Christmas with my Three Best Friends (Lucky Lady Reverse Harems)

Chapter 23

23

Shay

A week has passed since I discovered I’m pregnant. Seven days during which I’ve stayed at home and carefully weighed my options. I emailed the whole team at the gym to let them know I was taking some personal time off, but they could still reach me via email. My clients were worried, but once I replied to their queries, they eased up and continued with their programs. I’d almost forgotten how much they depend on me. It’s not a bad thing, but I’ll have to wean them off, eventually.

My heart is aching, and I’m constantly crying about it, yet the life growing within me has brought a different kind of focus into my mind—the kind of focus that is remarkably sharp and effective in giving me the strength I need to simply pull away for a while. I need peace and balance. And a few weeks away from West Key may very well be what the doctor would prescribe.

At night, the building looks lonely in front of an empty parking lot. It’s snowing again, and given the absence of traffic at this hour, the snow settles peacefully over the road and the angled roof. I have keys for every door, so I walk across the parking lot, the white blanket crunching under my boots as I make my way through the front doors.

“I’d say I’ll miss you,” I mutter upon entering the gym. All the lights are off, so I turn a couple of them on in order to find Richard’s office without tripping over anything. “But I’d be lying. I need a break from you, too.”

Once I’m in Richard’s office, I have another look around. His few personal items are still here, so he hasn’t moved out of the gym yet to start the new business, which means he’ll be in first thing tomorrow morning. I leave the marketing plan I’ve been working on on his desk, along with a handwritten note about it and about why I think he should give West Key another chance. I tried to keep it strictly business, though I know I failed. It doesn’t really matter anymore. Sincerity is always better, no matter the outcome.

My phone buzzes. It’s a text from Cassandra. How much longer are you going to be up there?

I message her to let her know I’m on my way down. She’s waiting outside, still in the car with the engine running. We’re going away together, and we’ve got a long drive ahead of us. A plane would’ve been a simpler option, but I don’t mind spending time on the road with my bestie, and neither does she.

It’s been a wild ride so far, and while I don’t know where it will end, I do know that I am in love with three men who brought wonderful things into my life and my soul. I also know the chances of the four of us being together forever are slim to none. We should’ve discussed this early on. Maybe it would’ve prevented some of these feelings, some of the bitterness and doubts. Or maybe it would’ve only served to intensify what I was already experiencing.

Falling in love with each of them happened long before I wrote that naughty list. I’m aware of it, now. Falling in love with the four of them when they said they wanted us to go ahead with that naughty list, well… that was a natural and logical side effect. From the moment it started, I should’ve known it would end here.

I turn the lights off and give the reception area one last glance. I’m not going away forever, but it sure feels like I’m saying goodbye to an old friend. It’s a strange feeling, yet I can’t deny its persistence. There is a change coming, and I’m not sure how I will turn out once it comes.

In Cassandra’s car, I give myself a moment to just breathe while she watches me in silence, ‘80s rock music playing through the stereo while the heating system makes me feel like I’m wrapped in three layers of thick cashmere. It’s like the sun itself is hugging me, which compared to the biting cold outside is a welcome sensation.

“How are you?” she asks.

“I’m okay. I think I’m gonna be okay.”

She smiles softly, her gaze never leaving mine. “Have you considered moving your nutrition business to another gym?”

“What?” I give her a troubled look. “What do you mean?”

“You said you were going over every option. That’s one of them.”

“Why would I leave West Key? I’m a partner in the company. I put so much of myself into that place. It doesn’t make sense…”

Cassandra nods once, one hand on the steering wheel as she puts the car in reverse and gets us out of the parking lot first. “Think about it this way. You’re pregnant, and Richard is leaving West Key. You yourself said there’s a pretty worrisome possibility that the gym will ultimately fail without him. There is also a possibility that the guys won’t be too happy when they find out you’re pregnant. The truth is, things might get worse when you come back. Will you be able to still be here every day? Will you be able to still work with them?”

“I don’t know.” I let a heavy sigh out. It’s a hard truth, but a truth, nonetheless.

“And if the gym fails, what will you do? You’ll have a child to raise, a life to build, with or without a steady gig, with or without your career and your clients. Don’t you think you should start looking into other gyms before you’re able to fully branch out on your own?”

It would make sense. It would be the smart thing to do, for sure. There is no guarantee that Jax, Marius, and I can successfully take West Key to the next level. On top of that, our business relationship may suffer additional strain on account of my pregnancy. We won’t know who the father is until we test the baby’s DNA. And between now and then, a lot more can happen. A lot of good or a lot of bad. Either way, Cassandra is right.

“I should prepare for any eventuality,” I say.

