Broken Bonds (Unbreakable Bonds #1)

Chapter Thirty-One

chapter thirty-one

CELINE

Time passed by slowly, every day longer than the last with the subtle reminder that Ace had left at the forefront of my mind. And now, the cherry on the sundae, I had to watch my new best friend and brother fall in love.

Valentine’s Day, as I had expected, came and went with a slow ache that consumed my heart. I helped Amber get ready for her first date with my brother that night. And despite the hurt that laced my heart, I was happy for my friend.

Mom and Dad decided it was best if I took the spring semester off and stay home until I was healed. Then, I could start working half days until I could cope with a full day. Unfortunately, that time had not come yet. I spent most of my time watching TV and reading.

I still couldn’t drive, which meant I was confined to the house unless Amber took me out, but it wasn’t like I could walk around the mall like normal girls. Though, we did get our nails done every two weeks, which was heaven-sent.

As time passed, I grew more and more detached from everyone around me. I stopped sitting downstairs in the main seating area with my mom during the day, and I didn’t speak at dinner. I had nothing interesting to share, unlike my father and brother, who had so many stories I lost count.

Amber spent most of her time with Ryan now since they started openly dating on Valentine’s Day, which meant I spent most of my time alone except for our Saturday nail dates. She spoke mostly of the dates she went on with Ryan, and I smiled and acted amused, but on the inside, I was falling apart, piece by piece.

I often wondered if she noticed or if her mind was only on my brother.

Nobody really listened to me anymore, their minds on their busy lives and no longer on the broken girl that haunted the halls of this house. I expected more from my brother, especially my parents, but hearing Amber only talk about her new love life made me feel so lonely that it consumed me.

I thought about Ace a lot. He seldom left my mind, his laugh replaying in my head at times, and I always saw his eyes when I closed mine. I had texted him and called but was met with silence, which left me wondering what I had done wrong, or if I was the problem. I couldn’t have been because he said he cared about me.

Maybe he’d been lying the whole time.

I would always be the girl who everyone felt sympathy for—the girl who barely survived a motorcycle accident that killed her boyfriend, the girl who lost all of her friends and didn’t finish high school in person. And now, I was the girl confined to her house because of another near-death situation.

Tossing my phone aside, my iMessages chat with Ace open, I stared up at the dark ceiling. I heard Amber’s laughter come from downstairs, along with Ryan’s. Closing my eyes, I willed sleep to take me away.

I’m sick of being so lonely. Please, someone, help me.

Sitting at the dinner table a few nights later, everyone was silently eating the meal Mom had prepared. Amber’s seat was empty tonight, which was unusual, but nobody questioned it. Ryan was nervously fidgeting the whole time, his leg bouncing beside mine. When I looked at him, his eyes were wide and frantic, and he shook his head at my questioning look, stopping me from voicing my concern.

Abruptly, he put his fork down with a clatter, dragging Mom and Dad’s attention to him. Ryan scratched the back of his head and then ran both hands down his face. “There’s something I have to tell you guys.” His face paled, and I tried to think of the worst so I would be prepared.

“What’s wrong, son?” Dad sat up in his seat, putting his knife and fork down to give Ryan his undivided attention.

“Since this is my last semester, and I graduate in December, I’ve been thinking about what I want to do after graduation.” A breath of relief slipped past my lips. So it wasn’t something terrible. But if that was it, why did he seem so panicked?

“I thought the plan was to come work full time at the business?” Mom spoke up, her eyebrows furrowed in concern.

“I do want to work with Dad, but I want to try something else first.” His leg was bouncing again. My brows furrowed.

Just spit it out, Ryan. It can’t be that bad.

“I want to serve my country.” Mom gasped loudly. Dad gripped the table, his knuckles going white, and I just sat there with my jaw hanging open.

Well, I wasn’t expecting that.

“Ryan, do you know what you are saying, my child?” Mom was shaking now, her hands gripping my dad’s arm.

“Yes, Mom. I’ve been thinking about this for a few months now. This is something I have to do. I want to do this. I want to fight. I want to defend. It’s only for two years, and then, I’ll come work at the business full time.”

Where was this coming from?

“Are you sure you understand the risk, boy?” Dad’s voice was stern—emotionless. Ryan winced. When Dad started talking like this… it was bad.

“I’ve already filled out the paperwork, and I leave the day after graduation.” Mom sucked in a sharp, horrified breath. “I’m twenty-two. I’m an adult now, and you and Mom can’t stop me from doing this.” Rage filled my parents’ faces, and I squirmed in my seat, knowing this was going to turn into a bad storm very quickly.

