Breakneck Hockey (Heartbreak Hockey #3)

25. Wild Dandelion Puff

Chapter 25

Wild Dandelion Puff

Sutter

I ’ve been waiting for an opportune moment. I don’t want to pry myself from Alderchuck, but I need to. It’s for his own good. Instead of forcefully peeling myself from his body, I wait, knowing the fruit punch he’s been pounding has got to run through him at some point. We’re strewn casually on the Meyer’s living room floor, utter chaos swarming around us.

There’s something comfortable about this family’s wildness. Even the boys have settled in, already having befriended the younger Meyer crew—Mercy’s younger siblings. Charles with Dawson and Rachel Meyer, Stevie with Bethany, Lorelei, and Theo Meyer. Stevie hasn’t said much, but follows behind them, wanting to be included.

I’ve got my hands in Casey’s hair, while he holds onto his hat. That thing looks more disgusting than usual. I don’t remember it being that dirty the last time I saw it. His gaze is focused on the TV, and his body’s molded against mine, breathing serenity into me. I’m enthralled by the creamy skin between his neck and collarbone. I want to gnaw on him. Suck, lick, and nibble on him. But there are too many children around.

“Be right back, babe. Gotta take a piss,” he finally says. The man might be a camel for how long he’s been able to hold all that fruit juice in his bladder. He slides his hat into place, suffocating his sexy curls.

I kiss his lips and rub my thumb over the bottom one. This was the moment I’ve been waiting for but, now that it’s here, I don’t want him away from me, even for a second. Fucking, stop it, Sutter. He’s not going off to war.

“Don’t be long, baby.”

He rolls his eyes at me as he should. But my behavior is because of everything that’s happened. I haven’t been able to relax unless he’s near me.

Pull your shit together, Mitchell.

On a mission, I’m up from the floor where I was resting against the couch, wrapped around Casey, and out to the wintry porch where I saw Other Alderchuck go. One of the many house cats tries to escape, but I’m good at keeping cats where they belong. I nudge the furry creature back inside and close the door firmly behind me.

Cold latches deep into my bones, quickly, as if it knows it’s only got a fleeting moment to steal Casey’s warmth from me. I don’t plan to be out here long. Why Other Alderchuck’s out here by himself is beyond me. At least he’s dressed for the winter chill, but that means he planned to come out here and stay awhile.

Crossing my arms, I lean against the porch rails, studying him. He hasn’t looked up, lost to demons somewhere. Not sure he even heard me come out here. I clear my throat; he startles.

“Oh, Sutter. Sorry, you wanna sit here?”

At least he’s friendlier than the last time we spoke one-on-one during the summer at that forsaken nightclub. I’m gonna assume that means he’s given in to the Sutterchuck madness.

“I’m good over here.” The guy looks like he needs a distraction. “You, uh, you got something on your mind?”

I’m not good at commiserating, not so good with advice either—I like to use my hands to solve my problems—but the guy’s going through something heavy. Maybe it’s his resemblance to my Alderchuck that’s inspiring the need to offer an ear, dunno, but I’m compelled. I just know that if something was making my Alderchuck feel like what I see on Stacey’s face, I wouldn’t be here, I’d be hunting it down.

“A lot more than I wanna explain to you. No offense.”

“None taken.” Relief washes over me, actually. I would have done my best, but I’m glad I don’t have to.

“You don’t have to make small talk; you can get to the point.”

Huh, a straight shooter. I like that. And I do have something on my mind.

“I was wondering if your offer to talk about Casey if I’d changed my mind was still open?”

The corners of his lips pull up. Even distraught over whatever the fuck he’s distraught about, his brother’s happiness takes priority.

“It is. I was doing my best to let my brother be a grown-ass man, but I have my limits. I’m fine with you two being unconventional, so long as I know he’s taken care of.”

I nod, the cold nipping at the bare skin on my arms. “He told me about your mom. I’m sorry about that.” I know it’s been years, and I also know that it doesn’t make a lot of difference. Years take the edge off the pain and that’s about it.

“I might have heard through the grapevine that you lost a parent, too. Not the details,” he adds, quickly, before I can plan my revenge on Casey for sharing my shit with the world without my permission. “Only that. He hasn’t betrayed your confidence.”

I nod, not willing to give up the information. Casey can tell him if he wants to. I’ve reached my quota for talking about Dad’s death this year.

