Bourbon Harmony (Bourbon Canyon #5)

Chapter 19

CHAPTER NINETEEN

June

I pulled up to Autumn’s house. She and Gideon lived in town, but they were cleaning out her place now that renovations had started on the house that was on Gideon’s land. Now their land.

She opened the front door and waved to me. Her red hair was piled on top of her head. Like me, she wore linen shorts and a loose, short-sleeved shirt. Where I wore pinks and white, she preferred browns and more neutral tones.

I gave her a quick hug after I stepped inside. “Have you started sorting yet?”

“Yeah, but then Gideon stopped home on the way to another auction with his dad. I didn’t get that much boxed.”

“More farm equipment?”

The farm and ranch where Gideon had grown up hadn’t been in business for years. His dad, Hank, had leased out pastures before he’d sold. My brothers had bought the place, much to Gideon’s consternation, but then if my family hadn’t gone through with the sale, Gideon and Autumn might not be together.

“Uh, bulls.”

“Your casino CEO isn’t just a farmer, he’s going to ranch too?”

Her lips curved. “Not all the land is good for farming.”

“And he crunched the numbers and figured out how to profit and with just how many head of cattle?”

She tipped her head toward the kitchen table. “You want to see his notes? He’s quizzed Hank for hours about the years he was gone, market prices, issues with the land, the weather, and costs. I wish I was joking, but I think Hank had to go to an extra AA meeting for a few weeks after.”

“Your husband can be intense.” I hadn’t met him very much, but he reminded me of Myles. Both guys were corporate gods, commanding a staff while keeping to themselves. Their air of authority was catnip to my sisters.

Come to think of it... Rhys had the same authoritative persona.

Gah, was I just as bad?

“I think it dredged up all the things Hank couldn’t handle,” Autumn said as she led me to the spare room. “I told Gideon to reiterate he was gathering data, not making a case for the prosecution. He finally approached his dad a different way that didn’t sound like an interrogation.”

“Only you like it when Gideon interrogates you.”

She sat on an office chair and kicked her feet up on an already full box. Her expression was unrepentant. “I like it a lot.” She folded her arms across her chest. “The girls were talking at school about how they get to spend the next couple of weeks with their grandma. Does that mean Rhys is home alone?”

“Nosy much?”

“Who called me in the middle of the workday to ask about Gideon?”

Fair. My days and nights were mixed up when I was on tour. I leaned against the doorframe. Rhys had left the cabin an hour ago after fucking me in the kitchen. I’d already come twice and it wasn’t even noon. I wasn’t counting the orgasms after midnight either.

I ran the ends of my hair through my fingers. A black hair tie was around my wrist, but I’d waited to put it up. It’d been kind of nice not to have stage-ready hair at all times. So what if the ends frayed a little? I could trim it before I returned to Nashville.

Autumn was fishing for information on Rhys. I hadn’t been around my sisters during my relationships, not since I’d left Bourbon Canyon.

What Rhys and I were doing wasn’t a relationship, but I wanted to sort out my thoughts. If Autumn, Summer, or Wynter thought I was making an epic mistake, maybe I should hear it. “We’re messing around.”

She slammed her feet to the floor and sat up straight. “Shut. Up.” Her wide eyes filled with disbelief.

I held my hands up. “It’s just messing around. I had like writer’s block, then he kissed me a couple of times and the songs started coming. I’m supposed to finish this album by the end of the month, produce it and release it in a month, then start touring. When I came here, I had almost nothing.”

“Then he kissed you,” she said dryly.

“It got me out of my head. He’s agreed to be my muse.”

“Uh-huh.”

I scowled at her and picked a spot to sit by a half-empty bookshelf. I leaned an elbow on a box labeled books . “We’re also doing everything we couldn’t do then, you know?”

She gave her head a slight shake, confusion filling her green eyes.

“Having sex without worrying about getting busted.”

A laugh barked out of her. “You think Mama and Daddy actually bought that you two were abstaining?”

“No, but they didn’t make it easy.”

