Brave as It (Hellions Ride On #7)

4. Wesson

FOUR

WESSON

Boomerism: Waiting, watching, and wondering is a true test of patience.

“You sure about this?” Boomer asks as I sit at the table with him and Tripp.

“She doesn’t want it.” I give them honestly. “Emmalee made it very clear. She was going out on her own and not to follow, not to invade her privacy. She wants me to let her go.”

“And she means it?” My dad, Boomer asks me with a raised eyebrow. “Sometimes women say one thing and mean another, son. Like your mom will tell me it’s fine when indeed something is not fine. That said, yes, women do say things they mean. I’m asking you as her man do you think she means it to her core to let her walk away?”

I give a sigh. “I know she meant it and wants nothing to do with me or the club. I don’t know how deep this goes.”

Tripp sits back in the chair studying me. “What is the threat level to you, to the club?”

I shake my head. “None, yet.”

“Just gonna say this because it’s what I would tell BW,” Tripp begins, “if a woman matters, you put in the work. I think Emmalee matters but busted, you ain’t put in the work. Never in a million years you ask me in my early twenties if I would have an ol’ lady, the answer would be a hell no. Told Doll I wasn’t the man to take home and I wasn’t the man to marry.” He raises his hands up, “you see how all that worked out. Doll is absolutely worth the work even all these years later. I think you know Emmalee is worth the work.”

“All due respect, Tripp, I’m putting in the work my way. Sometimes the things you do in quiet move mountains far faster than the things everyone can see. I’m watching her the best I can and giving her the play she’s asked for. Do not doubt my dedication to Emmalee, but know the man I am, I won’t force her to stay when she clearly left and wants to stay gone.”

“I think you need to loop Kick in,” Boomer states what he’s been saying since we got into this meeting. “At least on the off chance something comes from nothing with this shit.”

My brother can’t know. If things come back too close to home, I’ll be the one who tells him the truth. Right now, this won’t touch him or Diem. I won’t let it.

I wish I could change the way she left. I missed the clues. I close my eyes and my mind goes back.

Her lips hit mine and instantly my soul soothes. Having her home, right here with me, it has changed everything inside me. The months by her side in the hospital were agony. If I could have changed places with her, I would have in a heartbeat.

I never realized the true value in a partner. A real relationship is a give and take. Almost losing her, rocked me. I don’t want to be apart from her. Getting up in the mornings to go to work is a challenge when I want nothing more than to stay in this very bed with her forever. It’s more than sex. She understands my need to sit and hold her some nights to feel her with me. No words, no movement, just her body wrapped up in my arms close.

I know she needs reassurance. Those early days when her hair had to grow back from the surgery, she felt like less of a woman. I am happy then and now to remind her how beautiful she is inside and out.

I squeeze the back of her neck pressing her closer as I devour her mouth in a sloppy kiss. Without releasing, I turn to my back taking her with me. The hem of her nightie shifts up as my movement forces her to straddle me in order to be comfortable. Her naked pussy slides over my hard length, the only thing between us is the fabric of my boxer briefs. Apparently, she came to bed with this in mind by skipping her panties. Letting go of her neck, I slide my hand between us. My index finger parting her pussy lips gliding into her wet heat. Her body clinches around my digit as she moans before pulling away from our kiss to arch her back and push down on me.

“Wesson, please, tonight, I need you,” she whimpers. It is almost my undoing.

My cock throbs wanting inside her.

Flicking her clit with my thumb while curving my finger inside her she is building to release. Sliding out, I take both hands and grip her thighs. Easily lifting her, I move her juicy cunt to my face.

Inhaling I breathe in her scent. “Fuckin’ heaven,” I mutter before diving in. I lap her pussy like a man in the desert needing a drink. Licking, sucking, nipping, and thrusting I use my tongue and lips to enjoy every centimeter of her pussy.

“Ride me, baby girl.” I instruct. She obliges while I grip her ass, spreading her cheeks and pushing her further down on my face.

She’s writhing as I know she’s close. Moving slightly, I let the tip of my thumb enter her asshole. The added pressure is exactly what she needs to climax. I lap up every drop of her juices while working her through the aftershocks of her orgasm.

When she slows, she slides off my face and down my body. Her hand reaches my length. I groan in want and need. Just as I feel her hit the waistband of my boxers I stiffen before grabbing her wrists.

“Don’t,” I order.

Her face hardens. “Tonight, Wesson. Please, I need this. I need you.”

Something is there. I can feel it. The last two days something isn’t right. It’s not that I don’t want to have sex with Emmalee. It’s not like we haven’t done everything under the sun but have sex. But I know she’s special and I want it to be different for us both. I want it to be this coming together in a permanent way.

“What we shared is beautiful,” she whispers as she shifts off of me. “Why can’t you give me more?” The words come out pained.

“I give you everything I have to give, Emmalee.”

She moves off the bed. “Except this. You can and yet, you won’t.” Without looking at me she goes into the bathroom, and I hear the shower start.

I lay there waiting for her return. It’s been a year of dates, drama, and healing. I want a life with her. A full life where we are both satisfied. How can I make her understand?

