Breathing Without You (The Courtlynd #2)

10. Creedence

10

CREEDENCE

I’m not abusive at all. I love to be rough and leave marks and cause pain of pleasure. I like to make sure they know the difference, but I don't think she is questioning any of it, she’s enjoying it all too much.

“Come with me Creedence, please come in my pussy,” she groans out, and that’s all it takes for me to lose control completely. I lean in to kiss her, wanting to feel her lips against mine as I come. Her pussy tightens around me, and I feel her trying to pull away from my lips. Deciding to let go of her so I can watch the look of pleasure on her face as she comes undone, her heavy eyes fluttering, her breathing is heavy and uneven as her orgasm shoots through her.

“Oh goddd baby your pussy is going to be the death of me.” My voice hoarse. I’m barely even able to get the sentence out, because the pleasure takes over my body, this orgasm more intense than the last two, as I cum inside her again.

“I can’t have sex anymore tonight. I think you’re on the verge of breaking my pussy.” She laughs sliding into the tub in front of me, her legs still around my waist.

“I’ll give you a break for the rest of the night, I can’t wait to see all the marks on your body,” I say to her hoping she won’t freak out, making sure she is aware that there will be marks left on her. My love marks, I’ve never actually called them that before. I never had a name for them until now, until Emerald made me feel things I wasn’t expecting to feel.

“I have a feeling seeing them will just turn me on again.” She shakes her head. “I don’t know what it is about you but damn I’ve never had sex with someone this soon before or this much in one day.” She covers her face in embarrassment, so I reach up pulling her hands down and lift her chin to look at me.

“Look at me, Sugar,” I tell her, making sure her full attention is on me. “I’m glad you trusted me enough to do all of this tonight, but I'm really happy you enjoyed it all,” I tell her, pulling her in for another kiss. Everything about this girl is addicting. I always want to be addicted to her; I never want to become sober from her as my addiction if it means losing her.

After we finish up in the tub we get out and dry off. I give her clothes to change into, so she doesn’t have to go to her house. Then we head outside to get some fresh air, we walk out of the house through the garage so we can get to the back patio. But before we can get out back Emerald spots my motorcycle.

“Oh shit, is this your motorcycle?” Emerald asks right away; I mean it’s the first thing you see when you walk out the garage door so it’s not really a surprise that she asks. It just sucks, I hate the feelings that come rushing in along with the flashbacks that suck me in. Sometimes it feels paralyzing like no matter how much I try to escape or get away from these memories I can’t, I couldn’t run away from them even if I tried, I’m stuck with them for the rest of my life.

“Yeah, she’s mine.” My brother and I used to call them our girls so whenever I talk about my motorcycle, I call her a she, another horrible memory that haunts me, the guilt of being alive and still getting to call my Chopper a she.

“Can we go for a ride? I’ve never been on one before and I’ve always wanted to go on one.” She asks with a big smile on her face looking down at it. The look of excitement on her face is fucking adorable and I hate the fact and hate myself for the fact that I’m about to crush her excitement.

“Well not tonight since I’ve been drinking.” She cuts me off, the excitement still on her face.

“Shit, I forgot we were drinking but another day I meant.” She finally looks up at me, a concerned look on her face. “Are you okay? Did I do something wrong?” She moves closer to me as she talks, making me feel nervous.

“No, you didn’t do anything wrong, I just, I don’t ride anymore is all.” A lump forms in my throat, I look away to blink back the tears that threaten to form. Something that still happens every time I think about him.

TWO YEARS AGO

What the fuck just happened? I think to myself as I pull over onto the side of the highway. Where the fuck did Xander just go, did I really just see that? My mind is freaking out, my body shaking, I walk to the side of the road dry heaving, and then I start vomiting up everything we just ate. I can’t control it. I need to go see where my brother is and what just happened, but I can’t stop the puke from coming up. I hear cars slamming on their brakes, sirens in the distance.

Someone is behind me talking but I can’t hear what they’re saying. My head is in a fog, I feel like I’m in some kind of tunnel, everything sounds muffled and far away. I feel like I might pass out, but I need to get to my brother. The tears start coming as I finally stop myself from puking. I slowly turn around and there's a puddle of blood surrounding a contorted body.

