Bourbon Harmony (Bourbon Canyon #5)

Chapter 27

CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

June

I carried the basket of eggs up the hill. Mama walked next to me. Tomorrow I played the fundraiser. My luggage was packed, and in the morning, I’d load my two suitcases and my guitar. And shortly after that, I’d be gone.

She tipped her face to the sun. “I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t nice to have you around the last two months.”

I hefted the eggs. Twenty from this morning. That was breakfast for just Lane and Cruz. “I’ve treasured my time here. I need to do this more often.”

She held the door to the house open for me. “After the big tour? Or will you have to pump out another album?”

I hadn’t gotten that far yet. I didn’t want to think about it. “I told the promoter that I couldn’t leave for the first concert until after September. I shouldn’t miss Summer’s baby.” I’d missed too many births. Tate’s son Chance with his first wife. Then the two kids he and Scarlett had—Brinley and Darin. Myles and Wynter’s daughter, Elsa. I could be around for Summer and Jonah’s baby. I’d send a message to my team that I needed dates spaced out around her due date. The promoter had pushed back, but I’d stuck firm.

Mama put her straw hat on a hook. “We’ll certainly miss you.”

I toed my boots off while Mama grabbed some cartons for the eggs. I set the basket on the counter and stared at it. “Mama?”

“Ah.” She put the cartons down and rubbed my back. “It’s time for a drink.”

In any other family, having a glass of bourbon at nine in the morning might seem dysfunctional, but for the Baileys, it was like our morning tea.

I blinked back tears and sat at the table. Mama dug out a bottle of Summit in June, the line Daddy had created for me, and set it between our chairs at the table. Next she got two glasses out of the cupboard and sat.

I poured for us so she wasn’t waiting on me hand and foot. I took a drink. The temperature outside was warm, but the flavor of vanilla and cedar on my tongue had a soothing effect. The warmth of the spirit was reassuring. Familiar.

I licked along my bottom teeth. “I told Rhys his mom wasn’t a good mom.”

“Mm.” She poured more bourbon into her glass. “Your observation didn’t go over well?”

“Do you think I’m right? Did you know her?”

“I knew of her. Heard about her and Rhys. That kind of thing. Small towns.” She winked. “Anyway, Jonathon met her when she came with a traveling troupe to perform in the park. I also heard she claimed she’d never settle down in a place like Bourbon Canyon. I got the impression the entire state of Montana was too small for her.”

“I don’t think Rhys grew up in a warm, loving environment.”

She nodded. “You could see it in him. The way he hung his head. Jonathon and Wren showered him with attention and he bloomed under their love.”

“But he blamed himself for his mom. For everything that went wrong for her.”

Mama’s expression grew serious. She must’ve heard everything I didn’t say. He blamed himself for his mom’s death.

“He broke up with me because he thought he’d be bad for me. He thought he’d hold me back. And he’s going to do it again.” I took another long sip. The temptation to shoot the rest of the liquid was strong, but Daddy had taught me better than that. Bourbon’s a sipping drink.

“He’s a stubborn boy.”

“And I can’t out-stubborn him.” I added more bourbon to my glass even though it wasn’t empty. “I’ve been able to think a lot for the last two months. I want to dominate the charts with my new album. I want to go on tour and fill stadiums. But after that? There’s nothing. More albums. More touring. More work.”

“You’re ready to transition to a different phase of your life, and there’s only one man to do it with.”

I nodded, a lump forming in my throat. “But he’ll blame himself. He probably won’t even give me a chance. He might even meet someone while I’m gone. ”

“Or you might.”

The way my bourbon almost tossed itself right back out of my stomach was a clear indicator that no, I would not. “I can’t let my happiness depend on him. But I don’t want to just sing songs and only see my family a few times a year.”

“Good thing you don’t have to worry about that yet.”

“What?” It wasn’t like Mama to brush off my worries.

“Is he going to the fundraiser tomorrow?”

“Nope.” After the barrelhouse, there would be no repeat of the Opry.

“But you were the one to walk away from him this time?”

I nodded, blinking back tears.

“Let’s hope that’s the kick in the ass he needs.”

A tiny thread of hope rose, but I took another drink and let the bourbon smother it. “He ended a five-year relationship and let his ex-wife leave him rather than travel a few times a year or wait for us at home. He sold the ranch for Wren. I can talk his ear off, but he doesn’t listen. I might as well play for thousands of people who will.”

“It was always important to you to feel heard.”

Rhys had given that to me. But I’d never listened to him. If I had, maybe things would be different. Or they’d be exactly the same, but I’d know why. “I guess I’m getting what I want.”

“Don’t give up yet. Things aren’t always clear-cut.” Mama held her glass up and studied the fluid inside. “Darin always said this batch was his most complex.”

“Daddy said that about all of our batches.”

She chuckled. “He said Wynter’s was the fruitiest, Summer’s was the richest, Autumn’s was the sweetest, Tate’s was the boldest, Teller’s was the spiciest, and Tenor’s was the woodsiest.”