“True. I think they liked cockblocking you two as much as possible.”

“Our brothers sure did. Remember when they took the snowmobiles to the cabin?” I narrowed my eyes. “Don’t think I don’t know that was you.”

She gasped. “I did not mean to tell them. I said you might be at that cabin. I forgot you’d also said you had plans with Rhys.”

They’d only interrupted a heavy make-out session. We’d been fifteen and still exploring. The excitement of those times was reminiscent of now. Getting caught nowadays had a lot more levels to it though. “Speaking of getting busted... Kirstin came home.”

“She’s in town?”

“She was at the house. She walked in when...” I couldn’t finish. The embarrassment was high, but that moment had been so personal. An explosive reconnection. A moment that had waited for fifteen years, and then boom, ex-wife worried I was going to get her kids’ images splashed over the internet.

“Oh my god.”

“Yeah. He let her stay there and came to the cabin. She’s going to be at Wren’s for however long she’s in town.”

“The plot thickens.”

“Not really.” At her sidelong glance, I shrugged. “It’s not serious between us. Kirstin flew home worried my fame was going to drag the girls in front of the camera.”

“Did she come home for the girls—or for Rhys?”

“It sounds over between them, but I just hear Rhys’s version, which isn’t terrible. It was like an echo of us, only they had kids and had to divorce before she left.”

“Those are pretty major differences.”

“I don’t know what to think.” Other than I wanted my time with Rhys. I wanted to have sex with him. To store up the way he made me feel before I went back to my career. “We don’t want anyone knowing. The girls can’t think I’m more than a friend.”

“Well... they’re young. But that picture of you two that came across my feed looked pretty cozy.”

“It’s your fault for ditching me with him.”

Her smile was unrepentant. “Why don’t you invite him out next weekend?”

I ran through my brain for what the significance of next weekend was.

Autumn rolled her eyes. “We’re working cattle. Tate’s doing one of the days on a weekend so we can all help. It’s all hands on deck. I, for one, am not missing Gideon on a horse and working cattle.”

“I heard you did before. ”

“I saw him after.” Her face got all dreamy, and if I had looked in a mirror when Rhys had entered the cabin with muffins and coffee, I’d have had the same expression.

“I made Wynter take pictures. She and Myles are coming home for that, by the way. Summer’s coming because Jonah said he’d give it a shot. He’s going to help drive and deliver meals.”

Jonah still had a limp from the accident he’d been in when he was younger. According to Summer, he could no longer ride horseback. Walking on uneven ground could be hazardous for him, but there was plenty to do on cattle-working weekends.

“I should send Ruby to take some photos to post for me. Unless she wants to come?”

“She’d either love to or get scared away.”

From our online interactions, Ruby seemed like a mix of timid and adventurous. “Any big-sister advice?”

Autumn’s expression turned solemn. “You have to keep it at the front of your mind that you’re going to walk away again, and he’s not going to follow.”

Her words were a quick stab to the heart. “I did it before.”

“But you thought he’d be coming later. You thought that when his dad got better, he’d run to you.”

I swallowed hard. His dad hadn’t gotten better. Rhys hadn’t run to me. He’d run me off.

“He’s already let you go twice, Junie,” Autumn said softly. “Unless you’re willing to give up everything to be here, all those homes you collected, and your touring, there’s going to be a third time.”

Twice. She was counting when I had returned for the funeral .

My throat was growing thick. I had come to help pack and load boxes. Instead, she was taking a red pen and circling my insecurities, highlighting them just in case I missed one. “I don’t collect homes.”

“What about that flat in London?”

I licked my dry lips. “I was only looking.” A whole lot of people didn’t have one home, but I was looking at a flat for the month I’d be playing in Europe. “What if I want to give it all up?”

“Do you?”

The answer almost burst out of me, but I caught it and mulled her question over. “No. I love performing. I want this.” I hugged my knees to myself. “At the same time, it’s... lonely. I’m tired of the hustle. What if I hit my peak just as my muscles give out?”

