Bound by Obsession (Shadowed Souls #2)

15. Chapter Fifteen

“ B each!” I yell, shoving past the girl’s mini reunion. Avery is stunned, asking what the hell Meg is doing here in a harsher voice than I’m sure she intended. Ignoring Huxley yelling about helping with the bags, I push my legs at top speed toward the shore. Pulling my phone and Air Pods from my pocket, I chuck them into the sand for someone else to pick up and charge into the water. The cool water splashes around the heavy pound of my sneakers, my shorts and tank top sticking to my body as I dive into the water.

It’s fucking freezing. I surface on a gasp, my lungs burning as if they are shutting down, but I don’t care. Flopping back, I spread my arms and legs wide like a tattooed starfish bobbing on the water. I’m the tide’s bitch now. Throwing me around, I make my way back to the sand, only to twist and toss myself back in to do it again.

“You’re going to catch your death in there,” Axel shouts, his bare feet sinking into the wet sand at the shore’s edge. My phone and Air Pods are in his hand and I chuckle gently to myself.

“We’ve been stuck in a car for days. Let loose and come catch my death with me!” I wave at him, diving beneath the next current. This time, I don’t fuck around. I swim hard, pushing my limbs to their limits, fighting an invisible force. Salt burns my eyes, a darkness beckoning me to carry on. It’s chaotic on the seabed, rocks and sand being hurled around, small creatures not standing a chance. I only come up briefly for air and sink straight back in.

Being trapped in Huxley’s SUV has been slowly chipping away at my sanity. There’s only so long I can be the Garrett everyone adores. Cracking jokes, inventing games, boosting morale. I’m like a Ken doll, plastering on a plastic smile for everyone else’s benefit. At some point, even my energy wains and I need a respite. A reset. This right here, swimming through the turbulence, this is for my benefit.

Some way out, I breach the surface to see a huge wave about to crash down onto my head. Being pulled underneath forcefully, I tumble and roll, fighting to find the way up. The tide steals the sneaker from my foot causing me to shout underwater and lose precious air bubbles. Finally breaking free of the undercurrent, I gulp in air and wipe the water from my eyes to look for my missing sneaker when another wave plummets onto me. Forcing my legs to kick powerfully in time with my arms, I push myself further onward until there’s no longer the sounds of crashing overhead.

The beach house and Axel’s outline are tiny in the distance now, my sneaker well and truly lost. I bet some fucker finds it washed ashore and shits a brick at the custom-made high-top I probably should have laced tighter. Bending to pull the left one off, I launch it as far as I can into the vast ocean. Hopefully, the lucky son of a bitch can find the other to have a matching pair.

My limbs are aching from getting to this point of calm beyond the waves. Not wanting to waste my efforts, I take my time both floating and swimming lengths back and forth towards a fence I find down the coast. The burn of exertion fills me like my own brand of adrenaline.

I love everything about the sea, mainly the freedom it holds beneath its surface. To a boy once locked in his own house without a scrap of food to eat and the electricity cut off, all that’s left is to dream. To wonder and imagine. A whole world is hidden from view, mountains and volcanoes, sunken shipwrecks, stunning displays of coral and whales that could swallow me whole. Well, that’s some of the best shit to wonder about right there.

Axel’s whistle carries to me in the wind, a spec of a figure waving from the beach. Yeah, yeah. Reality is calling. I turn back just as a sea turtle drifts by, lazing contently under the sun’s rays. A marbled effect covers his brown shell which is smooth beneath my fingertips as I stroke it. Watching the creature pass, barely having to move its limbs, I smile to myself. That’s the life - no stress or commitments, just enjoying the peace each day brings until a bull shark jumps up to eat you. Deciding turtles are my new spirit animal, I start to head towards my...whatever he is. Just Axel.

Nearing the beach, the waves begin to pick up again, helping to push me the rest of the way now I’m not resisting. Realizing I can stand on the seabed, I rise to my full height and walk the rest of the way with water slapping across my back as I go. Emerging onto the beach in my soggy socks, Axel’s hazel eyes assess me with a hint of amusement. I close the gap between us, I throw myself into his body and squeeze him tight, ignoring the sounds of disgust. After forcing his hands between us and pushing me away, I smirk at his now see-through white T-shirt sticking to his muscled torso.

