Christmas with my Three Best Friends (Lucky Lady Reverse Harems)

Chapter 16

16

Shay

A fter yesterday’s episode with Jax and Alice, I thought I’d gotten my own insecurities under control. I’m not the jealous type, I never was. But when I see women hanging around the men I’m with, I can’t stop myself from feeling inadequate and insufficient. I’m foolish enough to compare myself to them, and at the same time I seem to have enough reason in me to at least be aware that I’m wrong in this approach.

It doesn’t soothe the ache in my heart, though.

Jax has called me a couple of times, but I rejected his calls. I respond to his messages with simple and neutral replies. I pretend to be busy with nutrition plans and client consultations, sneaking in and out of the gym to avoid talking to him, to Richard, even to Marius. Something is definitely happening between us. I can feel the glue that once held us so tightly together drying up. I can feel us falling apart, and I don’t know how to stop it.

Determined to stick to my own daily structure, however, I change into my gym clothes and head for the weight room. I’ll need new tights and workout gear soon as my body continues with its remodeling process. I’m building muscle and burning more fat, making my curves look enticingly athletic and ridiculously appealing—I never thought I’d get myself to such a level. It’s thrilling and exciting but also feels hollow.

How did I end up feeling so lonely with three men? I feel deeply for each of them, but the uncertainty and the more recent developments in all aspects of our lives have added unnecessary tension and discomfort. It’s making me doubt myself, especially in light of these growing emotions.

The weight room isn’t very busy at this hour. I spot three of Marius’s clients working on the machines, but Marius isn’t talking to them.

Instead, he’s talking to Roxanne. I didn’t think she’d be here at this hour. I’m pretty sure she’s supposed to be at work. But there she is giggling and throwing her long black hair over one shoulder as she talks to Marius by the leg press. What irks me the most is how bright and full of laughter Marius is. Whatever their conversation is about, they both seem to be enjoying it. I shake the bitterness away and take a deep breath.

I shouldn’t let this affect me. It’s hard to smile, though, as I walk over to them. It’s my training hour with Marius, so I belong here. I’m Shay. I’m the woman Marius prefers to spend his time with. He has already assured me there’s nothing for me to worry about regarding Roxanne. Why the hell is she here?

Then it dawns on me as I reach them. She’s doing it on purpose. She must’ve figured out my training schedule with Marius.

“Hey,” I manage.

When he hears my voice does Marius turn around. His eyebrows go up, and he gives me a warm, sweet smile. For a moment, I’m tempted to relax, to ease myself into the moment, but Roxanne is like a dark shadow hanging over his broad shoulders.

“Good morning, Shay,” she says.

“Hey,” Marius sighs, suddenly aware of her presence again. “Are you ready?”

“I just need to do my warm-up routine,” I reply, trying to sound kind and friendly. I don’t hear kindness nor friendliness in my tone. “A few minutes.”

He nods once. “Okay. Let me know when you’re finished.”

I know he’s being a professional, as always. It’s been his ethos since before we even met. In the gym, he’s Marius, the super friendly, chatty trainer, always helping and always smiling. Outside the gym, he’s a different man, especially where I’m concerned. I shouldn’t need his other persona now, not in a place where we both know he can’t be that way with me.

“How’ve you been, Shay?” Roxanne asks me.

I offer a faint smile. “Busy as usual, but good, thank you. How about you?”

“Oh, I was just telling Marius I’m starting a new job with a more flexible program. It turns out my previous job was one of the main reasons I was under so much pressure. It had an impact on my personal life, too, not to mention our relationship,” she says, placing a hand on his shoulder and watching me like a hawk.

Marius doesn’t move, and it bothers me. He doesn’t take his eyes off me, either, and the softness in them remains unwavering, as if he’s trying to tell me it’s okay. Yet my muted anxieties throw me for a loop, and all I can do is nod and smile.

“I’m glad to hear that, Roxanne. I hope it works out for you,” I say, then point to another part of the room. “Excuse me, I need to do my warm-up routine.”

“Of course,” she says. “Don’t worry, I’ll get Marius warmed up for you, too.” She follows it up with playful laughter, but I didn’t miss the venom-tipped daggers.

I hope Marius didn’t, either. Smiling still, I move away from them and focus on my breathing as I begin my stretching exercises. Opening my hips and ankles first, I work on mobility and knee strength to prepare for my leg day training.

In the meantime, I catch snippets of Roxanne and Marius’s conversation. It sounds casual and innocuous enough. I shouldn’t worry. Other customers briefly intervene to ask him questions about different exercises and some of the machines, and he is as affable as always, answering and giving them any support they may need.

At one point, I see him go over to one of the bench presses to spot a guy with a massive set of weights on the barbell. Roxanne stands by the leg press, completely ignoring her own routine as she watches him with a broad smile on her face. By the time I’m done with my stretches, my muscles feel stiffer than when I started.

“Ready?” Marius asks as I join him by the leg press.

Roxanne is done with the machine and still lingering beside him. She gives me a half-smile that irritates me. “You’re a bit red-faced. Don’t tell me a mere stretching routine is too much for you…”

“Nah, I’m cool,” I reply bluntly.