“You aren’t thinking of quitting for a guy, are you?”

I slid my gaze away. “No.”

Autumn got down on the floor with me. “June, you never got over Rhys— Don’t give me that look. It was obvious.”

It was not. “How?”

“The obvious have names—Clinton, Toby, Finn. You went with guys who were easy on the eyes, convenient, the ones that didn’t exude settle-down energy.”

I worried my lower lip. I could try to argue that Lucy had used the idea of Finn being ready for commitment to snag me, but Autumn had said settle-down energy. Finn did not have that.

“And Rhys got married.” She softened her tone. “He had kids. You and I both can guess how much his dad’s ranch sold for and what his cut was. He can go anywhere, but he’s not. He bought a place and made a home. Again, in Bourbon Canyon. ”

I hugged my legs tighter with each point she made. “When I was home for his dad’s funeral, he said we were high school stuff.”

She shrugged. “You two are attracted to each other, but now you’re questioning what you’ve worked fifteen years for. You’ve done most of it while not waiting for him. So why now?”

“I want it all.” I was at a crossroads. In one direction, I had to sacrifice everything I’d worked for to have the man of my dreams. In the other direction, I’d have to leave my heart behind and forever write songs about missing him.

Autumn cocked her head to study me. “Can you imagine an entire stadium of thirty thousand people cheering?”

A grin tugged at my lips. “I’ve heard. Just not for me.”

“You’re so close. If you decide not to walk this path, we’ll all support you. But I think you know what you’re going to do and you just wish it was different this time.”

Nailed it. On the stage, I could inspire others. I could help them feel . If I stayed behind, if Rhys and I did try to work on us, what example would I set? For myself. For my future kids. For my young and impressionable fans.

I puffed a lock of hair out of my face. “When did you get so wise?”

“Maybe after you butted into my pity party and made me tell you all about Gideon.”

“It’s the middle kid inside of us.”

She giggled. “The Baileys have a lot of middle kids.” A moment of silence passed between us. “Whatever you decide, make sure it’s for you. ”

That was the problem. The right decision for me shouldn’t hurt so bad.

Rhys

Bethany ran out to greet me as soon as I pulled up in front of Wren’s house. “Daddy! Did you see Mom’s here?”

I swooped her up in a hug. “I sure did.” Kirstin had left before I’d gotten home after my coffee-and-sex break with June. I hadn’t planned to stop at Wren’s tonight, but Kirstin’s presence changed things and possibly confused the kids.

Hannah streaked out the door next. Bethany wiggled out of my hold so I could hug Hannah.

“She brought me a stuffed macaw,” Hannah said. “I named it Mac.”

Bethany hopped up and down. “And she got towels with macaws on them and candy!”

“Nice.” They towed me into the house, telling me about the pancakes they’d made with Wren this morning.

Wren and Kirstin were in the kitchen. Wren gave me a knowing and concerned smile. Kirstin had her arms crossed, but her expression wasn’t hostile.

I leaned against the counter while the girls fluttered around the kitchen, showing me the souvenirs their mother had gotten them and relaying the stories she’d told them already this morning.

“You know how big those birds are, Dad?” Bethany held her hands farther apart than I thought any macaw would be. “She showed us pictures. And we performed for her. Grandma sang instead of Junie.”

“It was a very good performance,” Kirstin said. She crossed one leg over the other. Her heel was bobbing.

Shit.

Wren nodded and the girls beamed. An awkward silence fell between all of us.

“Girls,” Wren said gently, adding a dash of enthusiasm. She gracefully rose from her chair. “Can you come outside with me? I still have some fencing to put up around my garden to keep those bunnies out.”

Once they were outside, Kirstin’s smile dipped. “Lessons?”

“They wanted to surprise you.”

“What happened to your ban on music?”

“I never banned it.” And she knew it.

“You never encouraged it.”

“Because I was afraid you’d think I was holding on to June by encouraging them to learn an instrument.” My temples throbbed. I knew exactly why I’d made the decisions I had, but I was tired of feeling like the bad guy because of them. “They wanted to surprise you, and I didn’t want the headache. I’m sorry.”