“What happened to your shoes?” he questions.

“Sea stole ‘em,” I shrug. He shakes his head at me.

“Here, take these back and go fight over a room like the oversized man-child you are.” Axel puts my belongings into my pruney hands with a roll of his eyes.

“Yes, Boss.” I run my tongue up his cheek, seeking out the dip of the dimples that I love. I mean, like. Mildly tolerate. Ugh whatever, dimples are for douchebags really.

“Huh. Why don’t I have any?” I mumble to myself, pushing my tongue against my inner cheeks.

“Have any what?” Axel frowns, wiping his cheek dry with his sleeve. Without answering, I peer up at the building. Framed by a wraparound porch, the pale blue exterior blends seamlessly into a cloudless sky, a picturesque holiday home. Nothing like the safe house I was expecting. Avery is standing in a huge bay window, her arms clasped around herself. I mentally catalog which room she has chosen. Another one I’ll be crashing into at my leisure.

Striding to the porch, I leave my phone on the porch swing. After noticing there isn’t a single bar of service out here, I strip out of my socks and shorts, hanging them over the railing. My boxers and t-shirt remain in place, the latter glued to every crevice of my chest and abdomen. I tug on the cotton, trying to lift it away from my body. It snaps back every time.

I pause by the back door, growing frustrated when I’m spun out of sight of the windows. Axel crowds me against the wall, yanking his T-shirt over his head, sexy-boy style. I forget what we’re doing, my mouth going dry of salt water until he whips my top upwards too. I cringe, slamming my eyes shut. Axel has seen my torso before, but it doesn’t lessen the rush of anguish clawing at me. Dry, soft cotton, enriched with his citrusy scent is pulled over my head. It takes everything in me not to fall into Axel’s chest.

Anyone else would have said I was being stupid. To grow a pair and stop worrying about wet clothing. But not Axel. He knows the sight of my body repulses me. How I despise myself so much, I don’t even look in the mirror after a shower. No matter how many tattoos I cover my pathetic, scrawny body in, I can’t unsee it. I can’t stand it.

“Why-” I start to ask and hastily shut myself down. Shaking my head, I blink a few times, kiss Axel’s cheek and rush to get inside. I hear his sigh follow me, and sink my teeth into my bottom lip. I can’t go around asking questions that will lead to trouble. Questions like, why the fuck do you tolerate me? Why do you even care? I’m purposely an asshat to prevent anyone from caring.

Snapping back to the Garrett I allow the world to see, I salute Huxley in the kitchen. He’s put himself on inventory duty in the form of a pen and notepad, searching through the cupboards and noting what supplies we have. I suppose there’s not enough for five extra people, and especially not enough for me.

I locate our bags in a heap on the living room floor. Shouldering mine, I head upstairs. I had toyed with the idea of invading the space of others, but maybe instead I should pick a room for myself and see if anyone comes creeping into my bed in the dead of night. I might be pleasantly surprised or majorly let down. Only time will tell.

Opening the door of my selected room, I frown at the floral blue suitcase upon the bed, surrounded by stacks of folded clothes. A woman walks in from the bathroom, jumping and gripping her chest in fright at the six-foot, dripping wet man filling her doorway. A floaty peach skirt with a high-slit sits at her waist, a tightly fitted white top with brown waves lying on her shoulders.

“Holy crap, you scared me!” She flinches hard. I watch her find composure, my face blank. Licking her lips, the woman attempts to smile. A fake one, I might add. “It’s Garrett, right? I’ve just met your friends; I didn’t realize Avery was bringing all of you.” I shrug with one shoulder, leaning against the door frame.

“And you are?” My raised brow and standoffish stance seems to shock her. A pink tinge lights her cheeks, her throat bobbing a few times. I’ve never seen someone struggle so hard to remember who they are.

