Christmas With My Ex (Stuck For the Holidays)

8. Nicholas

EIGHT

Nicholas

A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices / For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn

7:44 am

I wake up to an empty bed.

For a second, I think I’ve imagined the whole thing, that last night didn’t happen. For a moment, it's almost as if I could pretend I never knocked on her door, never brought that dessert up to her room, never let things go where I knew they were headed.

But this is her room. And the faint scent of her still lingers in the sheets. And my heart sinks.

She’s gone. I could take that to mean she wanted to get away from me, but maybe she has a totally logical explanation for her absence.

I sit up, rubbing a hand over my face, trying to shake the fog from my brain.

Holy shit, it’s Christmas Eve. Somehow, knowing that, this is that much more of a cluster.

What the hell was I thinking? I wasn’t. That’s the problem. I wasn’t thinking at all. The second I saw her again, all those old feelings came rushing back, and I let my dick do the thinking.

I glance over at the empty space beside me. She could’ve woken me up. We could’ve talked about what happened, but maybe that’s exactly what she didn’t want. And if that's the case, maybe she's right.

I stand up, my body stiff from a long night. I pull on my clothes, each movement feeling heavier than the last. I should’ve known better. I should’ve expected this. Rives has always been... complicated. And the truth is, I don’t know what I want right now either.

Maybe that’s why I’m feeling like I have a thousand-pound gorilla sitting on my back.

What am I even feeling right now? I have to concentrate to understand because it feels like everything is coming at me all at once. I'm confused, uneasy, and a little pissed off.

Mixed with all that, there’s something else. Something I can’t shake. Maybe last night wasn’t just a mistake. Maybe there’s a part of me that wants to see if we could try again. My life is certainly different, perhaps hers is, too. Is there a chance we could be more aligned now than we were five years ago?

I stop in front of the window, looking out at the snow-covered resort. It’s calm out there, peaceful looking in a way that contrasts my anything-but-peaceful feelings. I guess the storm has passed, but I can tell by looking there is a fresh pile of snow covering everything.

My thoughts are too loud, too tangled, to appreciate any of it. All I can think about is her smile last night, the way she pulled me in, and the heat between us that exploded once we both gave into it.

It was simmering long before that, though, before she even knew I was in the same remote town as her.

I glance at the bedside table, half-expecting to see some kind of note. There’s nothing. No clue as to where she went. My phone sits there, untouched, no new messages lighting up the screen.

Part of me wants to go find her, to demand a conversation, at least. But the other part, the more rational part, knows that’s not the answer. Chasing her down won’t solve anything.

I need a shower, anyway. Maybe after that I will know how to deal with this, if I deal with it at all.

7:59 am

The hot shower clears my head, but not enough to erase the mess of last night. I can’t stop thinking about Rives, about her hot body under me and the feel of her skin against mine.

And, then, I remember her leaving before I woke up.

It’s frustrating, not knowing where her head is, but if her actions are any indication, she wants to put this behind her. I should just let it be.

After getting dressed, I grab my phone and jacket, deciding coffee might help clear the rest of the fog from my brain. The resort is quiet, everyone still easing into their holiday morning. It's time to turn this Christmas Eve around. I came here to make the holiday better, not more complicated.

As I step into the lobby, my phone vibrates in my pocket. I pull it out to see Bobby’s name flash across the screen for a FaceTime call. Immediately my mood switches, knowing this means my sweet Sammy is calling to wish me a happy Christmas Eve like he always does the day before Santa comes.

I swipe to answer, immediately hit with the sight of Sammy’s messy hair and wide grin.

"Uncle Nick!" he shouts, his voice loud enough to draw a few glances from the staff nearby.

"Hey, buddy," I say, smiling, grateful for the happy diversion. "What’s up? You and your dad ready for Santa? Have you been a good boy?"

"Yeah!" he yells, bouncing in place. "Dad says I get to open one present tonight. But I already know what it is!"

I laugh. "You always figure it out, huh?"

Bobby’s jolly face appears in the background, looking tired but amused. He could almost pose as a young Santa with his rosy cheeks and full, bushy beard. "He’s already snooped through half the gifts," he says, shaking his head and tousling his son's mop of hair.

"I didn’t snoop!" Sammy protests, but it’s clear he’s fibbing.

"Right," I say, laughing again. "Sounds like you’re in for a fun night, Bobby. I sure miss you guys."

"Always," Bobby says, rolling his eyes but smiling. "How’s the snow out there? Sammy’s been asking when we can go for a ski trip together. Might be fun to do something like that next year with our boys since you'll have Nicky."

I make the turn into the lobby, head down, watching Sammy bounce around the screen as Bobby tries to keep him in check. I’m halfway through laughing at one of Sammy’s Christmas stories when—bam—I nearly run straight into someone.

"Oh, shit!" I stop dead in my tracks, jerking my head up just in time to see Rives stumbling backward, her crutches nearly sliding out from under her. I reach out instinctively, grabbing her arm to steady her before she falls.

