Christmas with My Grumpy Ex (Feuding Hearts Christmas #1)

8. Family Ties

8

FAMILY TIES

MAX

We stand frozen on the front porch of Carson and Quanie's estate, my hand still on the small of Ellie's back. The warmth of her body seeps through the thin fabric of her dress, sending a jolt of electricity up my arm.

I shouldn't be touching her like this, but I can't seem to make myself pull away.

"Are you okay, Daddy?"

"He is sweetheart. Give him a second," Ellie states and I glance down at her, understanding shining in her eyes.

The driveway leading up to the house is lined with life-sized light-up snowmen and reindeer, creating a magical pathway. Towering evergreens wrapped in thousands of twinkling white lights frame the entrance, their branches heavy with fresh snow.

A massive wreath adorns the front door, custom-made with pine branches, red berries, and gold ribbon.

"Max! Ellie!" My mother sweeps towards us, arms outstretched, her face alight with joy. "I'm so glad you could make it."

I drop my hand from Ellie's back, immediately missing the contact. "Good evening, Mother," I say, leaning in to kiss her cheek.

She embraces me tightly, then turns to Ellie with a warm smile. "And Ellie, dear, it's wonderful to see you again. I'm so pleased Max finally brought you to one of our family gatherings."

Ellie returns the smile, her cheeks flushing slightly. "Thank you for letting me intrude on your family dinner."

"Nonsense. The more the merrier," my mother insists, linking her arm through Ellie's. "Now, come in, come in."

As my mother leads Ellie into the living room, I trail behind, my stomach churning with a mix of anticipation and dread. This is the first time I've brought Ellie to a family event since we started this fake dating arrangement, and even though it's all part of our arrangement, it feels monumental.

"Ellie Cat! Max! Come in, come in!" She waddles forward, her pregnant belly leading the way, and engulfs us both in a hug.

The grand staircase is adorned with garlands, lights, and red velvet bows. A towering Christmas tree dominates the foyer, its gold and red ornaments catching the light. Soft holiday music plays from hidden speakers.

In the living room, stockings hang from the fireplace mantel - one for each family member, including a tiny one for the baby-to-be. Plush sofas are piled with festive throw pillows and cozy blankets.

The dining room table is set with fine china and crystal, a centerpiece of pine branches and candles running its length. Above, the chandelier drips with gold tinsel and crystal snowflakes.

"You've outdone yourself this year, Quanie," Ellie says, her eyes wide as she takes it all in.

Quanie grins, rubbing her belly. "Well, it's baby's first Christmas. Had to make it special."

I squeeze Ellie's hand, our eyes meeting. This is our debut as a "couple." But the lie we're about to tell suddenly feels very real.

We continue until we're in the living room. Its a picture of holiday cheer, with a massive Christmas tree twinkling in the corner. My family is scattered around the room, chatting and laughing. They all look up as we enter.

"Everyone," my mother announces, "this is Ellie Hawthorne, Max's girlfriend."

The word 'girlfriend' triggers a sharp sensation in my chest. It's a lie, but God, I'm starting to wish it wasn't.

Carson is the first to approach, his arm around Quanie's waist. "Ellie, it's great to see you again," he says, shaking her hand. "I hope my brother's been treating you well."

Ellie laughs, the sound like music to my ears. "He's been a perfect gentleman."

“Blink if you need help,” Quanie jokes.

“A mess as always,” Ellie mumbles pulling Quanie into another hug.

I force a smile, trying to ignore the way my heart races at her casual flirtation. This is all for show, I remind myself. Don't get carried away .

As Ellie makes her way around the room, greeting everyone with her easy charm, I hang back, watching. She fits in so seamlessly, laughing at Andy's jokes, talks social events with mother, all while holding Quanie’s hand.

It's like she's always been a part of this family.

The thought hits me like a sucker punch to the gut. This is what I gave up all those years ago. This is what we could have had if I hadn't been so damn stubborn, so caught up in ego and misguided sense of duty.

"You’re doing it again," Andy's voice cuts through my thoughts. He's standing next to me, a knowing smirk on his face. "You gonna stare at her all night, or actually join the party?"

I tear my gaze away from Ellie, fixing Andy with a glare. "Don’t you have something better to do that being a pain in my ass."

Andy snorts, taking a sip of his whiskey. "No. Watching you watch her like a lovesick puppy is better than Netflix."

I groan and grip the base of his neck, roughing him up like we did as kids. We laugh it off and my gaze returns to Ellie.

"I like her for you. You two seem to just fit.” Andy faces me and all traces of his humor are gone. “Don't push her away because you're scared."

