Bound by Obsession (Shadowed Souls #2)

18. Chapter Eighteen

I lie awake, staring up in the pitch black room. Meg’s deep breathing is occasionally interrupted by a soft snore, probably disturbed by my fidgeting. Where are they?

It’s been hours since I said goodnight to the boys, but I didn’t actually believe I wouldn’t see any of them until morning. We haven’t slept apart in weeks. I don’t even know if I can drift off anymore without heavy limbs thrown over my legs and firm chests pressed against my arms. Sure, I’m sharing a room with Meg - at her request - but I figured at least Garrett would accept the challenge with vigor. It’s why I made up a cot bed beneath the bay window. I wouldn’t put it past him to attempt screwing me beside my best friend. It would likely unlock a new kink. But there’s not a sound beyond the door.

“Screw it,” I mutter, throwing the covers aside. Meg jolts but doesn’t wake. My footsteps are silent on the carpet, and I untwist my shorts and cami as I go. Slipping out of the door, I’ve crept halfway down the stairs when movement reaches my ears. Here he is , I think to myself, anticipating meeting Garret on the stairs. Instead, a body rushes past the hallway below, not sparing a glance in my direction and definitely not seeing me flinch out of my freaking skin. Hushed voices soon follow. Stopping on the bottom step, I stand within the shadows and listen in.

“Here, I got water.” Huxley whispers, slightly panting. Must be tiring being a man of his size, on barely any food, trying to creep around like a ninja.

“Is it cold? Cold is best.” Garrett doesn’t keep his voice so low. In fact, his tone causes me to frown further. I peek around, seeing him accept a tall glass.

“It’s cold, asshole. Just give him the glass already.” The pair disappear into the bedroom Garrett and Axel have claimed. I almost move to follow when another figure appears in the dark, the fuzzy outline of Dax’s hair catching the low light emanating from the bedroom before he disappears inside. Now I’m the only one missing from this impromptu sleepover. I push aside my pout and step out of my hiding space with a straightened spine.

“Any improvement?” I hear Dax ask on my approach. There’s a grunt, followed by Garrett’s harsh tone once more.

“It’s really bad this time.”

My heart clenches. My feet move faster, instinctively taking me to the bedroom door. It’s unfair for my mind to make the sudden jump to Huxley’s presence in that room, singling him out. He’s never kept anything from me, not even when I wanted him to, and the secrecy stings. I don’t dwell on it as the concern in Garrett’s voice sends a jolt of worry through me. His hushed murmurs continue, although I can no longer make out the words. I hesitate for a split second at the threshold, the sound of labored breathing reaching my ears.

I push the door open without knocking, my presence announced by the creak of the hinge. The room is dimly lit, the bedside lamp casting a warm glow over a chaotic scene. Axel is sitting on the edge of the bed, his head in his hands, chest heaving with shallow breaths. Dax is beside him, a hand on his back, rubbing soothing circles. Huxley stands nearby, holding the glass of water once again, his face etched with unease. Garrett is kneeling between Axel’s legs, his usual jokey demeanor replaced with a frantic concern.

The moment they see me, all movement stops. Garrett’s head turns and his eyes widen slightly, but it’s Dax who speaks first, his voice low and calm, “Hey Little Swan, you should go back to bed. We’ve got this.” It’s like a slap in the face.

“Got this?” I repeat, my voice trembling with anger. “What happened to being a team? Axel needs me, and you want to shut me out?”

Axel’s chest heaves, breaths coming in shallow, desperate gasps. Sweat beads on his forehead as his hands tremble uncontrollably. His wide eyes dart around the floor, unfocused, searching for something solid in the chaos. He clutches his chest, the sheer terror in his expression making the air feel heavy. I forget to breathe myself.

“Peach, we didn’t want to worry you,” Garrett says, running a hand through his hair in frustration. “Axel had a nightmare, that’s all. We thought we could handle it.”

“He’s having a damn panic attack,” I snap, moving to Axel’s side. His whole body is shaking, a fine tremor that ripples through him like a wave. My heart breaks at the sight. “Axel, sweetie,” I say softly, reaching out to him.

His head lifts, and I meet his hazel eyes—wild and unfocused, but when they land on me, something shifts. “Hey, I’m here,” I whisper, sitting beside him on the bed and pulling him into my arms. His body is tense, muscles coiled tight like he’s ready to snap, but I hold him close, stroking his head. There is a millimeter of dark hair covering his scalp. I feel it at the same time Axel does, the spikiness beneath my palm causing him to release a pain-filled groan. Anyone would think I was torturing him, and in Axel’s mind, I probably am.

Shifting across the bed, I pull open a few drawers and check through the black duffle bag on the floor. The guys ask what I’m doing but I block them out, fully focused on finding the rounded head shaver that’s in the bag’s side pocket. Returning to the bed, I kneel behind Axel now, flicking on the same device. Working his head in small circles, I slowly but surely remove every trace of hair. I’m careful around his ears, gently tilting his head this way and that. He allows me to, his harsh breathing starting to ease as I announce it’s done.

Shuddering, Axel tries to thank me. I wind around his front, my arms around his neck. His three best friends are now all standing, looking sheepish and backing towards the door.

“We’ll give you guys some space,” Dax breaks the silence first.

“I’m not forcing you guys out. Stay with us.” Garrett shakes his head, his eyes downcast. I can’t make out the misery in his expression, but I hear it in his voice. It cuts through me like a knife.

“No, Peach. You were right. Axel needs you.” The three of them leave. I tighten my hold on Axel slightly, wavering on whether I should go after Garrett. He should be here. I didn’t intend to take over or to force anyone out, I just wanted to be included. Axel shifts, recapturing my full attention.

“I don’t-,” he chokes out, voice raw with emotion. “I don’t want you seeing me like this.” I close my eyes briefly, a lead-like ball dropping into my stomach. It didn’t occur to me that I wasn’t called upon at Axel’s own request. He was trying to shield me from his pain.

“I never want you to hide from me, Axel. Not ever.” I murmur, pressing a kiss to his temple. Axel’s breathing is deep now, his grip on me tightening as he grounds himself in the moment. I remain still, letting him draw strength from my presence. After a few minutes, the shaking subsides too.

“Do you want to talk about it? Your nightmare?”

“Fuck no,” Axel bites out harshly, instantly regretting it. Pulling a strand of my hair from behind my ear, he twirls it around his finger absentmindedly. “It’s hard enough reliving it in my dreams. I couldn’t put it into words. They used to be memories, but more and more lately, they feature you.”

“Me?” I reel back to scan Axel’s face. Guilt hits me like a truck. I’m causing Axel anguish just by being in his life. “But nothing happened last night. We were all just chatting and relaxing. There was nothing to trigger…” I gesture to all of Axel. “This.” Despite the state he was just in, unable to catch a breath or hold himself upright, Axel smiles. A sad, longing smile, my hair still curled around his finger.

“It doesn’t work like that, Aves. The nightmares just creep up on me, usually when I least expect them. Usually when I’m at my happiest.” I twist away so Axel can’t see the tightness of my jaw, the harshness of my frown. Well, that’s not fucking fair. My sensitive, sweet Axel. He deserves so much better. His large palm cups my cheek, turning my face back towards his.

“This is just a tiny part of my life. I refuse to give it any more of my time than it already takes. That’s why Garrett is adamant on staying with me. I’ve normally exorcised my demons by screwing him through the headboard by now. It’s the only time he’s submissive to me.” A blush hits me hard. I instantly warm, suddenly aware of my closeness to this stunning, muscled man, sitting in his boxers. My nipples instantly push against the thin fabric of my vest.

“Um, so,” I lick my lips. “Tell me what you need.”

Axel’s smile grows and my heart flutters. Lowering my hand, I press it against the smooth rise and fall of his chest, reveling in it. He’s okay. He’s come back to me. His lips lower to my ear and I shiver.

“Dance for me, Little Swan.” Blinking wide in response, Axel slips his hand into my hair and tilts my head back. His eyes are ablaze, hazel swirling in the low light. “The world doesn’t exist when you dance.”

I suck in a breath as Axel reiterates Garrett’s words from the previous evening. The intensity in Axel’s gaze holds me captive, and I nod slowly, letting the tension in my spine melt away. His fingers untangle from my hair as I rise from the bed, heart pounding with every step I take toward the dresser. I pull out a pair of fluffy socks and slide them onto my feet. The soft fabric cushions my toes as I turn back to him, finding comfort in the relaxed curve of his posture.

Axel watches me intently, shuffling back to lie in the large bed. He’s propped up by cushions, his fingers steepled over his six-pack. The earlier panic is gone, replaced by a calmness that only deepens as I move into the center of the room. The space is small, but it’s enough. I take a deep breath, closing my eyes for a moment, letting the familiar sensation of ballet flow through me.

There’s a sudden sound, my eyes popping open to see Axel place his phone down on the mattress. A simple melody led by a piano bleeds out of the speaker. My heart catches as I recognize it as the practice music I used for the showcase during those days we were trapped in the frat house by the paparazzi. Those long afternoons confined me to dancing in the dining room, then afterward heading upstairs for an ice bath drawn by Dax and a massage awaiting from Axel.

“You kept the song?” I whisper, a lump blocking my throat. A faint, knowing smile plays on his lips as Axel gestures for me to begin. I swallow hard and start with a plié, my knees bending as I sink gracefully into the movement, feeling the strength in my legs. From there, I rise, lifting onto the balls of my feet, my body stretching upward as if reaching for something beyond the ceiling. My arms glide through, framing my face before extending outward, a fluid motion whilst the fluffy socks glide over the wood flooring.

My body spins in perfect balance, the room blurring around me as I focus on a single point—Axel’s eyes, steady and unwavering. As the spin slows, I land softly, extending my leg high in front of me, toes pointed, every line of my body taut with purpose.

The room fades away as I focus on the stretch of my arms, the pointer of my toes, the way my body feels light and free, and the way Axel’s eyes follow every movement. His expression softens, the remaining tension draining from his muscles. I see the weight ease from his shoulders, the nightmare retreating into the shadows where it belongs.

I let myself dance for him, just for him. The music is soft, carrying us both away from the darkness. I glide into an arabesque, my leg extending behind me, arms reaching forward as if to gather all the fear and pain, transforming it into something beautiful. The movements are gentle, soothing, meant to ease Axel into a place of peace. As my feet skim across the floor in quick, tiny steps, I feel the connection between us like a living entity. This dance is my way of telling him everything will be alright, and I know he understands.

As I finish, I see Axel’s eyelids growing heavier, exhaustion finally winning over. I approach the bed, climbing in beside him, and he immediately pulls me close, his head resting on my chest. I run my fingers along the curves of his muscles, stroking the strong V disappearing into his waistband. His grip on me loosens as sleep starts to take him, the last remnants of his stress fading into nothingness. I force myself to stay awake a little longer, listening to the steady rhythm of his breath, feeling his warmth against me.

“Thank you,” Axel murmurs, his voice barely audible.

“I’ll always be here,” I whisper back, pressing a kiss to the top of his head. “Always.”