Burning Truths (Consume Me #2)

19. Kenna

Chapter Nineteen

KENNA

Stuck in the in between space of sleep and consciousness my legs extend to stretch. They ache bone deep, my left more than the right, the skin too tight. I can still smell the remnants of his stale breath and sweat covering my skin. The sheets hold the stench of our sins in each thread of fabric. My stomach quivers with the emptiness but the thought of filling the void makes my mouth water with acid. Get up Kenna. Wash him off. My fingers slowly scrape down my arms pulling at the skin until it burns. Have you ever wanted to pull the flesh from your bones because the deep seated filth makes you feel like dying?

What did I do?

Tiny slivers of myself break off into shards that are too jagged to fit back into place. Parts of me are missing, gone, stolen from me.

This is my fault. I did this.

My hands grip at the roots of my hair and pull. Pulling and scratching trying to escape the person lying in this bed. I need to get up. The smells around me swirl through my nose burning the memories into my brain. Swallowing back the vomit that threatens to come up I roll over to see a small blue bowl filled with fruit. The overwhelming sweet smell wafts over to me combining with the stench. My stomach gurgles bubbling with disgust for the food. Licking my lips my eyes roam around the room looking for a hint of time. Time has held no meaning in these four walls, locked inside a loop, trapped unable to move forward.

I start to pull in a deep breath but choke on his smell. Kicking the blankets off my core is sore and raw.

Hot shower.

Just roll off the bed. Get up. You can do this. We need to shower. Come on Kenna get out of the bed. I can’t move. Unable to lift the weighted blanket over my body I’m caged under the flashes of last night. With each blink I’m dragged back to the feel of him inside me.

I wanted this. I gave him control.

I have no tears left to fall. Instead I’m walking on glass cutting my skin on the shattered parts of me that I willingly smashed with my bare hands. How can I blame anyone but myself?

GET. UP.

Inching closer to the edge of the bed I grab my bare leg and drag it until it slips off the edge. Stiff shaky movements force me to sit up, the pressure on my chest threatens to pull me back under, the cold floor meets my feet. Breathe. In and out. Pressing my palms into the mattress I stand on weak limbs, my eyes falling closed to steady the dizziness. The horror behind my eyelids has them popping back open before I’m ready and I sway.

Pull it together.

I want to snap at myself. To face the ghost in the mirror and scream for her to wake up but her eyes are hollow and unfocused. Shifting to look at the pale faced, dull eyed, woman in the glass. Her hands mirror mine lifting to press against the skin under her eyes. Deep blue bruised skin sits under her blank stare. Moving my gaze lower, my eyes fall on the broken skin on her neck where large teeth marks are carved into her.

I’m his forever now.

Her collar bone juts out of her like a knife waiting to cut the hands that try to touch her. Biting the inside of my cheek I turn away from her probing gaze. Looking towards the door to the bathroom I take one small step at a time. Once I’ve made it inside I lean over to twist the water on wincing from the pain shooting down my legs. Between my thighs burns and my eyes water with the response to the pang. Steam starts to float from the shower so I turn and shut the door blocking it inside. Not waiting for the water to cool I step under the spray of hot water letting the heat sting my skin.

Maybe the hot water can boil the stained part of me that I want to cut away with a blade. Dropping my head to the damp tile wall my shoulders tense when the direction of my thoughts head to darker places. Trailing my fingers over the wall I find the broken piece of tile pulling the small triangle shard from its place. Twisting and turning the fragment between my fingers my thoughts start to fade to other places. Darker places where the numbness starts to crawl up my legs to my spine creeping into my chest gradually drowning me.

Jabbing the shard into the wall over and over dust starts to chip away with the force. Teeth dig into my bottom lip breaking the skin but I don’t feel it. I no longer smell him yet I can still feel the way his fingers pressed into my skin so deep that the blood flowing through me rushes to the surface. My chest feels like it’s going to explode with the way my heart is hammering behind my ribcage. My knuckles are sore from picking at the wall and I’m so fucking tired.

They did it. They finally did it and I gave them the key.

My fist slams into the wall, my mouth falls open with an eerie hollow scream, my chest rattling through it. Snatching the soap from the side of the tub I pour a large amount into my palm and start to scrub. Arms, legs, neck, stomach, between my thighs. I scrub so long and so hard that my entire body feels raw. Red and sore I shut the water off letting the cold air hit me. Sucking in deep breaths my eyes start to grow fuzzy. It’s a battle to get my mind to move but I manage to get myself moving to grab the towel sitting on the bathroom sink. Wrapping it around my body I let my soaked hair hang down my back not giving a fuck that water is still dripping everywhere. One foot after the other I step out of the tub and onto the floor.

My stomach bubbles again, my mouth filling with saliva, pushing bile up my throat. Heaving I rush for the toilet crashing into the floor on my knees I barely get my head over the toilet when yellow foam spills from my mouth. Empty stomach contents pour from my throat with each heave the pain almost too much. Rubbing my mouth on the back of my hand I steady myself with both palms on the toilet attempting to stand. My nose and eyes burn from the tears that try to spill but I have nothing left to give to this place. These four walls have taken everything I have leaving me empty and alone.

Ignoring the splintered woman in the mirror I pass her heading to the door without giving her a second thought. Pulling the handle steam rushes past me filling the next room. Stepping up to the dresser I search for a sports bra and shorts pulling out a small black top and short green gym shorts. My eyes catch on the tattoo between my breastbone sucking me out of the fog and shoving me into the memory of when I got it. Why I got it. The birds spread wings are covered in bright orange and red flames burning away the phoenix past. Her colorful head is tilted up taking flight, rising from the ashes, growing stronger.

Still staring at the ink etched into my skin I hear soft footsteps coming down the hallway. My hands start to shake causing my heart to beat faster. The handle jiggles. Pulling in a deep breath through my nose my eyes close waiting for him to open the door. The handle twists and the door is slowly pushed open. Two sets of eyes land on me but I don’t move. Sky blue and brown eyes widen when they meet mine, the air in the room suffocating.

They don’t move for five painstakingly long seconds.

“Dear fuck.” She whispers.

My gaze moves from her to him trying to piece together what I’m seeing but his gaze drags me under water.

“Kenna.” He steps forward.