“Xander? Xander?” I scream to nobody but myself as I run to his body, he’s lying there, blood coming from his head and other parts of his body, I just can’t see from where. I’m afraid to touch him because I know what I’m going to find once I do and I’m not ready to see it.

“Xander please.” Spit and snot flying as I scream and cry next to him.

“Sir…sir, we’re going to need you to step away from the body. Sir, my name's Officer Jacobs, I need you to please move so the paramedics can move the body.

I’ve been in my own world. I didn't even notice the paramedics around him. I didn't notice the other people standing around freaking out or crying as I screamed and cried for my brother.

“Creedence?” Emerald says in a panic. “Creed?” she says a little louder this time. “Are you okay?” She shakes me back from being lost in the past. The memory I always find myself getting stuck in, the memory that still haunts me every, fucking day.

Lost in a nightmare, that I will forever keep living. It should’ve been me that day, but I was the asshole who switched lanes and let my little brother, my best friend, die.

“Hey, hey it’s okay. Where'd you go Creed? I’m right here, it's okay.” She grabs me, hugging me tightly while looking up at me. She reaches for the back of my neck, pulling me down by my nape to look at her.

That’s when I realized I've been crying. I reach up with my hand and wipe away my tears. Turning my head from her, embarrassed. I usually don’t cry in front of people over this, I usually leave the room or blink the tears away. So, I’m surprised that my mind or my body, something trusts her to be comfortable around her, at least enough to just let go.

“Sorry.” My voice, gravelly. I clear my throat a couple times to get my voice back fully. “Sorry,” is all I can manage to get out. It’s a hard topic for me to talk and to think about.

“Creed, why are you apologizing? I should be the one saying sorry, I obviously triggered something, and I feel like an asshole now.” She shakes her head as she says it.

“Don’t, it’s not your fault it’s mine. Let’s go umm.” I pause, taking in a deep breath trying to calm my nerves. Damn I feel like a bitch, the only woman I’ve ever allowed myself to cry in front of is my mother. “Let’s go sit on the front porch instead,” I say and clear my throat again to get rid of the hoarse sound.

“Okay.” She says quietly letting go of me, looking down. I needed to get away from that garage and my motorcycle, so I changed my mind about going on the back patio. You can tell she feels bad though, so before we walk outside, I lean down and give her a soft quick kiss, to hopefully let her know I’m not mad or it’s not her fault.

I grab her hand and lead her out the garage door to the front porch and sit on the stairs, it’s too nice of a night to sit on the porch swing. She sits down next to me and it's quiet, too quiet. So, I figured I should probably explain where I went mentally and why I was crying.

“I’m apologizing in advance in case I cry again.” I place my hands together and look over at her.

“Never apologize for feeling, for expressing yourself. Never apologize for crying around me. I’d never judge someone for showing their emotions.” She scoots a little closer to me as she talks.

“My brother Xander and I were in a motorcycle accident. Well, he was. I just missed it,” I start off, clearing my already scratchy throat from the tears that are threatening to start filling up my eyes.

She doesn’t say anything, she sits there with a worried look on her face, listening as I start from the beginning, how we pulled over from the rain, ate some food while waiting for the storm to pass. How I could just tell he felt nervous about riding after the rain. How we were stupid and didn’t wear helmets that day.

“We were riding on the highway; we didn’t have a choice as that was the only way we had to get home. We probably should’ve waited longer before getting back on the road, but it was getting late, and I didn’t want him out in the dark. He had just gotten his license a few months before that, so he wasn’t used to riding at night, or after the rain.” I stop, looking in the other direction, trying to calm my nerves and blink back the tears that just keep falling without me allowing them too.

I continue on with more details, the condition of the roads. How we probably shouldn’t have been driving as fast as we were.

“I sped up to get ahead of him so I could switch lanes because our exit was coming up. I just assumed he’d switch lanes right after me. But instead, he sped up, his bike hit a puddle causing his bike to spin out, he hit another car causing him to fly off his bike. Which caused his head to hit the concrete first.” I pause again, wiping away my tears, this is the first time I’ve ever really spoken about this to anyone, besides Carsten, Chase, Axton, or my parents since it’s happened. But it feels kind of good getting it out after all this time.

“It all happened so fast I didn’t want to believe it, I thought maybe I was seeing things or imagining it. And after all this time it’s still my fault that he’s dead,” I choke out. “It should’ve been me, if I wouldn’t have switched lanes before him, I would’ve been the one not him.” I shake my head as I stop talking just letting my tears continue to fall.

