Cabin Fever With My First Flame (Sweet Christmas Kisses)

9. Bailey

Chapter nine

Bailey

Finn stands at the entrance to the dining room even though I told him I need a moment alone. If I turn around and meet his gaze, I’m sure he’ll look like a deer caught in headlights. Finn has never been comfortable with a woman crying, which is why he always went out of his way to ensure that I never did.

“Really, Finn, I’ll be okay,” I tell him, hoping he’ll go back the way he came. “You told me to sit back, relax, and breathe. This is why I don’t. If I stop for even a moment, the world feels like it’s crashing in on me.”

Instead of hearing the soft shuffle of Finn’s feet moving away, they come closer. Eventually, he occupies the seat closest to me. I bury my face in my hands and burst into more tears. He gently pulls my arms so that I’m forced to look at him with my puffy red eyes and runny nose. “Bailey, talk to me. What’s going on?”

“Life, Finn. That’s all. I’m fine,” I tell him.

Finn chuckles, but not at my expense. “Is ‘fine’ a code word for a woman who broke down on the side of the road in the middle of a snowstorm, only to be rescued by the one person she never thought she would see again? In this case, I’m sure that ‘fine’ means ‘I’m about to have a full-on meltdown.’”

“I wish I could say that you’re wrong, but that’s pretty spot on. I’ve had to be strong for the girls, but I haven’t really had a moment alone to process the divorce, the move, or starting all over. I feel like such a failure.”

Finn takes my hand in his and gently rubs tiny circles near the base of my thumb. It used to calm me down, but now it’s just making my heart beat twice as fast. “Can I ask why you and Daniel got a divorce?”

“Do I have to answer?”

Finn shakes his head. “No. I’d never force you to do anything you don’t want to, Bailey. I just feel like you might need someone to talk to. We might not be friends exactly, but we aren’t enemies, are we?”

I don’t answer his question, but I do start spilling my guts. “It’s not all that complicated. Daniel fell out of love with me. Even though we worked together eight hours out of the day running a restaurant, I was the one who took the girls to their sporting events, cheerleading practice, and dance recitals. By the time Daniel got home from work—because he often stayed late to do the books and place the orders—we were both emotionally spent and physically drained. It didn’t leave a whole lot of room for romance, if you know what I mean.”

Finn gently squeezes my hand, and I pull it back. His touch, as much as I want it or need it right now, isn’t going to help my state of mind. His face falls, but then he schools his features and leans back in his seat to put a little distance between us. “I know you wouldn’t give up so easily, Bailey. You’ve always been a fighter.”

“I didn’t. Even after I found out the real reason he was staying late at work, I begged and pleaded to go to counseling or for us to take a vacation with just the two of us and leave the kids with Pops and Nana. Instead of giving me either one of those things, he served me with divorce papers, sold the restaurant, and got engaged to the hostess.”

Finn’s body tenses, and anger courses through his veins. “What? How could he have done that without your signature?”

“He forged it. It would have cost me more in legal fees to take him to court, but in the end, I won that battle without having to lift a finger. Daniel used the money to pay off the mortgage on the house because he planned on keeping it in the divorce. He offered to let me keep the food truck, but it wasn’t ours because my parents paid for it as an investment in the restaurant and in me. Technically, it’s theirs. In the end, the house is being sold, and we have to pay off the credit cards first. After that, we’ll split the profit down the middle, and the girls and I will get our fresh start.”

“A start that is delayed by a snowstorm that isn’t letting up. From the looks of things, it might be another day or two before it’s safe to take you into town,” Finn tells me. “If the second storm hits and is as bad as this one, we might have to dig our way out of here. There’s already five feet of snow on the ground and more coming.”

I pinch the bridge of my nose and inhale deeply. “I’m sorry that you got stuck with us. I doubt this was how you planned to spend the holidays.”

Finn smiles at that. “It’s been an adventure so far, and the kids seem to be getting along for the most part.”

“We are, too, for the most part. I’m glad we can keep it cordial.”

