Boss With Benefits (Billion-Dollar Bet, #2)

CHAPTER NINE

S EVERAL DAYS LATER , although quite how many she couldn’t be sure because she’d lost all sense of time and space, Ella woke late in the afternoon to an empty bed and the sound of the shower being switched off.

What a time she and Adam had been having, she thought with a languid stretch that eased the delightful ache in her muscles. There’d been so much sex. So much pleasure. He’d followed through on every one of the promises he’d made to her on the plane and she was delighted and relieved she’d suppressed her misgivings and agreed to come. She could not get enough of him. Which perhaps didn’t bode all that well for getting him out of her system, but this fling of theirs was still in its infancy.

With desire once again fluttering, Ella was wondering what was taking him so long when her phone beeped to alert her to an incoming email. Lazily, she rolled over and picked up the device. She unlocked it and opened the app—and sat bolt upright when she saw that the message was from her boss.

For a moment, she didn’t dare click on it, because this one message held her entire future in its hands. She thought the audit had gone well, but what if it hadn’t? What if something had gone wrong? What if somehow the conflict of interest she and Adam had both been so keen to ignore had been uncovered, the audit rendered invalid, and she was being fired?

Ella swallowed hard and pulled herself together. She took a deep breath and shook the tension from her shoulders. She was being ridiculous. Why would something have gone wrong?

Nevertheless, her stomach was tumbling and her chest was tight as she opened the email. With her heart in her mouth, she read it once, twice, a third time—and then punched the air in triumph, because she’d done it. She’d actually done it. The promotion was hers. All that hard work had paid off. She was back in from the cold with a twenty percent pay rise and assigned to a great big fat audit starting in September. Her career was back on track. Her future was secure. She could finally put the last horrible year behind her and move on. And, God, it was a relief , because she could now admit that she’d been more than a little nervous waiting for the verdict.

‘You look happy,’ said Adam, walking into the room, naked but for a towel around his waist and another around his neck.

Ella broke off the victory dance she was doing on the bed and beamed at him. ‘I just got that promotion I was after.’

She thought she saw a tiny frown crease his brow, but it was there and gone so fast she realised it must have been a trick of the light. ‘Congratulations.’

‘Thank you,’ she said, flopping back against the pillows and admiring his broad, hard chest, which was glistening alluringly with water droplets. ‘I can’t tell you how relieved I am. It’s been long overdue.’

He pulled the towel from his neck and began to rub his hair dry. ‘I remember you saying you screwed up. What happened?’

Ella stilled for a second, the bubble of happiness bouncing around inside her deflating a fraction, because, damn, that had been careless. She’d inadvertently piqued his interest, and now she was in a spot because there were only two ways in which to respond—prevarication or confession.

Since she abhorred the first—to her it seemed not only weak but also a monumental waste of time—that only left the second. Which, most likely, meant telling him everything that had happened, everything she’d been through, when the whole sorry episode was behind her and she had no intention of ever thinking of it again. Because would he be satisfied with a dismissive wave of the hand and a vague muttering about ‘stuff’? She didn’t think so. He was all about the minutiae. Some responses to her emails during the audit, she recalled, had run to pages.

Quite honestly, the thought of reliving the ill-judged affair with Drew brought her out in a cold sweat. She’d never shared the full story with anyone. Not even her friends knew all the details. Admitting how stupid she’d been and exposing her fallibility to a supremely confident man like Adam, a man who’d likely never put a foot wrong in his life, appealed even less.

But on the other hand, what if it wasn’t so easy to move on? What if, despite the promotion that suggested she’d been forgiven, the memories of it continued to hound her, riddling her with doubt and colouring her every decision? How would she stand it?

Maybe she had to offload everything once and for all—the facts, the fallout, the lasting impact the affair had had on her—so she could truly let it go. Maybe it would be cathartic. And as for exposing her fallibility to this man in particular, well, he had no sway over her career any longer. He posed no threat to anything, and she certainly didn’t care about his opinion of her. In two and a half weeks’ time she’d never even see him again. How bad could it possibly be?

Nevertheless, bracing herself to be hit with a flurry of unpleasant memories and a surge of turbulent emotion, Ella sat up and hugged a pillow to her like some sort of shield. ‘Drew Taylor,’ she said on a sigh. ‘He’s what happened.’

‘Who’s Drew Taylor?’

‘A year ago, he was my then boss’s then boss. He’s also the biggest mistake of my life.’

Adam stilled mid-rub, and while she appreciated the pose that displayed his muscles to their finest advantage, she was more intrigued by the unexpected flare of emotion she saw in his glare when her gaze met his. ‘What did he do?’

‘Plenty,’ she said with a wince and a shudder as she fought to keep the details from flooding her head. ‘But then, so did I. I had an affair with him. I knew it was against company policy, but I went ahead with it anyway. For a whole six weeks.’

His eyebrows shot up. ‘You did what ?’

‘There’s no need for you to be so judgemental about it,’ she said, bristling a little even though his incredulity was perfectly understandable and not nearly as great as her own. ‘Believe me, I have berated myself repeatedly for it. Barely a day goes by that I don’t regret my stupidity.’

Adam abandoned the towel with which he’d been rubbing his head and sat at the end of the bed, facing her. ‘I’m not being judgemental,’ he said, his expression softening a fraction. ‘I’m just staggered that you’d risk your career like that when it obviously matters a great deal to you.’

Yes, well, quite. How very perceptive of him. ‘It was an extremely stressful time,’ she said, not entirely sure who she was trying to convince most. ‘I’d been working long hours and was running on fumes. We were out celebrating the end of a successful financial year, and one thing led to another.’ She sighed again. ‘To be honest, I’m not sure what I was thinking at the time. I must have been out of my mind. I don’t even do relationships. But somehow I got tangled up in it. He was very dynamic. Very persuasive. But I still should have resisted.’

The frown returned. ‘Did he take advantage of you?’

‘No.’

‘It sounds as though he did.’

‘I was a very willing participant. Too willing, as it turned out.’

‘What do you mean?’

Even though she was beginning to die a little on the inside at the thought of revealing things that were so personal, so ridiculously sentimental, Ella soldiered on because there was no going back now. ‘I thought I was in love, which I wasn’t, but still. There was definitely some infatuation going on. For him, though, it could not have been more casual. We could not have been more at odds in terms of expectations. And so when we were found out, he threw me under the bus.’

‘How?’

‘He claimed I’d seduced him and that I wouldn’t take no for an answer.’

For a moment there was utter silence. While she’d been speaking, Adam’s expression had grown increasingly stony, and by the time she finished, his scowl could have vaporised rock. ‘He deserves to be ruined.’

‘He does,’ she agreed, something deep in her chest twanging in response to his support, which she didn’t need but for some reason felt nice to have nonetheless. ‘Instead, he got promoted, I got blacklisted. The night you and I met in that bar, I’d just found out he’d been nominated for an award, while I was still battling to repair my reputation. It felt grossly unfair.’

‘It’s more than grossly unfair,’ he said, his jaw now so tight it looked as if it were about to shatter. ‘It’s immoral, if not downright illegal.’

‘I know.’

‘I should fire them.’

Her eyes widened with alarm. ‘Please do not do that. They might blame it on me and take my promotion away.’

‘All right,’ he conceded grudgingly. ‘But the minute our contract comes up for renewal, the gloves are off.’

‘There’s really no need. I can fight my own battles.’

‘I wouldn’t be doing it for you. I’d be doing it for me. There’s no place for misogyny and harassment in any of the Courtney Collection’s dealings. There was enough of that going on under my father’s tenure.’

‘So I’ve read,’ she said, stifling a shudder at the thought of Edward Courtney, who sounded as though he’d been an utterly abhorrent individual.

‘So, because of the affair, your career stalled,’ he said, bringing the conversation back to the point. ‘What other impact did it have?’

‘You mean apart from the realisation that I’d recklessly jettisoned the rules I’d lived by for a decade and put my whole career on the line? The humiliation and the shame and the sickening knowledge that I’d badly let myself down? The battering of my self-esteem and my confidence and losing the trust and respect of my colleagues? Nope. I think that’s about it.’

