Bound by Obsession (Shadowed Souls #2)

12. Chapter Twelve

“ I expect you to leave immediately.”

Those were Nixon’s last words to me before he hung up the phone and left me standing in a police station, riddled with responsibility. I know how he talks to Wyatt, and I didn’t appreciate being ordered around like a piece of shit on the bottom of his dress shoe.

Neither do I need threatening to keep Avery safe. I will care for her because I have a deep and destructive infatuation, not because Nixon failed to do so. She’s an addiction, consuming my every waking thought. Is she happy? How can I make her so? Yet the harder I try, the tighter I squeeze, the more she slips away and into the arms of others.

And so the spiral continues. Three days of travel thus far. An unhealthy amount of procrastination, a lack of nutrition other than protein shakes and energy drinks, the occasional cigarette from Dax’s stash, and the repetitive open road passing beneath the SUV’s tires. I grip the steering wheel, the stitched leather pushing against my palms. Around me, low giggles, soft snoring and the hum of music blend into one. I’m not a part of it. I’m the chauffeur. Just the driver, but at least I have a use.

A turn-off ahead becomes visible, the one I’m supposed to take. My thumbs twitch on the wheel with indecision. How can I trust Nixon’s decisions from here on out? What if his safe house is anything but? These are the types of thoughts colliding in my skull, my fingers hovering over the indicator. Perhaps the true chance Avery has at safety is if I take her somewhere no one else would think to look.

Torn between my head and my heart, I push the pedal to the floor and spin the steering wheel right. A shitty Toyota sounds its horn behind as I cut straight in front, crossing the three lanes and making the turn just in time. A shudder runs through me, my arms tingling with trepidation. The image of a blue eyed, blonde hair temptress appears in the rearview mirror, her face open and curious. I’d expected a series of slaps and screams to accompany my hesitations, but instead, there’s an eerie silence. An unspoken agreement to leave me in control. At least Axel tried to take my burdens, even if it was just for one night.

Coming to an intersection at the top of the ramp, I take the exit directly opposite and re-emerge onto the interstate. A heavy pressure pushes down on my chest with anxiety. For a fleeting moment, freedom had seemed so close. We could have all run away, found a place to be whoever we wanted. As long as we were together. But like the call of a darkened cage, something was pulling me back. Or rather, someone.

I’ll collect Wyatt and meet you there.

Nixon’s words repeat on a loop. It’s that glimmer of hope which keeps me on the instructed road. There was no time to write down Nixon’s directions and he expressly told me not to. No one can know, and I’m certain that if Avery wasn’t his little princess, she’d be making this journey on her own. At least with us, she has fall guys. Men that will jump in front of bullets and offer themselves up in her path. Now all we need is Wyatt back in our fold and I’ll be leading the petition to get the fuck out of dodge.

Ever the diligent one, Dax turns to me from the passenger seat and looks too closely at my rigid, stiff posture. “Let me know when you need a break. I’m happy to take over so you can close your eyes for a while,” he offers.

“The open road is the best kinda medicine.” I reply hollowly, settling down further and attempting to spread my legs comfortably. I’m protective of who drives my SUV at the best of times but when I’ve got precious cargo, I don’t trust anyone else. I need the control. Hands seize my shoulders with a reassuring squeeze.

“Pull over Hux,” Avery purrs. “We all need a break.” I shake my head.

“We’ll be at our next stop soon.” Catching sight of her concerned gaze in the mirror, I sigh. “I’m good guys, I promise. It’s just up the road and then I’ll rest.” Those nimble hands stay on my shoulders, kneading gently until my spine eases. At the sight of my small smile, Avery relaxes back into her seat, returning to Garrett’s shitty jokes and Axel’s lingering touches. Miles of open road fly by easily after that.

The sky is a murky purple hue by the time I pull into a motel’s tiny parking lot. The shabby, run down building has stepped straight out of a serial killer’s catalog. Two storeys high, looming and depressing. Only a handful of curtains have a dim orange glow behind them, the rest of them in complete darkness.

Switching off the engine, Dax slips out of the passenger seat first and audibly cracks his back. His afro is getting longer, starting to poke out in all directions. In a pair of low-slung sweatpants and oversized tee, he heads to the reception. I’m last out of the cab, standing off to the side. Avery stretches, each movement tracked by the hungry eyes of Garrett and Axel lingering nearby. Her legs are hugged by green cropped leggings that clash with an orange hoodie I’m sure isn’t hers, judging by the excess of material around her petite body. Her hair is trapped in a low ponytail, wisps of blonde spread over her shoulders.

Dax is back within a few minutes, his voice carrying as he approaches. “They’ve only got rooms with double beds. I got two and figured we’ll rotate.” Tossing Axel a pair of keys, Dax tries to give me the other set.