He smirks. “You really have changed your mind, eh?”

Once again, I’m reminded that he’s Casey’s brother. He might be the more responsible Alderchuck, but he’s still an Alderchuck and Alderchucks … Alderchuck.

“Are you gonna help me out or not?”

“Okay, I’ll stop fucking with you, but I can see why Casey does it—you’re an easy target.”

I’m not an easy target. Not anything close to. But I have to admit that the Alderchuck brothers seem to have been imbibed with the power to fuck with me.

“Originally, I didn’t think you two would last the summer, but then you did, and I had to reevaluate,” he says. “I still see you two as the equivalent of a hurricane gone off the rails, but I also think you take care of my brother in a way I can’t anymore.”

Is that what’s tearing him up? “Passing your problems off to me, Other Alderchuck?” If he’s gonna grind my gears, he’s getting demoted from Stacey to Other Alderchuck, but this time to his face.

“Not in any universe, Sutter. I’d rather keep things the way they were than pass him off to someone unworthy.”

“Then you’re saying you think I’m worthy.”

That pulls a struggling half smile from him. Why is it so fucking hard to make this guy smile?

“I’m saying, I don’t think you need my advice anymore, you have your own way of taking care of him, shit I’d never do, but it’s shit he relishes in.” He considers me for a moment. “Mom used to say that Casey was like a dandelion gone to seed. You know, like when it’s turned into a white puffball? All it takes is a breeze strong enough and the pieces of him fly away on separate adventures.”

That’s … accurate.

“It’s one of the reasons we started playing hockey—aside from the fact that a good portion of the Canadian population picks up a hockey stick at some point. Hockey grounded Casey but still let him be everywhere doing everything. Mom had a way with him, too. It was never defined, but I know Casey felt it. When she died, I tried to recreate that feeling for him, but I’ve never gotten it quite right, so it only gets him by. As a result, he hasn’t flourished. But if he was with the right person?—”

“You think it’s me?”

“I think it’s to be determined, but I saw the way his eyes searched for you tonight. And while you exist as the breeze that blows his flyaway seeds in all directions, you’re somehow able to call them all back. Restore him.”

I smile on the inside but give nothing away on the outside. Alderchuck’s not just my kitten, but my wild dandelion puff.

“He does the same for me,” I admit. And I mean both things. He brings me inner peace as often as inner pandemonium.

“I’m warning you though, break his heart, and I’ll break something of yours that’ll put you into an early hockey retirement.” I get a smile, but it’s not a nice one. It shows all his teeth.

Huh. This Alderchuck has a different kind of bite than my Alderchuck. But I have a younger sibling, so I get it. Anyone who wants to date Isla—one day when she’s forty-five—has to get through me first.

Stacey doesn’t scare me, but I get his sentiments as intended. “Guess I’m on my own with your brother then.”

“Yep. Good luck with that. I love him to death, but he’s chaos incarnate.”

The door swings open, letting some of the heat out, reminding me that it’s cold as fuck out here. My limbs have already frozen enough to head into numbing territory. Dash—the one I like to refer to as the pretty one—sets his gaze on Stacey.

“Stace! There you are. I’ve been looking for you.”

Dash takes a step toward the arctic-like tundra that is currently the Meyer’s front porch. Stacey’s up like a shot because he sees what I see, Dash sockless and shoeless. Even Casey wouldn’t pull some bullshit like that, stepping onto the cold deck barefoot. But someone—Stacey—has a caretaking complex a mile high.

“I know you weren’t gonna step out here without shoes on, sweetheart. I was just coming inside,” Stacey lies. That’s such bullshit. Also, sweetheart? What the fuck? Doesn’t Dash have a boyfriend? I know what I would do to any man calling Casey sweetheart.

Okay, I’ll admit that I’m curious, now, but know what? Fuck, no. It looks like a lot of drama to me. I have zero interest in their soap opera.

“What were you doin’ out here?” Dash asks, concern filling his features as his eyes flick briefly to me.

Stacey slides his arms around Dash and Dash reaches till he’s on his tip toes so he can put his arms around Stacey’s neck. Stacey’s several inches taller than Dash. Their “whatever this is” pulls me in a little further. I can’t help it. They click together with the kind of chemistry that makes even me wonder things. It’s on the tip of my tongue to be a fucking shit disturber and stir this pot, but I’ll behave myself. I doubt it would go over well.

“Sutter was asking me some advice about Casey,” Other Alderchuck says. His statement might be true, but there’s a subtle implication that I was the one who pulled him out here.

Yeah, okay, Other Alderchuck. Having him owe me one might come in handy someday, so I let it slide.

Dash burrows into Stacey’s jacket, sheltering from the cold. I get an analytical glare from him. Fuck, jealous much? Ah, but I get it. It’s probably the twin thing, which makes sense—Stacey and Casey are identical. All logic says I should be attracted to Stacey too, but I’m not. I recognize that he’s an attractive man, but I’m not aroused by him. Dash should know that since, clearly, he’s got some kind of thing for Stacey and not Casey. Unless … is he attracted to my Alderchuck? He could have a twin fetish for all I know. I glare right back. Dash is off the list of people it’s okay for Alderchuck to cuddle with until I clear this up.

Dash steps back to peer at Stacey. Stacey lights up with a pure smile. Yeah, the unsmiling motherfucker smiles like the damn summer sun. He’s so busted. I’m not an expert on love, but I know it when I see it. That man’s gone, gone, gone.

Stacey turns his head, beaming brighter than the freshly fallen snow. “You good, Sutter?”

I smirk. “So good.”

“C’mon, let’s find you some slippers,” he says to Dash. They step into the house, leaving the door wide open for me, giving me a view of the empty kitchen, except for the one person who’s pawing through the fridge, reaching for a beer.

I’m good on what I needed from Stacey, but not from Jack Leslie. It’s about time I do a little follow-up to our conversation from The Foxy. Maybe if I show him I’ve been paying attention to Casey, and learning how to meet his needs, he’ll help me with the last Casey knot I can’t seem to untangle.

I corner Jack as he digs into the drawer for the bottle opener and cracks the top off. I don’t bother with pleasantries. Casey must be done pissing by now but, knowing him, he got distracted along the way. My time is limited.

“Physical affection,” I list off, proud of the knowledge I’ve devised about Alderchuck.

Jack’s smugness bleeds off him and I have a feeling it’s not directed at me but an internal vision of Casey.

“How do you figure?” he says to toy with me and to make sure it’s not something I overheard. At least, that’s what I’d do.

“Because the man needs to be latched onto someone at all times.” From now on that someone is gonna be me. As much as I can. When our schedules allow. Dammit. I’m gonna have to make peace with him cuddling up to Jack now and then, aren’t I?

“Slowly realizing I’m a necessary evil, eh?” Jack figures out. The man gives flakey energy, but he’s actually smart as fuck. Too smart.

I choke off my growl. Growling’s not conducive to productive conversation.

“But I want a little more than that. Maybe we’re the affectionate ones.”

“I’ve noticed the way you guys pass him back and forth.” They did it a lot that night at The Foxy. “And he brings little things up in conversation all the time.” To fuck with me, I don’t add. Casey loves riling me up so I’ll go caveman on his ass and give him some of the physical attention he’s seeking.

I’m proud to say that, from me, he seeks a special brand of attention he can’t get from anyone else.

“Alright, you get points, Sutter. What are the other two?”

I’m pretty sure I’ve only determined one other Casey essential. That third one’s baffling me, pissing me off that it eludes me so damn much. I feel like it’s right under my nose.

“He doesn’t like being alone,” I say, listing off number two, which I’m sure about. “And before you ask, he’s never alone. He’s always gotta be somewhere, doing something with someone. Sometimes when we’ve fought, he’s gone to yours. I wondered about that. It could be played off that he was seeking his bestie for comfort, but then I realized, it was because no one would be home.”

“Wow. I’m impressed. I might have to admit that you’re a semi-decent guy, Sutter. Okay, what’s number three?”

I falter, but I don’t want to admit that I don’t know, so I scramble, shuffling through memories, trying to pull something. Anger burns under the surface, knowing Jack knows something about my Alderchuck that I don’t.

“Tell me,” I demand.

He laughs. It’s the kind of laugh that clenches my fist and makes it itch to connect with his face. But I’m not on the ice, I’m at a family gathering. Next time I’m on the ice, though …

“I know you want to pound my pretty face in, big guy, but if I tell you, it won’t be the same. You got the first two, I have every faith you’ll figure out the last one.”

“Don’t patronize me.”