I swallow hard, Andy's words hitting too close to home.

"It's not that simple," I mutter.

"It never is," Andy agrees. "But maybe it's time to stop punishing yourself and actually live. We miss having you around."

Before I can respond, my mother's voice rings out. "Dinner's ready, everyone! Let's move to the dining room."

As we file into the dining room, I find myself next to Ellie. She looks up at me, her brown eyes warm and inviting. "You okay?" she asks softly. "You seem a little... distant."

I nod, forcing a smile. "I'm fine. Just... it's been a while since I've done one of these family dinners."

Ellie reaches out, squeezing my hand gently. "Well, I'm glad you invited me. Your family is lovely."

The simple touch of her hand in mine sends a jolt through my system. I want to pull her close, to bury my face in her hair and breathe in her scent. Instead, I give her hand a quick squeeze back before letting go.

We take our seats at the long dining table, Ellie next to me with Amelia on her other side. As the first course is served, conversation flows easily around us. I try to focus on my food, on the discussions happening around me, but my attention keeps drifting back to Ellie.

She's animatedly telling a story about a disastrous photo shoot she once styled, her hands gesturing expressively as she speaks. Amelia is hanging on her every word, giggling at the funny parts. The sight of them together, so comfortable and natural, makes my heart ache with longing.

"So there I am," Ellie says, to her captive audience, "covered in glitter from head to toe, trying to wrangle a very angry cat back into its carrier, while the photographer is having a meltdown because we're an hour behind schedule."

The table erupts in laughter, and I find myself chuckling along despite the melancholy that's settled over me. Ellie has always had this effect on people, drawing them in with her warmth and humor.

As dinner progresses, I become increasingly aware of how much I've missed this. Not just the family gatherings, but the easy camaraderie, the shared laughter.

Since Laura's death, I've kept myself isolated, focused solely on work and Amelia. But being here, with Ellie by my side, I'm reminded of what it feels like to be part of something bigger.

After the main course is cleared away, my mother stands up, clinking her glass for attention. "Before we have dessert, Quanie and I thought we might continue our family tradition of decorating the small tree in the living room. Amelia, sweetheart, would you like to hang the first ornament?"

Amelia's face lights up. "Can I, Daddy? Please?"

I nod, unable to resist her enthusiasm. "Of course, sweetpea. Let's go pick out a special one."

As we all move back to the living room, I notice Ellie hanging back slightly. She looks uncertain, like she's not sure if she should be part of this intimate family moment. Without thinking, I reach out, taking her hand in mine.

"Come on," I say softly. "You're part of this too."

The smile she gives me is radiant, and for a moment, I forget how to breathe. We join the others around the small tree, where boxes of ornaments are laid out.

Amelia is digging through one of the boxes, her little face scrunched up in concentration. Finally, she pulls out a delicate glass snowflake, holding it up triumphantly.

"This one, Daddy!" she exclaims. "It's pretty, like the ones we saw at the Christmas market with Miss Ellie!"

That day at the market feels like a turning point, the moment when I started to realize that my feelings for Ellie were far from resolved.

I lift Amelia up so she can hang the ornament on a high branch. As she does, I catch Ellie's eye over Amelia's head. The look we share is charged with unspoken emotions, and I have to force myself to look away before I do something stupid like kiss her in front of my entire family.

The tree decorating continues, each family member taking turns to hang ornaments. I watch as Ellie helps Amelia choose more decorations, kneeling down beside her to examine each one carefully. They're deep in conversation, Ellie's voice low and animated as she tells Amelia something that has my daughter's eyes wide with wonder.

Curious, I move closer, catching the tail end of Ellie's story.

"...and that's why they say that if you listen very carefully on Christmas Eve, you might hear the tinkling of fairy bells as they dance through the snow," Ellie finishes, her eyes twinkling.

Amelia gasps, clutching a tiny bell ornament to her chest. "Really? Do you think we'll hear them this year, Miss Ellie?"

Ellie smiles, reaching out to tuck a stray curl behind Amelia's ear. "You never know, sweetheart. Christmas is a magical time. Anything is possible."

The tenderness in Ellie's voice, the gentle way she interacts with Amelia, it's all too much. I feel a lump forming in my throat, memories of Laura mixing with the scene before me.

Guilt washes over me in a suffocating wave. How can I be feeling this way about Ellie when Laura's only been gone for four years?

I take a step back, needing some space to clear my head. But before I can retreat, Amelia spots me.

"Daddy!" she calls out. "Come help us hang these bells. Ellie says they might be fairy bells!"