Finn’s lips turn upside down, and he’s silent for a minute before he finally speaks. “I’m actually a little surprised by that. I knew that when I packed up the boys and moved them here, there would be a good chance that our paths would cross eventually. Lake George is too small for that not to happen, even if you only came home for a visit. I thought for sure that we would either have a blow-out argument or do everything in our power to steer clear of one another.”

“It’s been 18 years since you left. That’s more than enough time for us to let go of any grudges, perceived or otherwise, Finn. I stopped being angry with you a long time ago. Heck, I’m not even angry at Daniel. Hurt, yes. Angry, no.”

Rapping his fingers on the table, Finn contemplates my words. “Do you still love him?”

“Daniel? Of course, I do. He’s the father of my children and will be a part of their lives as long as they want him to be. But if you’re asking whether or not I’m in love with him, the answer is ‘No.’ When someone cheats on you, it has this uncanny ability to taint the relationship. Love isn’t turned off with a flip of the switch just because someone hurt you, Finn. However, it changes you from the inside out, and in turn, the love changes accordingly. For some people, it turns to hate. For others, they become indifferent. I don’t have the luxury of either because I have three girls who love their father unconditionally, and I need to be their role model. I need to show them that forgiveness is possible no matter how much someone hurts you.”

“That’s easier said than done, especially when someone cheats on you,” Finn says, devoid of emotion.

I reach over and grasp his hand in solidarity, but it’s him who pulls away this time. I fiddle with the hem of my shirt, not knowing what to do with my hands. “I’m sorry that you had to experience that kind of heartache. Whoever she is, she’s an idiot for doing that to you.”

Finn’s tone becomes as cold as the weather outside. “Is that your way of apologizing to me for breaking my heart, Bailey?”

“What? Finn, are you implying that I’m the one who cheated on you? Because if that’s true, then you are sorely mistaken. I waited for you, faithfully, I might add. Even after the letter you sent as a graduation gift, I still waited another six months, praying for your return. After a year of you being gone, I gave up any shred of hope I had that you still loved me.”

Finn’s face becomes ashen as my words sink in. “Daniel told me that the two of you had been secretly getting together the entirety of my senior year. He’s the one who told me to stay away because it would make things awkward.”

“And you believed him?” I screech. “I spent every waking moment with you, Finn! When would I have had time to spend with Daniel while I was dating you? The only time I ever saw him was when the three of us hung out together or when he tutored me in physics.”

Finn mumbles, “He was my best friend, and I didn’t think he would lie to me.” His argument is weak, and he knows it.

My tears try to make another appearance, but I force them back. “I was your best friend, too, Finn. I was supposed to be your life-long partner. You were supposed to trust me and talk to me.”

“I tried, Bailey, but I couldn’t bring myself to ask you the question. I kept waiting for you to admit the truth and break things off with me, but you didn’t. Then everyone I talked to said that you and Daniel were spending a lot of time together, and…well, in my mind, it only confirmed what Daniel had told me.”

I stand up and push my chair underneath the table. “It confirmed nothing other than that Daniel and I were friends and that you didn’t trust me, Finn. If you couldn’t communicate with me then and lacked faith in me, then what kind of marriage would we have had? Maybe it was best that you left when you did, and everything worked out as it should have.”

I turn to leave, not sure how to process the revelation that Finn thought I had cheated on him. I’ve always tried my best to be honest, loyal, and trustworthy so that my word actually means something. I don’t get far before Finn catches up and blocks my path.

Finn rubs the side of my arm and lifts my chin so that my gaze meets his. “Bailey, I’m truly sorry. If I could go back and change the past, I would do things differently. I was young, dumb, and foolish, and I let go of the best thing to ever happen to me. I know this isn’t going to mean much to you now, but all I ever wanted was for you to be happy, and I never wanted to stand in the way of that. Please forgive me.”

The earnest expression on Finn’s face tugs at my heart. He made a mistake that cost us both dearly, but I firmly believe that God lets everything happen for a reason—including my heartache. If things hadn’t turned out the way they did, I wouldn’t have my three amazing daughters, whom I love with every ounce of my being. Finn wouldn’t have fallen in love with someone else and had three boys who are a ton of fun.

I stand on my tiptoes and wrap my arms around Finn’s neck to pull his ear close to my lips. “I forgave you a long time ago.”