Born to Make You Smile

SIXTEEN

The following morning, I stared at the jar of pickled turnips on my kitchen counter with a smile. So much that my cheeks began to burn. I still had no idea how the turnips ended up mixed up with my groceries. Gavin must have snuck them in there while I wasn’t looking. A fluttery rush came over me when I thought of us shopping together yesterday, then singing and dancing in his car. I thought the feelings I’d experienced about him lately were merely a silly crush or some displaced sexual tension, but I had a sneaking suspicion they were becoming something more.

I hid the jarred turnips in my pantry, hoping I’d forget all about them. Then I grabbed the condensed and powdered milk to start the tre leches cake since it had to soak in the milk overnight. I went into the dining room to get my stand-up mixer in the hutch but quickly realized the disastrous state around me. Since the workers started the living room ceiling demolition and mold removal, I had transferred my mother’s collectibles into the dining room, carefully laying them out on a blanket over the table and hutch. Weaving my way around the mess, I got to the hutch and opened the door, but in the process, I accidentally knocked off something sitting on top.

My heart caught in my throat as I heard the piece fall with a crash. I almost didn’t want to look to see the damage.

With a deep breath, I peeked.

No, no, no. I swallowed a lump. My mom’s horse and carriage hand-painted collectible she’d purchased in France. I gathered the broken pieces so I could attempt to glue it back together. But the way the ceramic was broken and chipped, it was irreparable.

I fell to my knees on the dining room floor in defeat, taking in the nightmare around me. My life was falling apart before my eyes. My mom would be so heartbroken to see what had become of her beautiful home.

“Mom,” I mumbled, my lips trembling. “I need you. I can’t do this without you anymore.”

With my head in my hands, a fierce outpour of tears stormed over me. They kept falling and falling without control. And just when I thought they stopped, it all started up again.

I lost track of time. My head throbbed, and my chest ached so badly I thought for sure my heart would stop beating.

My doorbell startled me. I blinked and realized I’d fallen asleep, huddled on the floor. I glanced at my reflection. My face was blotchy and red, my eyes swollen. I fixed my hair and composed myself before opening the door.

Gavin.

“Grace, I’m so glad you’re home,” he said, holding up an iPad. He looked so posh and put together. The complete opposite of me. “Charlotte’s iPad keeps crashing. I thought perhaps you could have a look if you don’t mind.”

I invited him in, then took his black wool coat.

“What’s wrong? What happened, love?” he said, clearly noticing my reddened face.

I rubbed my eyes. “I just woke up from a nap.”

“Oh well, sorry to disturb you.” He walked farther into the house and gasped when he went by the living room. “Good Lord. What happened in here?”

“I had a leak, so they have to repair the ceiling.”

“It looks like quite the disaster,” he stated. “A very expensive disaster.”

I shrugged dismissively. “I know some people, so I got a good deal.”

He nodded. “Good. Well, anyhow, the apps on here have been crashing, and we just can’t seem to figure it out. It’s driving me mad.”

Gavin and I sat on the couch in the family room, and I attempted to fix the iPad. I went into settings and fiddled with the updates. I did a restart, and all the apps seemed to work.

“You have to make sure Charlotte does all the updates. Also, she’s got a lot of files and unused apps that take up space. Maybe it's time to do a factory reset. But make sure you back it up first. You don’t want to lose anything. Any important documents. Lost memories. Forever.”

Placing the iPad down, I pressed my eyes together.

“Grace, are you all right?”

I glanced up at him with a frown.

“I accidentally broke one of my mother’s horse collectibles,” I said, my voice wavering. “It was one of her favorites. She got it in Chantilly, France, at the Musée du Cheval. But now it’s broken. Gone. Mom would be so disappointed.”

A tear trickled down my cheek.

“No. Your mother would understand. She’d be very proud of you and everything you’ve accomplished. I know it’s hard to part with special mementos, but they’re merely possessions. She’s here. With you, always.”

More tears fell, and a sob escaped.

“Please don’t cry, love. Come here.” He pulled me into his strong, comforting arms. My breasts pushed up against his sturdy chest. I inhaled him. Every molecule of his heavenly scent filled my lungs.

“It’s going to be okay,” he murmured, and the warmth of his lips grazed my ear.

Oh God. My breathing was rapid, and my heart pounded. Surely, he could feel it as he held me. Wiping the fallen tears from my face with his thumbs, he tilted my head up, cradling my jaw. He stared at me with lowered brows and a fierce gaze. His eyes dropped to my lips. Our faces were so close, the air between us so thick, I couldn’t breathe. Before I could think or move, he pushed his mouth against me.

The world around me stopped. Time ceased to exist. I thought I might be dreaming for a moment, but it was real.

Gavin was kissing me.

