Christmas Cancellation

9. NOELLE

Chapter nine

K ol tossed another log onto the fire, the flames licking at his hands as he nudged it into place with the poker. “I’m building it up so it’ll burn through the night,” he said. “If I stack it right, it should last long enough to keep the room warm until morning. But with this blizzard, we’ll need to do more than just rely on the fire. I’ll try to seal off the room the best I can by shutting the doors to the rest of the house and closing all the vents, blinds, and curtains. We’ve got to conserve the heat as much as possible.”

I scooted next to him. “Just don’t burn the house down on the first day I own it, okay?”

He glanced at me, one eyebrow bouncing, but didn’t crack a smile. “No worries, Stinkerbelle.”

His voice held the same no-nonsense tone of authority he’d used all day—when we’d flown off the road, when he’d navigated the backroads, and when he’d scrounged up a meal in the kitchen without electricity. And now he was managing a fire like it was no big deal.

I moved away from the fireplace and stretched out my legs, watching the flames curl around the fresh logs as he went about sealing off the room.

While he worked, I followed his movements, trying to figure out how someone could be so damn sure of everything all the time. It was infuriating, honestly. The way he just said things with absolute confidence, like the world would bend to his will if he simply told it to. Nothing I ever threw his way seemed to faze him—no teasing, no playful jabs. Kol was always in control.

“I’ll help you in the morning with whatever you need to get sorted before I get out of here,” he said from the other side of the room.

Something about the way he said it hit me in the chest. Get out of here . He’d said it like he couldn’t wait to leave, as if this whole day of being stuck with me in a snowstorm was an inconvenience he was ready to move on from, as if he was eager to be done with his good deed and get on his way.

It shouldn’t have stung, but it did. Just as we were starting to get to know each other, he was already talking about leaving.

“You’re really in a hurry to get out of here , huh?” I couldn’t help the little edge of sarcasm that crept into my voice.

Kol shrugged nonchalantly. “I’m trying not to overstay my welcome. I’m sure you have places to be for the holidays.” He said it like spending the day with me had meant nothing at all.

Did he ever second-guess himself? Did he ever lie awake at night, doubting his decisions like I always seemed to? Probably not. He wasn’t the type to get stuck in his own head, chewing over every little thing. He acted, he moved forward, and that was that. Simple. Direct. No looking back.

Part of me admired it. Hell, part of me wished I was the same. Must be nice. I had to admit; it was comforting, in a way, having someone like that around—someone who always seemed to have it together. But at the same time, it drove me crazy. What would it take to crack that cool, calm exterior just once?

“So, did you have any idea your aunt was going to leave you this place?” he asked.

I reached over and picked up a nutcracker sitting on the side table next to the sofa, fidgeting with it. “Nope. No clue about the house, what was in her will, or anything else for that matter. It was a total surprise.” Restlessly, I snapped the nutcracker’s mouth open and closed, letting its wooden jaws bite down as though it was taking a chomp at the ultimatum in the will. The thought of having to move back here to Saratoga was freaking me out. I didn’t think I could do it.

Kol poked at the fire again, then glanced over his shoulder at me. “You’ve gotta be excited though. A house like this? Especially considering your current circumstances… Seems like a pretty sweet deal. Are you planning on living here permanently?”

My stomach tightened. If I couldn’t make sense of what I was feeling, how could I explain it to him? I scooted back so I could lean against the front edge of the sofa, biting the inside of my cheek. “It’s complicated,” I said, twisting the nutcracker between my fingers and messing with its little levers—anything to keep my hands busy. “Giving up my life in Atlanta wouldn’t exactly be easy.”

Kol sat down between the fireplace and me, extending one leg casually while keeping the other bent, draping his forearm over his knee. He waited for me to speak, though I wasn’t sure where to start .

Taking a deep breath and gathering my thoughts, I moved the nutcracker’s legs, making him march across my lap. “I liked my job and was good at it, but most days, it was as if I was just…marking time, you know? Like everything was on autopilot—not bad, not good, but I was just doing what I was expected to do. And then, one day, fate reached over and shook my personal snow globe, flipping my life upside down.” I shrugged. “I went from a career that was on track, a boyfriend who I thought was total husband material, and a past that was neatly tucked away where it belonged…to this.” I glanced around the room, laughing bitterly. “Jobless, single, hitching rides with strangers. And a past that is now the only future I have.” I laughed, but there was no humor in it. “Sometimes fate is a little bitch.”

