Calamity Rayne Knocked Up (Calamity Rayne #4)

10. Turns Out, I Can Grow Things

Turns Out, I Can Grow Things

I kept the news to myself for three whole days. Marta, Tyler, Willow, and my doctor, who confirmed the results, were the only people who knew I had a bun in the oven. Keeping such a big secret was killing me, but I wanted to tell Hale in person. Thank God he was on his way home.

I dropped Elara off at Remington’s for an impromptu sleepover. It always gave me a little thrill when I hijacked his plans for some surprise grandpa time. He bitched and moaned, but then he melted because, let’s face it, Elara was irresistible.

As soon as I got home, I got to cooking—not something I usually did--but this was a special occasion. Hale was scheduled to arrive in less than an hour and it had been a while since I used my culinary skills, so I needed every second.

The baby spinach salad was prepped, the baby carrots were glazed and ready to go in the skillet, and the baby back ribs were already roasting in the oven. It didn’t take a genius to sense the theme. But in case Hale missed it, I also made a playlist—all songs with baby in the title.

As the Supremes crooned Baby Love, I carefully wrapped the baby hotdogs in their little blankets because nothing screamed pregnancy like little wieners swaddled in pastry. For dessert, I picked up two baby cakes from Chef Dubois—one with pink frosting and one with blue.

The table was set, and things looked good, but something smelled off. I rushed to the kitchen and sniffed the air, trying to locate the culprit. The ribs were cooking nicely, and carrots were bubbling on the stove. Everything was calm. So why did I smell smoke?

I scanned the kitchen, not seeing anything out of the ordinary. Then, I tracked the smell to the dining room but found nothing amiss. The table looked fine, and all the taper candles were straight—“ Oh shit!”

I ran into the living room and found the source of smoke. A pillar candle I had set on the side table flickered with a five-inch flame, singing the corner of some work of art that probably cost more than my car.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck!” I blew out the candle and pulled the heavy frame off the wall. Flames climbed up the canvas, melting the gilded frame.

I held the painting between my outstretched arms, angling it away from my face, and spun in a circle, not sure what to do. “Oh, no!”

The center of the portrait bubbled with a heat blister and opened as the flame melted through the underside. The smoke detector started to blare.

“What do I do?” I panicked and rushed through the smoky living room toward the back door. Wrenching open the glass, careful not to catch myself on fire in the process, I screamed. The highly flammable oil paint blazed like a torch the second the wind came into play, and I screamed.

“Son of a bitch!” I hurled the painting into the pool the second I smelled burnt hair and the flames went out with a hiss.

Panting for breath, I stared at the floating work of art as it singed on the surface. “Well, that’s ruined.”

I dusted off my hands and went back inside to beat the smoke detector off the ceiling with a broomstick. Coughing, I shut off the air conditioning and opened the windows to air out the house. Then, I made sure there were no more fire hazards.

The front door opened just as Mariah Carey kicked off Always Be My Baby. “Rayne?”

A little frazzled, I rushed to greet Hale. “Hey. Welcome home.” I untied my apron and tossed it behind me into the kitchen.

Hale glanced around the house at the candles and sniffed the air. “Is something burning?”

“I made dinner.” Rising on my tippy-toes, I pressed a kiss to his lips and took his bags, setting them by the door. “Come have a seat.”

“What’s the occasion?” He asked as I towed him toward the table. “Why are all the doors open?”

“I was in the mood for some fresh air. Do you want some wine?”

“Sure.” He stopped and did a double take of this set table. “Are we having company? ”

“Nope. Just us. Elara’s at your dad’s for the night.”

He frowned. “Anniversary’s in April. We started dating in June. Your birthday’s in May. Why do I feel like I’m forgetting something?”

I cut him off as he made his way to the wine fridge. “I’ll get it. What kind do you want?”

Pleased, but suspicious, he said. “That depends. What’s on the menu?”

“Um, ribs.” I wanted to get him situated and seated before I started with all the baby-themed stuff.

“Ribs?”

“Is that okay?” Hale didn’t typically enjoy messy food.

“It’s fine. I, uh, guess I’ll have…a beer?”

“Oh, I have beer!” I raced to the fridge and removed one of the cute pony bottles I grabbed at the store.

His hand engulfed the small bottle, and he chuckled. “Where’s the rest of it?”

“What? It’s cute.” I steered him toward the dining room table and pushed him into the seat at the head of the table. “You stay here. I’ll be right back with our first course.”

He caught my hand as I tried to leave. “Wait. How about a kiss?”

I paused and bent to press my lips to his. He deepened the kiss, sliding his hands up my back and into my hair. “I missed you.”