“Oh, I’m Keren,” she offers a slender hand. I shake it once. “I’m…”

“Garrett, leave Meg’s mom alone,” Dax pats my back on the way past. I thought he might be going somewhere, but he just walks from one end of the hallway to the other. He paces for a moment longer, and then takes a second set of stairs to the third floor where I saw Avery standing earlier. Typical . Turning back to Meg’s mom, I notice a toothbrush and paste clutched in her hand.

“Are you leaving?” I ask, trying not to sound too hopeful. This is the biggest room with the best view. She smiles sadly, opening the suitcase to pack the items spread across the mattress with expert organization.

“I’m afraid so. Nixon thinks it’s best that I return to keep up appearances - act normal.” Her tone suggests she doesn’t believe him. First Huxley, now Keren. I wonder how many members of the Distrust Nixon club we’d need before making it an official gang. I’d join just for the matching jackets.

“Well, I have no idea what you’re talking about, but I call dibs on your room.” I saunter inside, setting the black duffel bags by the bay window. Axel is back out on the beach, having removed his shoes and socks to wander along the water’s edge. Smart man. He repeatedly runs a hand over his head, meaning he is deep in thought, worrying or both. I’ll beckon him up here shortly and help him forget about any concerns that might be troubling him.

“Ahh,” Keren says beside me, making it my turn to flinch. Sneaky little devil. “I know that look. How long have you two been a couple?” I choke on my own inhale, spluttering and spinning around to face away from the delicious view.

“Oh, no, no. I don’t do monogamy.” I state gruffly. Deciding to help fit the rest of her clothes into her bag, I haphazardly move this conversation swiftly along.

“And why is that?” Keren tilts her head, not bothered that I’m crinkling her perfectly folded skirts. Call it clarity or the chance to put the bullshit aside for once, I find the answer easier than expected.

“I suppose the notion of being tied to one person for the entirety of my life is ridiculous to me. People are constantly changing. Whoever I may or may not fall in love with now won’t be the same person in five, ten years. No one will stick with me for that long anyway.” Zipping her suitcase closed, I place it onto the wooden floor.

“Does being with Axel make you feel trapped?” Her brown eyes pierce my skull, reading my thoughts.

“Well, no but he’s…,” I chew on my lip for the second time in the last ten minutes. “Axel is precious. Far too special for someone like me to keep dragging him down. He has a chance to be free of his past traumas. I’ll never escape mine.”

“You’re right,” Keren nods slowly. My brows shoot up. No one ever agrees with me so easily. “You do seem far too damaged for a relationship. It must be terrifying to know people are constantly changing when you seem adamant to stay exactly as you are. Axel will outgrow you quickly.”

My chest halts mid-breath. I stare into Keren’s brown eyes, a fierce wave of resentment washing over me. I resent every fucking thing she just said. Kicking the wheeled bag towards her, it halts at her feet, my intentions clear that she has overstayed her welcome. I’m not a gentleman by any stretch of imagination but I can’t stand people trying to worm their way into my head.

“You don’t even know me, and you sure as shit don’t know Axel. If there was someone I could see myself staying with, it would be him. But that’s not who I am and he knows that. It suits us both just fine.”

“Does it?” Keren doesn’t look convinced, twisting her head to the window. The defensive part of me wants to whip the curtains closed, blocking her view in fear she can psychoanalyze him from here. Fuck my own; Axel’s issues are sacred. I scoff to regain her attention.

“You know what, unpack your bag and stick around. I’ll show you. I can be whatever Axel wants me to be to him.” The words tumble from my tongue, punctuated by the thumping of my heart. The mere thought of staying in Axel’s life, of being worthy of him, is uncharted territory. I know he’d accept me without question, but I also know he wouldn’t push me away when I’m hurting him, and therein lies the problem.

“See, people are constantly changing,” Keren smirks whilst using my own words against me. “For some, it just takes a little push.” Taking the bag’s handle, Keren holds back her smile as she wheels the suitcase out of the room. I stand there, gut punched with revelations I can’t begin to understand, feeling like a complete simp. Three minutes of conversation and Keren has me reevaluating the walls I’ve spent years putting in place. Sneaky little devil indeed.