Christmas With My Ex (Stuck For the Holidays)

19. Rives

And by the light of that same star Three wise men

came from country far; To seek for a king was their intent, And to follow the star wherever it went.

Thursday, December 28

The Muse Knoxville

516 N Beaman St, Knoxville, TN

1:39 pm

The bright laughter of children fills the air as we step into The Muse Knoxville. It’s packed today, parents chasing toddlers, kids darting between exhibits. The entire space bursting with energy.

The museum is a whirlwind of colors and sounds: hands-on science stations, interactive displays, and kids letting their imaginations run wild. It’s the perfect place for Nicholas to bring Nicky and Sammy together as their Christmas with each other, and for me to finally meet them both. With how much he gushes over them, I feel like I know them.

My heart races a little as I glance down at Nicky, walking ahead of us, his hand in Nicholas’. He’s so much bigger now. I haven’t seen him since he was just a baby, and now he’s six, full of life and curiosity.

He’s a spitting image of Nicholas, with that same mop of light brown hair and those intense, inquisitive brown eyes.

And then there’s Sammy. Sammy Blanchard, Nicholas’ nephew. He’s four and full of boundless energy, running ahead of Nicky, tugging on his arm to race to the next exhibit.

Seeing him... it’s a strange feeling. I don’t know what I expected, but he’s just a kid—a sweet, giggling kid. But there’s something about him that makes my stomach twist.

Maybe it’s because he’s Helena’s son, and I know how much losing his sister affected Nicholas. Maybe it’s the way Nicholas looks at him, with so much love and protectiveness, like he’s more than just a nephew.

“You overwhelmed, yet?” Nicholas asks, his voice soft, checking in on me like he has been ever since we got back to Knoxville.

I manage a small smile, nodding. “No, just enjoying getting to know everyone.”

He gives my hand a gentle squeeze, his eyes searching mine for a moment before he lets go and turns his attention back to the boys. “Hey, slow down, guys. Don’t run into anyone.”

We walk further into the museum, following the boys as they weave between other kids, laughing and shouting. I’m a few steps behind, watching them with a sense of wonder. Nicky and Sammy are so full of life, so carefree. For Nicholas, I know this is everything—these two boys are his world.

Nicky and Sammy finally stop near one of the science stations—a table with a build-your-own wind tunnel. They climb onto stools next to each other, their heads bent close as they giggle and try to launch paper airplanes through the tunnel. Nicholas and I stand off to the side, watching them, and for a moment, it feels... easy. Natural.

I can’t help but smile as I watch them together. Sammy looks up, his face lighting up when the plane catches a gust of wind and sails through the tunnel. He turns to Nicky, both of them high-fiving like they’ve just conquered the world.

“They’re like brothers,” Nicholas says quietly, watching them with a softness in his eyes.

I nod, swallowing hard. “They really are. It's so special they have each other, that you all have each other.”

“Nicky, Sammy,” Nicholas calls over to them. “Come here for a second. Get together, let me take your picture.”

"Only if Rives Like Leaves will get in, too."

"Sure, I would love to!" I stand behind them, putting my face right in between them. When we are done, I squeeze them both, imagining my son would be about the same size and age.

I don't usually think about him. Once I put him up for adoption, I felt peace. Peace because he was going to be with his family, in a good home, a better home than I could have given him at the time.

But the sudden infusion of Nicholas in my life has me thinking about him, the son we made together, a lot more. All of Nick’s questions and suppositions make me wonder, too. What color is his hair? Does he have blonde hair or brown hair? Is he boisterous or quiet?

The boys scurry off again, laughing as they hold hands and head back to their wind tunnel.

I stand up, exhaling a breath I didn’t even realize I was holding. Nicholas steps closer to me, his hand brushing mine in that quiet, reassuring way he’s been doing ever since we got back.

Knoxville already feels different now that we are here together. We've barely been home for twenty-four hours, but I can tell we will both slide into each other's lives effortlessly.

I already feel more at ease. I think we will be able to do this. I am finally allowing myself to relax.

Nicholas’ House

5:15 pm

We’re back at Nicholas’ house, the warmth of the place wrapping around me like a blanket.

Nicky’s racing through the living room, making airplane noises as he zooms around with a toy in his hand. The last time I was here, Nicky was just a baby, and everything was so different.

I felt like I was competing for his father’s attention, like there wasn’t enough of him to go around. But now, watching him laugh and play with Nicky, I could sit and watch them interact all night.

I lean back into the couch, feeling an odd sense of contentment wash over me. Sammy didn’t end up spending the night, which was fine. I'm grateful to have some more one-on-one time with Nicky.

He plops down in front of the television to watch a cartoon.

Nicholas sits down next to me and pulls out his phone to flip through his pictures from today. “I snapped a few earlier at The Muse,” he says, grinning. “Want to look through them with me?”

I nod, scooting closer to him as he scrolls through the photos. They’re mostly of the boys, laughing, running around, building airplanes. Each picture brings a new smile to my face.

Then, he stops on one. A photo of the three of us—me, Sammy, and Nicky. It was taken when we were all standing near one of the exhibits, Sammy leaning close to me with a big grin on his face. Nicholas zooms in, focusing on Sammy’s face next to mine.

I glance over at him, a small smile tugging at the corner of my mouth. “What’s up?”

He doesn’t answer right away, just keeps staring at the picture. His brow furrows, and then he looks at me, his expression shifting to something I can’t quite read.