“Listen here, boy. As long you live under this roof, drive a car with gas that I pay for, and go to a college that I also paid for, you will listen to your mother and me. Do you understand me, Ryan?” Dad’s voice boomed in the kitchen, and I saw Ryan shrink back into his seat.

“Do you want to die, Ryan? Do you want to be killed? How can you do this to me after I just almost lost your sister?” Mom burst into tears. Dad wrapped his big, burly arm around her, looking uncomfortable.

Nobody spoke. My mother’s sobs filled the air, and my eyes remained on my brother, who looked defeated. Grabbing his arm under the table, I squeezed. If this was what he wanted to do, I was going to stand beside him.

“I think Ryan should go. Clearly, he’s done his research. It’s only for two years. I’m sure he’ll be fine.”

My parents turned their glares from Ryan to me as soon as I opened my mouth. I flinched back from them.

“I didn’t realize you had a voice anymore, let alone an opinion on the matter.” Dad’s sharp words cut through me. My hand dropped from Ryan’s arm, but he grabbed my hand under the table, squeezing it.

“Don’t take this out on her.” Ryan found his voice, taking some of the heat off me.

“She hasn’t spoken in weeks, and now, she decides to stand up for you?” Dad paused, looking between the two of us. “You knew, didn’t you? He told you before dinner so he would have someone on his side.” His hard eyes were on me.

I shook my head in answer. I was at a loss for words. Why was he so angry with me?

“She didn’t know. Amber doesn’t know either. I wanted to tell you all together.”

“How could you side with him, Celine? Do you want to lose him like you lost Aidan?” Regret flashed through my mother’s eyes the second she said it. Dad’s eyes landed on my mother in shock, and Ryan stiffened instantly.

I didn’t move. Gasping for breath, I looked at my plate of food, counting down in my head, trying to calm my racing heart and ringing ears.

She didn’t just say that. I had to have misheard.

“How could you say that to her?!” Ryan exploded, his grip on my hand tight, the only thing stabilizing me. I wanted to leave, to flee to my room, to be alone.

“Honey, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it that way.” Hot tears were rolling down my cheeks, blurring the view of my mother.

How could she?

Standing up, my chair flew backward, falling over. Ryan’s grip on my hand loosened in surprise, enough for me to yank my hand from his. Taking a shaky step away from the table, I clutched my burning throat in one hand and my chest with the other, feeling completely broken.

I barely registered Mom standing and reaching for me. I staggered backward, gasping for air. Backing up into the leg of the chair, it stabbed my calf by one of my scars, and pain flared throughout my leg.

“Celine!” Ryan was standing now, trying to pull me into his arms. I pushed him away, tripping over my own feet and collapsing to the tiled ground. He was quick to reach down and extend a helping hand.

“Leave me alone!” I screamed, my throat constricting around the words, pain ripping from my throat as a sob tore through. I crumpled into a shell of the girl I used to be.

“Look what you did to her!” Ryan angrily shouted at our mother as he squatted behind me, a warm hand running up and down my spine.

I curled into myself, covering my face with my hands as the tears just rolled down my cheeks, and pain as raw as the day I found out Aidan died flooded my every cell. Ryan’s burly arms wrapped around my trembling body, trying to provide comfort, but with a scream of agony tearing from my parted lips, I couldn’t find any in his arms.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry, baby.” Mom’s cool hands settled over mine, and I recoiled.

“Take her out of here, Ryan,” Dad ordered, his voice filled with pain.

I broke everyone around me.

Ryan picked me up, cradling my body to his chest. His lips near my ear whispered words of comfort, but I found none. With my face buried in his neck, my tears falling onto his warm skin, at least I didn’t feel so alone. He sat down on what I assumed was my bed, his arms still tightly wrapped around me.

“I’m here. I’m here, Cece.” The childhood nickname pulled at my heartstrings, and I tightened my grip around him next, my tears falling faster. I could barely breathe. Sucking in air between each cry left me gasping.

“I won’t leave you. I’m not them, Celine. I’m your brother, and I’ll always be here when you need me.” But he was leaving, wasn’t he? He’d already signed his contract.

He didn’t speak for what seemed like an hour as I cried until there was nothing left, until the gaping hole in my chest wasn’t all-consuming.

“I love you, Ry.” Throat raw, my voice came out gruff, but I knew he heard me.

“I love you, too, Cece.” He ran his hand over my blonde hair. “Why don’t you get some sleep? I’ll deal with Mom and Dad.” He pulled back and lifted me to tuck me into the sheets in the dark room.

“Why the military?” I asked softly.

He audibly swallowed. “I want to fight for a cause and save someone.”

I frowned at him. “You’ve saved me my whole life.” Even in the darkness, I could see the sadness and pain in his eyes.