God, I’m so sorry," I blurt out, guilt rushing in. "I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going. Are you okay?"

Rives looks startled but regains her balance quickly, leaning heavily on her crutches. "I'm fine, no worries at all," she says, giving me a quick, tight smile. She nods at my phone. “Hopefully, whatever you're looking at is exciting."

I glance down at the screen, realizing Sammy’s been watching this whole thing unfold. "Oh, yeah, ha! I’m Face Timing with my nephew, Sammy. My sister's son. You remember Bobby, right?"

"Of course," she answers more enthusiastically than I expected. Okay, we can do this.

"Who’s that, Uncle Nick?" Sammy’s voice calls out, breaking me from my trance, loud enough for Rives to hear.

I clear my throat, feeling a little awkward. "Uh, it's my friend, Rives."

"Can I see her?!" Sammy’s excitement is contagious, even if it makes this moment a thousand times more awkward. I rub the back of my neck, feeling the tension coil in my chest, uncomfortable to throw her in the middle of this family stuff I already know she isn't wild about.

"Sure," I mutter, flipping the phone toward Rives with a half-hearted smile. I mouth, "Sorry" to her. "Here she is."

Rives raises a hand, offering Sammy a smile that feels more genuine than mine. "Hey, kiddo," she says, her voice light, warm. She’s always been good with kids, and it shows in the way her expression softens. "Nice to meet you!"

"Hi, Rives!" Sammy grins through the screen, his messy hair sticking up in all directions. "Uncle Nick almost knocked you over!"

She laughs, the sound easier than I expected. "Yeah, he’s a little clumsy, isn’t he?"

Bobby appears in the background, waving. "Good to see you, Rives," he says. "Hope you’re having a good Christmas."

"Trying my best," she replies with a smile, but I can see the strain behind her eyes. "You two staying out of trouble?"

"Not a chance," Bobby chuckles, giving Sammy a playful nudge. "We are in sunny Florida. I hear y'all have been battling a snow storm. Stay warm!"

I shift my weight, the awkwardness building as I stand there holding up my phone like an idiot. I’m not sure if Rives is about to bolt any second, or if I should be the one to end this uncomfortable run-in.

"Uncle Nick, are you skiing with Rives?" Sammy asks, his voice full of curiosity.

Rives and I exchange a glance. "No skiing for me," she says, giving a slight shake of her crutches. "I’m stuck on crutches for now."

Sammy’s face falls. "Oh, no. I'm sorry you got a booboo."

"It's okay, bud," she agrees, her tone light, but her smile fades quickly. "I better run. So good to see you, Bobby. You guys take care. And Merry Christmas, Sammy!"

There’s a long beat of silence before Bobby pipes in. "Well, we’ll let you guys go. Sammy’s got some presents to shake under the tree. I'll call you later, Nicholas."

"Sounds good. Have some eggnog for me, Bobby.”

He gives me a thumbs up.

"Bye, Rives!" Sammy waves at the camera before the call cuts off.

I shove the phone back into my pocket, exhaling a breath I didn’t realize I’d been holding. Rives shifts on her crutches, not looking at me.

"You doing okay?" I ask, feeling the tension between us settle back in. I'm trying to think of anything to keep her from dashing off.

"Yeah, I’m good," she replies, but her voice sounds tight, like she’s trying to convince herself as much as me.

"Good," I say, trying to lighten things up. I nod toward the wreath she’s holding. "Crafts, huh?"

She laughs softly, but it’s more of a sigh. "Yeah. Lobby was quiet, and I figured it was better than sitting alone in my room."

I want to say not too long ago she wouldn't have been alone in her room, but I get the message. What she meant to say is it was better than sitting with me in her room.

"Yeah, good choice." I run a hand through my hair, unsure what to say next. "Sorry about dragging you into that FaceTime call. Sammy is a precocious little guy."

"Don't apologize. Highlight of my morning. It's fun to see Christmas through the eyes of a child. Those big, curious blue eyes had me at hello. How old did you say he is?"

"He turned four in October. And he's going on fourteen," I say and laugh, proud to tell her about my nephew. Talking about him always brings warm feelings up about my sister, evoking her into my life even though she is gone.

"Well, sorry about taking off this morning. I woke up, and you were still out, so I figured I'd grab a coffee. I'm glad to see you found your way around," she says, gesturing to my fresh clothes.

She is still wearing what she had on when she invited me in for dessert.

"No worries. I would offer to buy you a coffee, but it sounds like you're all set."

"I need a shower, anyway."

"Of course. Well, I'll let you go. I'd love to see you later if I haven't worn out my welcome?"

"It looks like we might be locked in here, at least for a little while, as they clear out the snow. This place isn't too big. I'm sure we'll run into each other again, literally."

Ouch. If that wasn't a blow-off, I don't know what is. "Yeah, that sounds good. Enjoy your shower."

A lump forms in my throat as I watch her head down the hall. Damn, that was harder than I thought it would be to see her again.

If there was any question, she definitely wants to put up clear boundaries. Merry Christmas to me.