Cal (A Little Christmas Season Three)

11. Cal

Chapter 11

Cal

I couldn’t remember ever sleeping as well as I did with Simon’s arms curled around me and his nipple just a breath away from my lips. Several times during the night, I woke up and sought it out, wanting to be connected to him even if I wasn’t sucking or actually drinking. But most of the time, I snuck a quick sip too because his sweet milk was just so yummy. Like the last bit in a cereal bowl, it was the perfect temperature and taste to make me fall right back to sleep.

On my way to the mall, I got a text from my mom that ruined my perfect day. And then I felt guilty for considering a text from my mom as a bad thing. I loved my family. A week ago, I’d missed them a ton and worried I’d made a bad decision by moving away from them.

But that was before Simon. Before I had a Daddy to spend time with.

As soon as I got out of my car, Simon could sense my unease. “What’s wrong?”

I heaved out a heavy breath and showed him my phone. “My mom wants me to go home for Christmas.”

“That sounds nice.” He put his arm around my shoulders in a friendly way that wouldn’t startle any of the mall-goers. “Do you not want to go?”

“I do, I guess.” I didn’t know how to tell him I wanted to stay with him because I’d miss him too much, but I also knew it was silly to be so attached after just a few days. “I mean, I should go see them.”

He smiled. “You should. I’ll miss you, but we can plan a special night when you get back.”

“Okay.” I tried to smile too, but my tummy hurt and I just didn’t feel excited anymore. But we had kids to bring Christmas joy and happiness to, and I couldn’t let my confusing feelings about leaving town for a few days interfere with their visit with the best Santa ever.

We were just about to turn the sign around to say we were closed when three teenagers jogged up to the booth.

“Hey, can we get a picture with Santa?” The girl was wearing an ugly Christmas sweater that was actually super cute and held her hands together to beg for a few more minutes of our time.

I glanced at Lucy and Simon to make sure they were okay with it and then turned back to the girl. “Sure.” The two guys with her reminded me of football players from every high school ever. “Just you or all three of you?”

She looked at the guys and shrugged. “All of us. Definitely.”

The guys didn’t seem as into it as she was, but they let the girl drag them up to Simon’s chair. She plopped down on his right knee and then shoved one of the guys onto Simon’s other thigh. Then she made the other guy crouch down between them and lean back against Simon’s chest.

I didn’t like what I was seeing. A strange anger started to build inside me when the two kids sitting on his legs were suddenly touching his beard and running their hands over his chest to feel where his muscles ended and his stuffing began.

“Okay, let’s focus on the camera everyone.” I tried to keep my voice light and cheery, but it might have had an edge to it because Simon’s eyes snapped right to me and I could feel him trying to tell me something with his stare.

Lucy might have picked up on the tension or she might have just been anxious to go home, so she did her part to move things along. “Everyone say Santa.”

The guy on the floor smiled and looked at the camera, but the two sitting on Simon were still being inappropriately flirty with my man and not paying attention to Lucy at all.

“We provide pictures with Santa. Not an opportunity to grope him. Eyes forward and hands to yourself.”

By the way they all looked at me and pulled in their hands, I knew my cheery voice was long gone. They smiled for Lucy and rushed out of the shop as soon as their printout was ready, but the damage had been done. I was mortified that I’d let some harmless touching of Santa get to me. I’d embarrassed myself and probably upset Simon by making my obsession with him so obvious.

I couldn’t even look up to say goodbye when Lucy excused herself for the night and it was just me and Simon left in the shop.

“Cal?” Simon had gathered his things and was ready to leave, but I was too ashamed to look up at him.

“Yeah, I’m just about ready. You can go.”

His hand landed on my shoulder, and he turned me toward him. “I think we need to have a talk. Would you like to come back to my house or maybe have lunch somewhere?”

I didn’t want to talk about anything. I wanted to pretend nothing had even happened. Really, I wanted to rewind the clock to morning when I was still wrapped up in Simon’s arms, but that was impossible and I’d already messed things up in a way I wasn’t sure we could recover from.

Tears formed in my eyes, and I just shrugged.

“Sweetheart.” He pulled me to his chest and held me there. “I have no idea what’s going on in that head of yours, but I want to know. Please don’t shut me out.”

“I’m not trying to.” I wiped my eyes against his coat and sniffled. “I just feel yucky inside.”

“Will you come back to my house so we can talk? Or I can go to your place, if you’d feel more comfortable there.”

“Your house is good.” I sighed, resigned to the fact that our perfect relationship could already be over because I didn’t know how to regulate my feelings or be a grown-up about innocent flirting. “I’ll follow you.”