Broken Soul (Deviant Souls MC #3)

4. Odette

4

ODETTE

A loud roar rips me from my sleep, making my heart race as I frantically look around for the source of the sound. The room is pitch black aside from the dim light of the moon and stars peeking through the sheer curtain hanging from the window.

I don’t hear anything at first. I’m half convinced I made it up when another agonizing cry shatters the silence. I’m on my feet in two seconds, dashing toward Diesel’s room. Did someone break in? Did Diesel hurt himself? Is he angry about something?

My questions come to a screeching halt when I open the bedroom door and see Diesel in the midst of an awful night terror. His movements are jerky as he fights his way through whatever traumatic scene is in front of him at the moment.

Approaching him carefully, I sit on the edge of the bed, hoping to comfort him. Diesel sits straight up, his bare chest heaving with the effort of gulping down air. I rest my palm over his racing heart, bringing Diesel out of the fog a bit.

“You’re at home,” I whisper. “In your bed. Whatever nightmare you were having is over now.”

Diesel places his much larger hand over mine, curling his fingers around it and squeezing as if he’s hanging on for dear life. In this moment, I truly believe he is.

“I’m right here with you,” I continue in a quiet, calming voice. “You’re safe.”

The feral look in his eyes softens with each passing second until Diesel blows out a breath and finally stops shaking. “I’m sorry,” he mumbles, his voice scratchy from yelling in his sleep. “You shouldn’t have to see that. I shouldn’t… I’m… I’m sorry,” he repeats.

I can tell his head is still spinning, and I look around the bedside table for any anxiety meds. I always keep mine next to me at night in case I have bad dreams or flashbacks. I understand what he’s going through more than he knows. It hurts, watching him hurt.

“Do you take any medication for anxiety or night terrors?” I ask. Diesel tips his chin toward his dresser, where I see a prescription pill bottle. I grab it and hand the medicine to Diesel, who pops two pills and sets the bottle aside.

He closes his eyes and takes a few more calming breaths while I sit on the bed, facing him. “Sorry,” he says again, this time with more than a little shame in his voice. “I was hoping this wouldn’t happen while you were here.”

“I’m glad it did,” I say before realizing how that might sound. Diesel raises an eyebrow and I quickly explain myself further. “I mean, I’m not happy that you experience nightmares. But if you had to have one, I’m glad I was here.”

Diesel shakes his head and gives me a look I can’t quite place. He opens his mouth to say something, then closes it again and sighs. I can tell he doesn’t know what to say. In fact, I can feel the nervous, restless energy radiating off of him.

“Can I join you?” I ask, holding my breath as I wait for his answer. Diesel scoots over, giving me room to climb under the covers next to him. I turn toward the broken man beside me and reach out to comb my fingers through his hair. Diesel relaxes at my touch, letting out another deep breath. “You can talk to me,” I say softly. “I’m right here, literally sitting next to you in the dark. Want to share some of your darkness? Keeping it all bottled up is like a poison.”

The giant, muscular mountain of a man turns on his side, facing me. I continue to weave my fingers through his thick hair and stroke his temple and the back of his neck in a soothing gesture. This moment is so raw, so real, and yet I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.

“Sometimes I dream about my time in the military,” he whispers. “Failed missions, hell, even the successful ones haunt me. What was all the violence for? What did it accomplish? Endless bullets, bombs, and bloodshed and the world is in no better shape than it was before.”

“Thank you for taking on that burden,” I reply softly. “I can’t imagine the horrors you’ve seen. I don’t view your service, or any military member’s service as pointless, though. You may have been farthing someone’s agenda, but who isn’t? More importantly, you were also protecting civilians like me.”

When he doesn’t say anything after a few moments, I wonder if I offended him. I was just speaking from my heart, but I can’t even begin to comprehend what he’s going through. The last thing I want to do is come off as dismissive or trite.

I’m about to apologize when Diesel finally speaks.

“I never thought of it that way,” he murmurs. I rest my hand over his heart, letting him know I meant every word. “If protecting you was the only good thing that came out of my time overseas, then it was worth it.”

A gasp escapes my lips before I can stop it. Did he really just say that?

“Um, so, you said sometimes you have bad dreams about your military history,” I say, not sure how to respond to his last statement. “What are your other nightmares about?”

While I can only make out Diesel’s silhouette in the silver moonlight, I can feel his gaze in every cell of my body. He reaches out and tucks a few strands of my hair behind my ear. His large, warm, slightly rough hand grazes my skin, sending a shiver throughout my muscles and nerve endings.

“I had shit parents who took their anger out on me. When I was big enough to fight back at fourteen, I broke my father’s nose and left home, never to return.”

“Where did you go?” I ask, my heart breaking for everything he’s been through.

"The street for a little while. When I made friends with the other hood rats trying to build a life from nothing, I began couch surfing and crashing with anyone who would take me in. I got into some brutal fights, especially when I started running errands for some shady folks who paid well. The higher the paycheck, the more I was putting myself at risk for a bullet between my eyes."

“Diesel…” I don’t know what to say, so I don’t say anything at all. I’m here with him, listening to his story, absorbing whatever pain I can. That’s enough.

"I was on the fast track to either be put in prison or put six feet under. At eighteen, I had a choice to make; keep going down the same path, hoping something would change along the way, or take my future into my own hands and choose something different."

“And you chose to sign up for the military,” I finish for him. Diesel nods. “Do you even realize how impossible that decision was? You clawed your way out from the depths of despair and grabbed onto a lifeline. That strength was in you the whole time. It’s still there.”

“Odette…” He trails off, then cups my cheek, tilting my head so we’re eye to eye. I can barely see his green irises, but the warmth of his touch has me holding my breath for what’s to come. Diesel leans forward, resting his forehead on mine. His breath tickles my cheeks and nose, making me shudder in his arms. “Thank you,” he whispers before pressing his lips to mine in my first kiss ever.

Diesel gently nips at my bottom lip and then sucks away the sting, making me moan softly at the unexpected jolt of pleasure. He slips his tongue into my mouth, gliding it against mine and then tickling the roof of my mouth. My thighs squeeze together at the sensation, an unfamiliar and rabid hunger tugging at my core.

I open wider for him, wanting more of what he’s offering. Diesel groans and slides his hand to the back of my neck, lightly pulling at the strands to angle my head before diving back in. He consumes me, body and soul with this kiss. It’s overwhelming every one of my senses in the best way possible.

Diesel rolls me onto my back and hovers over me, one hand holding him up while the other trails down my body in feather-light touches. His fingertips brush over my neck, shoulders, and breasts, pausing to circle my nipple through the thin nightshirt I’m wearing. He growls and licks a stripe up my throat, pulling a wanton moan from my lips. He covers my mouth with his, breathing me in while I melt into his embrace.

Just as suddenly as it began, the kiss ends. Diesel turns me on my side, facing away from him, and then curls his giant body around mine. I snuggle up against him, trying to ignore his obscene erection. I did that to him? Just one kiss? It’s hard for me to believe, but I’m currently rubbing up against the evidence.

Diesel wraps me up in his arms, holding me tightly as we drift off to sleep. I have no idea what this means, but I can’t wait to find out. I just hope he doesn’t break my already fragile heart.