Breathing Without You (The Courtlynd #2)

12. Emerald

12

EMERALD

I stretch my sore legs out as he collapses onto my body, my eyes heavy from the intensity of the orgasms. I still feel like I’m on a high riding a wave of pleasure. We both lay there breathing heavily, his head on my chest as my hands come up and start rubbing his sweaty back. The wetness from the sweat turning me on, knowing everything he just did to get that sweaty. But I’m too tired to act on it. This man is going to break me, he’s constantly turning me on and all I want to do is fuck him whenever I’m around him.

“Shit, I could get used to this,” Creedence says, rolling off me and laying his head onto the pillow next to me.

“Get used to what?” I hope he’s thinking what I was thinking earlier.

“Waking up next to you every day. Amazing sex every morning with you.” He brushes loose hair out of my face with his hand.

“Going to sleep with you every night, sex before bed as well.” I roll over, moving closer to him. Then I lean in to kiss him, soft, slow kisses placing my hand on his face in the process. “Sometimes you scare me.” I pull away whispering.

The look of panic forms in his eyes. I think he’s worried about some of the stuff he’s done to me, thinking he’s hurt me or like I said, that he’s scared me.

“What do you mean?” His voice is slightly rushed and panicked. “I’m not trying to hurt or scare you ever and if I have you need to let me know so I know what to avoid the next time, Emerald.” He looks at me with worry in his eyes.

“No, no sorry it’s nothing to do with sex. I just can’t believe how quickly things are moving and it scares me, but I love it.” I smile. “I feel like I’ve known you forever.” I look away hoping I don’t scare him, but he lifts his hand gently turning my face with my chin.

“Please don’t look away from me. I could get lost in your eyes, Sugar. I could stare at you all day and never get tired of the view. I love looking at how beautiful you are. You’re my favorite thing to look at before bed and you’ll be my favorite thing to open my eyes to in the morning.” He leans in and kisses my forehead. Before pulling away and looking into my eyes, again.

“You’ve never felt like a stranger to me. When I first met you everything about you was so familiar, like I’ve known you for a lifetime, you’ve felt like everything I’ve been searching for, everything I’ve always needed and that right there scares me,” he says in a hoarse whisper. “Because I’ve never felt this way about anyone before.” Then his lips crash down against mine, his tongue inviting itself into my mouth as I open for him. I pull away looking at him, I never thought love at first sight or falling in love this quickly was something that was possible but since meeting him I definitely feel like it’s possible. I feel crazy for feeling this way this soon, but it seems like he might be on the same page as me and that makes me feel a little less crazy.

“Holy shit, I’m glad you said all of that, because I feel the same way.” I kiss him, then pull away. “I thought I was a psycho feeling like this.” I kiss him again and pull away. “Like I was going crazy or something.” Tears fill my eyes. What the fuck is wrong with me? Why am I about to cry?

“Emerald, it’s okay baby,” he says but I cut him off.

“That’s why I said you scare me, because I was afraid how I was feeling was going to make me sound like I was a stalker or something.” It comes out quiet because I’m embarrassed by what I’m saying.

“Emerald,” he says but I cut him off again.

“Now I’m crying, and I have no idea why I’m crying.” He probably thinks I’m crazy now for crying.

“Emerald…” he says a little louder this time, trying to get my attention.

“God, what is wrong with me?” He cuts me off again, and I’m about to say something until I hear what he says.

“Emerald, I think I’m in love with you.” His tone is serious along with the look on his face. He looks into my eyes, but it doesn’t register as he says it.

“Why did that make me so emotional, I can’t believe I’m about to scare you away by saying this.” I pause and it finally hits me what he said.

“Wait, what did you say to me?” I look at him confused, raising one eyebrow.

“If you’d shut up long enough.” He laughs. “And stop rambling long enough to let me talk.” He shakes his head laughing still. “I said I think I’m in love with you, Emerald. Sure, I’ve loved people before, but I’ve never felt this way for anyone before and that scares me too.” He lets out the breath he’s been holding, a look of relief and nervousness flashes across his face.

“No, I don’t have to think about it because I know what this is. I was just afraid of saying it too soon. But now I don’t want to keep it in, especially if you’re feeling the same way.” He gives me his sexy smirk, my favorite smirk that makes me feel weak in the knees.

“What did you just say?” I’m shocked, I must be hearing things, there's no way he just said what I think he just did.

“I said I think I’m in love with you, actually no I don’t think. I know I'm in love with you, Emerald.”

“Fuck, thank god that’s what you said.” The tears fall faster now. I can't believe I'm crying over this but now I can't stop them from falling. Fuck I’m such a baby.

“I love you, you handsome, handsome man. Fuck.” I laugh. “I’m glad I’m not the only crazy one for loving someone this soon, because babe I think we’re both crazy right?” I’m laughing and crying; I feel like such a crazy person, but he isn’t even paying attention to it. He’s smiling and laughing right along with me. Maybe we’re both crazy and we bring it out of each other.

“I love you baby, so fucking much it’s crazy. I feel crazy too, so I guess we can feel crazy together.” He leans in and presses his lips against mine. The kiss is slow, passionate. His tongue swirls along mine in a slow torturous dance.

“I love you, Creedence. God this is crazy right? We’re crazy but I don’t care, I don’t want anyone else, and I don’t want to be crazy with anyone else but you.” I kiss him, pulling away smiling.

