Butcher (The Vikings MC: Tucson Chapter #9)

Chapter 20

CHAPTER 20

Butcher

I came downstairs the next morning and saw Daryl sitting there with a steaming cup of coffee in front of him. It was only him and Scarlett this time of morning. The rest of the men were either still sleeping off their hangovers or with their families doing the breakfast routine.

“She’d let you have a bit of fun,” I said as I sat down across the table from Daryl. When he looked up, I nodded over at Scarlett. “You probably wouldn’t even need to ask.”

Daryl shot the bunny a smile then looked away. “Don’t need fun at my age. Shit, it’d probably kill me at this point.”

That had my eyebrows raising. “Please tell me we don’t lose interest in sex at your age. What the fuck else is there by then?”

He chuckled. “You won’t. Not now that you have your woman.”

I frowned at him. “What do you mean?”

“Once you’ve found your person it doesn’t matter what happens, you just want to be with them.” He met my gaze. “In all the ways. As often as you can. Doubt that goes away with age, especially with all the pills and shit they have nowadays.”

“Thanks,” I mumbled as Scarlett dropped a cup of coffee off in front of me then walked away. She put an extra sway in her hips as she went, unaware of the fact that the man she was trying to seduce wasn’t interested. I thought about what Daryl had just said about finding your person. Was that Isla? Was I even capable of having a person? Priest seemed to think so, since he’d mentioned me claiming her last night. “I don’t know,” I finally admitted.

That caught Daryl’s attention and he studied me as I picked up the mug and swallowed some of the bitter liquid inside the cup. I wasn’t really a coffee guy. I didn’t drink much except alcohol really.

“You don’t know about what, Son?”

I sighed and looked over at him. Opening up wasn’t exactly easy for me. Most of the time I didn’t even know what I was feeling, so how the hell was I supposed to talk about it? “How did you know that Ellie was your person?”

Daryl leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms over his chest. He was still in good shape for an old man. It was all the work on the ranch. Vince, Cynic’s older brother, caught him chucking hay bales last month and ended up calling Toxic in a rage. I’d heard him yelling over the phone about Toxic talking to Daryl, telling him he needed to tell his father to take it easy so he didn’t die of a heart attack. The man was capable of more than most twenty-year olds these days. I’d told Toxic to leave the fucker alone. If he wanted to throw bales of dead grass around, let him.

“I couldn’t get her out of my mind,” Daryl finally said. “She was all I thought about when I was going to sleep, when I woke up, and every moment in between.”

Huh.

I thought about Isla a lot, but it was just because she was new. And different. Right? I narrowed my eyes. “That’s it? Thinking about her?”

Daryl chuckled. “Son, if you don’t know what that is code for you might have to have Boone explain it to you.”

Relief washed over me. “Oh. You mean sex. ”

Daryl scowled at me. “No, not sex. Well...” he hesitated, “yeah sex, but not just sex. You just...” He searched for what to say then shrugged. “You end up thinking about her and what might make her smile.”

I wasn’t good at making women smile. Unless it was after sex. “And if you don’t think of a woman like that? You’re not in love with her?”

He picked his mug up and shook his head. “You ever been in love Dean?”

Daryl knew me on a level that always shocked me. Somehow he, just like his son, understood what I was and didn’t care. Just like my brothers. I didn’t understand their capacity to accept me for what I was, but I was grateful for it.

“No.” I paused, then admitted, “I don’t think I’ve ever loved anything.”

Daryl tilted his head as he studied me. “Your mother?”

Shaking my head, I told him, “I was usually irritated at her. But I was a fucking self-absorbed dick.”

“That’s typical of a teenage boy,” he said.

“She was particular.”

“What does that mean?”

“Everything had to be done a certain way. In fact, she counted a lot.” I shrugged.

“Do you do anything like that?”

“No,” I replied. “That’s not my thing.”

“What about Toxic?” he asked, steering the subject away from the woman who’d raised me.