“I haven’t.” His voice was rough. “I let you get hurt twice because I wasn’t there. This is the only way I can redeem myself. I can’t live with the fact that I’m the reason you’re so broken. I can’t see you barely present during the day because you are reliving the nightmares I didn’t prevent.”

“Ryan, it wasn’t your fault—either time.” He tucked me into my bed and sat on the edge, looking down at his hands.

“I should’ve stopped you from getting on that bike when he was so angry, and it was raining. I should have kept a better eye on you—not just let you leave,” He admitted for the first time. I had no idea he felt so guilty.

“I knew better,” I quietly told him. “I was just so eager to please him, Ryan. It had nothing to do with you. I made that choice. Every bad choice has consequences. I’m lucky I survived.”

Ryan shook his head. “You were only a kid, Celine. I knew Aidan was bad news. I’m your older brother, and my job is to protect you. Mom and Dad told me that when you started school with me, the first time you were bullied during recess. My job is to protect you.”

I couldn’t believe my parents had put that amount of responsibility on my brother when he was seven. Now it made sense why he was always hovering, always within arm’s reach if I needed him. But I wasn’t his responsibility. I never should have been.

“You couldn’t have protected me from Aidan. I would have snuck around with him behind your back.” I saw a hint of a smile, and then, it was gone.

“I’m so sorry, Celine.”

“For what?” Sitting up in the bed, I looked into his eyes in the darkness of the room, moonlight steaming in from the open windows, illuminating his pained expression.

“I should’ve gone to the beach house that day. You would have never connected with Ace, and your legs would be okay.”

Pain sliced through my chest at the reminder of Ace. Reaching for Ryan’s hand, I grabbed it with both of mine. “Isn’t he your best friend?”

He nodded but then shrugged, like he wasn’t sure anymore.

“I would have fallen for him regardless,” I told him quietly. “Ace and I… We’re like magnets, Ryan. He protected me the best he could. If he hadn’t been there, I would’ve died. Ryan, he saved my life, you hear me?” I paused, taking in his furrowed brows. “Don’t be angry with him for leaving. Don’t blame yourself. I’m okay now. Dr. Alex said my hamstrings could have torn at any given moment due to the extensive damage.”

Ryan drew in a deep breath. “I’m sorry for failing you, Celine. Pushing him away will be one of my biggest regrets.” He dropped his head into his hands. I stared at him in disbelief.

Pushing him away will be one of my biggest regrets .

“What did just you say?” I blurted.

Looking up at me from his hands, guilt and pain filled his eyes. “I told him to leave, Celine. I told him he wasn’t good enough for you and to get away from you. I’m the reason he left—not you.”

I glared at him, my fingers curling into fists. “Ryan, what the hell ?”

My brother flinched. “I didn’t want him to be like Aidan. I didn’t want to watch you fall apart, but you did anyway, and it’s all my fault.”

I wanted to punch him. “How could you tell him to leave when I was having surgery?!” I shouted.

“I was protecting you!” He slid both hands into his hair and tugged at the short ends.

“Make him come back!” I barked.

Ryan winced. “He’s not answering my calls.”

Tears flooded my eyes. “Ryan, why?” Why had he done this to me? Why couldn’t he just trust me to make my own decisions?

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

Sorry wasn’t bringing Ace back.

But if Ace really cared, he would’ve kept his word. He would’ve stayed. He wouldn’t have broken his promise to me.

“It’s… it’s okay.” Shrugging my shoulders in defeat, I forced a smile at Ryan’s shocked expression. “If he really cared about me, you wouldn’t have been able to scare him away.” My voice sounded tired to my own ears. “I forgive you.”

He reached over and hugged me, his shoulders slumping in relief. “Who’s going to protect me while you’re gone?” I teased.

He laughed, and for the first time in a while, a real smile tilted my lips. “Amber will. That girl is like a guard dog.”

“Have you told her yet?” Pulling away, I looked up at my brother.

He sighed. “No. I had to get through Mom and Dad first. I thought about inviting her over tonight, but I knew it was going to be a bad outcome.”

I patted his arm. “She really likes you, Ryan. You’re the only thing on her mind at the moment. You have to tell her.”

He swallowed thickly, his Adam’s apple bobbing. “I’m thinking about ending the relationship.”

My eyes widened in horror. “Dude, what is your problem ?” I snapped.

He heaved a tired sigh. “I don’t want her to get attached before I leave, and then the whole time I’m away, I’ll be worried about two girls at home. And it would be long distance. I can’t… I can’t ask that of her.”

I frowned at him, my brows furrowing. “She’s a keeper, Ryan.”

He sighed. “I know. I just don’t want to break her heart if something does happen to me.”

I sighed, glaring at him. “You better not die.”

His lips tilted up at the corners. “I’ll do my best.”