Chase Our Forever (Sutten Mountain #3)

12. Dean

12

DEAN

Liv’s eyes are wide as she takes in the space. She stands in the opening of the front door, her gaze raking across the great room.

“This is…” Her words fall off as she continues to look around. “I don’t even have a word for what this is.”

I swallow, trying to look around the space through her eyes. It’s stunning. Every single detail of this room Selena pored over in the planning of the house. It was her baby. She spent every day huddled over wood samples and paint swatches, wanting to make sure she got everything perfect.

It did end up perfect. I just hate that she didn’t get to see it through.

The house is still missing the finishing touches. Selena hadn’t finished doing the interior design. She was still picking out the pieces that made this house a home. Years later, I look at the empty walls and the lack of decorations and wish she was still here to finish out the planning of our dream house.

As I look at the house through the eyes of a stranger, a knife twists in my heart. If Selena was still here, this house would seem so much more full of life. But it’s hard to recognize life’s fullness after losing someone like her. It’s hard to accept she won’t ever be here to finish the house, but I need to for my daughter—and for me.

Maybe getting Clara’s help to finish decorating the space will allow me to do that.

I focus back on Liv as her eyes drift from place to place, wondering if she’s looking around and thinking I’m pathetic for not bringing any personal touches to the home.

“Here’s where I keep some of my toys!” Clara calls, breaking me from my thoughts. She runs to a wall of built-in shelving. The bottom portion is cabinets, giving us room to store her toys and art supplies without them being on display when people first walk into the house.

Clara opens up one of the cabinets and pulls out a box of Barbies. “See?” she yells, her voice echoing off the walls across the space from us. “Toys!”

Liv nods, her eyes still wide with shock as she takes in the house. “I love it,” she manages to get out, her eyes finally stopping on the kitchen. “This is the most beautiful house I’ve ever seen.” Her voice is full of wonder as she follows me into the kitchen. I cock my head to the side as my eyes track her face. Is she telling the truth? I can’t tell. “Surely not. It’s big but simple. I haven’t finished decorating.”

I shift her bags in my grip, wondering if she’s judging the lack of decorations in the house. Does it feel cold? Is she judging me for not making it homier for Clara? The things that make it more of a home than a house are things my mom has brought over.

“It’s still beautiful,” she notes, running her fingers along the wood slab of the kitchen island.

I clear my throat, not knowing how to respond. I wish Clara would interrupt with something random to ease the awkward energy around us, but instead, she chooses this one time to be perfectly entertained with her Barbies.

At least it feels awkward to me, but the wide-eyed amazement of Liv tells me maybe the awkwardness is only one-sided.

“So, this is obviously the kitchen,” I point out. “The pantry is behind those wood doors. Add any food you want to the grocery list on the fridge. Tonya runs out and grabs groceries on Mondays.”

Liv chews on her lip as she nods. “I’m not picky. Whatever you normally get is fine.”

I bite back the urge to argue with her. I want her to feel comfortable enough to stock anything she could want in the house. But that’ll be a discussion for another day. Right now, I want to continue to give her the tour and let her get settled.

“To our right is the living room. The stairs go up to the second floor, where most of the bedrooms are. The only bedroom down here is the primary one. The basement has a playroom for Clara, as well as a theater room. She’ll beg you to watch Frozen in there every morning.”

This makes Liv laugh, her eyes finding mine. “I guess it’s a good thing I’ve never seen Frozen .”

My jaw opens. “You’ve never seen Frozen ?” I can’t hide the shock from my face. I’ve seen both Frozen movies—and all the spin-offs—countless times. I could probably quote many of the scenes if I needed to.

Liv shakes her head. “I haven’t seen any of the newer movies. Maybe Clara will fix that for me.”

I let out a low whistle. “Oh, she will. Trust me on that. She’s begging to be Elsa for Halloween this year—for a second time. Want to follow me to your room? We can set your things down before continuing with the rest of the tour.”

“That sounds perfect.”

I nod, not feeling the need to make small talk as I lead her up the stairs. She follows behind me quietly as Clara trails behind us, still playing make-believe with her dolls.

I walk us down the long upstairs hallway. “This room is a guest bedroom. It’s got bunk beds for when Clara’s cousins stay the night with us. The next room is Clara’s?—”

“This is my room!” Clara excitedly interrupts. She jumps up and down in excitement. “Want to see it?” she asks, her focus on Liv.

Liv looks at me, letting me be the one to answer my daughter’s question.

“How about we show Liv her room first? Daddy’s getting old, and these bags are heavy. Let me put them down, and then you can show Liv your room.”

Clara nods her head before lifting her shoulder in a small shrug. “Okay.” She looks to Liv. She cups her mouth with her hand, leaning a little closer to Liv. “Daddy is getting old. He has gray hair.”

Liv raises her eyebrows in amusement, her focus on my daughter. “Does he?” she asks, pretending to be shocked.

I roll my eyes. “Clara was with us when my mother pointed out that I have a few gray hairs. Nothing crazy. Be nice to your dad,” I tell Clara, playfully narrowing my eyebrows at my daughter.

It doesn’t faze her at all. She skips ahead of us and heads right to Liv’s room.

“The study is right here, as well as a guest bathroom.” I gesture to each room as I point them out to Liv before we make it to the end of the hallway where her room is.

“And this is your room!” Clara pushes the door open, immediately running into Liv’s room. When I walk into it, I find my daughter already sprawled out on the mattress, making a pretend snow angel on the bed.

“This is yours.” I carefully set her bags down on top of the dresser before crossing my arms over my chest. “Will it work?”

Liv snorts, her head shaking. “Will this work?” she mimics, her voice filled with disbelief. “This room is almost as big as the entire first floor of the house I grew up in. I’ve never slept in a bed this large.”

She steps forward, her fingers running along the off-white comforter.

“So…it’ll work?” I repeat, needing the peace of mind of knowing she’ll be happy here. “You have your own bathroom and closet.”

Liv’s eyes meet mine. She’s quiet for a moment as she stares at me. I get an overwhelming urge of longing to know exactly what’s going through her head. I want to know how this room—this house—looks through her eyes.

I want her to stay on as Clara’s nanny for as long as possible. The cards have aligned, and I just know Selena would’ve loved her for Clara. I can feel it in my bones.

So I want this to work. For Liv to be comfortable here.

“It’ll more than work. It’s perfect. I’m sorry—typically, I’m great with words. I’ve always been a little on the chattier side.” She sighs, her eyes roaming the room once before she looks at me again. “I just can’t quite find the right words now other than this room is more than enough.”

I give her a curt nod. I don’t know how to respond to her, having the same problem as she does. Except, unlike her, I can never find the right words. I’d much rather say nothing at all. “It’s nothing.”

She rolls her eyes, choosing not to say anything. Instead, she walks up to Clara, who is still gleefully making snow angels on the bed. “Show me your room now?” she asks, playfully grabbing Clara’s foot and pulling her across the mattress.

“Finally!” Clara shouts, her tone full of drama, as if she’s been waiting hours instead of minutes to show Liv her room. She drops her Barbies to the ground, no longer interested in them.

“Then let’s do it,” Liv demands, letting Clara jump onto her back for a piggyback ride.