She’d done her best. Of that I was sure. I don’t think she was capable of handling a kid like me. After the military got a hold of me she certainly wasn’t capable of handling the man I’d turned into. She was still alive, living in Alabama. She’d remarried not long after I enlisted. I send her money every month now. It was Toxic’s suggestion and something I was fine with doing. Kind of a way to make up for all the trouble I’d always caused. We didn’t talk, at least not after that phone call I’d gotten from her when I sent her money the first time. She’d thanked me, told me it wasn’t necessary, and we’d both ended up frustrated with each other by the end of the conversation. She was remarried, happy, and I left her alone to live her life.

“What about him?” I asked.

“You love him, right?” He must have sensed my confusion because he laughed. “I’m not talking about wanting to fuck him, Son. Love isn’t just about sex. I mean, you love him like a brother, right? And the rest of the men here?”

Was that what I felt for them? For the women here? And the kids? Love?

Daryl sighed. “What would you do if someone came in here and tried to kill them?”

Anger flared bright in my mind. “I’d hunt them down, slit them from throat to pelvic bone, and make them hold their own guts while they slowly died.”

“Jesus fucking...” Daryl looked both impressed and disgusted. “That’s very...descriptive. Did you have that one on the back burner or is it just a natural reaction? Don’t answer that. Not sure I want to know. But it proves my point,” he said, shaking off the disgust. “That means you love them.”

“It does?”

“You’re willing to protect them. Would you give your life for your brothers?”

“Yes.”

“For their old ladies?”

“Yes.”

“For their children?”

My eyes met his and I knew he could read the deadly intention there because he shifted in his seat. “I’d kill more than one person if anything happened to those kids.”

Daryl cleared his throat. “Congratulations, Son, you have people in your life who you love. In your own way, of course.” He stood up, clapped a hand on my shoulder, grabbed his coffee cup and walked outside, leaving me to my own thoughts.

I didn’t know how long I was sitting there, but when Toxic dropped down into the chair next to me and proceeded to stare, glassy-eyed, at the table, I shoved the now cold coffee cup in front of him.

“Thanks.”

“Your stripper gone?”

He grunted in affirmation. “Put her in a cab last night after she woke up. She’s not a stripper,” he added. “I have standards.”

“Those standards don’t involve potty training?”

“No gag reflex,” he replied.

I considered that. “Fair tradeoff then. Where the hell did you even find her anyway?”

He held up his phone. “Got a whole list, Brother.” I chuckled at that. “Why are you up so damn early?”

“Couldn’t sleep.”

He focused on me, though his eyes were red rimmed from drinking and a lack of sleep. “I thought that was getting better. You know, since your little assassin showed up?”

Sleep had always been one of those things that I only did because my body forced me to. But it often took time for it to be worn down enough to actually let me sleep. “It is.”

“Then why couldn’t you sleep?”

“Not sure. Couldn’t seem to shut my brain off.” He sputtered on cold coffee and I shot him a dark look. “Glad you’re getting enjoyment out of this.”

“Out of seeing you act like an actual human?” He laughed. “Yeah, Butcher, I’m enjoying this.” He grinned when I gave him an unamused look. “You’re not that much different,” he continued, “but it’s just enough to give me hope that you’ll be a real boy someday.”

“Fuck off.”

“What were you thinking about?”

“What?”

“That was keeping you awake,” he prompted. “What was it you were thinking about?”

Did I really want to tell him? I’d already opened up more this morning than I had in a long damn time. “Nothing.”

“I’m guessing it was about your girl. ”

“She’s not mine,” I muttered. I was just keeping her around until it was safe to let her go. Frowning, I wondered why the thought of her and Murder leaving made my gut twist.

“You’re wondering,” Toxic continued as if I hadn’t spoken, “where this is going.”

Was I?

“Whether you love her.”

