Christmas By The Shore (A Winter To Remember #1)

Chapter 3

3

T hat day at work, Cat couldn’t stop thinking about Chris—specifically about what he’d said to her when he ended things all those years ago. It was only a month after her thirtieth birthday, and she had been under the impression things were going well. There was mention of a vacation in a few months when Chris turned thirty himself, and even what she thought at the time was a hint at a proposal. Sure, both of them worked a lot, and they’d been talking about going on a vacation for years without ever actually pulling the trigger, but she didn’t see anything wrong with that.

When they’d met, fresh out of college, they’d both been determined to start their careers without any distractions. Cat had dated and had plenty of fun during undergrad and was ready to buckle down, and Chris was just born the type of person who liked the grind.

It was why she thought they were truly meant to be together. They shared the same values and goals and understood when the other one had to prioritize work over something having to do with their relationship—including holidays or dinner dates.

But then Chris changed.

For Cat, it seemed as if it happened overnight, but he said it was a long time coming. Apparently, there had been signs, but she just wasn’t paying enough attention to notice. She took offense to this, but Chris had come to the argument with receipts.

“What about the vacation we’ve been planning?” she asked after he told her they should break up. “Were you just lying to me then? Acting like you wanted to be together in the future?” They were in their shared one-bedroom apartment right next to one of the loudest rail trains, which meant their entire building shook every time the train went by. This happened right then, forcing Chris to wait a few seconds before responding. He was still wearing his suit, but his tie was loosened, and his hair had fallen out of its carefully crafted style.

The fact that he looked totally hot at that moment was just rubbing salt into Cat’s wound.

“We haven’t actually been planning anything!” he said. “Vaguely discussing trips we want to take some day is very different from actually booking things! You change your mind about where you say you want to go every other week anyway, so how could we ever even take action?”

“You know I don’t care where we go! I just think it would be fun.”

“But do you really?” He stared at her with an intensity she’d only ever seen in him when he was in the middle of a heated work call. “Do you really think that seeing the world and relaxing together on a beach somewhere sounds fun? Or are you just saying that because it’s something people say?”

She drew back. “What do you mean?”

“Two weeks off work.” He held two fingers up as if she didn’t know how to count. “These amorphous plans we keep talking about would require us both to take two weeks off work. In all the time we’ve been together, I’ve never seen you take more than three days off, and that was only because you were literally in the hospital with pneumonia!”

“You’re the same way!”

“I know!” He laughed, and the sound was anything but joyous. “That’s the problem. We’ve been encouraging each other’s worst habits for years now, and I can’t do it anymore. When we first got together, I thought it was a good thing. We supported each other, fed into one another’s ambition, and I know for a fact that I wouldn’t have come this far in my career in just five years if you hadn’t been by my side.”

“I feel the same way.”

“For that, I hope that we can both one day look back on this time we spent together and see it as a positive, but…” He trailed off.

They were standing in their bedroom, with the windows wide open, trying to break the late summer heat of the city without running their swamp cooler, which was mostly broken anyway. Cat had been scouting new apartments ever since she got a promotion that would allow them to upgrade to a nicer building. She hadn’t yet told Chris about her idea to move but had been excited to reveal the surprise the next time they went out for a nice dinner.

Cat waited for him to continue explaining himself, but when he remained quiet, she deflated. She sat down on the edge of the bed and sighed. “I’m so confused.”

He breathed out heavily and sat down next to her. “I’m sorry, Catherine. Truly. This is not how I wanted things to go. I should’ve talked to you about how I’d been feeling a lot sooner—but I was scared. I thought it might make me seem, I don’t know, weak? I thought you would judge me.”

She gawked at him. “Chris—you know me better than that.”

He nodded. “You’re right. It was a stupid fear. It’s just a big change for me, and I’m not entirely sure what brought it on, so I was thinking maybe it would pass. I have been really happy with you the last five years… But now, I just think I want something different. I want to find someone who helps me pull away from work. The yin to my yang.”

Cat couldn’t help but laugh. “Did you read that in some dating advice book? I’m pretty sure there was similar advice in those teen magazines McKenzie and I used to flip through when we were lovesick teenagers.”

“Well… It’s good advice.” He looked down at his hands. “Don’t you think?”

She didn’t answer.