“Good because I don’t want to be crazy with anyone else either baby. Throw me all your crazy baby girl, nothing will scare me away. I’ll still love you, show me your worst baby, go ahead, don’t be shy. I’ll still fucking love you, Sugar. Give me all the crazy you’ve got and guess what? You’re still going to make my cock painfully rock fucking hard, and I’m still going to fucking love you, because you’re my kind of crazy.” He pauses for a minute then looks away before looking back at me with a different look in his eyes.

“I’ll always be there to catch all your crazy. It won’t scare me. I fucking love crazy, you my crazy, fucking gorgeous, Emerald you’re my crazy girl no one else can have you.” He leans in and presses his warm lips to mine, he slips his tongue between my lips the same time I open my mouth, his tongue explores my mouth, it invades me, like he’s tasting me, and a moan slips out, the kiss so intense I can’t control the pleasure it brings to my body. It’s like he knows how to please me in every way my body didn’t know could find pleasure without even trying. It’s like he was made with the answer key to all my buttons that lead to pleasure that I’m not even aware of. This is why he’s perfect for me, he knows me better than I know myself, yet we’re still sorta strangers, getting to know each other.

We lay there together in his bed, my head on his chest, I keep thinking about his brother and their accident, well his brother’s accident. I can’t imagine how Creedence feels witnessing something like that. It makes my heart ache for him.

“Can I ask you something?” I rub my fingers up and down his chest, nervous about how he’ll respond when I ask him.

“Of course, beautiful, you can ask me anything.” He rubs his hand up and down my back after he responds. His warm hand spreading chills down my cold arms.

“I don’t want to upset you when I ask this, so please if you don’t want to talk about it I completely understand.” I feel his body tense up a little at what I say to him like he knows what I’m about to talk about which I’m sure he does with how I went about it.

“When is the last time you rode your motorcycle?” I slowly ask the question, shutting my eyes tightly, unsure of how he’s going to react.

He clears his throat. “A week after he passed everyone we knew who had a motorcycle rode it at his funeral, sort of like in his memory kind of thing. I knew he would have loved to see all the motorcycles and his friends riding together, and I haven’t been on it since. I can’t bring myself to do it.” He lets out a breath like he was holding it this whole time.

“Wow, that's so sweet. I’m sure that would have been something amazing to see. I don’t know your brother but I’m sure he would have loved that.” I pause again afraid to ask my next question. “Will you ever ride again?” I ask quietly wondering if he even heard what I said.

He waits a few seconds before he slowly starts responding. “I… I just… I’m honestly afraid to. I feel like how is it fair that he died because of a motorcycle, something he had loved since we were kids, something he couldn’t wait until he was old enough to get. How is it fair if I go on enjoying something that killed my little brother, I don’t think I’d ever be able to find joy in it ever again.” He sighs, a sad look on his face.

My next question really makes me nervous, but I figured as he’s answering them, I’m just going to ask. “Do you think he’d still want you to ride and not stop because of him? Like he’d want you to find joy in it and ride for him?” My body tenses and I shut my eyes tight again waiting for him to be mad.

“I think about that all the time and the guilt I feel from it eats at me, but I’m also afraid what if I ride and get into an accident. I couldn’t imagine doing that to my parents.” Shit I didn’t even think about his parents in the situation. I feel like an ass. Then I think about his friends who were mutual friends of him and his brothers and how they’d have to go through that heartache all over again. First losing Xander, and then something happening to Creedence. Then the thought of me losing him if something were to ever happen if he rides again. The thought makes me sick.

“I think maybe one day you should try it again. I’m not trying to push you or anything, but I feel like if it’s something you think will make him happy too you should maybe try it again one day, I can… I can help you and be there for you when you do it if you want.” I hope I don’t sound as nervous as I feel, so I bite my bottom lip again to distract myself from waiting while tightening my eyes shut. Not sure why I keep waiting for anger, when he’s not like my ex.

“Maybe one day. I would like to in the future, just not sure when. I guess I’ll know when I’m ready though, I just don’t want to push it ya know?” The sad look on his face breaks my heart. Makes me want to take his pain away, to see such a wonderful person experience such a loss, hurts me in ways I’ve never experienced before.

“I hope you don’t think I was pushing you; I was…” He cuts me off before I can finish what I was saying, and I hope I didn’t push too far.

“Hey beautiful, don’t you worry. I promise I don’t feel like you're pushing me to do anything. I was just saying I don’t want to push myself into it is all. It’s something that runs through my mind all the time and sometimes I think to myself just fucking do it and stop being a baby about it but I’m afraid if I do push myself then what if I’m not ready and I do get into an accident.” He pauses for a second. “I miss riding I really do, but fuck I miss my brother so much and I wake up every day thinking it’ll get a little easier, then I see my motorcycle in the garage when I’m leaving, and it hits me like a ton of fucking bricks and it just fucking sucks.” He sniffles and I look up at him to see tears falling freely down the side of his cheek from the way he’s lying and it breaks my fucking heart to see him like this.

I reach up and wipe his tears for him with my one hand and he smirks a little as I do it as he looks down at me.

“I’m sorry,” I tell him, because if I wouldn’t have brought this up then he wouldn’t be crying right now.

“Don’t be sorry. For some reason whenever I talk about it to you it helps me feel a little better. Like I’m not carrying so much weight on me, my chest doesn’t feel so heavy.” He squeezes me a little, hugging me.

“I’m always here for you, Creedence. I’m happy I was able to help you.” I squeeze him back looking up at him.

“I love you, Sugar.” He fully turns onto his side so he can lean down and kiss me. I stretch my body up to meet him and kiss him back before I pull away.

“I love you, you handsome, handsome man.” And then I lean back in to continue kissing him, opening my mouth for him as he takes his time to deepen the kiss.