Broken Saint (Seattle Saints #1)

33. Colton

33

COLTON

T he weight of her words presses down on me.

She’s right.

I have caused her more pain than I ever intended.

I was meant to be protecting her from the ugliness I was hiding inside, pushing her away to save her from the darkness. But it was pointless.

Whether or not she discovered the truth, I broke her heart regardless.

And I will forever regret it.

She stares at me with tear-filled eyes, and for the first time, I know she’s looking at the real me.

She’s experiencing every tarnished and broken part of me.

It makes my heart race and my skin prickle uncomfortably.

But as much as I hate it, I also love it.

No.

I love so much more than just this moment of intimacy between us.

Our only connection might be her hand on my jaw, but I feel closer to her than I ever have.

It’s overwhelming and exhilarating all at the same time.

My blood burns with need; my temperature soaring.

I need her so desperately that the rest of the world—our surroundings—fall away.

Reaching out, I wrap my hand around the back of her neck and close the space between us.

My heart aches but in the best kind of way as her floral scent floods my nose.

She’s everything.

She always has been.

Dipping my head, I brush my lips against hers.

It’s nothing like the kind of kiss I really want to dive into with her, but there’s still a little voice in the back of my head that’s screaming at me that she won’t want me any longer.

She knows my truth now.

Why would she want me when I’m so broken?

Such a liability.

But then she presses her lips harder against mine, kissing me back.

The relief I feel in that moment is beyond anything I’ve ever experienced before.

Before I can overthink it, I open my mouth and push my tongue past her lips.

I need her.

I need her so fucking badly.

My grip on her tightens as she follows my lead, her tongue stroking against mine and sending a bolt of pure lust straight to my dick.

Needing more, I drop my hands to her waist and lift her from the passenger seat.

“Colt,” she gasps as I place her across my waist. “We can’t?—”

“Fucking can,” I grunt, gripping her ass tight and dragging her closer.

“But—”

I cut her argument off with my lips, allowing myself to drown in her instead of what this place represents and all the pain and regrets that surround it.

She hesitates for about two seconds before her own desire takes over.

It’s always been hot between us, and I hope it never changes.

“Oh god, Colt,” she cries, her head falling back as I suck on the sweet spot beneath her ear.

“You’re my everything, Bombshell. You always have been,” I confess.

My hands are locked around her hips, grinding her against my aching length.

“Colton,” she gasps, rolling her hips in time with mine.

The windows around us are totally fogged up; no one outside would be able to see what we’re doing. Although, they’d probably be able to guess.

“Oh god,” she moans, her voice deep and raspy with need. “Do you…do you want to go and see her?” she forces out.

I still, her question turning my boiling blood to ice in an instant.

Feeling my reaction to her seemingly innocent question, she drags her eyes open and finds mine.

“W-what?” she stutters, her eyes bouncing between mine, trying to figure out what’s wrong.

“I-I can’t go and see her,” I confess quietly, my grip on her hips relaxing.

“Oh, why not?” she asks innocently.

Shaking my head, I reluctantly allow her to climb off me and back into her seat.

I miss her warmth and connection instantly.

“She…” I blow out a breath. As hard as everything else was to confess, this hurts even worse. “It’s my fault she’s in there.”

“No,” Ella argues just like I knew she would. “None of this is your fault.”

“It is if you ask her. She’s refused to see me since I secured her a place there. It’s the best facility in the state. But she doesn’t want it. Thinks I’ve thrown her in there because I don’t want to deal with her.”

“That’s not true,” Ella assures me.

I know that. I do. But it doesn’t make it any easier.

Mom wants to be independent and live her own life. I get it, I really fucking do. But we can’t allow it. I’ve experienced the outcome of that more than I’d ever wish on anyone.

I’ve found her in so many awful states. Some I’ve been able to deal with myself; others that have required immediate medical attention.

All of them just add to my fears of what my life could look like. I might have experienced a few lows, but they’ve been nothing compared to hers.

“I haven’t seen her in years, El. She refuses to let me in.”

Sympathy washes over Ella’s face.

On anyone else, I’d despise it, but on Ella, it hits differently.

She might not be able to understand the situation—unless you’ve lived with a bipolar, unstable parent I think it’s probably impossible—but she’s trying.

She’s Ella. Of course she’s trying.

Reaching over, she takes my hand in hers, twisting our fingers together and squeezing.

“Take me home, Colt,” she demands, understanding that this is the last place on Earth I want to be right now.

Without saying a word, I start the car again and take off.

We drive in silence, but it’s not uncomfortable. If anything, it’s more comfortable than we’ve ever been.

She knows the truth. West aside, I don’t think I’ve ever been truly closer to another person.

The heat of her palm burns through the fabric covering my thigh, giving me the support I need as I try to process everything that just happened.

“You hungry?” I ask as we head back downtown.

“Uh…I could eat, yeah,” she agrees.

“Have you had anything today?”

“Letty brought breakfast with her,” she explains.

I balk. “That was hours ago.”

“It was a big breakfast,” she argues, earning herself a scowl.

“We’re going for dinner,” I announce.

“Colt, no. I’m not dressed for?—”

“You’re perfect. You’re always fucking perfect.”