I pressed my thumb against the nutcracker’s handle, making it bite down again. Fate really had dealt me a twisted hand. And for good measure, the gods had thrown a tall, dark, and handsome Night Stalker squarely in the mix just to mess with my emotions.

Kol stayed quiet as he studied me. I was grateful for the silence.

After I’d watched the flames flicker and spark for a few minutes, my thoughts started spiraling in a completely different direction. I couldn’t stop thinking about the way he’d looked at me earlier in the kitchen—like he wanted to devour me.

He was temptation wrapped up in all the things I shouldn’t want but did. Desperately. And maybe that was exactly what I needed—a one-night fling. Although, I doubted he’d be interested in that sort of dalliance considering how eager he seemed to be to leave in the morning.

What I wanted right now wasn’t complicated. I just needed to forget everything, even if only for a night .

Kol got up and stirred the fire again until the embers glowed brightly. His hands moved with precision—hands that were probably just as capable of lighting me up if he wanted to. God, I wanted to be reckless. I wanted to throw myself at him, let him burn away everything I’d been holding on to for far too long.

Tonight I wanted to be wrecked, to be so consumed by someone that I couldn’t remember my name, much less all the screwed-up things life had thrown at me. Kol was the kind of man who could do that; I could tell just by the way he moved. I wanted him to worship every inch of me, to let him light up every one of my nerves like a Christmas tree.

My eyes trailed over Kol’s broad shoulders, watching the way his muscles shifted beneath his uniform shirt. He was the kind of man that came with warnings—older, never married, a jet-setting airline pilot. He probably had a different woman in every city. But then again, he was the ideal catch for a line of women a mile long. There was no denying he was a drop-dead gorgeous, badass Army Night Stalker, and wealthy enough to own his own home and property, where he could take his brand-new Bronco out mudding for kicks.

He was also exactly what I needed—someone who could break down every wall I’d built, who could unravel all the carefully spun control I’d tried to wrap myself in over the last four years.

Right now, I wanted danger. I craved the thrill of being with someone who could take me apart and put me back together in all the wrong ways.

I wanted to be the girl with her hair down, flying in the wind as the thoroughbred beneath her galloped full speed across the fields without a care in the world. God, I wanted to find a man who wasn’t fragile, one who I could ride hard and wouldn’t break if I pushed him .

“Ahem.” Kol cleared his throat, and from the sound of it, not for the first time. “Earth to Stinkerbelle,” he teased, crossing his arms over his chest, waiting for me to snap out of my fantasies.

Startled by the not-so-innocent place to which my thoughts had strayed, I blinked, my face heating as I realized how close he was now—standing just in front of me.

“Sorry, I guess my mind drifted for a sec,” I said, dropping my head back to see him better.

“Judging by the look on your face,” Kol said with a chuckle, “wherever it went must’ve been really good.”

I shot him a playful grin, shrugging off the embarrassment. “Someone as straightlaced as you might not want to go poking around in a mind like mine. I’ve been pent up for way too long.”

Kol’s eyes flickered. For a split second, I thought he might take the bait and respond to my insinuation, but instead, he just stayed quiet and sat down on the floor in front of me, with one knee up, leaving some space between us. He turned his attention back to the fire like nothing had happened.

Seriously, what was his deal? I wasn’t blind. I saw the way he had checked me out. But it was like he was holding back, and I didn’t get it.

I stretched my legs out, my frustration bubbling up. Every time I threw him a line, he didn’t bite. Not that I minded the chase, but damn, it seemed he wasn’t interested at all. Why did he always have to act so unaffected?

“You don’t seem too thrilled about living here in Saratoga,” Kol said, leaning back a little and tapping his hand on his thigh to the rhythm of the song drifting from the kitchen. “I take it you’ve gotten used to the big-city life—shopping, hitting up the latest foodie hotspots, all that.”

I shrugged. “Yeah, something like that. ”

Kol angled his body toward me. There was a hint of curiosity on his face. He was clearly not buying my casual brush-off. “Hmm, funny. I’m the opposite. Left the Bronx for the quiet upstate life, and I love it out here. But I guess you could always sell the place or rent it out if it’s not your thing.”

Both of my options—living here or selling the house—felt wrong. How could he possibly understand? I honestly didn’t know what I wanted to do—and having to move here and stay for at least a year was the last thing I’d expected when I’d met with Holly.

