Braxton (Station 47)

Chapter 9

NINE

brAXTON

My body is stiff as fuck when I wake. I stretch, having to catch myself on the unfamiliar coffee table when I almost roll off the narrow couch.

Where the fuck am I?

It takes a few minutes for last night to rush back to me. Hannah’s house. That’s right. After I left the firehouse, I can here hoping to get answers. Answers she shockingly gave me. I half expected her to refuse because of “patient confidentiality.”

Yeah, I know it’s a real thing, but fuck patient confidentiality at this point. No one at the hospital would tell me anything, and trust me, I tried every bit of charm in my body to get Sadie to tell me even something small. She refused, just like I expected Hannah would.

She didn’t tell me much, but anything is better than the nothing I knew last night.

It takes effort to fully move to a sitting position with the precarious position my body is in on this piece of furniture. I’m not sure how she managed to put me in this position without waking me up, but I’m sure it would have felt worse on my neck if I’d spent the last six or so hours with my head resting on the back of the couch staring up at the ceiling. No amount of ibuprofen would touch that kind of pain.

A quick look at the watch on my wrist tells me it’s just after five in the morning. If I don’t leave soon, the whole house will be awake and I’m not in the mood for making small talk with two pre-teens this morning.

After a quick stop at my house to change into gym clothes, I head for the firehouse to get in a workout and try to waste some time before I go back and try to see Tina. We have so much to talk about and I’d rather not have to chase her back to Chattanooga. If it wasn’t for the fact that visiting hours don’t start until nine on the floor she’s on, I’d already be there.

The gym on the main floor of the building is pretty quiet when I walk in. Atticus is the only other person in the room and he’s running on the treadmill, a set of headphones covering his ears.

Normally, I’d get on one of the treadmills beside him and run for a couple of miles first, but today I need the distraction focusing on weight lifting will bring. In fact, I’m focusing so hard on doing reps with the most weight I can handle I don’t notice any of the other guys come in.

When I look up and into the mirrored wall in front of me, I see Hawk and Rhett standing just inside the door with their arms crossed over their chests and their eyes on me while they discuss something serious. I’m sure it’s related to me with how hard they’re both staring at me, but I’m not ready to talk about it, so I go back to my weights.

We’re supposed to have someone spot us when we’re using the bench, but with all the shit going through my mind, I’m feeling reckless, and after loading up with more weight on each side then I’m normally comfortable with, I lie back and wrap my fingers around the bar.

The muscles in my arms burn, trembling as I struggle to lift it off the rack, and I’m aware of a curse before Hawk is there, holding it with me until I set it back down and sit up to glare at him.

“Are you trying to hurt yourself?” He snaps. “Fuck you too, asshole. Do you know what it would do to lose one of our strongest guys for however long you get put out for tearing something? You know better than to lift without a spotter and not to use more weight than you’re comfortable with.”

We stand, facing off against each other while I refuse to apologize for my actions even though I know he’s right. I do know better, but punishing myself sounds pretty damn good right now.

I’m the first to look away, because his words about what could happen to one of them if I hurt myself and can’t go out on calls, or worse, damage something without realizing it until we’re on a call and someone ends up hurt.

“What’s his deal?” I hear Atticus ask Rhett, but I don’t want to hear him tell my sorry tale. I’m already obsessing over it myself, hearing someone else lay it all out there will just make me feel worse.

Instead, I try to walk around Hawk without giving him any answers. That doesn’t work, because he grabs hold of my bicep as I reach his side. My body goes tense at the unexpected touch, but it doesn’t phase him. “You need to find someone to talk to,” he says in a low voice that only I can hear. “If it’s not one of us, talk to Chief, talk to your sister, to Hannah, to a damn therapist. I don’t care who, but you need to talk to someone . That shit yesterday? It was heavy as hell, and not something a person should try to deal with alone.”

His gaze travels over the people currently in the gym before coming back to meet mine. “You’re not alone, Brax. Trying to get through this by yourself is stupid.”

My back goes rigid at the word and his hand squeezes tighter for a second. “I said your actions are stupid, not you, fucker. Seriously, talk to someone.”

When Grayson is the voice of reason, you know there’s some shit going on. “I think you’ve been hanging out with that girl of yours a little too much. She’s rubbing off on you.”

Now he grins. “She can rub up on me anytime she wants.” This he says loud enough for everyone to hear and laughter surrounds me. “Now, go take a shower. You fucking stink.”

When I come out into the house kitchen, all my closest friends are sitting at the table. None of them are on shift today, so I know Hawk or Rhett called in the calvary.

I know talking to them about everything is inevitable because they aren’t going to let me spiral alone, so with a heavy sight, I take a seat at the table and meet each of their eyes before looking back down at my hands.

“So? What’s the deal?” Atticus asks, his loud ass voice echoing in the large room. “Rhett—“ well, guess I know now which one of these assholes called a meeting — “said we needed to stage an intervention. What is it? Drugs? Women? Alcohol?” There’s enough humor in his voice to know he’s teasing about the different vices. Everyone laughs at his question and even one side of my lips lifts in a small grin, no matter how much I fight to keep a straight face.

“You’re a dumbass,” Silas tells him with a shake of his head. “Brax, what’s going on?”

Blowing out a breath, I squeeze my eyes shut and try to think where to start. I keep my eyes on the table as I tell them about yesterday’s call and everything that came after. There’s more than one muttered fuck when I mention Nathan, and a, “Holy shit,” from Silas when tell them I’m pretty sure he’s my kid.

“Turns out, Tina has cancer.” Not all of the guys met Tina. We split before I got hired here, so the only guys in this group who’ve met her are Atticus and Myles. “And not just cancer, but she’s terminal. So, not only is my kid going to lose his mom, but he’s going to eventually be living with me, a person he doesn’t know at all.”

Atticus pipes up with sorrow clear in his voice, “Yeah, but that part at least you can change. How much time does she have left?”

Running a hand through my hair, I sigh. “I’m not sure exactly. Hannah mentioned a handful of months at most, so five or six?”

All the guys sitting around the table curse. “So, what are you going to do?” Myles asks the question this time. “And, when do we get to meet Nate?”

Hearing my friend say his name coaxes a smile onto my face. “Soon, I hope.” Looking down at my watch, I see the time and push my chair out, ignoring the screeching noice it makes as it scrapes across the linoleum. “Shit. Visiting hours have started, so I need to get going.”

“Do you need us to come with you?” Rhett asks, head tilted to one side as he studies me, probably trying to ascertain if I’m in a good enough headspace to head over by myself after my idiotic actions earlier.

Waving him off, I assure him, “I’m good for now. I’ll text you guys later if I need anything.”

I feel like a huge weight has been taken off my shoulders after talking to the guys. Guess Grayson was right when he said I needed to talk to someone. Sneaky fucker probably put all the guys in a group chat and told them to come down while I was showering off the “stink” he accused me of having. I’ll thank him later though. Right now, all I can focus on is seeing my son again and trying to figure out how I’ll convince Tina to give me time with him instead of rushing back to Chattanooga with her parents.