Daddy never did pick favorites. “I love Rhys, Mama.”

“I know you do, dear. We all do. But he’s got to prove that he can’t be scared off, even by his own self.”

Rhys

“Goddammit!” I tossed the wrench at the workbench. I was supposed to cut hay in a few weeks, but I had guards to replace on my sickle mower. I’d done it a million times, but today I was useless.

“Daddy?” Bethany’s voice came from the open door of the shop. “Are you okay?”

By the time I turned, Hannah was only a few feet away. She flung herself into me and wrapped her arms around my waist.

“Aw, hon. Don’t worry about me. I’m just grumpy.” June used to call me grumpy, and she was fucking right. My irritation notched higher. She was right about a lot.

I patted Hannah’s back and Bethany ran to join us in a group hug.

Rain splattered against the ground outside. I inhaled a slow breath. I had to calm the hell down. I was scaring the girls.

“I’m fine. I’m just...” Furious at myself. At every damn thing. Except for my kids.

“You’re going to miss her?” Hannah hugged me harder .

All the anger drained out of me. I hugged her back. Understatement of the century. “Yeah.”

Bethany tipped her head back. “You should come to the fundraiser.”

“I... can’t.” I’d spend tomorrow night fixing this damn mower.

I know it’d break your heart if they gave up everything for someone else’s happiness—and then realized it was all for nothing.

June’s comment had rebounded through my head since she’d left me in the barrelhouse. By the time I had found the girls, June had already given them hugs goodbye and was nowhere to be seen. She’d also told her sisters to put whatever the girls wanted from the gift shop on the house. I’d left Copper Summit with my heart destroyed, two ball caps, every sample of bourbon chocolate the shop had, and a toy whiskey thief and barrel.

My house, which had been a refuge from all things June Kerrigan, was now full of her reminders. Everywhere I looked, I had memories of her. I couldn’t even hide while working on the breezeway’s construction because it just reminded me of the night Kirstin had walked in on us.

The girls pulled away.

“I wish June could be our mommy,” Bethany said.

Shock sent a cold wave through my blood. “But your mom’s in town.”

She stuck her lower lip out and looked away. Hannah twirled from side to side, her gaze on the floor.

I took off my ball cap, shoved a hand through my hair, and stuffed the cap back on. “You can talk to me. ”

Bethany twisted her hands together. “’Member the morning you asked what I said to June?”

The morning I’d woken up to my dream life? Hell yeah, I remembered. “Yes.”

“I told her I missed having a mommy.”

Hannah nodded along with her.

The words “you have a mommy” stopped at the edge of my tongue.

“I miss Mommy being home and doing stuff with us,” Bethany added. “I love Mommy, but she’s gone all the time.”

Kirstin had been in town for a month and she hadn’t spent much of it with the kids. She hadn’t even been at Wren’s for more than a couple days at a time. She’d gone to Yellowstone to take pictures and then to Banff.

I’d thought she might be steering clear of June, but if I really thought about it, no. Kirstin would’ve gone off on her own anyway. Her cell signal might suck in the national parks, but not that badly. Not so badly she couldn’t call for over a week at a time.

“June travels a lot too.” The argument sounded weak. If June had kids, she’d call them every damn day. I didn’t have to witness it to know it. She made sure the people in her life felt special. All the rumors of her being spotted in town over the last several years were because she’d come home for her family. That gossip had been circulating during each of her tours.

“June does stuff with us,” Hannah said.

“Mommy got mad when I touched her camera,” Bethany added.

“You know how protective she is of those.” The dejected way they nodded was a knife straight to my conscience .

I know it’d break your heart if they gave up everything for someone else’s happiness—and then realized it was all for nothing.

I would want to rampage if I realized my kids were miserable in the name of someone else’s happiness.

Had I deluded myself? Was I miserable, and I’d been faking it? I loved my kids. I appreciated everything I had. But there was always the one that got away.

Would I have sold the ranch if I had been with June? Or would I have talked to Wren, persuaded her to sell half, or allow me to make payments no matter how much she fretted over whether I was financially stressing myself?

If I had taken June’s hand at my father’s funeral and told her that I’d join her as soon as I hired a ranch manager, would I be in Nashville now? Would we have had kids that would’ve already celebrated her headline world tour?

If I had been with June for either of those, I wouldn’t have missed out on it all.

My chest grew tight. All the what-ifs flooded my mind. Overwhelming, but also—a relief. All those questions I’d been afraid to ask, that I’d ignored, were let loose.

The anxiety was fighting to return. I might’ve gone to Nashville, the new ranch hire might’ve run my dad’s life’s work into the ground and cost Wren any chance of retirement—thanks to me.

Kirstin could’ve walked out of the girls’ life forever.

But . . .

June could’ve hit her milestones sooner. If only I hadn’t gotten out of the way.

Fuck me.

“Let’s go to the house and make some cookies while we talk.”