I smiled against his mouth. “I always miss you.”

“Wait,” he said as I tried to pull away again. “Where are you going?”

“I have stuff on the stove.” I laughed nervously. “We wouldn’t want anything to catch fire.”

“Fine.” He let me go.

I quickly tossed the salad, stirred the carrots, and checked on the ribs. I returned to the dining room with nicely dressed salads topped with candied pecans, goat cheese, and sliced apples.

“This looks delicious, baby. What kind of lettuce is this?”

“It’s baby spinach.”

“I’m impressed.”

“Me too.” I dug in, suddenly ravenous. The apples smelled so fresh and the sweet vinaigrette was delicious. “Oh, my God, I’m an outstanding chef.” I shoveled in another bite. “These pecans are orgasmic!”

He chuckled, taking his first bite with much more decorum than I could muster. This eating for two thing was real.

“Mmm. Delicious,” he praised. “So, what did you do while I was gone?”

I heaped another bite onto my fork. “Elara had her checkup. She’s cutting her second molars, and the doctor said it’s time to start hardcore potty training.”

“Really? I guess we need to read up on that.”

“I went to the store and got some potties to put in the bathrooms. I also made a reward chart for her.”

He smiled. “You’re cute when you do teacher stuff.”

I shrugged. “It’s the only thing I’m officially trained in.”

He neatly sliced his salad into manageable bites while I wolfed mine down as if someone might steal it from me. “Do you ever wish you stuck with it?”

“Teaching? Oh, no. I’m not a fan of kids.”

“Just ours?”

“Well, yeah. Elara’s special. I think she was always meant to be mine.”

He smiled and met my stare. “That’s how I feel. ”

I leaned over and kissed him. “Willow would say the universe chose us for her.”

He pressed his lips tight, choosing to take another bite rather than comment.

When we finished the salad I brought out the pigs in a blanket. “Munch on these while I get the baby-back ribs and baby carrots.”

Hale lifted a wiener and examined it with a frown. “What are they?”

“They’re pigs in a blanket.”

“Pigs in a what?”

“It’s regular people appetizers. Try one. They’re good.”

He took a tentative bite and raised a brow. “Not bad.”

I transferred the baby back ribs to a platter, slathered them with barbecue sauce, and set them down on the table with a huff. “Those things are heavy.”

Hale’s eyes widened. “Is all this for us?”

“I went grocery shopping when I was hungry. You know how that goes. I also have baby carrots. I’ll be right back.”

He cocked his head but made no comment as I rushed to retrieve the carrots.

“Oh, napkins!”

When the table was finally set with the main course, and we were ready to eat, Hale hesitated. I plated his food, giving him a good sample of everything.

“Dig in,” I said when he looked anxiously at his food. “You can cut the meat off the bone if you want.”

Had the man honestly never eaten a rib before?

I lifted a rib and took a bite, moaning at the savory flavor. Hale rolled up his sleeves and moved his tie out of the way, draping it over his shoulder. He had yet to touch his main course.

“So, you just decided to make ribs?”

“ Baby -back ribs,” I said, gnawing the meat off the bone. “And baby carrots.”

“I didn’t know you liked ribs that much.”

I shrugged. “Who doesn’t like a rib?” Maybe Hale didn’t. “Are you going to eat?”

He lifted a rib, careful not to touch the sloppy bone with more than two fingers. When he took a bite, he strategically used his teeth in a way that ensured no sauce touched his skin. I, on the other hand, had already dirtied several napkins.

“Good God, Hale, you’ll be here for years at that pace. Don’t you like pork?” Sauce smeared over my lips and cheeks, but it would take the jaws of life to pry this sucker from my hands. Goddamn, I made a good rib! Who knew?

“They’re very tasty. They’re just…messy.”

“So, get messy. Life is messy.”

He took another calculated bite. The tension in his body was clear on his face as he battled severe tactile revulsion. After every neat, little bite, he compulsively cleaned up his hands and lips. From what, I have no clue. There wasn’t a speck of sauce on him.

Okay, maybe the ribs were a bad choice for Neatnik Hale. I started to doubt my plan. The stress of eating messy food was sort of overshadowing the ambiance.

“What exactly are we listening to?”

I paused and cleared my throat, thinking I also could have considered my song choices more carefully. “This is, uh, Baby Got Back by Sir Mix-A-Lot.”

“Okay, Rayne.” He dropped the rib and wiped off his hands. “What’s going on? Did I miss something? The candles, the 90’s rap, the weird food…”

“It’s not weird food.”

“It’s weird that you’re cooking. Since when do you do that?”