They sat in silence for a while, but the tension was too much for Cat. She stood up abruptly and went into the bathroom but left the door open. She ran the shower water and waited until it got hot. Eventually, Chris came and leaned against the doorway.

“I really didn’t want to hurt you.”

“Could’ve fooled me.”

“Nothing has to be decided right now. We could—take a break?”

She shook her head, kneeling on the side of the tub and holding her hand out under the stream. “No. I don’t want this to be up in the air, and I really don’t want to be left with any false hope. If you don’t feel like you can see a life with me anymore, then that’s that.”

“You’re done?”

“No—you’re done. That’s ultimately what you’ve been telling me the past half an hour, isn’t it?”

He ran his hand through his hair, and just as the water was warming up, he nodded. “Yeah, I suppose it is.”

“All right then. Can you stay with your brother?”

“Yeah. I’ll pack a bag. Do you want me to wait—” He pointed to the shower.

“I think it’s best if you don’t,” she said, not looking at him. “I want to be alone now.”

“Understood. I—I’ll, um, text you about coming to get the rest of my stuff at some point. Is that

okay?”

“Just come one day when I’m at work,” she said. “Leave the key on the kitchen counter.”

Coming back to herself after suffering such an unpleasant flashback, Cat wondered whether or not she’d been too harsh that night. Her heart had just been broken into a million pieces, and she wanted to inflict some pain herself, but perhaps she’d gone a little too far. Nine years later, she could appreciate what Chris was saying, even if she still thought they could’ve worked through their issues if he’d given her a chance.

There came a knock on her office door, and McKenzie walked in, looking irritated.

“How’d the meeting go?” Cat asked.

“How do you think it went?” she said, huffing as she sat in the open chair on the other side of Catherine’s desk. “How is it possible that the marketing team could so fundamentally not understand my vibe? Have they even read the book?”

“I hope so. It’s part of their job description.”

“The new guy hasn’t, that much I can say for sure.” She closed her eyes and started rubbing her temples. “He doesn’t have any idea what he’s talking about, and I had to correct him on the genre twice! How did he get this job anyway? Does his dad work here or something?”

“I have no idea. I haven’t had much correspondence with the marketing department as of late. I’m in reading mode, remember?”

“Ah yes. How could I forget?” She waved a hand in the air. “Well, next time you talk to someone in that department, let them know that at this point, I feel like I’d be better off designing my own cover, and you know how horrible I am at drawing. Maybe that will light a fire under their butts to put a little more effort in!”

“They’ve been working hard on this pitch, and they’re trying to help you,” Cat reminded her. “They think that a more cohesive color scheme with the first book will make it easier to sell a box set once your third book is finished. And they’re probably right.”

“But the books aren’t part of a series!”

“They are your first three debut novels, though, and they are all in the same genre, so it makes sense to put them in a box together. Mrs. Kendall wants to have the box set ready to go by next year, so that we can really push it as a Christmas gift. Which reminds me, you haven’t sent me your pages yet. Are you done with chapter eight or not? People are dying for book three to be released.”

McKenzie avoided making eye contact.

“That’s a no!”

“I’m almost done,” she countered. “But I got stuck. I’ve decided that I really can’t stand these characters and that their story is super boring.”

“You said that about your last book,” Cat said. “And the one before that. You just have to push through this stage and get back to writing.”

“... I guess.” She clicked her tongue. “But this time it’s different, Cat. I genuinely feel like this isn’t the book I should be writing. I’m so uninspired.”

“Don’t be so defeatist. Just give yourself some time, try to get out of your head, and I’ll push your deadlines a little. It’s going to be fine.” After nearly fifteen years of working with writers, Catherine knew when they just needed a little push. McKenzie especially, since they had been friends since childhood and only had the confidence to publish her first book after years of Catherine prompting her to do so. “Let’s say you get to chapter five by Thanksgiving. That’s three weeks away. You can do it.”

“I’ll try.”

“Try hard,” Cat pleaded, “because you know I’m the one who gets yelled at when projects aren’t completed in time.”

“I know.” She smiled. “And have I thanked you recently for never yelling at me when I am late on pages?”

“If you really want to thank me, you’ll go pick up my lunch at the cafe down the street and bring it back so I don’t have to walk away from my desk.”

“Not a chance,” McKenzie said as she stood. “I love you, and I love helping you, but I refuse to be complicit in your unhealthy attachment to this office.”