We’re driving through the north side of Seattle, headed for the interstate. There’s not much traffic at this hour, and most of it is concentrated on the lanes going into the city, not the ones going out. Sunday nights are when people return from their weekend holidays, after all.

“You’re on point, Cass, as always. Yeah, I guess I can look into other gyms and see if they’d be interested in my services. I could start something remotely, just to further build my client base.”

“Exactly. You wouldn’t even have to go there every day, so you can still focus on West Key for as long as you can. My point is… You don’t have to expect failure, Shay, but you have to be prepared for it. You’re going to be a single mother, so that comes with certain responsibilities you can’t skirt past.”

Part of me still hopes it will somehow work out between the four of us. But I am also aware it’s mostly wishful thinking at this point. I’ve succeeded in pushing them away, and each of them has managed to come up short in one aspect or another—just enough to help me justify my own hesitation where our relationship is concerned. There’s no point in dwelling on what could’ve been.

“I can’t help but think I was pretty stupid for not taking more precautions,” I mutter as we leave Seattle’s glimmering night lights behind us.

“What do you mean?”

“The pregnancy. I should’ve been more careful…”

“Listen to yourself for a moment. You’re living in the past,” Cassandra says, her eyes on the wide road ahead.

We drive past an overhead pass with large green signs informing us the Canadian border is ninety-five miles away. That’ll be the first of our so-called pit stops as we head for Flat Lake Provincial Park, where we’ve booked ourselves a room in a small country resort by the lake. It’s a beautiful place in British Columbia, Canada, and it’s been on our travel list for years.

“You can’t change what happened and you can’t beat yourself up over it, either. It happened. And you decided you’re going to go ahead with it. You’re an incredible woman, you are strong and determined and perfectly capable of going through with whatever you choose to do…”

“You give me so much credit,” I scoff.

“I’m only telling the truth,” she states matter-of-factly. “I’ve known you since we were practically kids. Nothing has ever stopped you before, and nothing will stop you now. If there’s one thing I can tell you from what I’ve learned from my patients who have children, particularly those who are raising children out of wedlock… honey, kids change everything, including how you tackle stress and every single situation you come across, sure, but your ability to adapt and evolve will only serve to make things easier in the long run. That baby in your belly is a lucky little thing to have you as his or her mom.”

“You’re just going to make me cry.” I can’t help but laugh lightly despite the tears working their way up to my eyes.

“I am not lyin’ and you know it,” Cassandra quips. “It won’t be easy. It will definitely be messy. And you bet your toned ass I’m gonna be with you every step of the way, honey. You’re not alone in this.” She pauses for a moment, while I wipe my tears and take a deep breath. “Who knows? Maybe the guys will be thrilled. Or at least the guy who turns out to be the father.” She laughs. “My God, woman, you sure love to complicate everything…”

“I should’ve stuck to just one guy, huh?” I chuckle bitterly.

“That would’ve been the sensible thing to do.”

“It would’ve been difficult. Damn near impossible, if I’m honest. I fell for each of them, separately and together. It made sense when it was the four of us, away from prying eyes. It made sense when we were dating one-on-one, too, but mostly because we wanted to grow as pairs so we could be more open and stronger when the four of us would be together again.”

Cassandra gives me a brief look, warmth and surprise glimmering in her eyes. “You really love all three of them, huh?”

“I guess that’s why it hurts so deeply to pull away from them.”

“It’s also why you’re so scared and pulling away in the first place.”

“It was beautiful while it lasted, right?” I choke on another round of tears.

“It was,” she says. “You were happy. I could tell.”

“Maybe it’ll be better once I take this time off. Maybe someday I’ll find what I need and deserve.”

“You’re gonna be okay, Shay, just remember that first and foremost. Enjoy this break we’re going on. You’ll love the lake, the forest, the tranquility that comes with both. You’ll find clarity in solitude.”

I give her a curious look. “You do this a lot, don’t you?”

“Every other weekend, yeah. I go away and come back with my batteries recharged and my mind cleared. Trust me, babe, the trees and the woods will always be there for us to hide and gather our thoughts.”

There’s so much unraveling inside me. There are moments when I can barely breathe, when every layer of my life comes crashing down, squelching me under the weight of all my decisions put together. There are moments when I look up and see a ray of sunlight piercing through the dark sky of my own thoughts. Days and days, I suppose.

But yeah, maybe it’ll work out in the end, and maybe it won’t.

Either way, I’ve got a baby coming and a broken heart to mend. I need to put myself first, and I need a good cleanse of the soul with a couple of weeks spent out in the middle of nowhere. Maybe I’ll emerge a wholly different person—or at least a sharper version of myself. A healed version of myself.