His lips caressed mine, and my body pulsed with bolts of pleasure. He tasted incredible, hearty, and virile. The sensations striking me were intense and consuming, unlike anything I’d experienced. Then it got even better. He deepened the kiss, gently easing his tongue over my lips. I opened my mouth, accepting his polite invitation, and his tongue began to delicately stroke mine. The smooth slide made me shiver, so needy with desire, aching for more. As I leaned into him, he abruptly broke our kiss, jerking his body away from me.

“Oh, bloody hell,” he said, panting. He frantically ran both hands through his hair. “Grace, I apologize. I didn’t mean to do that. Please forgive me. I got caught up in the moment…”

My lower body was damp, heavy with need. God, I wanted to kiss him again. I wanted more. My lips trembled, yearning to tell him. But I pressed my mouth into a line. I couldn’t dare expose my deep feelings. Besides, I knew how complicated my admissions would make everything. We couldn’t do this.

My eyes flickered to him. “It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not okay. I feel terrible. I overstepped. You were upset about your mum, and I took advantage of the situation. Not to mention our history, myself being twice your age and your boss. Christ. I pray I didn’t ruin what we share with my careless behavior.”

I nodded, taking in his logical words. A reminder of the risks, of everything we had to lose.

He stood and shifted his body. I tried not to notice the thick evidence of our kiss in his pants.

“It was a little blip.” My voice was scratchy, barely audible. “Nothing we can't move past,” I said louder, surer, even if I felt as though I was suffocating. “Not to worry.”

“Good. Um. Well, I should get home.” He grabbed the iPad from the couch. “And regarding the convention next weekend. If you’re not in any way comfortable going along with me, I can manage on my own. I’ll obtain the necessary information and have you go through it when I get back.”

I was so focused on work and the house repairs that I’d forgotten about the convention in Ottawa next week.

I shook my head, trying to hide any discomfort. “We’re adults. We’ll be fine. Besides, you clearly need my expertise when it comes to technology.”

I pointed at the iPad in his hands.

He chuckled, but it came out forced. “Yes. True. By the way, thank you for the tech support. As usual. Charlotte will be very pleased.” He headed to the door, then turned around before he left. “Take care. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

I watched him exit the house and knew nothing would ever be the same. But I had no choice but to forget that mind-blowing kiss. A kiss that I know would ruin all future kisses. A kiss that could never happen again. I couldn’t lose Gavin. I couldn’t lose the girls. I couldn’t lose this job or this house.

***

That evening, I still couldn’t get the kiss we shared out of my head. The fantasies of kissing him were nothing compared to the reality. My entire body burned with desire when I thought back to the feeling of his lips and his tongue sliding in my mouth. The taste of him. How desperately I wanted more.

I wanted him to command me, to own and possess me. I wanted to bend over and feel his palm on my ass, spanking me hard, marking me red. The thoughts alone made me squirm, filling me with heat. Imagining uptight, prim, and proper Dr. Gavin Brinley taking charge and having me like that. A concealed primal and dominating side of him coming out.

Not polite. Taking everything he needed from me with pure ferocity.

I wanted him to teach me, guide me. Show me exactly how to please him.

I wanted to feel his hard cock against my palms. To taste him in my mouth. Feel him deep inside my body.

I wanted to watch him lose control. To study his face as he reached his ultimate peak of pleasure.

I wanted to taste his release. To feel his cum fill me up.

I wanted him so badly it was overwhelming.

But we couldn’t do this. I remembered how quickly he pulled away. How he got up and left. How much he regretted the kiss.

We were too different. There was too much at stake for both of us.

I sighed with hopelessness, then decided to cope in my usual way with some poetry writing. However, I couldn’t seem to find my book. I searched high and low in all the places I thought it would be. My room. On my desk, next to my bed. My tote bag.

Oh no, where was it?

My brain went dizzy, trying to remember all the places my poetry book would be. Sometimes I carried it with me. Maybe it had fallen out of my bag at one point? What if a patient found it? What if it was lost forever?

I had copies of all my poems, but it was the book itself I was most sad about losing. The beautiful, personalized book Gavin had gifted me.

Maybe it was a sign. Everything in that book, my deepest feelings, and all my poems were tarnished and cursed.

Then it occurred to me… What if Gavin found it? What if he decided to read the poems inside? What if he figured out they were about him?

The horror.

I’d much rather the book be gone forever than to have Gavin ever read those deeply personal and private poems.

***

With the tres leche cake in hand, I arrived at Dorina’s condo. Making the cake yesterday had been a good way to get my mind off the events that transpired. I shook the memories of the forbidden kiss away as the door opened, unsure if I wanted to tell Dorina.

“Happy twenty-third birthday, darling!” I exclaimed, but my excitement faded when I noticed the frown on her face.

“What’s going on?”

She moved aside to let me in. “Let’s sit.”

“So,” she said with a sigh as we had a seat on her couch, “I found out about your little night job. ”

She crossed her arms over her chest with an unimpressed look.

