Chase Our Forever (Sutten Mountain #3)

14. Dean

14

DEAN

Yesterday was a busy day of getting Liv settled and introduced to as much of Clara's routine as possible. The day flew by quickly, and I was impressed by how easily she seemed to settle in. I haven’t seen Liv since last night. It was a few hours after Clara went to bed for the night when Liv snuck up the stairs and told me good night as she hung over the banister.

We hadn’t talked a lot. I’d gone to my office to get some work done, and she’d sat on the back deck even after the sun disappeared and the temperature dropped. I kept finding excuses to go to the kitchen to see if she was still sitting by the fireplace. She always was, despite it being cold. It was almost ten o’clock when she finally came inside.

I’d been sitting at my desk reviewing some work when I finally heard the door shut. Her footsteps were quiet as she tiptoed her way to the stairs, but the moment she’d looked into my office and found me still awake, she’d given me a timid smile.

I’d waited to say good night to her until she made it to the stairs, not expecting her to say anything back. But she’d leaned over and whispered good night, and for some reason, I’d wanted to know if she’d had a good day.

Had I done a good job of walking her through Clara’s day? Did she feel prepared? Did she think she could be happy here? Did she think she’d stay awhile?

Those questions kept me up all night, but I embraced them overtaking my mind. These days, I much preferred being kept from sleep with my mind wandering than succumbing to my exhaustion and letting my dreams take over. My dreams were never good. They were filled with loss and devastation. Worrying about whether Liv will finally be the nanny that sticks for a bit was a very welcomed distraction.

I’d expected her to come downstairs for breakfast this morning, but she stayed in her room. Clara and I had gone to church, and for some reason, the entire service, all I could wonder was what she was up to at the house. It seemed logical. She’s still a stranger alone in my house. But I wasn’t worried because I didn’t trust her; I worried because I hoped she wasn’t upset that we left.

I tell myself the reason I’m going out of the way to the house before going to my parents’ is because my mom won’t stop pestering me about bringing Clara’s new nanny to Sunday brunch. My mom had a point about inviting Liv. It was rude for me not to tell her about our family tradition. It only makes sense for me to run by the house before spending the rest of the afternoon there.

I’m just being polite.

I repeat that to myself over and over as I park my truck in the driveway, letting out a small sigh of relief when I see Liv’s old car still parked there. My mom offered to take Clara straight to their house after church since my daughter was distraught at the thought of missing any play time with her cousins.

Which leaves me alone to stop by the house and invite Liv.

Since it shouldn’t take long for me to tell Liv where we’ll be for the rest of the day, I leave the truck on. I open the garage and head inside, finding the house eerily quiet. Liv isn’t anywhere on the main floor or out on the back deck, so I climb the stairs to see if she’s in her room.

I’m busy reminding myself that if her door is shut, I’ll just leave her alone and leave a note downstairs telling her where we are when she steps out of her room.

“Shit!” she shrieks, her hand flying to her chest.

“I’m sorry,” I rush out, seeing the fear in her eyes. “I should’ve probably called out or something, but I was worried you were maybe sleeping, so I came upstairs quietly and?—”

Liv shakes her head, holding her hand up to stop me from talking. Her chest still rises and falls in quick succession as she tries to regain her composure. “It’s fine. It’s your house. I was just downstairs five minutes ago getting water and knew the house was empty, so you just surprised me, that’s all.”

She takes a deep breath, trying to even out her erratic breathing.

“We were at church, and when I mentioned you were still back at the house, my mom wouldn’t stop bugging me about inviting you back to their house for Sunday brunch. It’s kind of a big deal in our family. All my brothers go, too, and I think she contemplated disowning me as her oldest son when I’d told her I hadn’t invited you.”

“That’s so nice of her,” she notes, a soft smile playing on her lips. “I’m okay with staying here so you guys can have family time. “

I don’t bother to hide my growl of displeasure. “You’ve been alone all day.”