“Well, I’ll leave you to it. I’m gonna go do some Romanian deadlifts,” she says, clearly content with the impact of her tiny jabs. I wonder if Marius is aware of what she’s doing—or trying to do.

He gives her a slight nod, then moves his focus entirely on me. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah. Ready,” I say. But I have a hard time looking into his eyes without all this anger bubbling beneath the surface. I’m at my place of business and I need to keep a cool head about me. “We’re doing leg stuff, right?” I try to sound upbeat about it.

“We’ll start on the leg press first,” he says.

I settle in as he takes the weights off. “Warm up,” I reply, used to the routine.

“That’s right, fifteen to twenty reps to get the muscles going.”

I start pushing with deep breaths in between, constantly stealing glances at him. He’s counting my reps, but I can tell he’s uneasy, occasionally looking around the gym. Roxanne is doing her deadlifts, her toned ass moving backward as she goes down, and I know at least three guys are literally ogling her from the side.

“How’s your day coming along?” Marius asks me. “We haven’t talked much since yesterday.”

“Honestly, it could be better,” I say. “There’s a lot of stuff piling up, and I’m really looking forward to launching those programs. I’d give anything to see an uptick in gym pass sales.”

“I know what you mean. I feel the same way. We’re doing better on the supplements, though. The guys are really amping up their protein and creatine intake now that we’re looking ahead at spring.”

“Spring break is still months away,” I chuckle.

Marius laughs lightly. “Yeah, but they want to look good for their photo ops. They’re already bickering over the solar…”

The conversation unravels in neutral subjects pertaining to the gym and our clients, and we talk about the more mundane aspects of life for a short while. The topic gradually shifts back to the gym and Richard’s plans. That’s a mistake, because the tension is quick to rise between us. We’re both on edge about the future of West Key, and we both know Richard may have stated one thing but might still do something else entirely.

“He’s not a bad man,” Marius tries to defend him.

“I never said he was. I never would,” I reply, tempted to remind him of where the four of us stand on a personal level. “I do know, however, that unlike most entrepreneurs in Seattle, Richard is often able to walk away from a venture before said venture reaches its full potential.”

“We knew that when we went into business with him. But I have faith in him.”

I give him a sour look. “You make it sound like I’m the only one who’s doubting him.”

“I didn’t mean it that way.”

“Yet it sounds like you do,” I shoot back, inwardly regretting the sharp tone of my voice.

As if smelling blood, Roxanne wanders over to us. “How’s the workout going?” she asks, all smiles and perky boobs in a thin, pale blue tank top.

“Great,” I grunt in between reps as I push 260lbs on the leg press.

She stares at the weight disks, likely doing the mental math, then smiles at Marius. “Can you help me out with the barbell? I need to add a few more pounds to it, but I’m not sure I can get the disks to stay on during a lift.”

“Sure,” he says, then gives me a quick glance. “I’ll be back in a sec.”

I almost curse under my breath as I watch him go. Roxanne stays close to him, constantly smiling and leaning into him. Once he sets the weights on, she bends over to grip the barbell properly, and I see Marius’s gaze slipping down to her behind. I know he’s only making sure her form is right, but it’s pissing me off big time.

By the time he’s back, I’m practically seething and barely able to speak. I’ve finished my fourth set, and we move over to the Bulgarian split squat section of my training. The more minutes pass, the harder it is for me to focus. It has a negative impact on my motions, too, and I keep losing my balance to the point where Marius takes the dumbbell away and makes me do the simple version.

It’s almost insulting, considering I’ve made considerable progress in this section. My ego bleeds but I can’t contradict him, either. My mind is clearly a mess.

“What are you doing later tonight?” he asks me when the session is over.

“I’m not sure,” I reply dryly, glancing at the treadmill. I could use a few steps on that, if only to soothe my frayed nerves. “Maybe you should see what Roxanne’s doing.”

Marius stares at me with a mixture of confusion and disbelief. “What did you just say?” His voice is low, almost a whisper.

“Never mind. I’m gonna go hit the treadmill.”

“Shay, hold on.”

“No,” I snap and walk away.

It’s a terrible decision, and I know it. But after what Roxanne has been doing, I wish Marius had been slightly more proactive in pushing her away.

Jax let Alice get too close, and now Marius is doing the same with his ex-girlfriend, of all people. I feel disrespected and downright neglected. I’m worried this will go downhill—our relationship, our business, even our friendship. I’m worried Chappaqua was a terrible mistake and this is merely the beginning of a rather steep price to be paid.

I sense Marius’s gaze locked on the back of my neck, but I refuse to look at him as I jump on the treadmill and start a fast walking pace. Getting my heart rate up, I put the headphones on just to make sure I’m not disturbed while I try to gather my senses. Roxanne got to me. Yesterday, Alice unknowingly did the same.

I’m supposed to be thicker-skinned about these things. Where did my confidence go? Why do I feel like the odd one left on the outside and looking in, where just a few weeks ago I had three men making mad love to me? Upstate New York was a frickin’ fairy tale, whereas Seattle seems to be the splash of cold water I never asked for.