“Maybe I should sell this old house and backpack across Europe,” I said. “Or, better yet, convert an old school bus and drive until I run out of road. You know, live in the moment, throw caution to the wind. Just me and some stray dog—no people, no worries—not caring about tomorrow.” I rolled my eyes, knowing full well that I sounded idiotic.

The fire cracked loudly, almost like it disagreed with my idea. Perfect. Even the house was judging me.

Kol pressed his lips together and narrowed his eyes. “That would be a stupid mistake.” His words were harsh, cutting through my cynicism. “You can’t be serious about walking away from a beautiful Victorian home worth a mint in your hometown when you don’t even have a job. What? You’re just going to quit life and drift around? Maybe you just need to suck it up. How bad can it be?”

I ground my teeth, irritation simmering under the surface. He didn’t get it. Kol had no idea what being in this town did to me or what memories haunted me here. The last thing I needed was his judgment about how I was handling it.

Scowling at him, I straightened up. “You don’t know a damn thing about me. Or what I’ve been through. So don’t act like you’ve got all the answers. ”

If he thought walking away from this house was stupid, he’d think I was completely insane to walk away from my parents’ property too. There was no way I was telling him about that. And now was definitely not the time to dump my whole tale of woe on him—tell him about how my parents had died in a storm not too different from this one, about how Aunt Mary had left me more than just this house. He wouldn’t understand, and even if he did, I didn’t want his pity.

“Maybe you shouldn’t be making so many assumptions,” I said, throwing his own words back at him. “There’s more to me than meets the eye.” I lifted my chin, quoting him again with just the right amount of bite.

He didn’t respond right away but merely watched me with that same infuriating calm. The challenge hung there between us, my dare for him to push back.

But instead, he sighed and turned to stare at the fire. He didn’t argue, didn’t push me as I’d expected. And that, more than anything, frustrated me to no end.

“Besides, I can’t sell the house,” I blurted out, tossing the nutcracker onto the table harder than I’d intended. The clunk of the wood meeting the table got his attention.

Kol’s brow furrowed, confusion spreading across his face. “What do you mean? Ms. Winters said it was yours.”

“It’s not that simple.” Although I wasn’t in the mood to explain how my life had turned into a real-life Monopoly game with rules I didn’t like, I did want him to understand the situation was more complicated. “There’s a clause, and no, not the jolly man from the North Pole—more like a giant lump of coal in my stocking.”

A tight line formed between his brows at how I’d said “coal.” But he ignored my snark and moved on. “Clause? Like, what kind of clause? ”

“A clause that requires me to do something impossible,” I muttered. “It’s an ultimatum—one that’s completely unfair. So tonight, I’m going to enjoy having a free place to stay. Tomorrow, I’m walking away from it all. This town, this house…none of it’s for me.” I told him all this with confidence, but in actuality, I didn’t yet know what I wanted to do.

Kol scooted back a little so he could see me better, then stared at me like I’d grown two heads. “You’re acting like a spoiled brat, you know that? Too stubborn to see what’s right in front of you. How bad can it really be?” he asked bluntly. “You don’t strike me as the type to quit…but then again, you did quit your dream job.”

His comments hit me like a slap across my face. I bristled, and a surge of anger flared up inside me. “I’m not spoiled,” I snapped. “You don’t have any fucking idea what you’re talking about or who I am.” My hands clenched into fists in my lap. “That job wasn’t my dream. It was a means to an end. It was a paycheck, a way to make money and play the stupid game. You know, the American dream . But it was never my dream.”

Kol didn’t say anything, but his judgmental expression made his thoughts clear enough. Stoically, he waited for me to explain myself. So I did.

“Like it or not, the reality is that money might not buy happiness, but not having it sure as hell makes life harder. Rich people, they have opportunities handed to them. There are so many people out there who have more talent, more intelligence, and a better work ethic but are never given a chance because they don’t have the money to be seen. They don’t have to prove themselves twice over to even get a foot in the door. So yeah, I left the small town to chase the dream. I wanted my shot at making something of myself.” I scoffed. “And before you snap back about the value of this house, it could be worth a million bucks, but what good would that do me if it shatters me in the process? I’ll find another job.”

The moment he started to speak, I cut him off.

“And maybe, you’re the one who’s fucking spoiled,” I threw at him. “Maybe you’ve always had money and a perfect family. All the pieces easily falling into place for you. Who knows?”