“I’m used to being alone,” she quickly responds. I don’t know why, but her words create a dull ache in my chest. I typically prefer being alone—aside from being with Clara. But now, I’m wondering if those around me feel that same ache in their chest when I tell them I’d rather be on my own. I take too long to say anything, so she clears her throat and rushes to get her next words out. “It’s a family thing, like you mentioned. I don’t want to intrude. But do tell your mom I appreciate her thinking of me.” She plasters a smile on her face to try and convince me she’s fine here.

I return her smile with a frown of my own, not liking her answer. “What if I said I want you there?” My voice is low and gravelly as I second-guess if it was the right thing to say. It’s the truth, but the way she stares wide-eyed back at me makes me wonder if I should’ve kept the thought to myself. I sigh, trying to think of a way to not sound unprofessional. “It’d be nice for you to get familiar with my family,” I rush to get out. “Plus, Clara would love to show you around the family property.”

She purses her lips as she mulls over my offer. It’s only in the silence between us that I realize she’s wearing a familiar sweatshirt,

“Find some warmer clothes?” I ask, the slightest hint of humor in my tone.

Liv’s eyes go wide as she looks down at the sweatshirt that is far too big on her. She immediately pulls at the bottom and begins to pull it up to take it off.

I reach out, grabbing her arm to stop her. “Don’t. Keep it on. It’s cold, and you need warmer clothes. I was just teasing you.”

Liv freezes as she watches me carefully. “I don’t want you to think I was trying to take it. I was just reading outside, and it was colder than I was expecting. The hoodie was hanging by the door, and I just…well, I took it.” She lets out a nervous laugh, one that makes a corner of my lip turn up.

“We have countless Livingston Real Estate hoodies at the office. Keep this on. It’s cold—plus, you’ll become my dad’s favorite if you wear it. I don’t typically wear mine unless it’s around the house.”

“I didn’t say I was going,” she counters, her cheeks a little pink from me calling out the sweatshirt.

“Don’t spend today alone, Liv. You don’t have to be alone anymore.”

I don’t know why it’s so important to me to convince her to come to Sunday brunch. Sometimes I barely want to go to Sunday brunch, but it’s important to my mom. I missed two after Selena’s death before my mom drove over here herself and forced me to attend the tradition. As much as I thought I wanted to be alone at that time, I didn’t.

Maybe that’s why I’m still standing here trying to convince Liv to attend as well. I don’t know her backstory, but without her telling me, I know it seems like life hasn’t always been kind to her.

I want her to see kindness here in Sutten. With this job. And with my family.

She sighs. “Is this you inviting me or just your mom?”

I can’t help but smile. She’s wittier than I was expecting. “Both.”

“Fine. But are you sure the sweatshirt is okay? If it’s yours, I can change real quick. The flannel Carmen picked out is fi?—”

“If I didn’t want you wearing it, I would’ve said something. I’m blunt—sometimes to a fault. It looks better on you than it does me anyway.”

We’re both quiet for a moment as my last words hang in the air. I didn’t mean anything weird by it. It slipped out before I could think better of it.

My ears feel hot as I try to figure out if I should apologize or not. The last thing I need is for her to think I’m a creep. “I didn’t mean that in any weird way. All I meant was I wear it and look like I?—”

“It’s fine.” She laughs, and it seems genuine. The softness of her eyes and the smile on her lips tells me I might be worrying for nothing. “I’ll accept the compliment. Let me get my purse, and we’ll go.”

She turns around and heads back to her room as I let out a sigh of relief. I’m going to have to get used to sharing my space with someone. I’ve had plenty of nannies stay here with me and Clara, but none of them lasted long. I never really cared about establishing a professional relationship with them because they were gone as quickly as they started.

But with Liv it feels different.

I already want her to stay awhile. There’s something about her. She radiates light, even with the knowledge she seems to have gone through a lot. And I want Clara to have that in her life.

When she walks back out with a smile plastered on her face and her purse swung over her shoulder, I accept that I might need a little of that light in my life, too.