“Believe me, I’m not. This is fucking fun. You’re so mad.” He laughs the same stupid laugh, patting my shoulder till I bare my teeth in a snarl. “Easy, Cujo.”

“Maybe there is no third thing and you’re just fucking with me.”

“Oh, there’s a third thing, alright. You’ve even encountered it already. It’s … what makes Casey difficult sometimes, but something tells me you’re up for the challenge.”

Jack crosses his arms, and something about his profile highlights the hat he’s wearing. Hang on, it’s not his fucking hat. I thought Casey’s hat looked more worn than usual. It’s not the first time they’ve played musical hats, but this time it’s more bothersome than it’s ever been.

Jack knows Casey better than I do.

I swipe it off his head. Jack’s grin nearly takes his face off. Don’t know why reclaiming Casey’s hat is cause for celebration.

Casey wanders into the kitchen. Jack’s hat on his head offends me. I rip it off and shove it at Jack.

“Whoa, Sutter. What’s your problem?” Casey says, but his arms wrap around my wide torso and his touch literally soothes the savage beast.

“My problem is you wearing everybody’s shit.” I dig my fingers into his tumble-y curls.

Jack settles his own hat backward over his blond lion’s mane of hair. “I’ll leave you two.”

I glare at his back as he exits the kitchen, holding Alderchuck tighter. For once, fucking him is the last thing on my mind. That’s not to say it’s not on my mind, it’s just lower priority right now. There’s something else I’m driven to do.

“We need to make a stop at Home Depot tomorrow,” I say.

“On Boxing Day? Why the fuck, Sutter?”

“You don’t have enough locks on your door.”

“Oh, God. Oh, no. What the fuck did Jack say?”

“He said he knows you better than I do.”

Something about the conversation with Jack set me off and when I’m set off, my emotional home is protection. It doesn’t always make rational sense, but it’s what feels the most rational to that irrational part of my brain. It’s more a matter of being agitated. Actively protecting the ones I care about calms my agitation.

Most of it.

Usually.

“And that equals more locks on my door to your Neanderthal brain?”

“Yes.”

“If it helps, I don’t understand a shit ton about you, but you don’t see me driving down to the local hardware store and buying them out of locking devices. Relax, Sutter.”

I shrug. “It’s happening.”

“No fucking way. I have all the locks I need on my door. You can go right ahead and fuck off with your locks.”

“That’s it. You’re gonna get it, Alderchuck.”

He knows to move and move fast on those powerful hockey legs of his. Casey races off, thinking if he’s out of range I can’t nail his ass, but before I can take another step forward, I catch sight of the slight one, the tender-looking Meyer child with wispy brown hair. Her white dress sways to a halt as her bare little toes press into the hardwood floor. Her tiny hand is clutched around something she squeezes tightly, unsure if she wants to show it to the world, studying me with narrowed eyes. My breath remains trapped in my lungs, on the tenterhooks of her scrutiny. Finally, a knowing smile spreads onto her young face.

“You love him,” Lorelei whispers.

I’m caught out, and while I may be a lot of things, I’m not a man who lies to little girls. I bring a finger to my lips, indicating it’s still a secret.

She nods, padding over to me, handing me the treasured item in her fist. It drops onto my meaty palm like lead in a bucket, but it’s not lead.

It’s copper.

My skin breaks out with gooseflesh, and I let go a careful exhale, my heart thudding in my chest.

“Theo and I found this. He wanted to use it for making wishes in the fountain next time we get to go. I punched him in the arm and took it because it made me think of you.”

I stare at the Canadian penny, tears filling my eyes. Dammit, Dad. Sending the little Meyer doll to do your bidding? That’s horror movie creepy.

Or. Christmas magic, I guess.

“Tell him, okay?” she says.

“I will, darlin’.”

“Okie. Bye!” She pads away, singing something, zero idea that I’m losing my mind. I bat the tears away and slip the penny into my pocket. Talk about messages from the beyond.

“Sutter! How long does it take you to walk across the kitchen?” Casey’s obnoxious voice calls from the living room. Why am I so gone for this man?

But I’m beyond needing the answer to that question. I am. It’s a Matrix I don’t want to find my way out of.

All I need is the courage to tell him. Officially make him mine.

Let’s start by making a statement. I remove the bandana from around my head—it’s going on him—and trap my hair under his smelly old hat.

He wants to trade shit? He can trade shit with me from now on.