I paste on a smile, pushing down the turmoil inside me. "That sounds magical, sweetpea. Let's find the perfect spot for them."

As I join Ellie and Amelia by the tree, I can feel Ellie's eyes on me. She must sense something's off because she reaches out, her hand brushing against mine as we both reach for an ornament.

"You okay?" she whispers, concern evident in her voice.

I nod, not trusting myself to speak. Her touch, even that brief contact, sends sparks through my system. It's getting harder and harder to remember that this is all just an arrangement, that Ellie isn't really mine.

The tree decorating winds down, and soon everyone is admiring our handiwork. The small tree is a cheerful mess of mismatched ornaments, tinsel, and twinkling lights. It's perfect in its imperfection, a true reflection of our family.

As we stand back to admire our work, Amelia tugs on Ellie's hand. "Miss Ellie," she says, her voice taking on a wheedling tone I know all too well. "Will you sing for us? Please?"

Ellie looks surprised, glancing at me uncertainly. "Oh, I don't know, sweetie. I'm not sure if?—"

"Oh, yes!" my mother chimes in. "Max mentioned you used to sing. We'd love to hear you, dear."

I feel a flash of panic. I'd forgotten I'd told my mother about Ellie's singing. It was one of the things I'd loved most about her in college, her voice that could silence a room.

Ellie hesitates, but Amelia's pleading eyes seem to win her over. "Alright," she says with a small laugh. "But just one song."

As Amelia leads Ellie over near the fireplace where a jazz quartet is set up, I feel my heart start to race.

Ellie confers briefly with the musicians, then sits on an ottoman. As the first notes of "Mary, Did You Know?" start to play, I feel my breath catch in my throat.

And then she starts to sing.

Her voice is just as I remember it, rich and warm with a hint of smokiness. She's put a jazz spin on the classic holiday song, her voice wrapping around the familiar lyrics and transforming them into something new and magical.

The room falls silent, everyone captivated by Ellie's performance. But I barely notice anyone else. All I can see is Ellie, her eyes closed as she loses herself in the music, her body swaying slightly to the rhythm.

Memories flood back, unbidden. Ellie singing in my dorm room, her voice soft and intimate in the late-night quiet. Watching her perform at open mic nights, feeling a surge of pride and love as the crowd applauded. The way she used to hum absentmindedly while we studied, the sound soothing and familiar.

As Ellie hits the final note, holding it with perfect control before letting it fade away, I'm hit with a realization that rocks me to my core.

I never stopped loving her .

The thought is terrifying in its intensity. I've spent years burying my feelings, convincing myself that what we had was just a college romance, that the life I built with Laura was all I needed.

But hearing Ellie sing, watching her with my family, with Amelia... it's like a veil has been lifted.

The room erupts in applause, startling me out of my revelation. Ellie is blushing, taking a small bow as Amelia rushes up to hug her.

"That was amazing!" Amelia gushes. "You're like a real Christmas angel, Miss Ellie!"

Ellie laughs, hugging Amelia back. "Thank you, sweetheart. I'm glad you enjoyed it."

As everyone crowds around Ellie, praising her performance, I feel like I can't breathe. The walls of the room seem to be closing in on me, the air tightens in my chest.

I need air. I need space to think.

Without a word to anyone, I turn and leave the room, heading for the quiet sanctuary of my father's old study, that now belongs to Carson. As I close the door behind me, shutting out the sounds of laughter and conversation, I lean against it, closing my eyes.

What am I doing? How can I be feeling this way about Ellie when Laura's only been gone for four years? The guilt is overwhelming, mixing with the longing I feel for Ellie until I'm not sure which emotion is stronger.

I move to the window, staring out at the snow-covered grounds of the estate. In the reflection of the glass, I can see myself—a man torn between the past and a possible future, unsure of how to move forward.

I love Ellie. I think I've always loved her. But am I ready to act on those feelings? Can I let go of the guilt and grief that have been my constant companions since Laura's death?

I hear a soft knock on the door. "Max?" Ellie's voice calls out, concern evident in her tone. "Are you okay?"

I close my eyes, my heart racing. I'm not ready to face her, not ready to confront the depth of my feelings. Not yet.

"I'm fine," I call back, hating the lie but unable to tell her the truth. "I just needed a moment. I'll be right out."

There's a pause, and I can almost feel Ellie's hesitation through the door. "Okay," she says finally. "We'll be in the living room when you're ready."

As the sound of her footsteps fade, I turn back to the window, my reflection staring back at me accusingly.

I love Ellie Hawthorne.

But I'm not sure I'm brave enough to do anything about it.