Some undefinable emotion flitted across his face. ‘Why didn’t you leave?’

‘Imagine the reference.’

‘Did you think about taking the company to court?’

‘Only briefly. I couldn’t prove anything. And I doubt it would have done my reputation any good, even if I could. Instead, I kept my head down and bided my time until I was given the chance to prove myself. Your audit was it, which was why I was so determined to see it through. Why I repeatedly compromised my principles to make that happen, which didn’t feel right when I’ve always done everything by the book. But I wanted redemption more. I wanted what I deserved.’

‘And you got it.’

‘I did. Despite my own attempts to sabotage things. I mean, I’d sworn not to mix business with pleasure ever again, and I was determined not to let the attraction I felt for you get the better of me, but I still threw myself at you the evening I confronted you at your apartment. Lately, I really seem to have been my own worst enemy.’

‘I provoked you into it.’

‘Perhaps,’ she agreed, recalling the havoc he’d unleashed in her with his admission that he was as at the mercy of the chemistry that sizzled between them as she was. ‘But I’m okay with owning my mistakes. I’ve always thought it important to learn from them so as not make the same ones again. Obviously, that’s something I still need to work on.’

Adam appeared to have no further response to that. He seemed to be waging some sort of war with himself. His fists were clenched, and he looked as though he were ready to rip things apart with his bare hands.

But however soft and warm it made her feel, she really didn’t need his outrage. Nor did she want it. In fact, the conversation had turned somewhat darker and heavier than she’d intended, and she was filled with the sudden urge to lighten it.

‘Anyway,’ she said with a deliberately bright smile, now focused on putting an end to the conversation before it got any more complicated. ‘All’s well that ends well, and you’re now sleeping with a director. So what do you think of that?’

Adam thought so many things about what Ella had just told him he didn’t know where to start. When he’d walked into the bedroom and seen her jumping around on the bed and beaming from ear to ear, for a split second he’d thought it was because she was pleased to see him. But that had not been the case. Which was a relief, naturally, because the last thing he wanted was to be responsible for her happiness. The quick tightening of his chest had been caused by indigestion, he was sure.

Her delight at her success had been infectious, and he’d experienced a moment of what might or might not have been pride because he knew how bloody hard she’d worked for it. He’d witnessed it. However, when she’d explained the circumstances surrounding it, those positives had swiftly morphed into a more volatile combination of emotions. Astonishment. Disbelief. And then fury, directed first at the jerk who’d messed her around and then at the company that had treated her so unfairly.

For the first time in his life, he wanted to punch something. Ella’s dynamic and persuasive ex specifically, the mere thought of whom made him feel as though he’d swallowed a bucket of battery acid. This Drew Taylor should never have abused his seniority by starting something with her, even if she had been a willing participant. And then to wash his hands of her? What sort of a cowardly bastard did that?

At the very least, the guy deserved to be fired. A couple of phone calls was all it would take, and his career would be history. And once that was done, Adam would then set about taking apart the company she worked for piece by piece. The world did not need businesses with values like that. What she’d been through brought back unpleasant memories of the accusations of sexual harassment made against his father. Of the one member of staff who’d dared to sue and been so thoroughly destroyed by the process she’d never worked again. She’d been living in a hostel, broke and broken, when Adam finally tracked her down in order to reverse the miscarriage of justice at least a little. So unfortunately Ella had probably been right to question the wisdom of such a course of action.

No wonder she’d gone to such lengths to keep the audit on track and trouble-free. She was righting a wrong. Just as he was. But he had to cool it before he burst a blood vessel. He wasn’t her avenger and she’d made it clear that she didn’t need one. He had enough on his plate with the Helberg takeover. He didn’t need to fight for justice on any other playing field. That wasn’t what this was about anyway. And if she wanted to carry on working for a company that treated her so badly, that was her business.

So, deploying steely determination, Adam pushed the emotions back into the cage where they belonged and fought the clamouring urge to tell her about the challenges he’d faced at work, particularly when he’d taken over as CEO. About how he didn’t do relationships either. About Montague’s and the reason why he’d let the conflicts of interest they’d had slide.

If she wanted to share details of her past with him, that was up to her. He was under no obligation to reciprocate. And he mustn’t. Because losing control physically was one thing. Losing control of his defence mechanisms that kept everyone at arm’s length was quite another.

‘I’ll get the champagne.’

Although it pained her to admit it, a week into their affair, the frustration that Ella had experienced during the first half of the audit returned, and for a very similar reason, namely avoidance. Not when it came to sex. That was more torrid than ever. The afternoon she’d received her promotion, which they’d celebrated not just with champagne but also sex so wild and free she’d given him an orgasm that for one tiny nanosecond had actually made him lose consciousness. Ever since then, he’d been trying to do the same to her, and although he hadn’t yet succeeded, his diligence had been thrilling. So no. She had no cause for complaint there. The area that was giving her grief was conversation. Or rather, the lack of it.

By definition, that was a two-way street, but currently most of the traffic was on her side of the road. While she wasn’t expecting—and did not particularly want—an in-depth discussion about hope and dreams, she was interested in slightly more than just the basic facts about the man she was sleeping with. It was unnerving to know every inch of his body but so little of his mind, other than he had a thing about justice. It didn’t feel quite right. But every time she asked him a question that ventured into the vaguely personal, he batted it away or turned the conversation back to her. When that didn’t work and she persisted, he distracted her with sex.

‘Our trailer park was located in California only a few miles from a swanky golf course and polo field,’ she told him one morning in bed in response to his enquiry into how hard she’d had to fight for what she’d achieved. ‘It was illegal. And feral. The dogs. The kids. The adults. People who weren’t drinking themselves into oblivion were shooting up. We had no air-conditioning and undrinkable water. The plumbing would go down for weeks at a time, and toxic smoke from the nearby dump regularly drifted in through the broken windows.’

‘How did you escape?’ he asked, propping himself up on his elbow and lazily trailing his fingers over the contours of her body as if mapping her.

‘It was tough. My parents dealt drugs to make ends meet. Hard ones, although they were never prosecuted because the cops tended to steer clear of the whole place. I could have easily gone down the same route. Most kids did. But even at an early age, I got the feeling that there had to be something better out there. I don’t know why. Maybe I saw something on TV. Anyway, I got myself to high school, where I discovered I had an affinity for numbers and decided that accounting would become my route out. The one good teacher I had told me about charities that would help, and they did. I worked hard to catch up and got the grades. I went for days on end on only three hours’ sleep a night, but it was definitely worth the pain. I graduated first in my class at college. Not that that was the end of it, of course. I had to lose the accent. I also had to learn how to read a room and network and educate myself on which fork to use, which actually was quite interesting. Did you know there was a separate plate for salad?’

‘Yes.’

‘And that it’s generally acceptable to eat asparagus with your fingers?’

‘I’ve never eaten it any other way.’

‘No, well, you and I couldn’t be more different, could we?’

He stilled for a moment, shifted minutely as if to make himself more comfortable and then resumed his idle exploration of her. ‘Do you still see your parents?’

‘Not for a decade.’

‘Do you mind about that?’

‘God, no,’ she said with a shudder. ‘I can barely believe we’re related and I’m very happy relying on myself. I’ve been doing it for years. I can’t ever imagine not. They could be dead, for all I know. I really don’t care.’

‘You’re very tough.’

He sounded impressed and a warm tingly feeling that had nothing to do with desire beginning to wind through her. ‘I’ve had no choice,’ she said, ruthlessly stamping it out. ‘Once I decided to reject the life that could have been mine, it was the only option. It’s been quite a journey and not an easy one, but I don’t regret a moment of it. Apart from my one reckless affair, obviously. That was a bad career move. So, what about you? Where did you grow up? What was your home environment like? I’ve read about your father. It couldn’t have been easy.’

But she didn’t get an answer. His gaze that was on hers darkened and intensified and her pulse began to pound. ‘I think that’s best saved for another time,’ he murmured suggestively, and before she could protest, he rolled on top of her and silenced her with his mouth.