Was this asshole psychic? Had he been taking lessons from Lockout? What the fuck was happening? It wasn’t about Isla as far as I could tell, but something was making me think about love. And whether it was an emotion I was capable of. Didn’t know why it suddenly mattered though.

Hush, Priest, and Hellfire came downstairs and sat down at our table.

“What’re we talkin’ about?” Hush asked. He looked tired.

Probably from the fact that he was an old fucker chasing around a toddler. Not that I was about to say that out loud. He may be in his fifties while I was fifteen years younger, but he still packed a punch and for once I didn’t feel like fighting anyone. Not my brothers anyway. I wanted to go kill the assholes who were a threat to my family. To the people I loved, according to Daryl.

“Butcher is trying to figure out if he’s in love,” Toxic said, giving me a shit-eating grin.

“No, I’m not,” I told the table.

“Huh,” Hell said with a grin, “if you want to impress her you should buy her flowers.”

Hush snorted out a laugh. “Flowers. You’re such an amateur. Buy her jewelry.”

“You’re both idiots,” Priest said, taking one of the coffee cups that Scarlett brought over with a grin. “Flowers and jewelry work for your old ladies, but for his?” He pointed at me with the cup. “He should buy her a knife or something. It can still be shiny, just...sharp, too.”

“Good point,” Hell replied.

“You should take her to Wendy’s.”

We all stared at Toxic like he’d lost his mind. “Why?” I asked .

Toxic shrugged. “Order her one of those Frosties but don’t give her a spoon. If she can suck it through a straw, you’ll know you’re really in love with her.”

“Why do women like either one of you?” Priest asked in disgust.

“Psft, like you’re not thinking of going to Wendy’s right now,” Toxic replied. He looked at me for support, but I had a feeling that Priest was probably right, that women shouldn’t like us. Must be something wrong at the genetic level, like they all hate themselves a little. Why else would they put up with assholes like us?

Smoke had said a while ago that we got women because we were pretty bastards. I hadn’t been thrilled about being called pretty, so I’d punched him.

The men sitting with us shook their heads at Toxic.

“Women who like you must want to be punished,” Hellfire said, “though I’m just guessing here.”

“Yeah, dependin’ on which one they like tells us whether the girl wants to be punished physically, or emotionally,” Hush joked.

Toxic’s mouth dropped open. “Which one am I?”

“Guess, asshole,” Hush said with a roll of his eyes.

“Priest!”

We all looked over to where Idaho was walking up, looking pissed.

“What now?” Priest asked with a sigh. Somehow we all knew already that it was about the hellions.

“Those girls are a menace.”

Priest just raised a brow and waited.

“They picked the lock on our apartment door and put those damn bang snaps under my toilet seat.”

We were all starting to laugh, which didn’t make Idaho any less angry.

“I sat down to take a shit and it nearly blew my nuts off!”

The laughter echoed around the room now as we all lost it.

“Quit bein’ dramatic,” Hush told him between chuckles. “It wouldn’t have blown your nuts off.”

“Fucking seemed like it. Who taught them to pick a lock?” Idaho muttered as he sat down with us .

Everyone looked from Priest to us and Toxic shot Idaho a smug grin. “That was me. Though I really just gave some pointers. They have a natural talent.”

“Dickhead,” Idaho muttered.

“Who was screaming like a little bitch upstairs?” Scythe asked as he and Warrant joined us at the table. “Ow, my balls, my balls!” he mimicked.

It sent all of us into howling laughter again. Idaho shook his head, but laughed right along with us. I glanced around the table, realizing that Daryl was right. For him, loving someone was thinking about them all the time. For me? It was the fact that I would step in front of a bullet for any of these men. Even fucking Warrant with his stupid fucking smile. I’d be even more happy to go scorched Earth and kill whoever needed to be dead in order to keep them all safe. Goddamn. I was actually capable of love. I shook my head and focused on my brothers and our friends as they started ribbing each other over stupid shit and a slow grin spread over my face.