Challenging Ryker (Kringle Security #2)

Chapter 15

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

Ryker looked at the envelope sitting on the kitchen island like it was a bomb with a timer. Fifteen seconds and his kitchen would be nothing but ash and rubble.

But the envelope wasn't a bomb and there was no timer counting down to his destruction. It was merely a standard A4 envelope. The kind that people used for wedding invitations and it was his name written on the front in angry strokes.

Yes, handwriting could look angry and this one broadcasted that whoever sent it had a problem with him.

"Are you going to open it?" Amelia's voice shook from where she was standing next to him. She was the one to find it. Despite his protests, she was determined to leave that morning and head into work. The only reason she wasn't on her way there now was the envelope, hidden slightly under the doorstep, had caught her attention.

Amelia recognized the handwriting immediately.

"Thinking about it. Just trying to calm myself down before I do though. This bastard managed to get close enough to you to leave a note. That doesn't just piss me off, it makes me want to kill him with my bare hands."

So much for keeping things neutral. The longer Amelia stayed with him, the harder it was getting. Each morning he woke up with her wrapped around him. And then there was last night. Everything in him clicked. He had been done fighting things, and had told her as much. He was ready to take the next step. However, he had a feeling that whatever the letter said would change that.

Doing his best not to touch the envelope more than necessary, he pulled out the single postcard. It was from a tourist town not far from where he grew up, and before he even read the words written on it, he knew it would be bad.

Give me back what is mine. I've already hurt you once and I won't hesitate to do it again. You couldn't even keep Sarah safe. Do you really think you can keep Amelia from me?

"Who's Sarah?"

Son. Of. A. Bitch.

It wasn't just bad. It was the worst-case scenario. Gavin was forcing his hand. Making him confront his past before he was ready.

"My sister. My dead sister," he ground out.

Amelia opened her mouth to speak but he held up his hand. "Please just let me get this out. I wasn't ready but I guess it's time."

Amelia nodded her head for him to continue. He took a few deep breaths and put both fists on the island. With his head down, he started, "In high school I was nothing like I am now. I was a nerd. At the top of my class my senior year. I had received a scholarship to attend Harvard with the intention of one day going to med school. Sarah, my twin sister, was the dreamer. She did just as well in school but she didn't live and breathe it like me. She was the type who believed in love at first sight and was convinced she had found it at seventeen years old. I was more practical. The joker you see now was nothing like the person I was back then. The night of the accident, my sister wanted me to take her to this party. I had promised I would, but there was a rumor that my chemistry teacher was going to throw a pop quiz. I backed out of the party so I could study instead. It wasn't the first time I had done something like that."

He could still remember the argument clear as day.

"You don't even know for sure if Ms. Thomas is going to have a quiz and so what if she does? School comes naturally to you. Do you really want to stay home and study when you can be out having fun with your favorite sister?"

"You're my only sister, Sarah. We're twins. Mom and Dad decided two kids at once was enough for them."

"Exactly. Twins, Ryker. Which means we are supposed to do everything together."

She would always say that. Because they shared a womb together, it meant they had to be joined at the hip. He loved to remind her that they weren't identical twins. They were created from different sperm and different eggs. They might've both been in their mother's belly at the same time but it was in two separate placentas, so really her argument was moot.

Looking back, he wished he hadn't fought so hard to be independent of her. That he had embraced the twin thing as much as she did. To him, she was a sister who shared a birthday. Nothing more.

"What happened?" Amelia asked softly.

"She went to the party instead with her boyfriend. The one she was convinced was her soulmate. They were driving back when a tractor trailer lost control on a hill and crushed their car. According to the coroner, they both died instantly but it took them hours to get her out. And the whole time, I was fast asleep in my bed like nothing was wrong."

It was the knowledge that he hadn't known something was happening that bothered him the most. People joked about twin intuition but he had slept through his sister's most terrifying moment of her life. He was a jackass for never embracing the whole twin thing. Maybe if he had, things would've ended up differently.

"After the funeral, I decided med school wasn't for me. I enlisted in the Army and never looked back. Now I can't stand the thought of spending time in a hospital."

Amelia tried to comfort him by running her hand up and down his arm. It wasn't working. He felt just as guilty today as he had that day.

"You know it's not your fault, right?"

That had him pushing off the island and letting her hands fall away. He didn't want her comforting words. He didn't want to hear from another person how it wasn't his fault. Couldn't they see how wrong they were?