She emerges from the shower. Everything feels off. There is a tension like never before. She’s different. Sliding into bed beside me, she immediately settles with her back to me.

“Wesson, I wanted to make love to you. I want to be one with you. Why can’t you give me that?”

Fuck! “I want to drop to one knee and give you my fuckin’ world, baby girl. I can’t. I want to give you everything and more. I want to have my cock buried so deep inside you that you feel me to your fuckin’ throat. But I can’t.”

“Can’t or won’t, Wesson? I’ve never known a man who can get rock hard and stop a woman from using that erection. Yet, time and again you stop me. You give to me, Wesson. From the way you take care of my body to the way you take care of my heart, but you don’t allow me the same. I can’t get through to your heart. I know you love me; you tell me. But you, I can’t get through this wall with you. What if I’m not here tomorrow? This is how it will forever be the one chance not taken.”

“You have every part of me like no one has before. It’s just sex. And I want it, God help me I fuckin’ want it.”

I hear the sounds of her breathing changing, she’s crying into her pillow. I roll to my side and pull her against me with her back to my chest and my arm wrapped around her stomach.

“Wesson, tomorrow morning, I’m packing a bag. I’m leaving. I need this time to find myself. What we have is special, but it’s not enough anymore.”

Her words cut me to the core. “What? There is no fuckin’ way in this world you’re leaving me over cock. No fuckin’ way!”

“I hoped tonight would be different. I hoped you would give me a reason to stay.” She lets out a sob. “I don’t know if or when I’ll be back. It’s not fair for you to wait for me. Go on with your life. Find a woman that you can give it all to.”

Her last sentence is a death blow.

“A woman I can give it all to? Emmalee, I want you to be my wife. Except I can’t drop to a knee and propose. I want you to have my babies, except, what kind of dad would I be when I can’t teach them to ride a bike. I want to watch you reach your dreams, but I can’t stand on two legs beside you when you do.”

“We all want things, Wesson. I wanted this night to be the night I had it all with you. It didn’t work out. I’ll still have the best memories of our times together. You’ll always be my love, but I can’t do this. I need to get out of Haywood’s Landing and see the world. I was never meant to be here. It wasn’t part of my plan. I thought we could do this, but tonight, like many other nights, we can’t.”

“You can’t mean this.”

“I can and I do. If you love me, you will let me go,” she whispers pushing my arm off of her and moving away from me in the bed. “If you love me like you say you do, you will understand, I have reached the point in my life where I need more than you can give me. We both see that. I need to leave here and find where I belong and who I belong with in the world.”

I don’t say another word. Where did this shit come from? This is about more than sex. She’s been happy and comfortable with me. Where did it all fall apart? I lay in silence beside her listening to her cry.

An hour passes and she finally stops the shuddering tears. “Emmalee, why are you doing this?” I whisper to the dark. “Why are you destroying what we have?”

“I don’t want you to worry. I can’t have you follow me. This has to be how it is. I need to do this.”

“Baby girl,” I turn over once again and pull her to me, this time she rolls and faces me. “Whatever is going on, whatever you’re running from, talk to me.”

“I can’t,” she whispers.

“Please, don’t shut me out. I know you want a life with me as much as I want one with you. Why now do you want to leave it all?”

“I can’t,” she repeats.

“You can’t or won’t?” I toss her own words back at her.

“Like you, I won’t. I have to leave tomorrow Wesson. “And you have to let me go. You can’t come after me, you can’t reach out to me. I need to go experience the world and life without you.”

There is definitely something here and I don’t know what it is. What is she keeping from me?

“Give me this, please.”

Without any answer to hold her here I nod as I tuck her body against mine. Sometimes in battle, a retreat is necessary to regroup. For now, I’ll give her the play. Let her go, though, not in a million fucking years will I let it be for good. I’m going to get to the bottom of this. And then, she’s going to be right back here, in my bed, in my arms.

I went to sleep with her against me tight in my arms and woke up to emptiness. From my arms to my bed, to the house, Emmalee Van Etten was gone.

Waiting is a challenge. Especially when I don’t know where I stand with her. Will she come back to me? Am I waiting for nothing?

The hard line in my face can’t be clear enough where I stand on Kick being involved. “I think they’ve been through enough. Emmalee wants this play. I’m giving it to her. I won’t put Kick in a place to lie to Diem. I won’t fuck with their relationship by asking that of him. I also won’t break Emmalee’s relationship with Diem.”

“You realize,” Tripp leans forward looking at me, “this is gonna cut your brother to the quick he finds out you kept this shit locked up from him.”

“I do, but Emmalee didn’t want me involved. She didn’t want the Hellions in this, and she damn sure wants Diem nowhere near it. I bring in Kick, Diem is involved. Emmalee will never forgive me for that. My brother will understand once the dust settles.”

“Then,” Tripp starts, “how do you want to play it?”

“We wait and we watch.” I tell him the only answer I have right now. Patience is practiced, I read that once and it has never been truer.

“This week has been full of unique adventures.” Emmalee feigns excitement through her weekly call to Diem.

