Burning Your Lies (King and Queen Duet #2)

5

Savannah

Six months. Six months of being here. Six months of silence. Six months of nothing.

Every other day someone comes to visit, but I have nothing to say because nothing matters. Huxley comes more than anyone. Sometimes he speaks to me. Sometimes he sits with me in silence. I imagined breaking down and begging him to save me. But I had done that once and I’m still sitting like a corpse in this home. I just don’t care anymore.

Dr Cooper said I don’t present as someone with schizophrenia. He said I present as someone with trauma. It was the first time I looked at him. It was also the first time I felt some hope. But that was quickly quashed when I realised Xavier still holds the keys to my freedom.

“Savannah, there’s a letter for you.”

She places it down on the bed in front of me.

I recognise Huxley’s handwriting instantly. On his previous visit, he mentioned Dr Cooper’s suggestion of using letters for communication. He believes that written communication may be easier than verbal. Huxley also promised to send a picture of my mum with it. Desperate to see her face, I pull the pages out of the opened envelope.

A gasp escapes when I see her frail face. My fingers brush over the image and my eyes close trying to imagine it’s her skin I’m feeling. The cancer treatment has taken away the little bits of plumpness she had. Her irises seem darker. She timidly smiles at the camera and I almost laugh at the mental image of a moody Huxley asking my mum to smile before snapping her picture. I hold the image to my chest and allow my tears to fall.

I miss you, mum. I’m so sorry I let this happen.

Needing something to snap out of my grief before it overwhelms me, I grab Huxley’s letter. My mind, stuck in thoughts of my mother, barely registers the words. I take a deep breath and try again.

Sweetheart,

I hope you read this letter to the end. There is so much I wish I had the courage to say, but I am afraid to expose how vulnerable you make me. Even when it is just the two of us in the confines of your room, it feels as though the world is watching me fall to your feet. No matter where we go, people are watching me, an undeserving man, steal your love. I want to hide us away. I should have said this to you long before you begged me to slay your dragons; I know that. But it is not too late. I am still in the snakes’ den, sweetheart. I just need you to come back. Please. Come back to me because I miss you. I am here and I promise to slay the dragons for you.

Since you’ve been gone, I feel eternally lost. The life I once loved entirely has vanished. I can’t find any trace of it, no matter how hard I search. And I have tried, sweetheart. I threw myself into work. I visited my family. I visited a club in search of a woman. But you were right there, occupying my mind. I cannot forget the nights we spent together in your bed. The way your fingers trailed over my body. The warmth of your body against mine. Our repeated explosions of passion. I cannot let go of that Savannah. She was fierce, determined and a fighter. I know she is still in there.

Let Dr Cooper help bring her out. Make the most of your private sessions with him. Nobody can hear your most intimate thoughts in that room. It’s just you and him. If you want me there, I’d come. You can ask Dr Cooper to let me join your session and then maybe we can both finally say the things we were too afraid to speak before. The first thing I will say is that I love you, and I am sorry. I am sorry I didn’t see the signs before and get you the help you needed. For now, you’re in the right place. And with the right support, you will get out.

And the day you’re free, I am going to marry you. I don’t need a diamond on your finger, because I know you’re carrying my heart. It’s yours, sweetheart. There’s never been anyone before you, and I don’t believe there will be anyone after. I am going to marry you Savannah Hayes. Do you understand? I am going to marry you and spend the rest of my life making up for my failure to do better by you. I should have done better. I know that. I just need to know if you understand, too.

Please hold on to this letter and reread it until you understand. Understand how much I love you. Understand how sorry I am. Understand how much I need you to get better. Because the dragons can’t be slayed until you tackle the one in your mind and get out. Read this letter until you understand the path to freedom cannot come until you wake up.

Always and only ever,

your Hux.

I read the pages again and again until his words float behind my lids. Nothing in that letter sounds like the Huxley I know, yet it was he who wrote it. These are the words of a desperate man. My eyes scan the last sentence, trying to understand what he means. As he asked, I read the letter once again. But this time I stare at the word diamond. Everything else in the letter references me and him. But diamond…

I shake my head, and this time when I read it again, my fingers are trembling.

He believes me.

I mentally break each paragraph into the hidden meaning. The first one references to us being watched in my bedroom. Huxley knows I know that, so what is he talking about? He wrote he is afraid to speak his truth, so he wrote it. My heart plummets. He means there are cameras in this room. As much as I want to search the room for them, I force myself to keep my head down.

The second one refers to all those who disappeared from Xavier’s life. He’s tried to find them, but has had no luck.

The third is his way of telling me Dr Cooper’s office is the only room we can speak in freely. That’s why he wants me to invite him to a session.

The fourth is my key to freedom from Xavier. The only way to override his power is to have a new next of kin, and marriage is the easiest way to do that.

And the last is his plea for me to snap out of it because he can’t do this without me. Fierce. Determined. A fighter. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. Despite the new wave of hope that rises in me, I still feel deflated. How are we supposed to beat him at his own game?

I brush my tears away.

I have to try.

Tucking the letter under my pillow, I leave the room I have spent the last six months withering in. The nurse looks surprised to see me out in the corridor. I may no mind to her, walking the path I have done once a week since being here. I knock at the door.

Dr Cooper looks pleasantly surprised to see me.

“Savannah. Are you okay?”

He welcomes me into his office and shuts the door.

When I open my mouth, my pleas don’t come out. Being mute for a long time has consequences. I clear my throat.

“Call Huxley,” I croak.

He smiles.

“I’m glad to see you have found your voice.”

It wasn’t just my voice I’ve found. I’ve found the fight to win game two.