Catch Yourself a Snowmance (Have Yourself a Merry Little #2)

10. Alyssa

Chapter 10

Alyssa

I think you’re really beautiful and

I feel really warm when I’m around you

and my tongue swells up.

~ Buddy, Elf

C arson walks beside me. Close. It’s cold out, but not unbearable. The afternoon sun reflects off the snow. Charcoal patches of ground peek through the blanket of white, already melting from the hours since the last snowflakes fell.

“It’s been a good trip.” Carson looks over at me, warmth in his eyes.

“Yeah, it has.” I smile up at him.

“Unexpected,” he says.

“Definitely.”

“About that thing I said,” he looks ahead at the spot where the trail meets the property. The clearing for the trail is visible, but covered in inches of white powder.

“What thing?” I ask.

“About being a perpetual bachelor.”

I swallow the newly formed lump in my throat. Is this conversation headed where I think it is? I’m quiet. Waiting. Carson’s got more to say. I’m sure of it.

We walk along, coming to the two trees that flank the trail. Carson stops and turns toward me. His brown eyes are soft, nearly pleading, but also steady, confident, even bold.

“I’m not attached to that resolution.” His mouth tips up in a half smile.

And then he surprises me, taking one hand out of his coat pocket. He’s not wearing gloves. His hand travels up and he runs it down my hair that’s falling past the edge of my knit cap. He slides his fingers through my hair, all the way down my back until he reaches the end.

I’m frozen. Not cold. Just still.

“I’m not …” he says softly, in a deep rumbly voice that I feel everywhere. “... committed to bachelor status.”

“Me neither,” I say, my voice cracking mid-sentence. “I’m not a bachelor, that is.”

Carson chuckles. “Good thing. I’ve had my share of bachelors this weekend.”

I laugh lightly, but my laughter stops short when Carson’s hand lifts again. This time, he cups my face.

We stand there, his warm palm on my cheek, our breath mingling in wisps of soft white furls rising up between us, our eyes searching for permission. I nod the slightest. It’s the flutter of a hummingbird wing, quick and nearly invisible, but he sees it and it’s all he needs.

Carson bends in and kisses me. His lips are full and warm on mine. His hand moves around and laces through my hair at the nape of my neck. I kiss him back, lifting my arms and looping them over his shoulders. Carson takes a step nearer to me, using his other hand to tug me toward him until we’re flush. I’m surprised the meadow doesn’t melt into a pond around us.

I’ve been kissed. I’m in my late 20s. But I’ve never felt a kiss like this—it zips through every place seen and unseen. Carson’s all in, not holding back. This kiss feels like relief of something that has been building between us for the whole week, starting at that trip to the grocery store. Carson’s lips dance with mine like they were made for me—as if we have been waiting for this kiss for years, not mere days. He pulls back slowly, gently brushing the back of his hand down my cheek.

“I didn’t expect you,” Carson says, almost as if he’s speaking to himself.

“I didn’t expect you either,” I feel my smile. It’s unrestrained. “Or that kiss.”

“No?”

“Well, not really. Not that I’m complaining.”

“Good.”

Carson steps back, extends his hand and I take it. We walk down the trail for a little while in silence, glancing over at one another occasionally, and grinning like fools, even giggling.

We don’t talk about the kiss, or the future, or what we are, or what we think we might do when reality hits at the bottom of the mountain. We walk along. The only sound is the crunch of snow beneath our feet.

When we get back to the cabin we walk up the steps to the porch hand in hand.

Carson looks down at me. “Should we make an announcement?”

“What did you have in mind?” I smile at him because I can’t do anything but smile right now.

I’m not usually a super-smiley person. I’m fun-loving, the instigator of adventure and good times in our friend group. But to sit around smiling like I’m practically loopy with giddiness. That’s not me.

Right now, I can’t stop.

Carson winks at me and I know his smile is a mirror of my own.

“I was figuring we’d walk in there and I’d just say something like, I just kissed Alyssa out near the path into the woods . You know, something like that.”

“Really?”

Our eyes lock.

“No. Not really. I’m just wondering what we say. If anything.”

I lean into Carson, wrapping my arms around his waist. It feels natural, yet new.

I look up into his eyes. “They’ve seen us, dancing around one another all weekend.”

“Is that what we were doing?” his eyes twinkle with amusement.

“We’re getting to know one another … and, yeah.”

He nods. Then he reaches for the door handle and we walk in together. We’re not holding hands now. Nothing seems different, and yet everything is. Noelle and Liam are in front of the fire, his arm is draped over her shoulders, and she’s leaning into him. Tori and Jennifer are in the kitchen cooking. I don’t know where Mitch and Gage are.

Noelle’s head turns and she smiles at us. “Hey, you two! How was the walk?”

Carson looks down at me and smiles. “Best ever,” he says without letting his eyes drift away from mine.

“Yeah. Best ever,” I say gazing back up at him.

We may not have made an announcement, but you’d have to be blind, deaf and half-dead not to notice the way we’re looking at one another .

Dinner is barbecue chicken, mashed potatoes, and salad. Carson and I are at the corner of the table right next to one another again. He places his hand over mine under the table briefly right in the middle of the meal. It feels clandestine and sweet. Also, a little foreign. It’s been a long, long time since I’ve had a date, let alone whatever it is we’re doing.

After dinner, I’m exhausted.

“Do you want to stay up a little bit after everyone goes to bed?” Carson asks me while we’re washing dishes.

Everyone else has either already headed to bed early or is sitting in the living room around the fire.

I yawn and we both laugh.

“I take that as a no,” he says.

“I want to stay up. But tired hit me like a stick. I could though.”

“No. You need sleep. We had a big day on the slopes. We were up late last night …” he nudges me playfully.