“I’m gonna hang out here for a while, stretch my legs and that.” I hold my hand up, glad when Dax buys it and shrugs. Avery tries to protest but she can’t hide the yawn that pulls at her mouth. “Head to bed, Little Swan.” Summoning a smile, she pauses to kiss my cheek before being led away by Dax. I stare at their joined hands, a pang of jealousy hitting me where it shouldn’t. Somehow while the rest of us weren’t looking, Dax has stepped into the role of Avery’s comfort blanket.

Once the door clicks closed behind him, I slump against the SUV and cross my arms. Exhaustion racks my body, both from being vigilant and from the mental stress I’m once again carrying. When it’s quiet and I have time alone like this, I tend to wonder how things would have been if we’d all simply been students - invested in partying too hard, passing midterms and competing for Avery’s attention.

Not that it matters anyway. We’re here, miles from any type of world we know and secretly competing anyway. I’m surprised by the lack of fight Garrett puts up, slipping into the room next door with Axel just behind. I scoff to myself, clenching my jaw. I’ve been driving for nine hours straight, proving my vow to watch over her and that’s exactly what I’m going to do. From this vantage point, no one can creep up on the room and no mysterious notes can be put beneath the door without me seeing them approach.

There were fifteen or so rooms on each level with metallic steps leading to the second floor. The walls probably were a fresh cream when originally painted in the 60s, but now the only hint of color is of the brick peeking through the peeling, murky exterior. Most of the windows are too dirty to see through and those earlier feelings of trepidation have come back with a vengeance.

Reaching through my open window, I lean inside and pull out the pack of cigarettes Dax has most likely left behind on purpose. I’ve noticed he hasn’t been smoking half as much since Avery appeared in our lives and I thought he’d kicked the habit, but the small box in my hand says otherwise. We all need our vices.

Flicking open the lid, I find seven sticks and a yellow lighter inside. Should be enough to get me through the night since there’s no coffee machine in sight. Leaning against the driver’s side door, I pop a cigarette in between my lips and light it. The bitter taste is akin to acid but I need something to keep me going. Increasingly, the thought of digesting actual food has been making me feel more and more nauseous, so I’ve resolved to small scraps here and there at Avery’s request. Once only the cigarette butt remains between my fingers, I flick it across the concrete and climb back into the SUV.

In the glow of a streetlamp, I shift my eyes from window to window across the two floors, checking for curtain twitchers. A brass number six hangs on Avery’s door with a paper ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign swaying slightly around the handle. There’s several cars in the car park, most of them old bangers so my white, shiny SUV sticks out like a diamond in a pawnbrokers. Another good reason for me to play bodyguard out here, otherwise my beloved vehicle would more than likely be missing by morning.

Pushing my seat back to gain more leg room, my eye-lids begin to feel heavy. I give my head a fierce shake, my wavy hair whipping around my cheeks. Pulling another cigarette from the pack, I tease my tongue between my teeth at the thought of the offending tar-like taste filling my mouth again. Of the damage I’m doing to my insides with more nicotine than nutrition fueling me.

I’m doing it again - just like I told Axel. Sabotaging myself by making sure I’m in no fit state to guard anyone, putting both Avery and my brothers at risk. As if having a reason to blame my misgivings on will make it easier. But what choice do I have? Avery needs protecting and if that means I lose myself in the process, so be it.

***

A repetitive buzzing stirs me into waking, my head suddenly jolting upright. It’s pitch black within the cab, except for a glow emanating from my door pocket. Grabbing my phone, I blink against the sleep blurring my eyes, fumbling for the ceiling light.

Avery: Are you planning on staying out there all night?

Avery: There’s a Huxley-sized space free in this bed.

I run a hand down my face and glance around the inside of the SUV. A perfectly rounded hole is burnt into the edge of my leather seat, the offending cigarette butt lying by my foot on the floor. Fuck .

Avery: My backside is cold. Stop watching the room and come watch me sleep instead.

I freeze, staring at the screen for a while. Apprehension fills me, a stirring in my chest coming to life. I’d forgotten what it felt like. To be desired and for me not to be doing all of the chasing. Damn, it makes me feel wanted .

Avery: Please, Hux. My butt is getting frostbite.

I snort on a laugh that had no business escaping me so easily.

Huxley: I’m fairly sure you can’t get frostbite on your ass.

Avery: Are you willing to run that risk? It would be such a waste of squats.

Looking outside, there’s been no change. The streetlamps glow in each corner of the building, illuminating what would be the darkest areas. There are no new vehicles, suggesting only those who had already checked in are present. It would take a psychic to have known where we were heading, especially since I didn’t check into the motel Nixon suggested. My small act of defiance, just in case my instincts about Nixon happen to be right. Three dots appear on the screen.

Avery: I’ll make you a deal. You come in here or I’ll come out there. I’ve been in your trunk, I’m certain we could both fit in it.

It’s not the worst idea, but I’m already popping the door open. Avery tiptoeing around a parking lot in the middle of the night is just asking for trouble.

