Christmas at Bennett’s (Breakfast at Bennett’s #4.5)

8. Mickey

CHAPTER 8

MICKEY

“You look well,” Mickey’s mom said. Every time they were together, the conversation started the same way. After she got a cell phone, they’d begun texting back and forth. Mainly funny memes at first. Sometimes they made small talk. Their relationship wasn’t easy—it was still strained—but it had improved since she left his dad.

Mickey hadn’t seen his dad in years, and he wasn’t at all sorry about it. There was a time he was certain that he’d never see either of his parents again, but after reconnecting with his mom, she’d tried hard to make amends for her part in Mickey’s painful past. But the blame for his mistakes also sat on his shoulders.

“You do too.” Mickey meant it. His mom had come a long way since fleeing a bad situation of her own. She’d made some friends, joined a local church—one she assured him was LGBT friendly—and was working full-time now. Her face was still lined with worry, but some things weren’t so easily erased.

Mickey unwound his scarf and set it on the empty seat next to him. It was silly that they still made a point of meeting away from Bennett’s, Ethan’s diner. When they’d first reconnected, Mickey had wanted the privacy of a more anonymous location. It would be hard to have an honest conversation with his mom if he felt that Ethan or Taylor were looking over his shoulder. They were protective and it was sweet—it made him feel loved—but this he needed to take care of on his own.

“What are your plans for Christmas?” she asked, stirring two spoons of sugar into her coffee.

Mickey had ordered a hot chocolate with extra whip and he dipped his spoon in the fluffy topping.

“Christmas Eve with Ethan, Christmas morning at the diner with the whole family, and then Christmas dinner at the house after.” Guilt twisted his stomach into a knot. He didn’t want to ask if she had plans because he hated the idea of her being all alone during the holiday. But if he didn’t know, he wouldn’t feel bad or like he had to fix it for her. “Do you have plans?”

To his relief, his mom nodded. “One of the girls from work has a big dinner and invites everyone. It’s just her and her partner. They never had kids, so they’ve kind of adopted all the strays.” His mom smiled, kind of fondly, but there was sadness there too.

“I’m glad you’ve met some nice people.”

“I’m not the only one.” His mom’s smile turned softer. “You’ve done well for yourself. And those Bennetts take good care of you. I’m glad you have them.”

The waitress returned to take their orders. His mom surprised him by ordering a slice of cake instead of something off the lunch menu like she usually did. When he looked at her with a raised eyebrow, she shrugged.

“Life is short, Mickey. I want cake, so I’m going to have it.” Her sudden spontaneity reminded him of the way she used to be when he was younger. The mom who would laugh when she got caught in the rain. The mom who would make up lyrics to popular songs that were outrageous and nonsensical.

Mickey looked at the waitress and handed his menu back. “I’ll have a slice of the chocolate cream pie, please.” He might regret his choices later, but for now, the idea of pie in the middle of the day, without having to eat a meal first to earn the right to dessert, felt decadent.

“What did you get Ethan for Christmas?” she asked, sipping at her coffee.

Sometimes they talked about tough things. Sometimes they talked about the weather. Most of the time, Mickey told her about Ethan and the rest of the family he’d been welcomed into. About Jonah and Spencer and his never-ending art projects. Colby and Milo and the gym, and Milo’s volunteer work. Taylor, who had become a real friend to Mickey, and his two boyfriends. His mom loved hearing about them. Mickey guessed that it comforted her to know that he’d found a place in the world where he belonged.

He hoped she’d found that for herself too.

“I found this guy online who does beautiful leather work and I commissioned a custom guitar strap.” Pulling his phone from his jacket, he showed her the picture of it. It was a rich brown leather that was buttery soft and had some designs stamped into it. It was currently wrapped up in a box and sitting under the tree. “I got keychains made for everyone else in the same kind of leather.”

Ethan had tried to insist that he didn’t have to get anything for anyone, but he’d wanted to. They were his family now and he wanted to do something to let them know he cared.

Their dessert arrived and the conversation died away for a few minutes while they ate. Mickey found himself smiling at his mom.

“I feel like I’m doing something bad,” he confessed, shoveling another bite of the luscious pie into his mouth. “Do you remember sometimes when Dad wasn’t there, you’d let me have dessert for breakfast?” He remembered a sunny kitchen. A mom who smiled. He put his fork down and reached into his jacket to pull out a little box wrapped in red paper and green ribbon and set it down in front of his mom.

“For me?” She looked a little dumbstruck.

It had been years since Mickey got her a gift for Christmas. Or a gift for any occasion. He was actively working on letting go of old grudges and trying to heal, and that meant treating her like she was part of his family.

“Open it,” Mickey urged. Nerves swam upstream and he had to swallow them back down.

She opened the box and carefully peeled back the tissue paper. She pulled out a keychain, one made of leather like the ones he’d bought for everyone else, but this was cut to the shape of a simple flower with six petals. “Mom” was stamped in the center of the flower and the letters had been brushed with gold, making it shine.