He kissed her until her head emptied of everything but him. He caressed her breasts, with which he’d developed something of an obsession, and she lost what little was left of her mind. Then, when he finally stopped ignoring her desperate pleas for release and thrust hard into her, there was nothing but fierce heat, ragged breathing and the slickness of their bodies moving together. He was in no hurry. In fact, he seemed to be intent on tormenting her. He drove her to the brink and then pulled her back so often it felt like punishment. When he eventually allowed her to fall apart in his arms, she saw stars for a full five minutes.

This happened again when she tried to find out more about his sister and their relationship. And again when she recalled him telling her that the magazine article was inaccurate because that depiction of him wasn’t who he was any more.

It was more than a coincidence, she felt. Just like during the first week of the audit, she suspected he was doing whatever he could to avoid her more challenging questions, and in spite of the pleasure he gave her on these occasions, the imbalance of the situation was becoming a problem. At least for her. It felt like an insult. It felt transactional, and it reminded her too much of her relationship with Drew, who, because he’d been less invested in her than she had in him, had held all the cards.

This was meant to be a meeting of equals, body and mind, and it wasn’t. Knowledge was power and Adam had all of it, and it had now reached the point that this state of affairs had to be addressed.

‘Do you realise that it’s been a week since we got here, and you haven’t told me one single significant thing about yourself?’ she said over a supper of grilled spiced fish and a mango and avocado salad that had been prepared by the housekeeper who lived on the island but she’d yet to meet. ‘Whenever I try to engage you in a conversation about you or anything even in the slightest bit personal, you distract me with sex.’

Adam glanced up from his plate. The flickering candlelight cast dancing shadows over the sharp planes of his face. His expression was unreadable, but his eyes twitched and a muscle jumped in his jaw. ‘How is that a problem? Are you bored?’

‘Of the sex? No,’ she said, while thinking, As if. He was keeping her extremely well occupied with sex that was varied and inventive. But that was partly the trouble. ‘It’s just that it makes me feel as though I’m nothing more than an object of pleasure.’

He frowned and put down his fork. ‘I understood you were on board with this being purely physical.’

‘I am. To a degree. But I would like to know a bit more about the man I’m sleeping with. I would like some respect. I’ve told you a lot about myself these last few days yet have had zero in return. It makes me uneasy. I can’t help wondering what you have to hide.’

‘I don’t have anything to hide,’ he said smoothly, although tension was beginning to radiate off him in waves. ‘Perhaps it’s simply that I value my privacy. Perhaps I don’t like talking about myself. I never asked you to tell me anything, Ella. I’m under no obligation to reciprocate. This is nothing more than a three-week fling. Don’t make it something it isn’t.’

At that, Ella’s eyes narrowed and her hackles went up. What was he suggesting? That she’d weakened and was now after some sort of relationship with him? Heaven forbid. She was perfectly happy with no strings and no pressure. She always had been. Emotional intimacy was not, and never would be, required.

Yet it struck her suddenly that that was precisely what would happen if she pursued her avid interest in him. She’d be creating a connection that went way beyond the physical. She might start feeling things for him she didn’t not want to feel. What if warm and tingly became the norm? What if she developed the urge to rush to his defence? She might find herself wanting to extend this affair. Getting involved. Losing her focus. And she needed none of that.

Despite the heat of the evening, an ice-cold shiver race down her spine. Her head swam for a moment and her lungs squeezed. Thank God he’d alerted her to what was going on before she travelled too far down that dangerous path, she thought, drawing in a slow steady breath to ease the quick flare of panic. She hadn’t recognised what was going on because it had never happened before, but she did now.

So going forward, she would back right off. She would respect his wishes and protect her own. She would not succumb to such weakness again. She would not allow him to damage her self-esteem when she’d only just recovered it. She would focus on getting him out of her system and nothing else.

‘You know what?’ she said, not wanting to even think about how close she’d come to forgetting her number one goal when it came to men—to keep it casual. ‘You’re absolutely right.’