“Do you see what I’m seeing?” he asks softly, his voice almost tentative.

I frown, leaning closer to look at the picture again. It’s just a photo of the three of us, isn’t it?

Nicholas zooms in even more, this time focusing on Sammy’s face next to mine, his eyes darting between the two of us.

“Rives,” he says quietly, his voice careful. “Do you think Sammy resembles you?”

For a second, I don’t know how to respond. I blink, my gaze shifting back to the photo, then back to Nicholas. “What?”

He hands me the phone, the picture still enlarged on the screen. My breath catches in my throat as I take a closer look. Sammy’s eyes, the shape of his nose, the curve of his smile...

It’s not just that he looks like Helena, which means he resembles Nicholas. He looks like... me.

My heart pounds in my chest, my mind racing. “I—I don’t know...” I stammer, handing the phone back to him, suddenly feeling light-headed. “Maybe?”

But even as the words leave my mouth, I know there’s something more to this. Something I hadn’t let myself consider before now.

Nicholas glances at the picture one more time before lowering the phone, his gaze locking on mine. “There’s something about him, Rives. Something... familiar.”

I don’t know what to say. My mind is spinning, but I can’t seem to form a coherent thought. It’s impossible, isn’t it? Right?! How could Sammy?—

No.

No, it can’t be? It’s just a coincidence. That’s all it is.

But the look in Nicholas’ eyes tells me he’s thinking the same thing I am. And suddenly, everything feels like it’s teetering on the edge of something I’m not sure I have the capacity to fully understand.

Nicky is glued to the TV, his little body sprawled across the floor as he watches the cartoon, blissfully unaware of the storm brewing inside me.

A strange, uneasy quiet settles over the room. My mind is racing, but I’m not sure what to do. Something about the way Nicholas is sitting, his posture tense, his silence is unsettling.

I turn to him, waiting for him to speak, but he looks lost in thought, like he’s piecing something together in his head.

Finally, he breaks the silence. “Rives,” he says softly, his eyes locking onto mine. “What was the exact date you had the baby?”

The question catches me off guard. What does that have to do with anything? My stomach tightens. “What are you asking?”

“Please,” he says again, his voice almost pleading. “Just tell me.”

I hesitate, my mind darting back to that moment—the day that is etched in my mind forever. “October 15th, 2019.”

For a second, Nicholas doesn’t move. His face goes pale, and I can almost hear his breath catch in his throat. He looks away, blinking rapidly like he’s trying to process something huge.

“Nicholas?” I lean forward, concern swelling in my chest. “Tell me what is going on in your head.”

He turns back to me, his voice low and shaky. “That’s Sammy’s birthday, Rives.”

I stare at him, my heart suddenly pounding in my ears. “What does that mean?” I don't know why I'm being so obtuse, but my brain can't let me go there.

“October 15th, 2019,” he repeats, his voice tight. “That’s the day Sammy was born.”

I freeze, my mind trying to grasp the weight of what he’s saying. No. No, it can’t be. But the look in Nicholas’ eyes tells me he’s serious. Dead serious.

My heart starts to race, every fiber of my being rejecting what he’s suggesting. “Nicholas, no... that’s impossible. It can’t be.”

"Did you put my name as the father?"

Ashamed, I admit that I didn't. "No, I said the father was unknown."

"That's how it happened. They didn't know Helena and Bobby were related to the baby. As far as the agency knew, they placed a baby with a family, no one had any idea there was a connection. It makes perfect sense."

He pulls out his phone, scrolling through pictures again.

“Look at him, Rives,” he says quietly. “The brown hair... it’s just like yours. Those natural highlights. And the blue eyes, they’re exactly the same.”

I swallow hard, feeling my throat tighten as I look at the picture for the tenth time. I want to say he’s wrong. I want to dismiss it. But I can’t. Not when I’m staring at the evidence right in front of me.

It’s undeniable.

Sammy looks like me. And he looks like Nicholas.

I close my eyes, trying to push away the thoughts, but it’s too late. They flood in, overwhelming me. What if Nicholas is right? What if the child I gave up, the baby I thought I’d never see again, is right here?

The tears burn behind my eyes, and I don’t have the strength to hold them back. My throat closes up, and I can’t bring myself to look at Nicholas. Because if I do, I know I’ll break.

“Oh my God,” I whisper, my voice cracking. “Nicholas... could he really be... ours?”

He doesn’t answer right away. He looks down at the picture again, his expression hard to read. “I don’t know,” he admits quietly. “But the resemblance... it’s too strong to ignore.”

I shake my head, my mind spinning in a thousand different directions. I never imagined this. I never thought I’d be standing here, wondering if the little boy I spent the day with is the son I gave up. It’s too much to process. Too much to handle.

“He... he acts like you,” Nicholas says, breaking the silence again. “That same adventurous spirit. Always curious, always pushing limits. I’ve seen it in him for years, but now... it makes sense.”

Tears stream down my face as I look at Nicholas. I don’t have words. I can’t speak. The weight of this revelation is crashing down on me, and I feel like I’m drowning in it.

“What do we do?” I manage to whisper, my voice barely audible.

Nicholas shakes his head, his own face clouded with uncertainty. “I don’t know,” he says, his voice thick. “I don’t know what we’re supposed to do.”

We sit there in silence, both of us trying to process this bombshell that’s just dropped into our lives. Sammy. My son. Our son. Helena's son.

My heart breaks, shattering into pieces as I realize what this could mean.