I think back to the massage on the couch and how much seems to have changed between us since then, as if we hit a fast-forward button after lunch today. I’m not complaining. At all. I’m just tired and a little off-kilter.

Carson turns off the water, pivots toward me and looks me in the eyes. “There’s steam coming out of your ears. Are we good? No regrets?”

“No regrets.”

“I like you, Alyssa. I’d like to see you after we leave here. I didn’t just kiss you out of the blue because I felt like it.”

“I like you too,” I say. “And I’d like to see you when we’re back home again too.”

Carson pulls me into a hug and rubs his hand down my back in a gesture of comfort. He murmurs into my hair. “Good.” And then, “I was hoping we were on the same page.”

He lets out a sigh. “Did I mention that I really like you? ”

“You did, but you can tell me again.”

He pulls back, gently holding my chin between his thumb and pointer finger, and says, “I really like you.”

That giddy smile comes back, and then I yawn. I tip my head down to hide my eyes from his.

“I’m keeping you up,” Carson says. “Go. Get ready for bed. I’ll finish up in here.”

I want to fight him, but I’m so tired, I relent.

I stand on tiptoes and place a soft kiss on Carson’s cheek. He turns and places a kiss on my lips, quick and sweet. And then another on my forehead.

“Goodnight, Alyssa.” He releases me.

“Goodnight, Carson.”

The sounds of him putting a few more items away, opening and shutting cabinets, and running the water again filter down the hall as I head to my room to change into my pajamas.

When I come out to grab a glass of water after brushing my teeth, Carson is in a conversation with someone in the kitchen.

“I don’t know, man,” Carson says.

“You seem to really hit it off,” Liam answers him.

I stay in the hallway. Only a little wave of guilt washes over me for eavesdropping. After all, they’re talking about me, right?

“I wasn’t planning on a relationship. I’ve been dedicated to my bachelor status.”

“Vacations change things.” Liam says. “Women change things.”

“I definitely had a fun week with her.”

Had? Past tense? He said he wants to see me after this week. Has that changed? Is he questioning our kiss? He wasn’t planning on a relationship. I wasn’t either. And who says we’re in a relationship? We kissed. We want to see one another when we’re back. But we haven’t really talked about anything else. It’s all so new .

Am I reading into things? Is Carson interested in a relationship now? Or is this just a fun vacation thing for him? No. He said he wants to see me when we’re back. But see can mean a lot of different things.

“Alyssa?” Noelle walks up behind me and I jump.

“Oh! Noelle.” I step away from the wall. “I’m just … uh … getting a glass for water. A glass of water.”

“In the hallway?” Noelle looks rightfully confused.

“No. No. Of course not.” My laughter is nervous, even to my own ears.

She stares at me, seeing right through me. “Is this about Carson?”

“What? No.”

“Lyss,” Noelle calls me by her pet name for me. “It’s me you’re talking to.”

“Okay, yes. But I’d rather not talk here. Liam and Carson are in the kitchen.”

“Ahhh. Okay. Come to my room after you get your water, okay? I was just looking for Liam so I could say goodnight.”

I smile at Noelle. She and Liam are perfect for one another. I don’t think she ever questioned him or his intentions once. Why am I so uncertain? Carson made me feel safe and comfortable all week. That hasn’t changed. Except he seemed to be questioning everything with Liam just now.

It’s getting later and I’m tired—not really optimal conditions for discernment.

I walk into the kitchen and both men’s heads turn quickly as if they’ve been caught red-handed.

“Alyssa!” Liam says with unnatural enthusiasm.

“Liam.” I walk to the counter and grab down a glass. Then I walk to the sink and fill it with water. The guys stand still, quietly watching me. I can nearly feel their eyes on me .

“Goodnight, guys,” I say without looking in their direction. “See you in the morning.”

“Goodnight,” Liam says at the same time as Carson says, “See you in the morning, Alyssa.”

I knock on Noelle’s door on my way down the hall and pop my head in.

“I’m too tired. Morning sheds new light on problems that seemed overwhelming at night.”

“Oooh. That’s Pinterest-worthy wisdom. It even rhymes.”

I chuckle softly. “Well, it’s true.”

I don’t mean to keep talking, but everything spills out.

“Nutshell, I kissed Carson. Actually, he kissed me. We’ve been connecting and ever since the kiss my head has been spinning with questions about where we stand and what comes next, which is exactly why I didn’t want to take a chance on him. But now I did. We did. Well, he did. And I did … Anyway, who knows. I’m too tired to make sense of it all. Oh, but he was saying something to Liam when you walked up about how he didn’t plan on a relationship and he doesn’t know.”

Noelle’s eyes are wide. I just backed up, pulled the lever and let the dump truck dump.

“He doesn’t know what?” she asks.

“I don’t know. That’s what I was trying to overhear when you came down the hall.”

“Sorry!”

“No problem. We’re adults. We can talk. If we can kiss, we’d better be able to talk. I’m sure we’ll iron this out in the morning.”

Noelle does a little bounce on her bed. “You and Carson! I thought so, but then I didn’t know. You looked so interested in one another all weekend. But you’ve both been pretty staunchly single for a while, so I didn’t want to hope too hard. ”

“Well, don’t hope too hard now either. I don’t want to let you down.”

“Too late. I’m hoping hard. You two are adorable together. And I see the way he looks at you. He’s definitely interested.”

“Okay. Okay. Slow down. Let’s get some sleep.”

“Okay.” Noelle lets out another little squeal. “This would be so fun though … double dates …”

She steeples her fingers and drums the tips against one another..

Then she looks at me. “Okay. Right. Totally no pressure. Whatever happens is fine. We’ll take it one day at a time.”