I sucked in a breath and exhaled sharply, my chest heaving after the rant I hadn’t planned to let loose. The silence that followed my words made me want to crawl out of my skin.

Kol grunted. “A classy woman doesn’t need to talk like a sailor.”

I snorted. “Who says I’m classy?”

He shook his head slowly, muttering under his breath, “This girl has no idea who she is. She’s so—lost.”

That stung in a way I hadn’t expected. But instead of lashing out again, I bit my lip, letting the crackling of the fire fill the silence.

Kol sat back, watching me like he was sizing me up. “You’re right. We are pretty much strangers, and I don’t have a clue what makes you tick.” He paused for a moment. “And just so you know, I was raised in a typical middle-class family by some of the greatest people you’ll ever meet, and they love me. We weren’t rich, but we had everything we needed. When I was eighteen, I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life, but I felt obligated to serve, like my father and his father before him. Best decision I could’ve made, but it left its scars.”

He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, gazing into the fire. “If I’ve learned one thing, it’s that life isn’t about what I have or what the other guy has. It’s about experiences and the people you’re close to. I don’t live just to earn a buck. I don’t value stuff or have any desire to acquire material things. Life’s too short. ”

“Trust me, I know,” I said, my voice barely over a whisper. I picked up the nutcracker again, running my fingers over its uniform. Kol’s comments about me being a spoiled brat hurt more than I wanted to admit. He wasn’t even close to understanding who I was or the reality of the situation, but there was no way I could tell him that. The truth wasn’t something I could share—not with him, not with anyone.

Kol didn’t respond right away, his dark eyes watching me in that calm, unreadable way that had been driving me crazy since the moment we met. Part of me hated how he could stay so composed, holding all his cards close to his chest, while I just tossed mine on the table without a second thought.

I squirmed uncomfortably and focused on the old nutcracker in my hand. I twisted it around, running my fingers along the sharp edges of its wooden hat. Kol probably thought I was a holy mess of bad decisions wrapped up in a high-maintenance package. And he wasn’t entirely wrong. I was a mess, but not for the reasons he thought.

Here I was in front of this dream of a man, someone strong, calm and protective—a man who made me feel safe without even trying—and I was flying off the handle at a few pointed comments. No wonder he thought I was a stuck-up girl who valued things over people.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be rude,” I finally said. “You’ve been nothing but kind to me. You gave me a ride even though I was acting like an imbecile at the gate, and you drove through a snowstorm for hours just to get me here, to this house my aunt left me, only for me to turn around and say I don’t want it. I wish I could explain my behavior, but the truth is…I can’t. For the last four years, I’ve been desperately trying to catch all the snowflakes in my own snow globe, holding on to them, hoping they’d stay still. But it keeps getting flipped upside down. You’re right…I am lost.”

I didn’t even try to stop the big fat tear that rolled down my cheek.

As the pressure built inside me, I stared down at the nutcracker in my hands. The truth was, I had a desperate need for connection, for someone to want me, to comfort me, for the giant hole in my heart to be filled.

The house was quiet now. The music in the kitchen had stopped playing momentarily, and the fire was oddly silent. It was as if the house was holding its breath.

“It’s okay, Stinkerbelle. We all have our crosses to bear. I see you.” Kol’s voice was softer now, carrying something deeper—something raw. The steady control he always held onto seemed to waver, just for a moment.

Then he added in a rougher tone, “I’ve been where you are. Some things…” He paused, glancing into the fire for a few seconds before continuing. “Some things get stuck inside you. You carry them because you have to, because if you let go, your world flies apart. And I know what it’s like to be in that whirlwind. You think if you hold tight enough, you can keep it all from spinning out of control.”

Caught off guard, I blinked slowly as I absorbed what he was saying. He wasn’t saying this to me out of pity. This wasn’t mere sympathy. He was being genuine and sharing something he’d learned from his own pain. His quiet strength faltered for just a second, and I knew then—he understood.

The nutcracker’s mouth snapped shut with a loud pop as I squeezed the lever unintentionally, making me jump. A low chuckle rumbled in Kol’s chest. I froze, then set the nutcracker down, heat creeping up the back of my neck .

He was a tough nut to crack, but in that quiet moment, something changed between us, an unspoken understanding settling in.

Kol leaned back on one hand. There was a subtle tension in his body. He didn’t say a word, just kept watching me, and it took every ounce of self-control not to let that silence eat at me.