“Headache.” She tsked. “We’re not married anymore. You’re worried I’d be jealous.”

“You used to be.”

“Yes. Any wife would’ve been.”

The truth of what she said sat heavy on my shoulders. “I know you put up with a lot. I never meant to make you feel like I didn’t love you?—”

“I know you did, in your way. ”

What’d that mean? “I just need to know if you’re going to have an issue with me and June now.”

She studied me for a moment, then ruffled her short hair off her face. “I know the girls are your priority. Behind them is your ranch.” She didn’t make it sound like a good thing. “And I know June can’t derail that. Just like I couldn’t.”

“Kirstin.” Were we going to rehash arguments from our divorce?

She held up her hands. “I’m just saying. June isn’t my business unless the girls think she’s going to be a part of their lives forever and have their hearts broken when she leaves.”

Wouldn’t she have to be in the country to know if June’s absence affected the girls? I pushed that question out of my head. I was being unfair.

“Otherwise, I’m an adult, Rhys. I can handle any old feelings she brings up.”

I was an adult, and most days, I couldn’t face the emotions related to June. “Appreciate it.”

“I’m dating too, you know.”

Surprise rocked me back on my heels. “Oh.” Was I upset? Happy for her? Relieved that we were both navigating these nonrelationship waters? “How’s it going?”

“Awkward.” She huffed out a laugh. “Fleeting. I travel too much. The last one didn’t like that I’m going to Brazil in a month.”

Surprise shot through me. “Brazil?”

“I can shoot the Spix’s macaw. It was an endangered species, but conservation efforts have reintroduced dozens into the wild. My company is doing an awareness campaign. Anyway, I’m leaving next week. ”

She’d been in Costa Rica, she had another opportunity to photograph a rare macaw, and she was traveling internationally again in a month. But she’d returned worried about the girls because of June? Disappointment soured the taste in my mouth. If that picture hadn’t circulated, would Kirstin have ever visited the kids between international trips? “Is that why you came home?”

A flicker of guilt crossed her expression, but she quashed it and lifted her chin. “I was worried about the kids.”

Then why didn’t she call more? The headache was making a return. Pursuing this conversation wouldn’t help. “What if you meet some photographer guy who has a thing for colorful birds?”

Her mouth curved into a smile and what looked like relief lit her blue eyes. “I might have to lock it down. What about you? What happens when you meet some woman who has young kids and no wish to move out of Bourbon Canyon?”

I had already met her. Our kids carpooled and we planned playdates for the girls. But Annette didn’t interest me. She wasn’t an amber-eyed songbird with the voice of an angel who could speak for brokenhearted women everywhere.

Her eyes widened. “Did I just describe someone?” She let out a scandalized gasp. “I did—and you’re not interested. Oh, Rhys.” She rose and went to the door. Shoving her feet into her hiking boots, she shook her head. “When we met, you made me feel like a queen. I could tell you were cautious. I could tell you’d had your heart broken, and eventually, I realized your heart was never really mine.”

“Kirstin— ”

She held her hand up. “But you went through the motions. You treated me like I was your priority. And you kept it up... right until I didn’t want to live in Bourbon Canyon anymore. I don’t know what hold the dirt in this part of Montana has on you, but it’s powerful.”

We had argued around this subject before, but she’d never been so direct. “Dad was sick?—”

“Then it was Wren. You couldn’t leave her. But here’s the thing... I don’t think it would’ve mattered. I think there’s something keeping you here and I don’t think it’s honor or obligation. I think you’re scared, Rhys. But you never opened up to me. I used to believe June knew the reason, but I don’t know anymore. It’s fucked up, but that makes me feel better. Because it was never me. It wasn’t even June.” She barked a resentful laugh. “You know the real reason I rushed home? I had this weird feeling I’d get pushed out altogether for June because you’d think it was best for the girls.” With that, she pushed out of the door, presumably to join the kids and Wren outside.