“I know it’s not much, but I wanted you to have something to remind you that I’m proud of you. Leaving is hard, but we did it.” Mickey took a drink of his hot chocolate to wash down his sudden swell of emotion. Sometimes he still struggled with his past, and he didn’t always like to talk about it. And when he did talk about it, he was usually with Ethan, who made him feel safe enough to say the things he needed to say.

“It’s beautiful, Mickey. Thank you.” Her voice had gone quiet and thoughtful and Mickey watched her trace her finger over the edges of the leather. She pulled her keys from her pocket and took them off the old keyring and attached them to the new one.

“One year, you went through this jewelry phase. It probably wasn’t a phase, looking back on things. But you were just trying to figure out who you were and how to be comfortable in your skin. And you’d bought this silver bracelet. It was pretty, I thought. I remember complimenting you on it. Though you’d come out by then, and your father pretended to be accepting, he was only accepting if we did things his way. Jewelry wasn’t his way and you stopped wearing it soon after you bought it. Do you remember what happened to it?”

Mickey didn’t quite understand where she was going with this, but he dragged the memory to the surface anyway. “I threw it away. Dad kept making comments about it and I got sick of it. So I stopped wearing it. I threw it away.”

She pulled a box out of her purse and set it in front of Mickey. He knew what was in it before he opened it, but he still gasped when he saw it sitting in the tissue paper.

“It’s the same one. I kept it. I didn’t know why at first. I saw you take it off and throw it away and I grabbed it and tucked it in my purse, and it’s stayed there ever since. But I want you to have it back now. It’s time we put the pieces of ourselves back where they belong.”

Mickey slid the bracelet onto his wrist and stared at it. It had survived all this time, just like he had. Just like his mom had.

“I want you to know I’m proud of you. And I’m sorry I failed you. If I’d been better, maybe you wouldn’t have run off to be with Lance. Maybe you wouldn’t have needed his love as much if I’d been better at showing you mine.”

Mickey’s gaze snapped up and he looked at his mom. “My mistakes were mine to make. I don’t think there was anything you could’ve done different. Do I regret being with Lance? Yes. But I’m with Ethan now, and if I had to go through that to get where I am today, I would do it again.”

“I love how certain you are of him.”

“He’s good to me.” Mickey couldn’t think about Ethan without smiling, and when he smiled, his mom smiled back at him. It was on the tip of his tongue to invite her to Christmas dinner, but she had plans already. And though Ethan wouldn’t mind, Mickey wasn’t sure that he wanted to have conversations like this on Christmas Day.

“I’m glad. Ethan is a good man.”

“Maybe you’ll find a good man of your own again soon.”

His mom laughed in a way that she hadn’t laughed in years. It shocked Mickey, who stared at her as she wiped the tears from the corner of her eyes.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to laugh like that but, sweetheart, I have no intention of dating ever again. I’ll do just fine on my own so long as I have a handful of friends, and you.”

“You have me, Mom,” Mickey assured her, then picked up his fork and stole a bite of her cake.

The rest of their lunch went by without more tears, without more bad memories. Mickey paid the bill—even though it was her turn, he insisted. The bracelet she’d saved from the trash sat on his wrist, a welcome reminder that some things were worth saving.

Mickey walked her to her car. The snow was coming down thick now. Sometimes Mickey thought about where he’d been a year ago. Sometimes he had trouble believing that it had happened to him and that it wasn’t just some dream he’d had.

His mom unlocked her car and Mickey grabbed the snowbrush and swept it off for her. Again, part of him wanted to invite her to spend some of Christmas with him, but he couldn’t get the words out. Mickey opened the back passenger door and put the snowbrush on the floorboard. Then her door opened.

“Do you want a ride?”

Mickey shook his head. “The diner isn’t far. I’m going to walk there.”

“Stay warm.”

“You too. Merry Christmas, Mom.” Mickey folded himself in half to give her a hug while she sat in the car.

“Drive safe,” he said when he pulled away a few seconds later.

Mickey watched her drive off, then he tightened his scarf around his neck and set off toward the diner. Instead of sneaking around back to scrounge for food, Mickey walked in the front door and brushed the snow off his hair and unwound his scarf as he made his way to his usual seat in the corner. The family booth was currently occupied by Nash, one of Taylor’s boyfriends.

Ethan came out of the kitchen with a couple plates of food and dropped them off at their destination before making a beeline for Mickey. He tugged Mickey into his arms and kissed him.

“You’re cold,” Ethan remarked. “Do you want something hot to drink?”

“Coffee would be nice.” Mickey stole another kiss.

“Take a seat. I’ll be right back. Don’t go anywhere,” Ethan told him, though he didn’t have to. Mickey didn’t plan on going anywhere. Ever. Ethan was stuck with him.