Brazen Mistakes (Brazen Boys #3)

50. Clara

Chapter 50

Clara

J ansen trails me to my room but says nothing. Jansen doesn’t do silence. And when I turn and look at him, worry and guilt are painted on his face. “Are you okay?” I ask. Did I trigger some memory of his? My heart stops mid-beat as I wait for his response.

“Me? Clara, I’m fine. It’s just, did I, I didn’t, damn it, I’m sorry.”

I step closer, but he steps back. “Sorry for what?”

“Did I hurt you?”

“What? When?”

“In Chicago, and then later, I, I mean, it looked like you wanted what we were doing, but I never checked in. I didn’t ask, explicitly. Sometimes I don’t read the situation right.”

It takes me a minute to figure out what he’s saying. “Are you asking about ass play?”

He swallows, turning away from me. “Yeah. ”

Something inside of me melts. Coming to his front, I wrap my arms around him, his ribs pressing against me as he breathes in. “Jansen, you read it right. I loved it. It’s different with you, totally different. You make me feel safe, cherished. You want my pleasure before your own. That’s a gift I never thought I’d get. Nothing you and I have ever done has made me uncomfortable or scared. Except when you passed out after I tied you up. That worried me, even if it seemed like a good kind of pass out.”

His arms wrap around me, and we both settle into each other. “That was definitely a good pass out.”

“Let’s make a deal.”

“What kind of deal?”

“That we’ll be honest about what we want. No more guessing.”

He scoops me up, and I wrap my legs around his waist as he walks us both to my mattress, flopping us onto it, me on top. We bounce and I can’t help but giggle, an uncomfortable but welcome change from the rest of this morning. His hands trace up the sides of my waist. “That’s a deal I can take. Should we start now?”

“Why not?”

His grin is full of mischief, but something else, too. The same something that freaked me out and ended with me punching shit in Trips’ room. But I can do this. Because I want this. I want him. Even if it scares me.

He shifts me so my dress bunches around my waist, his fingers dancing from my bare knees to where my panties press against his waist. “In that case, I want you, Clara. In whatever way you want me, whenever you want me. Boss me around, tie me up, tell me to fuck you hard or make sweet, sweet love to you.” Without warning, he tickles the back of my knees, and I squeal, slapping his hands away.

He throws them up in mock surrender, and I raise an eyebrow. He rolls us so I’m under him, his loose hair curtaining down around us. “And I really want to fuck you in the ass. Even better if you’d be open to someone else taking the sweet pussy at the same time. It’s gotta feel amazing.”

Heat floods my cheeks, but a smile stretches across my face. “I’m interested in everything you just said.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I want it all. I’m safe here, but I want you to be safe, too.”

“Watermelon. It’s all I’ll need,” he says, a glint in his eyes before he licks from my nose to my forehead, leaving me with no choice but to laugh.

“Yuck! I’m not into slobbering. Maybe I should call watermelon.”

“It’s your word, too.” He drops on top of me, his weight welcome, then rolls us again so we’re both on our sides, his green eyes sparkling. “I…God, Clara, I’m just, I’m…I’m so happy I get to be with you.”

Not knowing what to say, knowing that there’s more behind those words, words he’s already said but doesn’t seem to remember, I press my face against his shirt. “Hug me.”

He does, and we both let out sighs, the room growing quiet.

Not long after, Walker joins us, and we shuffle around, all three of us pressed together, and even though it’s only been a few hours since I woke up, I fall asleep to the sound of their murmured conversation .

When the nightmare comes, I still jolt awake. But somehow, having shared the worst and still knowing I’m safe, loved even, I’m able to force myself back to sleep, even though the bed is empty. And when I wake up refreshed after night falls, I’m even a little hungry.

Baby steps.