I’m at my brother’s house sitting at his dining room table going over our upcoming run for the club when Diem walks in on a video call with Emmalee. Another week of waiting for her to touch base in order for me to know without a shadow of a doubt, she is okay. Do I have connections to seek her out? Yes. Do I have people tracking her, absolutely. Do I leave her to make her own plays?

For now, yes.

My chest tightens at the sound of her voice.

“What all did you do?” Diem inquires and I can’t stop the glare as my brother watches me instead of his woman. I want nothing more than to reach through the phone and yank Emmalee back home to the safety she can have with me. Except she doesn’t want that.

“Wes, get you got history, get you got fucked,” he whispers, “but that’s not on Diem so the death stare can stop.”

I shake my head pushing down my emotions. “You’re right. I’m sorry. Diem is great. I’m being a dick.”

He leans back in the chair, “brother, I’d be fucked in the head and mad at the world, she left me like Emmalee did. You’re human, it’s okay to feel, but can’t have you giving that kinda look to my woman.”

He’s not wrong. I don’t have time to dive back into the conversation we were having because Diem walks into the kitchen. If I was smart, I would leave right now. Do I? Nope. The glutton for punishment I am I glance to the phone.

Emmalee is sitting up with a black tank top on, her hair is in a messy bun on top of her head. She doesn’t have makeup on and the biggest thing I take in is her eyes. The life and vibrancy they once had is gone. The puffiness and bags show she isn’t sleeping. Whatever is going on, it’s taking a toll on her.

Why won’t she come home? Why won’t she let me save her from herself?

The background is set to a map of the state of Kentucky behind her. This is her usual. She pops on this video and always is using some kind of filter to change her background to give a visual reference to whatever area she is sharing with Diem this week.

Another day, another lie.

Only no one here knows what I know, including Emmalee.

“Cerulean, Kentucky. It’s this small town, Diem. There are these blue sulfur water springs. The color is breathtaking. In fact, the town is named for the color of those springs.”

I want to turn away, but I find myself watching the phone with every move Diem makes. Like a magnet, I can’t deny the pull.

“Where did you stay while there?” Diem asks while getting a glass down and opening the fridge to make herself a drink.

“They have a bed and breakfast that is on a historic farm.”

Diem beams, “I know you love all things history. God, I miss you Emmalee.”

“I miss you too. When I get back, we will have adventures of our own to do. I mailed you a book for us to read. I went to my first book signing in Louisville, KY. It was at the Muhammad Ali Center. I didn’t know what to expect, but I got to go to different tables and find new authors to read!”

My frustration builds at her lies. Yes, Emmalee loves to read. After they both were hurt by Thomas Reigns, they bonded over reading romance books together. Emmalee had to do quite a bit in order to overcome her injuries, things like learning to speak again, read again. If she was really on a road trip like she wants us to believe, there is no doubt she would enjoy a book signing.

“Kentucky seems fun!” Diem exclaims before taking a drink of her juice. My brother reaches out grabbing Diem’s wrist, pulling her to him. She twists the phone to him and immediately my view is gone.

Emmalee is gone.

Out of sight that is, but never out of my mind.

I wish I could turn off the way I feel. I wish I could let her go. That’s what she wants. She’s made it clear more than once. She doesn’t even answer my calls anymore. In the beginning, I tried to remain her friend. I went about it all wrong. When I questioned, she pushed back rather than answer. If only I dug deeper sooner, I would have handled things differently. Instead, I made a crucial mistake. One I knew better than to succumb to.

Emotions.

They will kill even the strongest of people.

My emotions clouded my judgement when she first left. I didn’t remain calm and clearheaded. Only after some time and distance did I stop and evaluate her actions over her words.

In time, it all became clear.

“Hi Colton,” Emmalee tells him as Diem forces my brother onto her phone screen.

“Sounds like you’re having some good times,” Colt carries on with her.

“Sometime you should visit the great state of Kentucky. Diem would love to go to the derby, I’m sure. The hats and dresses are stunning, and there is beer, betting, and horse racing for you Colt.” Emmalee laughs but it isn’t genuine.

Nothing about this is. Diem turns the phone towards me, “Wesson’s here,” she explains.

“Hey,” I greet as she immediately drops her head avoiding looking at me. “Mammoth Cave National Park is one of the wonders of the world. If you make your way south, it’s a once in a lifetime stop to make.” I try to keep things casual all in hopes I can bridge the gap between us.

“I will definitely check that out, Wesson. Thank you,” she manages to get out, but it is obviously strained.

Diem knowing her best friend is struggling turns the phone back to herself. “Alright fellas, y’all go back to whatever you’re doing. I’m going upstairs to catch up with Emmalee.”

And just like that, Emmalee is walking away once again. Sure, it’s different having Diem take her away on the phone, but I feel it in my gut all the same.

She’s not in Kentucky, but she’s not close by either. Emmalee is out of Hellions territory. This limits my power, but it doesn’t leave me with none.

The ball is in her court, though. I am playing by her rules.

For now… my life is waiting, watching, and wondering for the woman I love.