Huxley: Don’t you dare move.

The motel room door opens as I step onto the mat, but it’s not Avery standing there. Dax is fully dressed with his sneakers tied. Prying the keys from my hand, he pats my shoulder. “Let someone else have a turn at being the hero.” Exiting, Dax strolls over to the SUV and takes my place. I watch him with my brows furrowed. Is that what everyone thinks I’m doing - stubbornly taking on the role as Avery’s hero in the hopes for some praise. Wait, is that what I’m doing?

“M-m-my butt,” Avery groans from the bed. “It’s s-so cold.” I swiftly close the door. Two steps into the room and with my T-shirt lifted several inches up my body, Avery’s hand flies into the air. “Wait! There’s a cost for getting in this bed.”

“A cost?” I echo, fully frowning now. The hand that halted me fists with one finger left pointing. I follow its direction, noting a Styrofoam container on a wonky plastic table.

“We were going to invite you but you were asleep. So I got you a doggy bag instead.” Avery says nonchalantly and rolls over in bed. My gut drops. I was supposed to be keeping watch, and they left , got food and snuck back in. What a shit lookout I am.

And more than that, how could Dax of all people be so reckless? He’s meant to be as level-headed as me. But then I hear Avery shuffling around, wiggling her butt in the air for my attention and I instantly know how Dax let himself slip. Avery is a minx, and she always gets her own way every damn time. I mean, look at us, wrapped around her little finger.

“You can get in the bed once you’ve eaten,” she purrs. I hear her smirk and visualize her bobbing eyebrows through the darkened room.

“You’ve tricked me.” My voice is thick. It’s no longer just the boy’s betrayal churning my gut but also the food I’m now having forced upon me. I turn to face out of the window, peering the outline of my SUV through threadbare curtains. That’s why Dax left. He knew Avery could make me stop and care for myself when his demands couldn’t. Best intentions or not, I’ll beat him for it in the morning.

For the longest time, Avery remains in bed. Snug and safe beneath the covers, watching on intently. She doesn’t rush me. Slowly, I settle into a chair that creaks beneath my weight. That’s a feat, considering the muscle mass I’ve lost. I pop the container, instantly hit with the smell of fast food. A club sandwich and fries. It curdles my stomach, filling my senses as I try to breathe my way through it. Tentatively, I take a small bite and chew it for far too long. When did something so simple become so triggering?

“You’re doing amazingly,” a gentle voice comes from across the room. There’s not a trace of sarcasm or judgment in Avery’s tone. Only pure acceptance. My heart lifts and a grin spreads across my face, hopeful that she can keep this up. Pushing me along the road of recovery whilst I’m dragging my feet. I know I can’t lean on her too hard, can’t depend on her to help me if I won’t help myself.

Avery waits a whole ten minutes before moving to join me, sitting opposite to eat the other half of the sandwich I’ve started pushing around the box. Baby steps are better than nothing, I suppose. After I fail to suppress a yawn, Avery curls her hand beneath my bicep and tugs me over to the bed. I stand beside the mattress, breathing heavily through my nose. There’s no hesitation as Avery undresses me piece by piece. I don’t stop her, despite my instinct to squirm and shy away. I’m a fraction of the man I used to be. Of who I’m supposed to be. Soft fingers lift to the rounded, pink scar below my collar bone.

“I’ll help you heal,” she declares. I take her hand in mine.

“It’s already healed.” Bringing her knuckles to my lips, Avery tilts her head with a hidden roll of her eyes.

“Not internally.” I feel the guilt she still holds. What I wouldn’t give to take it from her, to make her understand I’d take that bullet a thousand times if it means she’s unharmed. The feelings we started to build on haven’t lessened, but they haven’t had a chance to thrive either. Avery follows my train of thought. “I’m still here for you.”

“I know.”

Cementing a clear boundary, Avery lifts the oversized T-shirt, which smells like Dax, over her head and leaves her underwear in place. Crawling into the bed, I take my cue. She feels incredible, her warmth soaking into my front. Slipping an arm beneath her head, I hug Avery tightly, inhaling the sweet scent of her hair and skin. She’s just as smooth as I remember, just as perfect.

“I’ve missed this,” I admit quietly. Avery shifts onto her side and leans into my chest. My hand dives into her long hair, our lovers embrace easing a lump in my chest. “Thank you, Little Swan.” Slowly, brick by brick, my wall starts to disintegrate. That distance I’d put between us, thinking it was what Avery wanted, seems irrelevant now. She called and I came running straight back. “I’ll make the effort to be better.”

“I don’t need you to be better, Hux. I just want you to be yourself again. I miss your smile. The way it lights up the lighter flecks in your eyes. I want to hear your laughter.” She’s not the only one. I miss smiling too.

“I’m getting there. This helps.” Pressing my lips against her temple, I settle into the rhythm of Avery’s breathing, surprised with how quickly sleep takes me.