"Bullshit," he spat. "I should've been there with her. I should've been the one driving, not some punk she thought loved her. Me!" He pounded a fist to his chest. "She always wanted me to loosen up and have more fun. She would tease me that I was too serious for someone so young. And she was right. I spent so much time studying and focusing on school that I missed time with her. Time I can never get back."

"That's why you're so carefree now."

He snorted at the use of the word carefree. "I pretend to be carefree. I pretended to be the joker because that's what my sister deserved. It was what she wanted for me. I decided school had taken enough from me and became who I should've been this whole time because maybe then my sister would still be alive and my parents wouldn't have to mourn a dead child."

Amelia took a step in his direction but he held up his hand stopping her. He didn't deserve to be comforted.

"Is that why the relationship with your mother is strained? Is that why you pushed her away when she flew all this way to see you? Is that why you're against relationships?"

The hits just kept on coming, but fuck it. He’d already started. Why not tell Amelia everything?

"She never should've had to bury her daughter. I was supposed to protect my sister. That's what my parents always said. God gave them twins so I could protect my sister from day one. I did a shit job of it. And as far as relationships go, that was my sister's thing. She was the one who believed in happily ever after. She deserved to live a long life and find love. Not me. I took that away from her. It's only fair that I never get that kind of happiness."

"Oh, baby."

This time Amelia didn't stop. She marched straight over and threw her arms around his waist. She buried her face into his chest and didn't give a fuck what he thought. It was a good thing too because he doubted he could've pushed her away if he wanted to.

All the fight drained from his body and he let her carry some of his weight. His arms locked around her, and for the first time in twenty years, he didn't fight the tears that threatened to drown him.

He didn't want to be strong. He didn't want to pretend everything was alright. He wanted to mourn the sister who deserved to be living today. It should've been him. Sarah was so full of life and should've had the chance to live it until she was a hundred.

"The twentieth anniversary of her death was the day I found you chained to the bed." The words were muffled from his head being buried in her neck but he knew she heard them when her body went stiff. "I normally shut down on that day. My friends know to leave me alone, but when Monica called, I couldn't ignore her. I had promised to always be there for her and I refused to be the reason another woman got hurt, so I answered. I'm so glad I did."

"I made that day worse for you."

He leaned back so quickly he was afraid he’d given Amelia whiplash but he needed to look in her eyes when he told her. "No." That one word came out so harshly. "Don't think that for a second. Nothing about that day was your fault."

"Kinda like nothing about your sister's accident was your fault."

Ryker stepped away and ran his fingers through his hair. "It's not the same. It was my job to protect my sister and I failed."

"Horseshit." Gone was the quiet and reserved Amelia. This woman standing in front of him now was ready to go to battle, just like she’d been when he woke up in the hospital. "Your parents never should've put that kind of pressure on you. We talk about brothers protecting their sisters but I doubt your mother meant it the way you took it. Accidents happen. They are no one's fault but the driver, and in this case, that was the driver of the tractor trailer. I hate to say it, but it was your sister's time and there was nothing you could've done to stop it. But I can guarantee she wouldn't want you to beat yourself up like this. You said she pushed you to do more than just study and sure you've done that, but what about the other thing that mattered so much to her? What about love? She would've wanted that for you as well."

He didn't want to listen to what Amelia was saying. He didn't want her to be right, even though both his head and his heart knew without a shadow of a doubt that was what Sarah would've wanted for him. Love meant so much to her and it would've killed her to know he was swearing it off.

"I don't know if I can do that. Even for her."

"Then do it for me."

Ryker stepped back as if Amelia had slapped him.

She let out a frustrated sigh. "Believe me, this isn't easy for me to say but I think I'm falling for you." This time she was the one to put her hand up to stop whatever he was about to say, even though, despite his jaw dropping open, he had no idea what words were going to come out of his mouth.

"It wasn't the plan, and after Gavin, I sure as hell didn't want it, but somewhere between you finding me and now, I've been lying to myself. I always knew I liked you. It started with the cheesy line you gave me the first time we met." She laughed but it was devoid of humor. "I wanted so badly to dislike you for that, but I could see that first time it was a shield. And the more times you came into the office, the more I realized how right I was. Even before what happened I was considering using you for a good time. I just didn't realize you would steal my heart along the way."

"Sweetheart . . ."

"Nope, don't say it. I understand if you don't feel the same, but if there is a slim chance you do, then do it for me. Try for me. I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere."