Bound by Obsession (Shadowed Souls #2)

52. The Letter She Wrote

Mr. XO,

This is the first and last letter I will ever write to you.

I’ve sat down to write this so many times, my hand and my heart have gone numb. It’s impossible to find the words, when the ones you’ve delivered to me hold so much power. In fact, I’ve turned to your letters for guidance, picking out the pieces that turned my burning curiosity about you into something darker. Something I shouldn’t have felt, but convinced myself I did anyway.

You already know so much about me, but you can’t be aware of the thoughts I’d become stuck on. How your letters came into my life when I needed them most, how your kind intentions alone helped me find the strength to carry on. Confident women aren’t born, they’re forged by those who impact their lives, for better or for worse. I’ve found my own tribe to bolster and protect me now, and as always, you will remain just out of reach.

I’ve read and reread your words on nights when sleep wouldn’t come, held onto them like a promise that somewhere out there, someone saw me for who I really was. You saw the parts of me I tried to hide from the world, the broken, fragile parts that I was too scared to show. Yet you don’t judge or criticize. Instead, you speak of me in such high regard, detailing how I’ve saved you from the all-consuming darkness, when the exact opposite is true.

It’s me who’s been drowning. Me, who’s lost her way too many times to count. Me, who needed saving just as much. You have been my comfort, my escape from a reality that felt too heavy. I clung to your words, to the hope they offered. You believed in me, even from afar, and that belief carried me through some of the hardest days, because someone, somewhere, thought I was worth saving.

So this letter is a thank you, as well as a goodbye.

I can’t keep living in this in-between space, waiting for something that might never happen. I can’t keep putting my life on hold, waiting for you to step out of the shadows. I can’t keep pretending that you are the man I’ve conjured up in my mind. I deserve to live fully, to experience life and love without this constant ache of longing for someone who was never really a part of my world. I deserve something real, and that’s not you.

Thank you for seeing me when I couldn’t see myself, for offering your love, even if it was from a distance. You gave me the strength to believe I was worth more than the pain I was feeling. You saved me in ways you’ll never truly understand, and for that, I’ll forever be grateful. Now, I need to let you go.

I need to move forward, to find happiness in the present, with men who have offered their hearts and souls to me without restraint. Who aren’t afraid to step into the light and show me exactly who they are. You taught me that I am worth loving, worth saving, and I truly hope you manage to find that same solace too one day. You can continue to write me letters if you wish, but I will no longer read them.

With all my gratitude, but no longer yours.

A.