“I was in the mood for baby-back ribs and baby carrots and baby spinach. ”

“You have to admit, that’s a weird combination of cravings?—”

I watched the moment his words registered. His head lifted as the blood bleached from his face.

“Wait.” He looked up at the speaker in the wall. “Baby Got… Oh, my God…” He jumped to his feet. “Are you pregnant?”

I laughed, and he gave me no time to answer. Scooping me out of my chair, he kissed my messy mouth. I still had a sloppy rib in my hand, which got sauce all over his collar and ear. “Sorry.”

“Fuck the rib. Are you really pregnant? We’re going to have a baby?”

I nodded, and he howled with the joy of a thousand touchdowns. His hands flew into his hair as he grinned widely. He was speechless and beyond happy, which made me the happiest woman alive.

“This is amazing! When did you find out? How?”

“Well, you see, Hale, when a boy puts his penis in the girl’s vagina?—”

“I mean, how could this be? You took a test?—”

“The test was wrong.”

“You took another one?”

“I had to. Marta totally freaked me out.”

“Marta?”

I told him the whole story about the chili and what his father’s housekeeper said. “She’s always had eerie intuition. Does anyone else know?”

“Just you, Tyler, Willow, and Marta. Oh, and the doctor. I wanted to make sure it was official before I told you.”

“Wait, how long have you known?”

“A little over sixty hours. But you can’t get mad at me for keeping it a secret from you. I wanted to tell you in person.”

“I can’t believe you could keep it to yourself for that long.”

“It nearly killed me. We have to tell everyone else soon because I hate keeping secrets. I bought Elara the cutest big sister shirt to wear at your dad’s tomorrow.”

His hand went to his chest. His hair was a mess, and he had crap all over his face. It was rare to see Hale so shaken, but I loved it. He looked like a true father.

“I can’t believe this.” He covered his mouth then wiped his eyes. “We’re having a baby!” When our gazes locked, he crossed the room and hugged me tight, his face wedging into the curve of my neck as he sniffled. “I love you so much.”

“I love you, too.”

He drew back and wiped his eyes. “We should celebrate. Champagne?”

I smiled at the irony of his question.

“Oh, wait.” He laughed. “You can’t drink. Right. I forgot.”

“You can, though. Don’t let me stop you.”

“No, it’s fine. I just feel like we should do something special.” His gaze dropped to my stomach, and then he pressed his palm over my belly. “I can’t believe this. My baby’s in there.”

“Well, I think I play a small part in the procreation, so technically it’s our baby.”

He smiled at me with such awe. “Our baby. How amazing is that?”

Turned out, we didn’t need champagne or a fancy meal to celebrate. We only needed each other. Hale carried me upstairs, where we made love late into the night.

As he kissed my stomach, he whispered secret promises to the little bean growing inside. Considering my track record, I always assumed I’d be terrified once I reached this point, but I was so overwhelmed with relief and gratitude that I was oddly calm. It was as if I was truly ready for this next chapter of our lives.

Afterward, I lay in a mess of blankets and pillows, more satisfied than I had felt in months.

The bathroom light flicked on as Hale cleaned up. On his way back to the bed, he paused by the balcony door. “Rayne, why is my Renly portrait in the pool?”

I bit my lip. “Is that something you really want to know?”

“I guess not.” He chuckled, leaving the window and climbing back into bed.

As he fussed over my body, taking more care than usual, my stomach soured with guilt. “Was it expensive?”

“I got it for a steal at an auction.”

Uh-oh. A steal for me was a two-for-one at Costco. Hale’s definition was probably much different. “How much of a steal?” I braced.

“Fifty.”

“ Thousand?” I was going to be sick.

“Yeah.”

There was no way I could replace a work of art like that. And if that was what he considered a bargain, that probably meant it was worth twice that. “I’m sorry, Hale.”

“Nothing could upset me right now, Rayne. Don’t sweat it.” He kissed my head. “I’ll just have to find something I like better to replace it. Maybe a nude of my beautiful wife. I have a few on my phone I’m fond of.”

“There will be no nudes of my body hanging in the common areas of this house. And you promised to delete those!”

“I don’t remember that.”

“Hale,” I said sternly. My maternal voice was already developing.

“Shh. Baby, I’m trying to sleep.”

My lips pursed. I was never getting those damn pictures off his phone. “What’s our baby going to think when he learns his father’s a big old pervert.”

“He?” Hale chuckled. “What if it’s another girl?”

I smiled. “I’d be happy either way.” My hand cradled my flat stomach as a sense of warmth spread through my chest. “Our baby.”

Hale’s hand covered mine. “Our baby.”