She ducks her head. If the car weren’t so dark, I’m sure I’d see her cheeks blazing.

“I mean it, El. You should have run after what I just confessed.”

“None of that makes you unworthy, Colt. There is nothing about you that’s unworthy.”

A smile pulls across my lips as I let her words settle.

“Not true, but I appreciate the sentiment, Bombshell.”

Her lips twitch with her need to argue, but she fights the words as I stop on a side street and pull my cell from my pocket.

“Tacos good with you?”

“Is that a serious question?” she teases.

Laughing, I unlock my cell and find the number for the Mexican restaurant we’re parked just down the street from.

“Hey, Luis, man, it’s Colt,” I say when the owner answers the phone.

“Hey, man. Long time no speak. Your game was insane the other night.”

“Yeah, we did pretty good.”

“Stoked for Sunday. Rogers brothers facing off. What dreams are made of.”

“Here’s hoping the right one wins, hey?”

As we banter, Ella’s intrigued stare burns the side of my face.

“Any chance of a rush order?” I ask, my stomach growling and my need to lock her in my apartment and wrap her in my arms too much to deny.

“For you, I’ll do anything,” Luis says happily.

“Owe you, man,” I say before giving him an order that he really doesn’t need said out loud. Well, that is until I say, “For two, yeah?”

“Two?” he questions, a teasing lilt to his voice.

“Yeah, one for me and one for my girl,” I confirm, unable to stop the grin spreading across my face as my grip on Ella’s hand tightens.

“Well, well, well,” Luis muses.

“I know. I know,” I agree to his unspoken words as I scratch my rough chin, my smile getting wider.

“Okay, give us ten. You outside?”

“We’ll be waiting.”

I hang up and turn to my girl.

She’s got an equally wide grin on her face.

“What?” I ask, my stomach all light and fluttery from the happiness on her face alone.

“You really are full of surprises, aren’t you, Rogers?”

“Oh, baby. You ain’t seen nothing yet.”

Leaning over, I take her lips in a filthy kiss. I’m desperate to drag her back over the console and continue where we left off, but I hold myself back, knowing that at any moment, Luis is going to knock on the window, and there is no way I’m letting him experience that.

The only person who gets to see my girl losing control is me.

Only ever me.

That doesn’t mean I even attempt to stop the kiss until that knock does come. And then, it’s only because I know that I need to feed my girl before we continue that I pull back.

Her eyes are glassy with desire and her lips are swollen.

She looks beautiful.

And the way she gazes at me makes my heart miss a beat.

“Ella, I lo?—”

Another loud knock sounds out on the steamed-up window, making her giggle.

“Fuck’s sake,” I mutter under my breath before reaching over to lower the window.

“Evening, love birds,” Luis teases, his eyes zeroing in on the woman in my passenger seat.

“Hi,” Ella says a little breathlessly.

“Whoa, Rogers. What did you do to score a beauty like this?” he taunts.

“It was my personality,” I deadpan, making him bark out a laugh.

“It was more his ball skills,” Ella adds, making him howl.

Fuck. This girl.

“Is that for us?” I grunt, reaching out for the large paper bag in his hand.

“Sure is,” he agrees, looking between the two of us happily. “You guys go and enjoy your night.”

“Don’t worry, we plan to,” I say, snatching up the bag and placing it gently on Ella’s lap before passing over some cash.

“Good luck Sunday, man. I’ll be watching you kick West’s ass.”

I laugh. “That’s the spirit. Those Chiefs are going down.”

Before Luis has had a chance to back up, I lift the window and put the truck into drive.

As fun as a little banter might be with him, I have hot tacos and an even hotter girl who needs my attention.

“He was fun,” Ella says as I shoot down the street.

“Yeah, Luis is good people.”

“Known him long?”

“Went to school together,” I confess.

“Aw,” Ella muses.

“What?”

“I’d love to know more about little Colt. I bet you were a pain in the ass.”

“Hey,” I complain.

“What? Are you going to tell me that you were a good boy? Convince me that you were the teacher’s pet?”

I scoff.“It would be nice to be given the opportunity to.”

“Oh shush.” She laughs. “You’re a bad boy, Colt. Always have been, always will be.”

“Yeah, well. You know what they say about bad boys, right?”

“I’ve heard a thing or two,” she mutters.

I take a left turn before pressing my foot harder on the gas and flying down the street.

“Like how they know to take you for a wild ride?”

“Oh my god, Colt.”

“Tell me it’s not true. You like riding with me.”

“Christ.” She laughs.

“Come on. Best ride of your life, right?”

“Arrogant much?”

“At least tell me I’m better than that schmuck you left in Texas.”

“Well…” she muses as I drop into my underground garage.

“Ella,” I warn.

Pulling into my space, I slam my foot on the brake, making us both jolt forward.

She wants to lie, I can see it swirling in her mischievous eyes, but when her lips part, only the truth comes out.

“There was never a competition between the two of you.”

“Good. Now let’s go. I need to eat dinner before I embark on dessert.”

Her cheeks blaze. “Dessert?” she asks innocently.

“Gonna eat that sweet little pussy all fucking night, Bombshell. By the time I leave for training in the morning, the only ride you’ll remember is mine. Now get out of the car before I carry you.”