I sank into the couch cushions as blood rushed to my cheeks. She was definitely mad. Hurt. Disappointed.

“Why didn’t you tell me? Why would you keep that secret from me? I’m your best friend!”

“I don’t know.” I grabbed a throw pillow and held it to my chest. “I figured you’d be upset. And you’d worry…”

She shook her head. “I am upset. And worried.”

“I’m so sorry,” I said with a wince. “How did you find out?”

“Ashna came into the salon the other day. She was talking about the club and mentioned you in conversation.”

“Oh shit. I forgot you were her hairdresser.”

“Are things that bad that you needed another job?”

I nodded. “Yeah. Plus, your sister said they needed a bartender and server. It was the perfect opportunity.”

She scoffed. “I’m pissed with Van too. She didn’t say a word to me. I just don’t get it. There are so many bars in Toronto. Why would you choose to work at a sketchy sex club?”

“It’s actually not sketchy at all,” I said. “The club’s pretty awesome. It’s run by women, and they treat me well.”

She flashed me a dubious glance. “What about the skeevy men they let in?”

I explained the bad press, then the increase in security. “And it’s not all twenty-four seven orgies. It’s so much more. It’s about sexual exploration, kink discovery, self-expression, building bonds, and finding community. Honestly, it’s kinda like family there.”

“Family, really?” She shook her head in disbelief.

I nodded. “Believe me. I wouldn’t be there if it was unsafe or over the top.”

“All right. If you say so. But I’m still mad at you.”

“Too mad to enjoy the tres leches cake I made especially for you, Birthday Princess? Fresh whipped cream and cinnamon on top.” I licked my lips with exaggeration.

She rolled her eyes with a sigh. “God. No, dammit. I’m definitely not that mad...Come here, pollita .”

She wrapped her arms around me, and I squeezed her tight.

After I sang “Happy Birthday” and Dorina blew out a candle, I cut us each a huge slice.

“Grace. This is so good. What did you put in it? I taste a hint of citrus or something.”

“I added vanilla and orange peel to the milk mix.”

“Damn. That’s it. I think I’m in love with you. Or the cake. Or both.”

I laughed.

“Too bad you can’t get another job as a baker,” she said.

“Yeah, right. Now that’s stressful.”

She took a bite of cake. “By the way, does Gavin know about your job at X-PLORE?”

I put my plate of cake on the coffee table, then put my hands over my face as the memory of our kiss flooded my brain.

“Grace?”

“I have to tell you something.” I looked up at her, wrapping my hands over my neck. “I think I might be developing feelings for him.”

“For Gavin?” she said, surprised.

“Yes.” I sighed. “We kissed.”

Her eyes turned into saucers. “ You kissed Gavin? Whoa. When did this happen?”

“Yesterday. He came by unexpectedly. He wanted me to fix his daughter’s iPad. And I was upset because I broke one of my mom’s collectibles.”

“Oh no!” she exclaimed with a wince.

“Yeah. As you can imagine, I was a mess. Crying and everything. He comforted me, holding me in his arms, and then before I knew it, he put his lips on mine, and we were kissing.”

“Damn.” Dorina nodded, taking it in. “But I have to admit, I’m not that surprised. You guys spend so much time together. Plus, I must say, he looks really good lately. Especially when he came over that day with the bagels. He’s stepped it up.”

“I know,” I grumbled. As if I needed a reminder.

“I definitely picked up a vibe that day. I was going to say something to you, but I didn’t want to put the idea in your head or make you uncomfortable.” She paused as she took another bite of cake. “How was it?”

“The kiss?”

“Yes. Was it weird? Was it good ?”

I sighed. “It was the best kiss of my entire life. I felt things I never have before. I don’t know what’s going on, but lately, I want more for the first time in my life.”

“Really?” Her brows rose. “Like sexually ?”

“Yes,” I muttered. “But…” I took a deep breath. “We can’t happen. Between his age and our work relationship, we don’t make sense.”

She put her empty plate next to mine. “Have you always had a little something for him? In the past?”

“Never. It’s so strange. We’ve known each other forever, worked together for years. There was nothing going on. We were good. Just friends. Then he started seeing Michelle, and I saw him in a different light, and before I knew it—Bam! Feelings.” I released a hopeless sigh.

“Do you think he feels something too? He did kiss you.”

“I don’t know. The kiss was probably just a spur-of-the-moment thing on his end. A mistake. Something he completely regrets. I just want to move on. Put it far, far behind us.”

“Do you really think you can?” she asked, pursing her lips.

“We have no choice. Especially since we have this convention next weekend in Ottawa.”

“Right. It’s just you two?”

I nodded. “It’s only one night. Separate rooms, obviously.”

“That’s going to be tough,” she said with a wince. “You think you two will be okay? That’s a lot of time alone .”

I groaned. “I know. But I have to help him find a radiography system for the office. And I can’t show him that this affects me. I need to keep this job. My life depends on it.”