snap out of soon.

As the day wore on, I thought things would get easier and that my attraction to Gavin would start to fade. It only became stronger. As we brushed hands while reaching for the computer mouse, pulses rushed to my core.

The power of the sensation was alarming. A simple touch between us ignited a fire in me.

As he drilled a cavity—a task I’d seen him perform countless times—I now watched him with new eyes. I’d become captivated as I studied every move he made—the gentle expertise of his gloved fingers while he worked, the furrow of concentration in his brow, and the way his body shifted in his chair.

I wanted to move my body against his. Straddle him. Feel him. Oh God . The thought made me hot and shaky.

“Grace?” Gavin held out his hand as though waiting on me.

Oh no. I’d zoned out and forgot to hand him the acid etch syringe.

It was so unlike me, and he’d definitely noticed.

My intense attraction to him had to be a phase. I couldn’t continue to work with him like this without losing my sanity.

Around lunchtime, I received a call from Eddie, the contractor who had been working on the ceiling repairs the past week. I stepped outside to answer the call.

“Ms. Mayer, the cracks were worse than we thought. When I started to open things up in your living room ceiling, I saw significant water damage and traces of mold.”

“Mold? Okay. What does that mean for the repairs? How do you get rid of it?”

“Well, we have to remove the affected area, then let it dry out completely. It’s a process. I’d recommend finding the source of the problem, though. You know, the roofing. Otherwise, water will continue getting in if we don’t fix it.”

Eddie kept going on and on. I wasn’t even listening to what he was saying. All I could hear was the cha-ching of dollar signs.

I started to pace. “If we just do the ceiling repairs for now—the mold removal and everything—how much will that cost me?”

“I can do it for ten, including the ceiling repairs for that room.”

“Ten...hundred,” I said, with desperate hope.

“Ten thousand, Ms. Mayer.”

We went back and forth as I pleaded to get him to do it for cheaper.

“I can do nine,” he said. “If you supply the materials and pay cash. That’s the best I can do.”

I sighed. “How long will this take?”

“I’ll bring an extra guy in, and we can start, get it done before the holidays. I’ll require a 10 percent deposit, then a final payment when it’s done.”

I had until Christmas to come up with the money.

Now more than ever, I couldn’t let any hint of feelings for Gavin jeopardize my job. I needed this income like oxygen.

***

The club was quiet on the Tuesday after Halloween. A few couples were playing in rooms, and others were at the presentation on electroplay upstairs. Around nine thirty, Joshua came up to me while I managed the bar on the main level.

“How are you enjoying it here so far?” he asked, having a seat on one of the stools.

I smiled. “So far, so good.”

“If you don’t mind my asking, do you fit in anywhere, you know, kink-wise? I know it's totally a personal question. Just thought I’d ask, if you’re willing to share.”

I shrugged. “Honestly, I’m not sure.”

“Okay, but like, anything you see that sprouts your curiosity or gets you going? It’s also totally fine to be vanilla. A really good quality vanilla ice cream hits the spot sometimes.”

“Well.” I put a bottle of Tanqueray back on the shelf and leaned closer to him. “I’ve never had any ice cream before. Not even vanilla.”

“Not even a taste. A lick ?” he asked, understanding exactly what I was alluding to.

I shook my head, slightly embarrassed.

Joshua’s eyes widened. “Oh, okay. I had no idea. So this place must be a little... shocking for you?”

I shrugged again. “You know what. Not really. Not as much as I thought. It’s cool, but it’s not something that gets me going for the most part. I think I might actually be asexual. But I’m not sure. It’s complicated.”

“What do you mean it’s complicated ?”

I sighed, hesitant to get into it all. “Normally, I’m not attracted to men. I mean, I can appreciate a beautiful body and face. I love kissing and cuddling, and I’m open to dating. But the sexual stuff? It’s not really my thing. Except...”

He nodded, urging me to continue. “Except…”

“This one man. A much, much older man I’ve known almost my entire life. Who also happens to be my boss. He brings something out in me. And I feel that pull, that sexual attraction with him. When I watch some of the things going on in this club, it’s only when I imagine him doing them to me—commanding me, controlling me, praising me—that’s when the idea of kink excites me. I don’t know why I only want anything sexual with him.”

“You’re demisexual!” he said with excitement.

“Demisexual?” I repeated, confused. “I’ve never heard of it. What does it mean?”

“Hold on, Goldie, let me call Ashna. She’ll tell you all about it.”

Joshua ran off, and I made drinks then served a few rooms. When I returned, Ashna was seated at the bar.

She went on to explain everything to me. All the different types of attraction and spectrums of asexuality.

“And demisexual is just needing that close emotional connection before you feel sexual attraction,” she said.

“Why is it I only feel it with this one man? I’ve connected with other men before. Why didn’t it happen with them?”

“Just because you have a connection doesn’t automatically lead to attraction,” she pointed out. “Everyone and every situation is different. And asexuality is such a varied orientation. For example, I’m a biromantic asexual, so I have romantic attraction to multiple genders, but I’m sexually attracted to none of them. However, I am sex neutral, sometimes favorable. So I'll engage in sexual activity if it suits the role or scene, you know, for fun and to please my partner. But I could do without. I partake and enjoy kink because of the rush I get from being a submissive. The power play. The sensations. Not from the orgasms or sexual acts.”

“All right. That’s so interesting,” I said, taking her words in.

Ashna was so in charge here at the club that it surprised me to hear she was a submissive. Perhaps it was a way for her to let go of the stress of the day. Let someone else care and direct her for even a short time. I was slowly realizing that being a submissive was empowering. Something perhaps I wanted to explore myself. With the right person of course.

Ashna directed me to some blogs, videos, and websites to get more information so I’d be assured that the demisexual label suited me. However, I couldn’t stop thinking about how I was only attracted to Gavin. What if he was it for me? What if I never felt sexual attraction to anyone else? Would I have to force myself to become sexual with my future partner to maintain the relationship? Would I always be this way? I wish I had the answers. I wish I knew how to destroy these hopeless feelings for Gavin and move on with my life.