“Fuck, Creed.” Emerald sniffles, wiping her own tears. “I’m so sorry you had to go through that.” She says putting her hand on my lap over one of my hands.

She stops, removing her hand from mine. I look up at her confused. She moves my arms and steps up, then sits down on my lap, straddling me, it’s not meant to be sexual. It’s comforting.

“Don’t say that. I don’t know your brother, but I know he wouldn’t want you blaming yourself and I think deep down you know that.” Her voice sounds sad. “You can’t live your life blaming yourself babe or you won’t enjoy it.” She finally looks at me and I see she has tears in her eyes that are ready to spill over.

“I know I just can’t be happy knowing it should’ve been me, and I try to tell myself that he wouldn’t want me feeling this way, but I just… I just feel guilty. Like if I go on living a happy life it’s not fair to him.” I pause, taking a deep breath.

“Creed, please don’t blame yourself. I promise you it’s not your fault and I’m not going to stop telling you that until I can convince you that it’s true.”

She looks into my eyes, as she cups my face, wiping my tears with her thumbs in the process and leans in giving me a soft, slow kiss. I wrap my arms around her middle, hugging her tight while I deepen the kiss more, kissing her passionately. The fact that she took the time to show me how much she cares with just those sweet words and simple gestures means more to me than she’ll ever know.

I pull away from the kiss. “Thank you, Emerald.” My voice is husky from the way she’s sitting, how it’s starting to affect me. It’s hard not to get worked up when this beautiful woman straddles your lap. Now I’m emotional and horny, what a terrible combination to feel at once. But I push the sexual desires away and focus on her showing me that she cares. Even if she’s not saying it with words anymore, she’s showing it. She lays her head down on my shoulder, wrapping her arms around my neck and we just sit there in silence. There’s something about the comfort of her presence that makes me feel at home, at peace. She helped take a weight off my shoulders tonight that I hadn't realized I’d been carrying. Just by listening and allowing me to feel something. I turn my head and open my eyes, her green and black hair in my face and I smile. She still has the pink scrunchy in her hair that I put in, I thought she’d take it out after the bath. I’ve only ever seen her with her hair down, even in passing before work, her hair’s always down.

“I like that you’re still wearing the scrunchie.” My voice comes out a mix of a rasp from crying and a husky tone from being turned on, again. My voice is not wanting to cooperate since crying.

“It’s my new favorite.” She lifts her head, turning to look at me as she smiles. I lean forward and gently kiss her cheek, her skin as soft as velvet, I could touch her all day, kiss her all day. Yep, I think it’s safe to say, I’m obsessed, and I might be in love with this woman right here.

I look over as Emerald starts to yawn, making me yawn myself, realizing how tired I am. It’s been a long day.

“You wanna go in and eat something then go to bed?” I’d love nothing more than to sleep with her next to me.

“I’d love nothing more than that.” She kisses my neck, then bites it lightly, instantly making my dick grow hard.

“Down boy.” She giggles as she slowly grinds herself into me. “God, I can’t resist you, Creedence,” she groans out. “I can’t have sex anymore, but I need to feel you again tonight,” she tells me between breaths.

“You have no idea how badly I want to be inside you right now, Sugar. I’m just going to have to get used to the fact that my dick is constantly going to be hard around you.” I laugh, shaking my head at her.

I lift her up under her ass and she tightly wraps her legs around my waist.

“Mmm,” I growl out from the heat of her pussy pressing against my hard cock. “I might not be able to control myself. I know you said I'll break you if we have sex again, but Emerald…my cock is throbbing for you,” I whisper into her ear in a hoarse voice.

“Oh god that was fucking sexy.” She practically moans out, her body moving like she just shivered.

“Maybe I can go one more round. But food first, please. I’m starving.” She laughs as I carry her through the garage back into the house into the kitchen.

We settle on making bacon grilled cheese together, it’s one of her favorite meals, even though it’s simple. She said it’s something that makes her happy, and it sounds fucking delicious to me, anything with bacon makes me happy.

We head to my room and eat in my bed while watching a movie together. Then we both end up falling asleep instead of another round of sex, which is fine with me because having her snuggled in my arms next to me with her head on my chest is the best feeling in the world. I could get used to this. Falling asleep next to her every night would be the best.